You Are Marrying Him/Her, Not The Family!

[HisW0rd]

I do not believe that at all.

Because if your future wife/husband mom or dad or anyone in the family do not like you, that means you have to deal with them until whenever they start to like you.

I was engaged to this man more than once but I couldnt marry him because his grandmother kept disrespecting me. I think he had a hard time believing me so that is why we never married.

How can you be with someone if the parents hates you? You cant ask him/her to leave their parents and never contact them again...

 

[SonicBOOM]

I don't believe you are to forsake a family..... however I do believe you have to change your loyalties. Your spouse is now more important than your momma and pappa. If they don't like your spouse, than you are free to disagree and move on. If they force you to choose sides? according to scripture you are to choose your spouse over mother and father... in the end it's their own fault.

 

[CoachR64]

The Bible says when two are married, the leave the families and come together as one. So, I would say this statement most definitely is true.

Now, that being said, I don't think I could be with someone who my family did not accept or whose family refused to accept me. Family is such an important thing in my life and something I value greatly. So while my wife would be marrying me and not my family, I still want for her to be someone my family loves as well.

Coach

 

[trentlogain2]

Matthew 19:4-6



4And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
5And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."

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I realize in the context of this passage Jesus is talking to the Pharisees when they ask him about divorce, but I always took it further..even applicable to situations like this thread's topic is discussing. Am I wrong?

 

[SonicBOOM]

Matthew 19:4-6



4And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
5And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."

-------------------------------------------------------------
I realize in the context of this passage Jesus is talking to the Pharisees when they ask him about divorce, but I always took it further..even applicable to situations like this thread's topic is discussing. Am I wrong?

nope it's pretty clear. What God has joined together.... no man is allowed to separate. Including mother and father

 

[HisW0rd]

what is this?
This do not answer my question. If the mother hates you, why would you even bother marrying him?
Why deal with the disrespect for the rest of your life?
I know what the bible says but it doesnt say stop talking to your parents and move on.

If that person dont want to loose contact with their parents you cannot make them. You are marrying the family when you marry him/her...plain and simple

 

[Crosscheck]

Dealing with people that don't like you, and that you don't like, is a part of life. Few, if any, marriages in the west today are about family's uniting for political and economic gain. So no, you really aren't marrying the family. The idea you can't marry someone unless every relative likes you is unrealistic to the point of being silly.

 

[trentlogain2]

what is this?
This do not answer my question. If the mother hates you, why would you even bother marrying him? you love him?
Why deal with the disrespect for the rest of your life? you love him and his parents, regardless of how they treat you.
I know what the bible says but it doesnt say stop talking to your parents and move on.

If that person dont want to loose contact with their parents you cannot make them. You are marrying the family when you marry him/her...plain and simple

lol. i had a feeling noone answered your question (or at least gave you an answer that you were looking for. hope this one helps. i didn't spend much time on it but whatever.

 

[Riddik7]

what is this?
This do not answer my question. If the mother hates you, why would you even bother marrying him?
Why deal with the disrespect for the rest of your life?
I know what the bible says but it doesnt say stop talking to your parents and move on.

If that person dont want to loose contact with their parents you cannot make them. You are marrying the family when you marry him/her...plain and simple

u marry the guy because you love him and he loves you... you only hafta see the mother on holidays anyways.... geeze... aside from that haven't you learned by your age, as wise as you parents are they aren't always right... my parents are only right 90% of the time and i only listen to them 80% of the time.... but when it comes to the big things... its my own decision not theirs.

 

[SonicBOOM]

what is this?
This do not answer my question. If the mother hates you, why would you even bother marrying him?
Why deal with the disrespect for the rest of your life?
I know what the bible says but it doesnt say stop talking to your parents and move on.

who says you have to deal with it for the rest of your life?

If that person dont want to loose contact with their parents you cannot make them. You are marrying the family when you marry him/her...plain and simple

your right... if a person can't understand the importance of loyalties, than they aren't the right person for me. In my opinion. Generations come and go and I think thats where the wisdom comes in this. If your gonna let your parents dictate everything for you, than who is gonna keep you company when they are old and gone? Who will preserve the next generation? Or more importantly! When are you gonna grow up?

 

[CoachR64]

We answered the question, you just didn't get the answer you wanted. Bottom line is, marriage is a covenant under God between the husband and wife. If that is the person God calls you to be with, you do it. While I would want someone my family loves and whom loves my family, that may not necessarily be God's plan and I would have to bite the bullet and deal with it.

Coach

 

[Inkachu]

When you marry, your spouse comes first in the world, after the Lord. Period. If you have an idiotic family member who's troublesome, then you may just have to distance yourself from that person. That's just life. Spouse comes first. A person who can't detach themselves from mom's apron strings (or any other relative) shouldn't be getting married, unless their spouse-to-be and relatives are equally in love with each other.

 

[Oddish]

It all depends on who you are marrying and how important it is to them what their family think.

 

[Jacqulene]

I think you just have to walk in love and deal with it. Repay evil with kindness/heaping coals on folk's heads kinda thing. Unless the grandmother is calling you a "fat harlot ho" every time you see her that is.

 

[SonicBOOM]

I think you just have to walk in love and deal with it. Repay evil with kindness/heaping coals on folk's heads kinda thing. Unless the grandmother is calling you a "fat harlot ho" every time you see her that is.

than the gloves come off!!

ROFL

 

[JCFantasy23]

I do not believe that at all.

Because if your future wife/husband mom or dad or anyone in the family do not like you, that means you have to deal with them until whenever they start to like you.

I was engaged to this man more than once but I couldnt marry him because his grandmother kept disrespecting me. I think he had a hard time believing me so that is why we never married.

How can you be with someone if the parents hates you? You cant ask him/her to leave their parents and never contact them again...

You're very right. I have been through this myself. My mother warned me, I kind of ignored her and figured love would prevail, but really - if you're marrying into a bothersome family you have a harder road ahead of you than you have to have.

 

[JCFantasy23]

When you marry, your spouse comes first in the world, after the Lord. Period. If you have an idiotic family member who's troublesome, then you may just have to distance yourself from that person. That's just life. Spouse comes first. A person who can't detach themselves from mom's apron strings (or any other relative) shouldn't be getting married, unless their spouse-to-be and relatives are equally in love with each other.

I think the main problem is that typically the person you're with doesn't see the extent of their "bothersome relative" and by instinct sides with them a bit in today's culture. That's been my experience anyway. Or, even worse, they just try to ignore it and say you're making too big of a deal out of things just to keep peace on all sides.

 

[Jacqulene]

than the gloves come off!!

ROFL

O-KAY! I had to deal with a racist future mother-in-law which is now an ex-future MIL. It was clear she felt threatened by me and there were times she would make rude comments and I would just smile and act like it didn't bother me. I never disrespected her and she eventually came around to liking me a lot. It's all about being a lady and representing you and your parents right, the way they raised you. She respected that about me and started buying me expensive gifts to makeup for it LOL

 

[Wren]

It all depends on who you are marrying and how important it is to them what their family think.

I agree. With some partners, who their family is won't be a big deal. They may not live near them or spend much time with them even if they do. However, there are some close families and if you don't get along with those in-laws, that would be a painful married life.

Sure, some in-laws you can just suck it up and take their ignoring you or being impolite, but some in-laws are horrible. I've read the horror in-law stories of a couple of women on another message board. I take those kind of stories as a warning: Beware of psycho in-laws that you will have to even semi-regularly deal with.

 

[TanteBelle]

what is this?
This do not answer my question. If the mother hates you, why would you even bother marrying him?
Why deal with the disrespect for the rest of your life?
I know what the bible says but it doesnt say stop talking to your parents and move on.

If that person dont want to loose contact with their parents you cannot make them. You are marrying the family when you marry him/her...plain and simple

My folks and my bro in law's folks don't get on at all! Things are very tense and raw. However, my Pa was not going to let anyone get between them if they loved each other. Parents jobs are not to control you for life and make all your decisions for you. Their ability to offer advice when it is wanted is always there, but they can't lock you up and make sure that you do what they want you to do. Now, if I loved someone who was a cheat, a drunkard, and a con man, my parents would quite naturally insist upon advising me out of it, however parents have to learn when their job of telling their kids what to do ends. And no one is ever good enough for a parents child. It's just the way of parents!

You do marry the family when you marry someone, however, you have to be willing to take on any problems that may arise. If my parents started interfering simply because 'he wasn't good enough', the first thing I'd do is to tell them off! Lay down the line as far as how much involvement you want them to have in your life (and I've heard many terrible cases where it ain't much!), but before anyone marries, basic things have to be sorted out first! Faith, child rearing, how many kids, finance, where to live, and everything else that comes with it. If you find that there are too many voids between you both, you either have the choice of ending it, or moving on and taking on the problems! If it is simply a matter of 'someone's not good enough for my kid', parents have to lay aside whatever they think and owe the two who are to marry their support! After all, the in-laws will share the same grandies!