Would you marry someone you find physically unattractive?

[Rory]

Its hard for one to have self-confidence when one has been despised for his whole life by every girl in whom he has been interested. I'm getting better, but I assure you it is HARD TO DO. It's not like you can wake up one day and suddenly decide that you're awesome when all the evidence suggests otherwise. Or even, since coming to this forum, 90% of the evidence. And I would bet that Broken has had similar experience.

QFT!

 

[b.hopeful]

On a Katt Williams rant here....but self confidence is confidence you have in your self. It's not just "confidence".....heck, that can border on cocky or conceit and I certainly don't think that's a good trait. But SELF confidence means that YOU know YOUR worth. That you love and like yourself. That you are confident in what you have to offer...and that's not about looks.

 

[broken_one]

Maybe it has less to do with your looks and more to do with your lack of self confidence. Low self confidence is not attractive.

Obviously I don't act like I do here when I'm in front of women! This is how I "normally" act. When I'm in the presence of attractive women I get shades of 18th Century Nobility or something, lol.

Its hard for one to have self-confidence when one has been despised for his whole life by every girl in whom he has been interested. I'm getting better, but I assure you it is HARD TO DO. It's not like you can wake up one day and suddenly decide that you're awesome when all the evidence suggests otherwise. Or even, since coming to this forum, 90% of the evidence. And I would bet that Broken has had similar experience.

Yeah man I agree it's difficult and often feels "put on" more than usual. With my current state (of illness) I really can't do it very much at all. That doesn't mean I don't show flashes, though.

As entering relationships go, I'm literally despised by any sort of attractive Christian women....and that causes me to go to the "periphery", so to speak. I've gotten over that and have done a decent job eking a out relationship career for myself. Eventually though I'll find someone that's closer to the center. Or at least has a sense of virtue. I never thought it would be so hard to find an attractive woman who likes me.....and has at least a vague sense of right and wrong. It is supremely difficult to find the two together. Like impossible.

 

[Themistocles]

Its hard for one to have self-confidence when one has been despised for his whole life by every girl in whom he has been interested. I'm getting better, but I assure you it is HARD TO DO. It's not like you can wake up one day and suddenly decide that you're awesome when all the evidence suggests otherwise. Or even, since coming to this forum, 90% of the evidence. And I would bet that Broken has had similar experience.

Just a thought but if you're interested in girls who despise you, you probably need to re-order your preferences. Anyone who despises another person who isn't actively and personally unpleasant (mean, vindictive, hurtful, etc) isn't worth dating. Period. End stop. The only girls I despise are those who despise others, which will be convenient, if I decide to start dating, because I'll have eliminated beforehand everyone who'd make me miserable. Girls who are worth dating, but who aren't attracted to you, won't despise you: they'll kindly feel sorry for you and wish that something was there. Maybe that's not so nice for you either, but at least you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that you liked someone worth liking. That's a glorious thing: liking someone worth liking.

 

[Inkachu]

I have little pity for guys who moan and groan about how no girls like them when 1) I see girls right here on CF telling them over and over how handsome/great/awesome/nice/interesting they are, and 2) these guys refuse to accept that their own self-loathing and bitterness are probably what's keeping them single, because girls pick up on these things, and nobody wants to be around someone who doesn't value themselves. So what if you're ugly? SO WHAT? There's more to life than how many chicks you can hook up with! How about trying to find out what is good and valuable and worthwhile about yourself, and letting God use you, even if it's as a single man? Cheez whiz...this is what separates the men from the boys. Men don't sit around whining and crying, no matter how hard life seems, they suck it up and become stronger (note: stronger is not a synonym for bitter and jaded) and learn to make the best of what they've got, and be THANKFUL for every good thing God blesses them with, and do something good for the world around them. Men are selfless not selfish.

And all of that goes for the girls, too.

Sheesh, I'm older than 90% of you, and single, and you don't hear me crying and complaining about it, do you?

 

[ulu]

Would you marry someone you find physically unattractive?


no

 

[MacFall]

Just a thought but if you're interested in girls who despise you, you probably need to re-order your preferences.

My preferences begin with how a girl treats other people. Maybe I'm just a horrible judge of character.

Vicky, you seem to be suggesting in your last post that we're giving up and just sitting around and complaining. That's not the case. I never said I was giving up or that improving my self-image was impossible; I just said it's hard. That doesn't mean I'm not trying, but it does mean that it's going to be a process and not a snap-and-it's done sort of thing.

 

[Themistocles]

I have little pity for guys who moan and groan about how no girls like them when 1) I see girls right here on CF telling them over and over how handsome/great/awesome/nice/interesting they are, and 2) these guys refuse to accept that their own self-loathing and bitterness are probably what's keeping them single, because girls pick up on these things, and nobody wants to be around someone who doesn't value themselves. So what if you're ugly? SO WHAT? There's more to life than how many chicks you can hook up with! How about trying to find out what is good and valuable and worthwhile about yourself, and letting God use you, even if it's as a single man? Cheez whiz...this is what separates the men from the boys. Men don't sit around whining and crying, no matter how hard life seems, they suck it up and become stronger (note: stronger is not a synonym for bitter and jaded) and learn to make the best of what they've got, and be THANKFUL for every good thing God blesses them with, and do something good for the world around them. Men are selfless not selfish.

And all of that goes for the girls, too.

Sheesh, I'm older than 90% of you, and single, and you don't hear me crying and complaining about it, do you?

I've been trying to grow-up because absolutely everyone my age seems more mature, in some ways, than I am, and one of the first things I kicked, or almost kicked, is the silly woe is me attitude that's the biggest legacy of your teenage years. Angst is soooo old...or so young, I guess. There are things to be genuinely unhappy about; there are things in relationships to be genuinely unhappy about, no doubt. I'm not trying to belittle disappointments that seem like real traumas. But part of growing up, sometimes I think the biggest part, is learning how to live your life without reference to what other people think while, and this is KEY, still caring about other people. A seeming contradiction I know, but Christianity is full of seeming contradictions which, on reflection, make a wacky kind of sense. Chesterton was convinced, ultimately, by The Paradoxes of Christianity (one of the greatest chapters in one of the greatest books ever written). Of course, you can easily fix a low self-esteem by going dead inside but I've been there and I don't recommend it.

 

[Stravinsk]

So this person's look (both body and face) happens to be a look that you find very unattractive. The thought of kissing this person and even seeing this person naked does not appeal to you at all. Would you still marry this person?

Marry? It wouldn't even get to the dating stage.

That said...

I wouldn't marry (or date) a woman who I found very attractive physically but had some major ugliness in the form of attitude or outlook either.

The opposite sex's attractiveness to me is two-tiered. I'm a guy and I'm visual and all that - went to see my friend's band play the other night...and my breath was taken away at the amount of extremely attractive women there were around this night.

But I also know that that initial attraction is going to wane or intensify when I get to know the person better. Ultimately, she may be nice to look at - but that runs a pretty distant second to inner beauty. In other words, her words, her attitudes, her outlook, her virtue or lack of it...all of this is going to be much easier or harder to (enjoy/benefit from) or (deal with) than simply being able to look at her or not.

But to even get to the stage of knowing her better...there has to be some initial physical attraction. It doen't have to be alot. Just some.

 

[angelT17]

No I wouldn't marry someone who I find physically unattractive. I wouldn't want someone who didn't find me physically attractive to marry me.
P.s. I always wondered why God didn't make everyone attractive

 

[Stravinsk]

I have little pity for guys who moan and groan about how no girls like them when 1) I see girls right here on CF telling them over and over how handsome/great/awesome/nice/interesting they are, and 2) these guys refuse to accept that their own self-loathing and bitterness are probably what's keeping them single, because girls pick up on these things, and nobody wants to be around someone who doesn't value themselves. So what if you're ugly? SO WHAT? There's more to life than how many chicks you can hook up with! How about trying to find out what is good and valuable and worthwhile about yourself, and letting God use you, even if it's as a single man?

Preach it, Vicky. That's a valid point you've made there.

Sheesh, I'm older than 90% of you, and single, and you don't hear me crying and complaining about it, do you?

Yes, I've seen you cry and complain about it a few times. As have I. No biggie.

 

[Marycita]

I'm sure someone said it, but when I am with someone, or like someone, they are the sexiest guy EVVEEE! No question. No if ands or buts.

This!!

No I wouldn't marry someone who I find physically unattractive. I wouldn't want someone who didn't find me physically attractive to marry me.
P.s. I always wondered why God didn't make everyone attractive

He did....everyone is attractive to someone

 

[angelT17]

He did....everyone is attractive to someone

I would like to think that that's true

 

[broken_one]

I know what my problem is, though: selective approval.

Functioning normally, it's the healthy view to have.....the view of yourself is only affected by you and a few others. Unfortunately this isn't the case. These "select few"....parents, girlfriends, etc. have generally abused this privilege, and my view of myself has suffered greatly because of this. Since I'm not fully out of their influence (my parents called me fat just today, actually), I can't really break out of this mindset without an extreme severance of personality or at least of my value system. I'm attempting it.....slowly, but I am.

And that's the psychological explanation.

Would it be cool if I thought of myself as an average-looking guy? I mean that's what I'm thinking, but you guys seem to think I'm better than that somehow. I'll take average, though.

 

[LoveJC9]

So this person's look (both body and face) happens to be a look that you find very unattractive. The thought of kissing this person and even seeing this person naked does not appeal to you at all. Would you still marry this person?

No, I wouldn't. At least I don't think so. Looks are not everything, but you do want someone you like to look at, or at least I do.

 

[Riot Riot Riot]

Simple answer: Nope!

Call me shallow, I don't care. But there's no way I'm going to willingly enter into a life-long, comitted relationship with someone I can't stand to look at.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

You mean someone I don't want to have sex with? Yes.

 

[Rory]

I have little pity for guys who moan and groan about how no girls like them when 1) I see girls right here on CF telling them over and over how handsome/great/awesome/nice/interesting they are, and 2) these guys refuse to accept that their own self-loathing and bitterness are probably what's keeping them single, because girls pick up on these things, and nobody wants to be around someone who doesn't value themselves. So what if you're ugly? SO WHAT? There's more to life than how many chicks you can hook up with! How about trying to find out what is good and valuable and worthwhile about yourself, and letting God use you, even if it's as a single man? Cheez whiz...this is what separates the men from the boys. Men don't sit around whining and crying, no matter how hard life seems, they suck it up and become stronger (note: stronger is not a synonym for bitter and jaded) and learn to make the best of what they've got, and be THANKFUL for every good thing God blesses them with, and do something good for the world around them. Men are selfless not selfish.

And all of that goes for the girls, too.

Sheesh, I'm older than 90% of you, and single, and you don't hear me crying and complaining about it, do you?

You seem to be COMPLETELY missing our point on this. Nobody has said they whine or moan when attempting to date someone they like. If we like someone we will make the attempt and leave the drama at home, we are not going to just sit there telling the person all of our faults. You see it here because yes while there are many wonderful women here, the chances of any of us finding someone off this site is slim, sure it happens and marriages have come from it but we aren't here for a date. We are here to talk with others, sometimes that talk is about our problems, sometimes its about our good things. Judging us and assuming we are like this 24/7 is pretty sad.

You obviously don't understand at all where we are coming from, this is a site that is supposed to be for friends and support, of course you will see some of us "whining" people have issues, sorry we can't be perfect for you, if you would rather deem us "boys" and write us off, then fine, we don't need people like you anyways.

We have these self loathing issues due to the women in our lives, we have been taught through the years that we aren't worth being nice to, that we aren't worth being faithful to, that we are just here for their amusement. The last thing we need is another woman trashing us on one of the sites where we go to talk with others without being judged on appearance.

Next time how about taking a little more time to think about what you are going to say so maybe you might not miss the mark so much and maybe just maybe won't be so insulting in how you treat your supposed brothers in Christ.

 

[Rhye]

Nakor, I don't believe she was trashing you. I think that is a harsh word to use for her comment.

I am sorry that you have gone through things like that with the women in your life. I am sorry to hear all the negative experiences you have had with women. But, I like to point out something if you don't mind. You made a choice to be with that woman. You had a choice to not get back in when you know how much of your life she sucked away. I know it is easy to say this. I say this to women as well when they have abusive boyfriends or husbands. But, I've never been in that position to know what it is truly like so my words might not matter at all. But, now you have that chance to get away from it. You are on that path. Don't be upset about what others say. Your life is in your hands. Always. Take hold of it. I hate seeing people like this. I know that I have gone through many things in my life, and doubted God and why he wasn't there. But He always was. I was just to upset to look at it. I was to hurt to feel Him near me.

I don't like seeing you like this. I hope you feel better!

 

[Rory]

Nakor, I don't believe she was trashing you. I think that is a harsh word to use for her comment.

I am sorry that you have gone through things like that with the women in your life. I am sorry to hear all the negative experiences you have had with women. But, I like to point out something if you don't mind. You made a choice to be with that woman. You had a choice to not get back in when you know how much of your life she sucked away. I know it is easy to say this. I say this to women as well when they have abusive boyfriends or husbands. But, I've never been in that position to know what it is truly like so my words might not matter at all. But, now you have that chance to get away from it. You are on that path. Don't be upset about what others say. Your life is in your hands. Always. Take hold of it. I hate seeing people like this. I know that I have gone through many things in my life, and doubted God and why he wasn't there. But He always was. I was just to upset to look at it. I was to hurt to feel Him near me.

I don't like seeing you like this. I hope you feel better!

Sorry but I have to disagree, she was clearing trashing on us...

2) these guys refuse to accept that their own self-loathing and bitterness are probably what's keeping them single, because girls pick up on these things, and nobody wants to be around someone who doesn't value themselves.

Here she is assuming we will act this way in front of potential dates. My ex who i was with for 11 years didn't have a clue how I felt untill I told her a few months ago. Assuming we are so weak that we can't hide self doubt is pretty insulting and deserves harsher than "trashing" IMO

Then she continued with...

Men don't sit around whining and crying, no matter how hard life seems, they suck it up and become stronger

Sorry, but being cheated on, emotionally and sometimes physically abused from almost every woman you've had contact with past friendship is NOT something you just "suck up" not to mention claiming we aren't men cause we are "whining and crying" over the messed up deal we've been going through is just wrong, it's insulting and judemental and sorry but I will not stand by and let someone say such hurtful things without getting involved.

Yes I made a choice to be with those women, they didn't start out vindictive, most did towards the end of the relationships except my most recent, and by then we were going on 5-6 years of being together, not easy situation to get out of. Also at that point self doubts make it even worse leaving someone, so yeah it was my choice but why does that matter? I'm blaming myself mostly for it, maybe the women some but considering what they've done they do deserve some blame.