The journey has been like this:
1. Bad thoughts = hell (original obsession)
2. OCD is no excuse for the bad thoughts (insanity plea doesn't excuse the "crime."
3. Maybe it is just ocd and it's excusable.
4. Now I get to obsess over whether it was ocd. (New obsession)
5. It's an eternal consequence, so I must prove it was or wasn't ocd beyond a shadow of a doubt. (Perpetuation of obsession)
6. Ok so it's ocd = acceptance
7. Woa! That was too "me" to be ocd (anxiety)
8. See # 1
9. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
10. Did I mention that I'm sorry? (compulsion)
11. Here comes that condemned "feeling" again.
12. I have ocd. This may happen again. It may or may not be ocd. It's a waste of time to try to decide if it's ocd or not. I live under God's grace. I am no better, no worse than any other human -- ill or well, guilty or innocent. My justification comes from Christ, not my ability to stop, erase, or undo thoughts. Doubts may return, they may or may not be ocd. I may even feel "that hellish feeling." The sooner I do, the sooner I realize that I am "living in my head." I think James says "faith without works is dead." That means even the good thoughts are in essence useless if I do nothing about them. So why worry about the bad thoughts? Maybe I should worry that the good thoughts are ocd if I'm not going to do anything about them (e.g., live my faith).
SO! Maybe thoughts are thoughts, faith is not just a collection of thoughts. If this is the case, maybe "un-faith" is not the collection of bad thoughts. Sadly, "un-faith" may be a collection of good thoughts, that remain just that - a collection. We're talking life, not coins, stamps, or butterflies.....
1. Bad thoughts = hell (original obsession)
2. OCD is no excuse for the bad thoughts (insanity plea doesn't excuse the "crime."
3. Maybe it is just ocd and it's excusable.
4. Now I get to obsess over whether it was ocd. (New obsession)
5. It's an eternal consequence, so I must prove it was or wasn't ocd beyond a shadow of a doubt. (Perpetuation of obsession)
6. Ok so it's ocd = acceptance
7. Woa! That was too "me" to be ocd (anxiety)
8. See # 1
9. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
10. Did I mention that I'm sorry? (compulsion)
11. Here comes that condemned "feeling" again.
12. I have ocd. This may happen again. It may or may not be ocd. It's a waste of time to try to decide if it's ocd or not. I live under God's grace. I am no better, no worse than any other human -- ill or well, guilty or innocent. My justification comes from Christ, not my ability to stop, erase, or undo thoughts. Doubts may return, they may or may not be ocd. I may even feel "that hellish feeling." The sooner I do, the sooner I realize that I am "living in my head." I think James says "faith without works is dead." That means even the good thoughts are in essence useless if I do nothing about them. So why worry about the bad thoughts? Maybe I should worry that the good thoughts are ocd if I'm not going to do anything about them (e.g., live my faith).
SO! Maybe thoughts are thoughts, faith is not just a collection of thoughts. If this is the case, maybe "un-faith" is not the collection of bad thoughts. Sadly, "un-faith" may be a collection of good thoughts, that remain just that - a collection. We're talking life, not coins, stamps, or butterflies.....