Should I pursue her against all odds?

[Tabasco]

About a month ago I went through a breakup. I created a thread on that subject awhile back, as some of you may recall. She was the initiator of the breakup. Then, one week ago, I went out with another girl thinking it would help me get over my ex... boy was I wrong. It made me feel guilty and I long even more for my ex. What I realized is that I don't think I can live without her; for months I've believed she is the woman for me, and I'm just having a difficult time accepting otherwise. Now I am considering doing what I wanted to do from the beginning: do whatever it takes to win her back. I know it sounds desperate, but could it work? I'm just tired of being a wimp and sitting on the sidelines... I want this girl more than anything I've ever wanted, and I intend to have her.

Advice?

 

[GQ Chris]

Nah. Cut your losses and move on, if she moved on first, and you try to get back with her, even if you are successful, you will give her another opportunity to do it again. Ask yourself if you think that's worth it.

 

[Tabasco]

Nah. Cut your losses and move on, if she moved on first, and you try to get back with her, even if you are successful, you will give her another opportunity to do it again. Ask yourself if you think that's worth it.

At this point, I feel it would be worth the risk. On the other hand, one could argue that I'm not thinking rationally in my current condition. I'm in love with this girl, I've never felt so strongly about anyone... all I ever wanted to do is love, protect, and honor her.

 

[GQ Chris]

Well hey, more power to ya. If you think the pros outweigh the cons.

 

[smacky ramone]

 

[GQ Chris]

Do you think she's the only girl you could love, and no one else compares? I think that if you take some time, step back, and think about it rationally, that this is just an infatuation that you will eventually get past.

 

[GQ Chris]

 

[Tabasco]

Do you think she's the only girl you could love, and no one else compares? I think that if you take some time, step back, and think about it rationally, that this is just an infatuation that you will eventually get past.

No, it's not just an infatuation. I love her... even her flaws. I know her weaknesses, but I cherish these as much as her qualities. Everything about her is attractive to me. I would sacrifice anything for her... I'd lay down my life for her, if need be. Don't tell me that this is just "infatuation." Telling me to just "get over it" is real easy from your perspective, but try looking at it from mine. Have you ever had a girlfriend, Chris?

 

[Tamara224]

I think you should go for it. If you love her and you want to be with her then don't give up so easily.

Remember to pray, pray, pray about it. Put it in God's hands and then do what comes naturally.

Be prepared to suffer setbacks and to be waiting a while. Don't be stupid and freak her out by being stalkerish. But be persistent.

But I tell ya... a guy who loves a girl enough to pursue her even when she may think it won't work out... well, that's attractive. Many women have been won over that way.

Honestly, I think most guys give up too easily.

 

[GQ Chris]

No, it's not just an infatuation. I love her... even her flaws. I know her weaknesses, but I cherish these as much as her qualities. Everything about her is attractive to me. I would sacrifice anything for her... I'd lay down my life for her, if need be. Don't tell me that this is just "infatuation." Telling me to just "get over it" is real easy from your perspective, but try looking at it from mine. Have you ever had a girlfriend, Chris?

Yes, I have. And I have felt exactly like you have. I don't mean to demean your undying devotion to this dame, not my intention. I know what it feels like to feel that way about a certain woman.

 

[white dove]

About a month ago I went through a breakup. I created a thread on that subject awhile back, as some of you may recall. She was the initiator of the breakup. Then, one week ago, I went out with another girl thinking it would help me get over my ex... boy was I wrong. It made me feel guilty and I long even more for my ex. What I realized is that I don't think I can live without her; for months I've believed she is the woman for me, and I'm just having a difficult time accepting otherwise. Now I am considering doing what I wanted to do from the beginning: do whatever it takes to win her back. I know it sounds desperate, but could it work? I'm just tired of being a wimp and sitting on the sidelines... I want this girl more than anything I've ever wanted, and I intend to have her.

Advice?

I don't recall your other thread. I don't have any advice, just questions for you to ask yourself:




Why did you two break up in the first place?


Was it over things that cannot - or most likely, will not - be changed?


Do you truly love her or do you miss being in love and having that kind of love in your life?



Has she moved on with someone else and if so, is that around the time you had this realization?





And I only ask those things because I've had to ask them myself, numerous times.



Good luck.

 

[Ukrainia]

Try to get your emotions under control. I don't think enfatuation and love are necessarily mutually exclusive. Enfatuation, as I understand it, is thinking about someone more than is healthy. That could possibly describe you. I don't doubt you love her as well. But at least try to accept the fact that you'll survive just fine if you don't end up with girl. I chased a girl for years, with an mixture of love and enfatuation and believe me it was no fun. I would say, pursue her for the moment, but if she says she'll never want to be in a relationship with you, it'll be time for you to give her up and wish her all the best with whatever happens in her life, even it that means you aren't in it.

 

[Schneiderman]

Depending on the circumstances I don't think one try can hurt. But I mean one try. Maybe two if you can really justify it. Any more than that, forget about it. It's not worth it. She's just a girl. Yeah sometimes it feels like we find a great one but... it really has more to do with your mind than reality.

 

[cmascio]

About a month ago I went through a breakup. I created a thread on that subject awhile back, as some of you may recall. She was the initiator of the breakup. Then, one week ago, I went out with another girl thinking it would help me get over my ex... boy was I wrong. It made me feel guilty and I long even more for my ex. What I realized is that I don't think I can live without her; for months I've believed she is the woman for me, and I'm just having a difficult time accepting otherwise. Now I am considering doing what I wanted to do from the beginning: do whatever it takes to win her back. I know it sounds desperate, but could it work? I'm just tired of being a wimp and sitting on the sidelines... I want this girl more than anything I've ever wanted, and I intend to have her.

Advice?

Why would you want to be with someone who would break up with you? If she is willing to let you go, then why would you still want her? The way I see it, is I want a woman who wants me as bad as I want her, and if she is willing to throw it away then she isn't the one for me. There is nothing better then being in a relationship with a woman who appreciates you, if you don't have it with her find someone who will. I say move on dude and find someone better. Trust me there is more fish in the sea, you just have to look.

 

[h3sean]

My advice? Pray about it. Think hard about your relationship with her. Is it still centered on God? Are you glorifying God in your relationship? Are you pointing her towards God as she grows in her walk with Him? Ponder on these things and if your answers are "no" then you know what you should do.

 

[Marycita]

What I realized is that I don't think I can live without her

I think this says it all...

It would be one thing if you didn't want to live without her, but to say you can't....

The only One you should not be able to live without is Jesus...if someone else is added to the list, I reckon that should be a red flag.

Put your focus totally on Jesus and put her in His hands.

 

[GloryOfTheLamb]

If you aren't satisfied without her, you won't be satisfied with her.

 

[h3sean]

I think this says it all...

It would be one thing if you didn't want to live without her, but to say you can't....

The only One you should not be able to live without is Jesus...if someone else is added to the list, I reckon that should be a red flag.

Put your focus totally on Jesus and put her in His hands.

I definitely agree
I think you are in a very emotional state right now.

 

[Inkachu]

You can't make her want you and love you, Tabasco. That's the bottom line. If you want to try and rekindle something with her, that's your choice. But, you need to remind yourself right now that she left you, and you may be setting yourself up for an even bigger and worse breakup somewhere down the road. If she decides to give you another chance out of pity and sympathy, you might be ecstatic for a short time, but in the end, the truth will still come out.

 

[Inkachu]

Why would you want to be with someone who would break up with you? If she is willing to let you go, then why would you still want her?

This, too.

I've been on the other end before. I was the recipient of unrequited love for YEARS from one particular guy, and let me tell you, there's nothing more unpleasant than being wanted by someone that you don't want in return, especially when they won't give up and they keep pestering you about it. It stops being flattering and becomes annoying and a total turn-off. Not to mention that I felt horrible and guilty that I didn't want him the same way and knew that I (through no fault of my own) was causing him all this pain and suffering. Tamara had a point; pursuing a woman relentlessly MAY wind up being so flattering to her that she winds up wanting you. But honestly, I don't think it's generally the way to go.