What is sex good for?

[Jim Bob]

I just had some questions come up and I thought it would make sense to make another poll with different answers.

Basically there is the argument which goes like God made sex for marriage and this means that any sexual activities outside of marriage, including masturbation, which do not "please" another person (the wife or husband) are an abuse of sexuality and also a sin.
What do you think about this argument?
The problem I have with this is that it would be a totally different scenario if those who did not get married also weren't sexual beings. For example if the sexuality of every human was only activated after marriage then it wouldn't be a burden. But if you can't get married then it's nothing but a burden isn't it? Then it would be better to be asexual wouldn't it?
And simply marrying in order to finally be allowed to have sex and to not run around horny anymore and thinking about sex all day is also silly. A marriage based only upon finally being able to have sex cannot last and I think that it's not a coincidence that many christians marry very young already at 20. They're most likely simply totally horny and they know that they can't last much longer without getting into sin. Then wouldn't it be better to simply touch and not marry in a hurry?
But again the question to which it all boils down to is wether sexuality must only be "enjoyed" in marriage and a lot of christians would say this.

ps: Am I the only one who find the argument that sex is all about pleasing the spouse a bit ridiculous? Or am I simply too selfish? I have a hard time believing that married people are totally selfless and that they only have sex to make the other person happy. I mean come on... if for 1 of the persons sex was as much fun as digging up the garden or as washing dishes then I bet they wouldn't be very interested it in. I think this argument that it's all about making the other person happy is hypocritical.

 

[meep18]

To my knowledge, masturbation isn't explicitly a sin. Although, if you aren't sure if it's a sin and you touch, it's a sin, as all which doesn't come from faith is sin.
On the other hand, you also have to ask if it is totally good.
Can one truly touch for the glory of God?
I'm not sure.
That doesn't make it sin, but it does make it an "unexpedient" activity.
The "is it better to be asexual" argument is an interesting one.
One idea I heard is sex is a symbol for our relationship with God. I read somewhere there's a Bible verse where it says God will "know" us. It's actually the same "know" where like, "Cain knew his wife" if you get what I'm saying. >.>
As my walk with our Lord advances, my interest in sex has decreased immensely.
Though I don't know if that's how it'd work for everyone.
Yeah, I agree on your thoughts about marrying just to have sex.
Though once an Indian man asked me to marry him after 30 minutes of talking with me. I said that seemed quick and he said, "You have a pretty face and heart. What else is needed for marriage?"
I couldn't answer.
All you need for a good marriage is: (1) Physical attraction (2) love
It seems like the idea that finding the person you want to marry is this long complicated difficult process is an American idea.
As for whether sex should only be enjoyed in marriage, I think so.
I think the point is to prevent serial monogamy. Being in relationship after relationship. Giving all of yourself without any real commitment. It just ends in a lot of broken hearts.
It's easier to just choose one person and settle down.
p.s: Sometimes your spouse might be horny but you won't be, but you do it anyways for them. Or they might want you to perform certain acts you don't like. >.> Or they might gain a lot of weight and you won't be attracted to them anymore. so yea, I do think it's important to focus on your spouse's enjoyment. If marriage isn't about loving and serving your partner above yourself, what is it about?

 

[texastig]

We are not supposed to have sex with ourselves.

 

[DamianWarS]

I just had some questions come up and I thought it would make sense to make another poll with different answers.

Basically there is the argument which goes like God made sex for marriage and this means that any sexual activities outside of marriage, including masturbation, which do not "please" another person (the wife or husband) are an abuse of sexuality and also a sin.
What do you think about this argument?
The problem I have with this is that it would be a totally different scenario if those who did not get married also weren't sexual beings. For example if the sexuality of every human was only activated after marriage then it wouldn't be a burden. But if you can't get married then it's nothing but a burden isn't it? Then it would be better to be asexual wouldn't it?
And simply marrying in order to finally be allowed to have sex and to not run around horny anymore and thinking about sex all day is also silly. A marriage based only upon finally being able to have sex cannot last and I think that it's not a coincidence that many christians marry very young already at 20. They're most likely simply totally horny and they know that they can't last much longer without getting into sin. Then wouldn't it be better to simply touch and not marry in a hurry?
But again the question to which it all boils down to is wether sexuality must only be "enjoyed" in marriage and a lot of christians would say this.

ps: Am I the only one who find the argument that sex is all about pleasing the spouse a bit ridiculous? Or am I simply too selfish? I have a hard time believing that married people are totally selfless and that they only have sex to make the other person happy. I mean come on... if for 1 of the persons sex was as much fun as digging up the garden or as washing dishes then I bet they wouldn't be very interested it in. I think this argument that it's all about making the other person happy is hypocritical.

you approach marriage and sex like a typical North American. God did not create marriage and sex around our corrupted North America value system. 20 is not young for getting married look at every other culture in this world through out history and even today. You are just buying into the social demands our culture puts on marriage and use that to promote masturbation.

The system, that is the culture, that we live in is corrupted and effected by sin. Our values are not what God intended for us and we have taken an unbalanced approach to marriage and sex that doesn't line up with how God has designed us. You think because you are horny and have sex on your mind all the time that means God messed something up when he made us so that means masturbation must be the only answer and it must be something God has designed. Well that is just not the case God has designed our bodies to start "ticking" at the right time. Through out history and still today women get married at 14 and men maybe a little latter. 20 in many cases is old. It is not our bodies that is out of rhythm it is our culture so go ahead and point the finger just point it in the right direction.

God has designed us to be relational. It is the reason why he sent Jesus to the world. Through Jesus we can have an intimate relationship and restore relationship with God. God did not design us to be closet sexual beings. Embrace the inherit relational core of each and every one us and through that make your definitions of what is right and wrong. Masturbation is void of relationship and for that it only works as a pressure value. We when need to relay on something to keep our sinful nature at bay then we turn that something into our own religion depending upon the strength of that action to empower us to not do something that is we consider is wrong. "I need to punch a wall to stop me from beating my wife" Punching a wall could very well be far better than beating your wife but it only acts as a vent for the raw emotion you have. It doesn't really address the reason the emotion and feelings are there. We need to address the raw emotion before we look at ways to vent those emotions as the answer. Your "need" for sex probably is from an unbalanced look on what sex and marriage is then the subsequent need for masturbation to try and balance things out.

 

[Jim Bob]

Ok, so the great solution is marrying at 15. Yes, this is definitely going to be a huge help.
And those who can't marry at 15 simply have to correct their "unbalanced look on what sex and marriage is" and then all of a sudden their sex drive will vanish into thin air. Fantastic!

 

[Dark_Lite]

I just had some questions come up and I thought it would make sense to make another poll with different answers.

The first option actually isn't the Catholic view. The second one is much more accurate.

 

[plmarquette]

man will leave parents and cleave to wife... genesis...
man will leave parents and cleave to wife...gospels
one man, one wife ...Leviticus / deuteronomy
Jews, Christians....

 

[DamianWarS]

Ok, so the great solution is marrying at 15. Yes, this is definitely going to be a huge help.
And those who can't marry at 15 simply have to correct their "unbalanced look on what sex and marriage is" and then all of a sudden their sex drive will vanish into thin air. Fantastic!

The solution also is not embracing a system that is based on a corrupted idea of what marriage is about. of course your answer is going to be masturbation why wouldn't it. perhaps a better approach is rejecting your culture's perspective and embracing God's perspective. sex is designed between two people, it is relational and intimate and represents a holy union between man and woman. masturbation strips sex from its inherit relational nature, design and holiness. When you touch you are just putting matters into your own hand (literally) and rejecting the God given design he has created. Instead you are satisfied with the here and now and rely on your own abilities to accomplish them.

I can't tell you how to rely on the Holy Spirit more than you rely on your own power. It's something you will have to figure out for yourself. I understand that we fail, and we fail all the time and everything around us is cheering us on to fail but that is what grace is for. Grace is not just there to forgive us a countless number of times it is there so we can embrace the power of the Holy Spirit in our lifes at all times, it is there so we can be defined through Christ, and it is there so we can have restored relationship with God. Forgiveness is just a byproduct not the focus. We can't let our culture define who we are but instead first be defined through Christ then through the methods and forms within our culture we can express Christ but also at the same time reject the methods and forms that reject God.

 

[Yarddog]

What is sex good for?

That is what my wife muses about as well.


I tell her "me".

 

[Jim Bob]

I dont know what you're talking about damian.
It's not like you pray and then God sends a possible wife to your door....
And I also dont think that everybody is compatible for marriage but at the same time those people still also have sexual desires and what about that? I have enough problems with myself and I dont even know if marrying someone would be nice of me knowing that this person would then have to deal with somebody like me. But that's not even the issue. The issue is also that you can't simply go out there and force somebody to marry you. What if you simply find nobody? Or what if you don't want to marry or can't for whatever reason?
Shall they simply burn with lust and be miserable and try to resist the desire to simply jack off? Is that your great advice? lol
I don't think it's possible to be alone and not touch for a long time. So it's basically an endless circle of guilt. Those christians who marry and then can have legal sex most likely also masturbated until they got married but now they can play the huge wise men and tell singles that masturbation is bad.

 

[OGM]

You think because you are horny and have sex on your mind all the time that means God messed something up when he made us so that means masturbation must be the only answer and it must be something God has designed. Well that is just not the case God has designed our bodies to start "ticking" at the right time. Through out history and still today women get married at 14 and men maybe a little latter. 20 in many cases is old. It is not our bodies that is out of rhythm it is our culture so go ahead and point the finger just point it in the right direction.

Would you marry a 14 or 15 year old? Where I live it is illegal. Furthermore; what would one have in common with someone that young?

 

[meep18]

I don't think it's possible to be alone and not touch for a long time.

I disagree. Our God is all powerful. He provides a way out of all temptations. The author Thomas Moore was single and didn't touch for a long time. It might not be easy, but it can be done.

 

[LWB]

No doubt one can avoid masturbation indefinitely if they really want to, but why would anyone want to? Avoiding masturbation isn't going to secure one eternal life. That gift is given through faith in Christ.

There are many forms of masturbation. Eating for pleasure is a kind of masturbation. Listening to music, watching mindless TV, weeping at sad movies, laughing at jokes - doing anything that brings pleasure that isn't necessary for survival is masturbatory. I even think fasting and other spiritual disciplines that seek to bring about a religious ecstasy are a kind of masturbation.

There is nothing, outside of faith in Jesus, that lifts us up out of our depravity. If the pleasure of masturbation is evil, then all pleasure is evil.

I can only wonder at the traumatic childhood experiences that have made some people so phobic of their own bodies.

 

[Jim Bob]

I can only wonder at the traumatic childhood experiences that have made some people so phobic of their own bodies.

But I also thought that masturbation is somehow dirty before being a christian. And then there was a time where I thought it's ok and then after becoming a christian I thought what God thinks about this and then I read it's a sin and then I thought now where I know it's a sin I can stop it and settle it but the problem is it doesn't work. Especially when I'm stressed or depressed I have used it as a way to relief stress which also works but then again christians say this isn't allowed and so on. But if I when I'm stressed try to not do it and instead pray then nothing changes. Praying doesn't make me feel relieved and many times I did it some time later and trying not to do it and instead praying only delayed it a few hours.
Or sometimes I'm also simply horny but that's rather seldom because I don't have a high libido I rather do it to get rid of stress. For example sometimes when I have to do work and read crappy,boring articles which I hate then I become totally stressed out and just feel like masturbating.

 

[meep18]

No doubt one can avoid masturbation indefinitely if they really want to, but why would anyone want to? Avoiding masturbation isn't going to secure one eternal life. That gift is given through faith in Christ.

Of course, but by this argument, we shouldn't avoid any sin because avoiding sin won't secure eternal life. True faith naturally results in sensitivity to sin.

There are many forms of masturbation. Eating for pleasure is a kind of masturbation. Listening to music, watching mindless TV, weeping at sad movies, laughing at jokes - doing anything that brings pleasure that isn't necessary for survival is masturbatory. I even think fasting and other spiritual disciplines that seek to bring about a religious ecstasy are a kind of masturbation.
There is nothing, outside of faith in Jesus, that lifts us up out of our depravity. If the pleasure of masturbation is evil, then all pleasure is evil.

You're totally right. Though we're supposed to do all "for the glory of God". If someone is doing these things merely for their own benefit, there's a problem. It might not be a sin, but it's not ideal.
For example, the purpose of fasting isn't to bring about spiritual ecstasy (though I'm sure some do it for that reason). It's to break the idolization of food and learn how to depend on God.

then I thought now where I know it's a sin

I'm confused.
Do you know it's a sin or are you unsure?

 

[Jim Bob]

Back then i thought it's a sin.
Now I'm not sure what to think. What sucks is simply not knowing wether one's right. I mean if I think it's not a sin then I can still worry what if I'm wrong and it is a sin?
Why isn't it simply clear wether it's a sin or not then this would probably make it easier to resist because it's harder to resist when you can always think "Maybe it's not a sin".

 

[meep18]

Yea, I get what you mean.
The Bible's pretty clear on what to do when we're not sure if something is a sin or not though:
"All which proceeds from doubt is sin."
So if you're not sure, just don't.
In addition, masturbating could cause those sinners with a weaker conscience to sin as explained on gotquestions.org in the article titled, "What is the conscience?"
I wish I had some advice on how to stop, but frankly, I've never had such problems before.
I hear accountability buddies are helpful, so I could be your accountability buddy if you want.

 

[Jim Bob]

lol I dont believe in this accountability buddy stuff. I mean how is this supposed to help me? Is the shame of having to confess to another person that one sinned again supposed to keep you from doing it? I really wonder who invented accountability buddies. And I also don't want to have to confess awkward sins to another person. I think this could also be abused.
And since you're female you couldn't be my AB anyway. But thanks for the offer.

 

[ghendricks63]

We are not supposed to have sex with ourselves.

Interesting opinion. Absolutely no scripture to back up this opinion. But you are entitled to it for yourself. You should be careful about pushing this personal view onto others though.

 

[meep18]

Is the shame of having to confess to another person that one sinned again supposed to keep you from doing it?

I don't think so. I had an accountabillabuddy for procrastination. We could talk and figure out where and why we were procrastinating. It's just easier to have a helper to think things out.

And I also don't want to have to confess awkward sins to another person. I think this could also be abused.

How could it be abused?

And since you're female you couldn't be my AB anyway.

My last AB was a guy.

But thanks for the offer.

You're welcome.