First off I would like to address why this is not in the "mens forum." This is simply because I dont want just mens input. I want to hear everyone. Please bear with me as I immerse you in my personal story, but you are warned, there are some *sexual* details:
It was when I was a bit younger I was beginning to feel my sex drive kicking in. but unlike other guys I was a bit different; I wanted a deep emotional connection with a sweet kind girl: the sort of love that girls most often swoon about and that is pure and sweet as well as sexual. Of course, being single and in high school I was feeling a bit down on myself. I didn't know what to do. I masturbated every once and a while which greatly alleviated my sadness and gave me comfort. I was a little wary about it though: I knew that christians tended to hate any sort of expression of sexuality other than just plain sex with a spouse and was unsure as to whether or not it was a sin. I sought help but could only find senseless bantering online between those who condemned it and those who believed it was just a part of the human experience. My parents werent of much help either; talkinh to them drove conversations in endless circles- especially during conversations about evolution where they didn't understand any of the concepts that I discussed. I avoided porn because I didn't like the way that itobjectivized women and their treatment as "harlots."
All I knew was that this was different. Unlike other sins like lying or killing or stealing, masturbating didn't make me feel bad. I just didn't know. If my conscience is Gods law written on my heart why didnt it affect this aspect of my life by convicting me? My parents caught me a few times- of course then I felt bad. My parents who I love attacked me for it and bought me a bunch of books and things and ensured that I would beat myself up about it. They would tell me things like it would change my views on women and destroy my future relationship and that it would open doors in the spiritual realm. I read passages about how "sexually unclean" peoples would go to hell and that lusting after a woman outside of marriage is a sin and that it was "unclean" to [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] and that it would make me freer not to and that I should always keep my kind on what is lovely and pure etc.
In many ways I was still confused and skeptical as well as scared. If all of those things were true, I would have to repress a beautiful part of who I am; my sexuality, otherwise go to hell for eternity. Of course, jesus forgives, but if a body does something sinful repetatively without end he does not. All of the things I was told didn't seem to click. For example, if a person can't lust outside of marriage, how then can there be marriage? (attraction and desire spark marriages and love). My view of women hadn't changed at all. in fact, it caused a greater emotional and sexual attraction. Even today, my love towards my girlfriend is very strong and pure. I saved her life and tolerated everything she did and stock it out with her even when things were hard. I genuinely love her and dont want anyone else. Masturbation didnt give me any feelings of restriction; in fact, it made me feel freer to be able to touch. I didn't understand why people treated itas a habit I would be relieved to stop. Thats like saying that a person would be relieved to stop being able to enjoy food. To me, my sexuality was lovely and honorable; and as far as being "unclean," I was unsure on whether or not that was just old biblical code like the passages on eating pork causing uncleanliness.
I was at an impasse; there was nothing to do but pray. I wasnt being prideful I just wanted to know the real answers. No cultural bias, no circular logic, no misquoted verses, etc. God answered my prayer once while I made a deal with him to not touch for 30 days and receive a "suitable woman." Day 31 I met my love. She herself is a non believer which has caused me much distress. she was a paragon of what I believed to be beautiful and I thought she was the most beautiful girl ide ever seen. Her personality was amazing too; nonjudgemental and sweet. She genuinely cared about people and animals, and was concerned about what was right and wrong. there was a rocky beginning though, and I tried to get her to become a believer too but she just does not believe on the grounds that christians are intolerant and follow a doctrine of hate (enabling the killing of entire people in the old testament starkly contrasts to a notion of love, homosexuals are going to hell, etc). she herself had small bisexual inclinations but did not act on them because she loved me. I felt sympathetic and I could understand why she felt the way that she did. it wasnt arrogance she just felt that morally that it was wrong to be christian (and didn't make sense logically/scientifically with her either). her experience with christians wasnt loving: as I have seen firsthand, many have a sort of standoffish elitist attitude coupled with ignorance to scientific principles and facts used to justify beliefs. I began to fall into an intense depression fearing for her salvation. if God loves her, if he loves us, I figured, seeking the truth I will ultimately fall upon him. all I can do is seek, nothing else, and follow my conscience. hopefully he will have mercy on me for my ignorance as well as her ignorance of him. Currently we have agreed to marry, and pauls passage about an unbelieving spouse becoming sanctified brings me hope; though this verse often brings about alot of discourse.
This leads me to my current state. I am very attracted to what are known as "furries." I know, some think thats weird etc. I think that it goes back to my childhood; I used to watch cartoons all the time. in the 90s as many of you recall, about 90% of the cartoons involved "furry" characters. I just grew a fondness towards them. perhaps you wont understand and I dont expect many of you to... but it really isnt about me wanting to have sex with animals. I just feel a sort of cuddley humpy closeness thinking about them. I brought it up with my girlfriend as I am very close to her and can talk about anything, and she said she thought it was cute and said I shouldnt surpress my feelings but be open. in fact it made us feel closer sharing what we liked sexually and that sort of openness and freedom felt great (but we both agreed against wanting extramaritial affairs etc because that would hurt the other and we are very pleased with one another). I continue to touch today and sometimes to imaginary "furries" because I'm going to college far from her and often retain alot of sexual tension as a result. I dont feel father from God for doing this but I just dont know. I hope I can get your inputs because I feel awful in that I dont have a clear answer (sort of scared that God will be angry at me and I won't even know it or that I will have to repress my sexuality and feel sad about it all time). its just something about those furry characters that makes me want to cuddle them and be...well.. I'll spare the details...theyre just so cute :3 . The guy ones are cute to me too, but I'm not gay or bisexual; just to furry art. (for those of you who dont know what a "furry" is I dont suggest you google it lest you run across some sexytime art ^^
anyways I appreciate your input if you have any. sorry its so long I just need to have you all really understand and to try avoiding the senseless banter I usually read on similar online discussions. also really put some thought into it instead of just going with a gut impulse. pray over it even for me. thanks!
It was when I was a bit younger I was beginning to feel my sex drive kicking in. but unlike other guys I was a bit different; I wanted a deep emotional connection with a sweet kind girl: the sort of love that girls most often swoon about and that is pure and sweet as well as sexual. Of course, being single and in high school I was feeling a bit down on myself. I didn't know what to do. I masturbated every once and a while which greatly alleviated my sadness and gave me comfort. I was a little wary about it though: I knew that christians tended to hate any sort of expression of sexuality other than just plain sex with a spouse and was unsure as to whether or not it was a sin. I sought help but could only find senseless bantering online between those who condemned it and those who believed it was just a part of the human experience. My parents werent of much help either; talkinh to them drove conversations in endless circles- especially during conversations about evolution where they didn't understand any of the concepts that I discussed. I avoided porn because I didn't like the way that itobjectivized women and their treatment as "harlots."
All I knew was that this was different. Unlike other sins like lying or killing or stealing, masturbating didn't make me feel bad. I just didn't know. If my conscience is Gods law written on my heart why didnt it affect this aspect of my life by convicting me? My parents caught me a few times- of course then I felt bad. My parents who I love attacked me for it and bought me a bunch of books and things and ensured that I would beat myself up about it. They would tell me things like it would change my views on women and destroy my future relationship and that it would open doors in the spiritual realm. I read passages about how "sexually unclean" peoples would go to hell and that lusting after a woman outside of marriage is a sin and that it was "unclean" to [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] and that it would make me freer not to and that I should always keep my kind on what is lovely and pure etc.
In many ways I was still confused and skeptical as well as scared. If all of those things were true, I would have to repress a beautiful part of who I am; my sexuality, otherwise go to hell for eternity. Of course, jesus forgives, but if a body does something sinful repetatively without end he does not. All of the things I was told didn't seem to click. For example, if a person can't lust outside of marriage, how then can there be marriage? (attraction and desire spark marriages and love). My view of women hadn't changed at all. in fact, it caused a greater emotional and sexual attraction. Even today, my love towards my girlfriend is very strong and pure. I saved her life and tolerated everything she did and stock it out with her even when things were hard. I genuinely love her and dont want anyone else. Masturbation didnt give me any feelings of restriction; in fact, it made me feel freer to be able to touch. I didn't understand why people treated itas a habit I would be relieved to stop. Thats like saying that a person would be relieved to stop being able to enjoy food. To me, my sexuality was lovely and honorable; and as far as being "unclean," I was unsure on whether or not that was just old biblical code like the passages on eating pork causing uncleanliness.
I was at an impasse; there was nothing to do but pray. I wasnt being prideful I just wanted to know the real answers. No cultural bias, no circular logic, no misquoted verses, etc. God answered my prayer once while I made a deal with him to not touch for 30 days and receive a "suitable woman." Day 31 I met my love. She herself is a non believer which has caused me much distress. she was a paragon of what I believed to be beautiful and I thought she was the most beautiful girl ide ever seen. Her personality was amazing too; nonjudgemental and sweet. She genuinely cared about people and animals, and was concerned about what was right and wrong. there was a rocky beginning though, and I tried to get her to become a believer too but she just does not believe on the grounds that christians are intolerant and follow a doctrine of hate (enabling the killing of entire people in the old testament starkly contrasts to a notion of love, homosexuals are going to hell, etc). she herself had small bisexual inclinations but did not act on them because she loved me. I felt sympathetic and I could understand why she felt the way that she did. it wasnt arrogance she just felt that morally that it was wrong to be christian (and didn't make sense logically/scientifically with her either). her experience with christians wasnt loving: as I have seen firsthand, many have a sort of standoffish elitist attitude coupled with ignorance to scientific principles and facts used to justify beliefs. I began to fall into an intense depression fearing for her salvation. if God loves her, if he loves us, I figured, seeking the truth I will ultimately fall upon him. all I can do is seek, nothing else, and follow my conscience. hopefully he will have mercy on me for my ignorance as well as her ignorance of him. Currently we have agreed to marry, and pauls passage about an unbelieving spouse becoming sanctified brings me hope; though this verse often brings about alot of discourse.
This leads me to my current state. I am very attracted to what are known as "furries." I know, some think thats weird etc. I think that it goes back to my childhood; I used to watch cartoons all the time. in the 90s as many of you recall, about 90% of the cartoons involved "furry" characters. I just grew a fondness towards them. perhaps you wont understand and I dont expect many of you to... but it really isnt about me wanting to have sex with animals. I just feel a sort of cuddley humpy closeness thinking about them. I brought it up with my girlfriend as I am very close to her and can talk about anything, and she said she thought it was cute and said I shouldnt surpress my feelings but be open. in fact it made us feel closer sharing what we liked sexually and that sort of openness and freedom felt great (but we both agreed against wanting extramaritial affairs etc because that would hurt the other and we are very pleased with one another). I continue to touch today and sometimes to imaginary "furries" because I'm going to college far from her and often retain alot of sexual tension as a result. I dont feel father from God for doing this but I just dont know. I hope I can get your inputs because I feel awful in that I dont have a clear answer (sort of scared that God will be angry at me and I won't even know it or that I will have to repress my sexuality and feel sad about it all time). its just something about those furry characters that makes me want to cuddle them and be...well.. I'll spare the details...theyre just so cute :3 . The guy ones are cute to me too, but I'm not gay or bisexual; just to furry art. (for those of you who dont know what a "furry" is I dont suggest you google it lest you run across some sexytime art ^^
anyways I appreciate your input if you have any. sorry its so long I just need to have you all really understand and to try avoiding the senseless banter I usually read on similar online discussions. also really put some thought into it instead of just going with a gut impulse. pray over it even for me. thanks!
