Is "Not Looking" REALLY the Solution?

[razeontherock]

I never thought about it but I know I'm more likely to meet someone when I'm not looking because I'm more fun then and less self-conscious. When I'm not looking, I'm not worried about what I look like or if what I said was "stupid".

This much is certainly valid, at least for a woman. I think y'all need to have a convention to decide once and for all that on a dinner date, not eating anything will NOT accomplish anything productive (It would be SO interesting to see statistics on how frequently this happens)

 

[edwardfsmith]

It seems as easy as wearing a ring then.
I really should try that.
I have my doubts anyone but guys I work with and relation would see it
But I should really try it.

 

[exitstageright]

It seems as easy as wearing a ring then.
I really should try that.
I have my doubts anyone but guys I work with and relation would see it
But I should really try it.

Maybe I should try that,also. I should go down to the pawn shop and buy an used wedding ring. When I was married twice,only ONCE to a lady come on to me in a total of 10 years. Four years during the first marriage,and 6 years during the secound marriage. You see?,I could not cheat even IF I wanted to cheat.

 

[blackribbon]

This much is certainly valid, at least for a woman. I think y'all need to have a convention to decide once and for all that on a dinner date, not eating anything will NOT accomplish anything productive (It would be SO interesting to see statistics on how frequently this happens)

I used to date a guy way back when who loved to take me out to eat he said "because I actually ate what I ordered." I thought this was an odd statement but this is really an issue with a lot of women? (Now I do leave food when the restaurant portions are such that they would satisfy my 15 year old son.)

 

[blackribbon]

Now there's a new euphemism

yeah, yeah, yeah....luckily, those candies were all manufactured by Hersey's...he was good....he had been through a few bad relationships before me and probably was more afraid of losing me than I was of him...

...and least the ladies with the candy bowls had all their clothes on...you'd be amazed with how few clothes people will open their door to the UPS man...and for a while, there was a dude that had his eye on my husband...my husband wouldn't knock on that door...just leave the boxes and run....(and I had to delete several times because "package" or "delivery" would have had too much sophomoric giggling going on in the peanut gallery... )

 

[Run to Jesus]

I should hang out here more often. There's always sound advice!

 

[dayhiker]

That makes a lot of sense to me. Anytime I tried to be somebody I wasn't, I found I was really stiff and probably came across really nervous. But I gave up trying to be someone else many years ago.

I never thought about it but I know I'm more likely to meet someone when I'm not looking because I'm more fun then and less self-conscious. When I'm not looking, I'm not worried about what I look like or if what I said was "stupid". I'm also more likely to put myself "out there". (I also like myself better and maybe that is why I've kind of given up looking.)

I think "hungry eyes" does hurt us.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Yeah I gave up trying to impress after I got married . I have to say if someone takes me out to dinner (which hasn't happened yet since my husband passed) I would eat. I would be myself and if they like me they like me and if they don't they don't.
A couple of years ago I had the opportunity to see an old boyfriend. The situation was that his sister and I were long lost friends and when I reconnected with her it was right before her 50th/my 49th birthday. (our birthdays are 3 days apart. So she has this great party on the colorado river where she lived and of course her family all came. At first I was a little nervous seeing him after 30 years! but I knew I wasn't there to impress him or try to get him to like me again so I just had the best time. He was very cool and treated my boys very well and I did call him afterward to tell him how much I appreciated him with the boys cuz they really had a great time too driving jet skis together and getting pulled around by him. We had a long conversation but again I wasn't trying to get him to like me again (although I secretly wished he just felt he knew he dumped a great woman) but I would do it all over again (be myself that is). I am a fun person. I love to do things but I can also be satisfied doing nothing. I don't expect lots of gifts or trips or anything. I am a great listener. I love God. So I'm not worried. If I find someone or if someone finds me, GREAT! And if not, Jesus is my focus and my Kinsman Redeemer and life is good when I let Him direct it. When I take over, not so much

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

I wish I had access to a crystal ball that would allow us a peek at God's overall plan. It would be so much easier if I knew if we were supposed to just settle into "being alone" and get used to it...or if this was just a period where we are being prepared for someone. It would also be helpful when trying to encourage each other. However, no matter how many times I ask, I get "no peeking" as my answer.....

You and me both! I would like to know if I'm just supposed to be happy and get used to being single or if there truly is someone out there 'just for me'. It wouldn't matter if he didn't come into the picture for 10 more years - just so I would know if he was actually out there. I don't want less than God's best for my life.

 

[GQ Chris]

I'm at a point where I almost don't care anymore if it weren't for my physical drives.

 

[blackribbon]

I really am a "take me as I am" type of person. However, I have find many aspects of this single life so new and different that I can't really just be "me" all the time. I do better if there is something...even one thing familiar...but I have been pushing my limits a lot and find I am an observer in my own skin (and a slightly uncomfortable one.)

I have a new friend that I really have fun with...but when I go out with her and her friends (which I do enjoy)...nothing is "normal"...we go to clubs/bars some...(local ones where she knows a lot of people just from town), and the music is different from what I'm used to (southern girl replanted up north), and the people are even somewhat different in how they dress and how they talk...and the people are new and don't know me. So I have a harder time letting go. I know my friend has commented that I don't always look like I'm having a good time...when the truth is I probably am, I just am having a hard time finding how I fit.

I probably walk around with a slightly desperate look all the time...but it is just desperate to find my place in this entirely new world.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

So exit......are you really wanting some advice? or are you asking questions that YOU think you already know the answer to?

The reason I ask is because you seem to have an answer for everything. We tell you not to wait to call or even ask for the phone number and you say "well I was told......"

For a self proclaimed "smart" guy I'm just confused . And if you know everything already then why start a thread?

 

[dayhiker]

blackribbon ... I notice I have two ways of dealing with a new situation like going to a bar .. if I'm going with someone who knows the place and has friends there, then I follow their lead.

If I go in lone and doubt know people. Then I'm more forward, starting more conversations and trying to get to know a few people. But that is a new thing with me. Most of my life I just watched for several visits till I became part of the woodwork. Then I would start to talk with people as they got curious about who I was.

I see both of those actions as me. The outgoing is a new part of me tho.

 

[razeontherock]

I used to date a guy way back when who loved to take me out to eat he said "because I actually ate what I ordered." I thought this was an odd statement but this is really an issue with a lot of women? (Now I do leave food when the restaurant portions are such that they would satisfy my 15 year old son.)

Yeah, it really is an issue with many. And when I made the comment it was in context with the conversation in a significant way; i.e., connected to something else. (I lost track of exactly what, but clicking on the little blue arrows can re-trace the steps for anyone who wants to see)

It's like an attitude that says "I don't want him to think I eat anything. Ever." I'm sure both sexes can harbor weird thought patterns like this that make no sense, and self-awareness is always a good thing.

 

[razeontherock]

yeah, yeah, yeah....luckily, those candies were all manufactured by Hersey's...he was good....he had been through a few bad relationships before me and probably was more afraid of losing me than I was of him...

...and least the ladies with the candy bowls had all their clothes on...you'd be amazed with how few clothes people will open their door to the UPS man...and for a while, there was a dude that had his eye on my husband...

Actually, no I wouldn't. I delivered pizza while in College ...

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

Maybe I should try that,also. I should go down to the pawn shop and buy an used wedding ring. When I was married twice,only ONCE to a lady come on to me in a total of 10 years. Four years during the first marriage,and 6 years during the secound marriage. You see?,I could not cheat even IF I wanted to cheat.

Sometimes it's the vibes you put off. When I was married and a man hit on me, I went the other way. Probably depends on your personality too. Some people are drawn to outgoing types.

 

[exitstageright]

So exit......are you really wanting some advice? or are you asking questions that YOU think you already know the answer to?

The reason I ask is because you seem to have an answer for everything. We tell you not to wait to call or even ask for the phone number and you say "well I was told......"

For a self proclaimed "smart" guy I'm just confused . And if you know everything already then why start a thread?

It is NOT that I have an answer for everything. I was just informing you that, what you suggested about me calling when I wanted to,for example the next day,did not work for me in the past. Why is it SO hard for some people to understand me? Am I am writing in English,or what?

 

[razeontherock]

I wish I had access to a crystal ball that would allow us a peek at God's overall plan. It would be so much easier if I knew if we were supposed to just settle into "being alone" and get used to it...or if this was just a period where we are being prepared for someone. It would also be helpful when trying to encourage each other.

I have some perspective on this, that may or may not help anyone here.

Many times God's path for my life has been such that if I had known what He had in store, I would have never done it. He has this way of getting things done, that we never could! Things that not merely look impossible, but that are impossible. I read once that "Christianity is doing the impossible."

More specific to the topic at hand. There are many aspects of my life that frankly are a mess, and if I tended to them it would certainly make me much more fit to be in a relationship. I could accomplish the bulk of that pretty quickly, being an intense person that can be hyper-productive.

Yet if I turn my attention in that direction, I have NO Peace, NO Blessing from God, and have been forced to puzzle over that.

The simple fact is, our hopes very much define who / what our god is, in HIS sight. He is a jealous God, and requires that we have no other gods before Him. Sure it's easier to love my Sister whom I can see, than to Love Him whom I can't - but even though that has always drawn me closer to God He is telling me it's time to move past that.

He wants me focused on Truth in the inward parts. Now I always have been, but He's turning up the heat of the purification process, and looking for a way out of the refiner's fire simply holds nothing for me anymore. Even though I can be stubborn, His Faithfulness is greater.

Here's what makes this difficult: I know Him. I KNOW He delights in giving us the desires of our heart. Yet I also know that if Abraham had gone to Mt Moriah, Isaac in tow, with the expectation that God would provide a ram, Abe would never have become the Father of the Faithful! He had to actually sacrifice Isaac - even if only in a figure. And I have to actually sacrifice any and all hopes of any future relationship, other than with God Himself. And I know He is the One that raises from the dead, but I have to put that out of my mind, on this issue.

This is really tough for me. It's just not the way I'm wired! I understand I need to be re-wired, transformed, metamorphosized; and at least on this one issue, if I knew what He had in store, it could make it impossible for me to co-operate with this stage of the process. (That last bit is the point here, not that any of you need to go through what I currently am)

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

the fact that Abraham DID go up to Mt Moriah with Isaac in tow shows he DID expect God to provide a sacrifice and it's exactly why he did become the father of many nations as God promised. He even told his servants to wait and "they" would return. He knew.

And to exit....you are writing english it just seems to me (maybe to me only IDK) that you argue against any advice given to you. While I think you might be a good guy, I do think you must be giving off some kind of vibe that makes women not want you. IDK.
We have talked about this before, so its in your presentation, your compotition, or a mixture of both. And I mean that in the nicest way possible.

 

[exitstageright]

the fact that Abraham DID go up to Mt Moriah with Isaac in tow shows he DID expect God to provide a sacrifice and it's exactly why he did become the father of many nations as God promised. He even told his servants to wait and "they" would return. He knew.

And to exit....you are writing english it just seems to me (maybe to me only IDK) that you argue against any advice given to you. While I think you might be a good guy, I do think you must be giving off some kind of vibe that makes women not want you. IDK.
We have talked about this before, so its in your presentation, your compotition, or a mixture of both. And I mean that in the nicest way possible.

I also mean this in the nicest way possible. It was not my intention to argue. I just stated the fact that when I did call the next day,as I really wanted to,I failed just the same.

As far as me feeling that NO woman wants me,please read post # 16 of this tread. This is my response to "singlewv2011'. He asked me what kind of woman is my type of woman. My problem is that the women,who are my type,are not interested in me,while the" losers "are interested in me.