Deferential Posting, you could also call it Positive Posting
I believe that one of the main things we have to take off the table first of all is who is right and who is wrong ---- or said in another way, who is doing it the right way and who is doing it the wrong way. Let me give a brief scenario.
It might seem rather simplistic but it is sometimes the simple things that are the most important. It will be illustrated by two posters who have stated they are Messianic Jews.
Problematic Posting:
Poster 1: On Shabbat we do A & B.
Poster 2: We don't do it that way, A & B should not even be a part of Shabbat. The real observance of Shabbat is C & D. Doing A & B on Shabbat is not what God has told us to do. How can you even think of such a thing?
Poster 1: Since when do you have a direct line to God? I think doing C & D on Shabbat is not only wrong but blasphemous. You aught to be ashamed.
Poster 2: You've proven what kind of MJ you are again and again. If you were really MJ you would do C & D and quit trying to dictate to the rest of us how holy you are and that we only need to do A & B.
Comment, in the above discussion you will notice the exchange of information and the beginning of discussion but it quickly goes into holier than thou, flaming, goading, and negativity with each trying to tell the other how right they are and how wrong they are. This is sad and happens all too often. It's roots lay in each saying that their way is the right way. Neither is showing any affection, courtesy or respect. Neither is acting deferentially, open minded or accepting.
------------------------
Deferential Posting:
Poster 1: On Shabbat we do A & B.
Poster 2: That's interesting. We don't do that. We do C & D on Shabbat. (notice the lack of putdowns and slurs and the courtesy at the beginning?)
Poster 1: I've only heard of doing C & D on Shabbat in passing would you tell me about it? (Notice the interest and not critisizing the other poster because he observes Shabbat differently?)
Poster 2: Well, C & D is ............. and we do it because..........I've heard of A & B but frankly, it didn't seem to fit. How do you incorporate A & B into Shabbat? I'm not sure that we will but I would like to hear about it. (The poster is being openminded and more importantly respectful of the other poster).
Poster 1: Doing A & B ............and helps us honor God's..............and we also believe that ................. I don't know if doing C & D is something that we would incorporate but it is something to think about. Thanks for sharing something this personal with me. (No criticism, openminded, shows affection)
Poster 2: I enjoy hearing about how different MJ's observe Shabbat and you've opened my eyes to a couple of things. I really appreciate it. Have you heard about the upcoming convention..................
Deferential or Positive Posting is not sacrificing one's beliefs. It is giving the other poster the benefit of the doubt. It is not necessarily adopting what the other believes or is trying to say but it is affirming the person's right to say it, not calling him wrong just because there is a difference in opinion, and treating each other as part of the Body. There is also a distinct lack of the destructive elements of posting that include things like flaming, goading, harassing, judgmentalism, and condemnation. Also, respect is key.
If I see any actually posts that show the above I'll copy and paste them in .
we always wait till the due date
