see now im back to believeing that ive commited the unforgivable sin, because i know wht this sin is and i know the consequences but i still have these thoughts and if they are fomr me then that is the unforgivable sin, right?????
Caty, you are fine, this is just your OCD firing back up again, you need to learn to stop believing everything your feelings tell you and just trust and rest in God's Word.
“Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted in spite of your changing moods” C.S Lewis
Now if God's word says that your OK and your reason also agrees (even it doesn't now but maybe it did last night or a week ago, etc.) then you need to learn to believe God (most importantly) but
also yourself, what I mean is (and this may be a bad example) say at one time your reason said that you love softball, well what if later down the road in your life your reason tries to tell you that you don't like softball anymore, well you can either side with one or the other but most likely since you once enjoyed it you will side with that side of your reason.
Now if your reason has accepted that you are forgiven at one time, then you must hang on to that because even if you read something or hear something condemning and then think your in the same boat again you can always remember that your reason once accepted that Jesus is merciful, forgiving, long suffering and that He will never cast you out, and that you can rest on those promises that your reason has once accepted as true. Your conscience controled by your OCD will continually try to condemn you, but if you start telling your OCD what the truth is and not the other way around then you will start to win in the battle against this disorder.
Your moods will change more than just about anyone since you have OCD so you just need to trust in what Christ has accomplished in your life and move on to maturity in your faith. If you keep going back to this problem you will never be able to enjoy the benefits of His promises. God loves you, and Jesus died for you, and your moods and feelings or mine can never change the facts of the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ.
When you receive His love and believe that He is on your side and not against you, then you will start improving. He
is on your side Caty, He wants you to love Him as much as He does you (although that is impossible because His divine love is more than our minds can comprehend), when you receive His love that is taking Him at His word, that is truly receiving what He has done for you. Receive His love, rest in it, let Him guide your walk with Him and not your OCD.
Jesus loves you Caty.