Frustration - loneliness, girl, unanswered prayer

[orlyyarlynowaisrsly]

Hello everyone,

First post here, though alas it is a rant.

For a very quick background on myself, I'm a 27 year old male, and have had an extremely poor history with women. I've never had a girlfriend, never been on a single date, and never have had any female express any kind of interest in me. Needless to say, I've never held hands with a girl, never kissed, I'm a virgin, and so on and so forth.

At one point, I subscribed to the belief that my time would eventually come. As the years pass, it becomes increasingly difficult to keep that mindset though.

Anyways, fast forward to where I am now. I liked a girl. It didn't turn out well. That much I can accept. Unfortunately, the final result was circumstances that makes life incredibly difficult for me. I won't go into details, but suffice it to say I'm now faced with a situation where I'm constantly reminded of my lackings, my failures, and there's no way I can avoid it.

During the period I started getting interested in her, and had the guts to do something about it, I prayed. Honestly, I don't think I've ever prayed harder for anything before in my life.

Furthermore, I prayed for signs, or "benchmarks". Maybe that was arrogant of me. But regardless, God actually did deliver a series of benchmarks. At the time, I thought getting one was a coincidence, two was a miracle, and everything that happened afterwards was a sign that God was going to help me see this through to a successful finish.

I ended up crashing and burning. I am questioning where I went wrong now. I feel like the victim of a cruel joke, and God is one of the players.

I am also questioning if I should bother praying about anything at all, since they never seem to go answered. This isn't the first/only instance, though it certainly is the most intense one.

That's not to say I don't believe in God. I do. I am leaning more towards seeing him as cold and impersonal though. The Deist philosophy is increasingly becoming more realistic to me.

I've waited 27 years, and at this rate, it might be 30, or 40 (insert 40 Year Old Virgin Joke here). Why is it that something 99% of the planet takes for granted, is so out of reach for me?

Honestly, right now it feels like God is some huge monkey on my shoulder that is more of a liability than an asset. I'm tempted to just go "Screw it Lord, I leaned on you, and nothing ever came out of it. I'm just going to live life my way since you're not helping."

That all aside, why did God have to make this rejection result happen in a way that is not only excruciatingly painful, but also something I have to constantly live with in the foreseeable future?


Rant mode off (for now).

 

[penNpaper]

Hello everyone,

First post here, though alas it is a rant.

For a very quick background on myself, I'm a 27 year old male, and have had an extremely poor history with women. I've never had a girlfriend, never been on a single date, and never have had any female express any kind of interest in me. Needless to say, I've never held hands with a girl, never kissed, I'm a virgin, and so on and so forth.

At one point, I subscribed to the belief that my time would eventually come. As the years pass, it becomes increasingly difficult to keep that mindset though.

Anyways, fast forward to where I am now. I liked a girl. It didn't turn out well. That much I can accept. Unfortunately, the final result was circumstances that makes life incredibly difficult for me. I won't go into details, but suffice it to say I'm now faced with a situation where I'm constantly reminded of my lackings, my failures, and there's no way I can avoid it.

During the period I started getting interested in her, and had the guts to do something about it, I prayed. Honestly, I don't think I've ever prayed harder for anything before in my life.

Furthermore, I prayed for signs, or "benchmarks". Maybe that was arrogant of me. But regardless, God actually did deliver a series of benchmarks. At the time, I thought getting one was a coincidence, two was a miracle, and everything that happened afterwards was a sign that God was going to help me see this through to a successful finish.

I ended up crashing and burning. I am questioning where I went wrong now. I feel like the victim of a cruel joke, and God is one of the players.

I am also questioning if I should bother praying about anything at all, since they never seem to go answered. This isn't the first/only instance, though it certainly is the most intense one.

That's not to say I don't believe in God. I do. I am leaning more towards seeing him as cold and impersonal though. The Deist philosophy is increasingly becoming more realistic to me.

I've waited 27 years, and at this rate, it might be 30, or 40 (insert 40 Year Old Virgin Joke here). Why is it that something 99% of the planet takes for granted, is so out of reach for me?

Honestly, right now it feels like God is some huge monkey on my shoulder that is more of a liability than an asset. I'm tempted to just go "Screw it Lord, I leaned on you, and nothing ever came out of it. I'm just going to live life my way since you're not helping."

That all aside, why did God have to make this rejection result happen in a way that is not only excruciatingly painful, but also something I have to constantly live with in the foreseeable future?


Rant mode off (for now).

I understand your story my brother in Christ. There were a few similar 'uh huh that reminds me of someone-----me'

http://christianforums.com/showthread.php?t=7239154

That is something that I wrote a week ago. I dunno why but check it out my dear brother in Christ.

The Lord has a plan and he has picked out a special lady just for you. You got to have faith even in the midst of doubt and sorrow. For I have I gotten hurt in the past due to love and I got a few chances and pretty much said 'what have I done wrong Lord' and 'Why are picking on me' for the Lord loves you my brother and He hasn't forgotten your prayers and cries at night..

He is working inside you my brother. He is preparing you to be the Man of God. He is preparing you a wife and children.

God Bless and PM me anytime my friend I understand where you are coming from...

For the record I haven't had much luck with my love life..that is why I given it to the Lord..He is the best for my MatchMaker and not Match.com now my little in joke now...

God Bless,
Drew

 

[HopeFaithLove4u]

Well, here's my thinking. It may be right or it may not.....just my opinion.

1st this gal is prolly not the gal that God has chosen for you. Were you praying for her to like you or were you praying that God bring a girl in your life. If you're praying for God to bring a girl into your life, then it's possibly just not time, yet. If you pray to God for things, you need to 'let go' and trust God for it to happen, but it happens on His time, not ours.

I've prayed for many things that God hasn't 'come thru' on......but those things weren't really meant for me.

Also, the "bench marks" your talking of......sometimes we're so focused on getting the 'one thing' that we tend to put things in our way to say "yes, go for it".......it God prolly had nothing to do with them, at all. I hope I'm explaining what you were questioning, right.

Anyways, I'm thinking this isn't the right gal, that God intends for you......so just accept it and keep trusting in God, that the 'right girl' will show up. Sometimes, God does put a person in 'our path' and we look right past them, because 'we' just aren't ready, yet.

I hope I'm not discouraging you.

Just keep the faith.....and "welcome".

 

[MastersGirl]

Hello.

I can understand your discouragement and your pain in this situation. We all long for a relationship and to feel that we are important in someone else's life. I'm sorry that you have had such a bad experience and I pray that God will give you the strength to get through this... even if it seems that you aren't too happy with him right now.

Why are you basing your faith in God on circumstances that happen? He isn't playing a joke on you, and he does hear your prayers. Maybe his answer wasn't what you wanted to hear. My heart aches that you are going through this time of questioning...

I too have recently experienced a painful experience that I couldn't get away from... it felt like everyday I was faced with the pain of rejection and hurt and there was nothing I could do about it. I think it's all about perspective in these situations.. we can get mad at God or we can ask him what we are supposed to learn through this. It's not easy... I'll admit.. it's not fun at all.. but if you keep thinking of things this way, it is a little bit easier to bear.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you in the girl department... continue to be yourself and keep making an effort to meet new people and get to know them, and you will become more confident... girls dig that.

I don't know if I helped... your posting just really called out to me!

MG

 

[SpiritualAntiseptic]

Rant mode off (for now).

Would you describe yourself as a 'social' person?

Are you comfortable with your body image?

 

[Inkachu]

First - welcome to the forum! I hope you will find fellowship, encouragement, and friendship here.

Second - thank you for being so open and candid with us. That took some nerve and courage.

I'll offer a few thoughts, for whatever they're worth.

Despite how it feels...27 is not "old" or "too old" by any means or any stretch of the imagination. I'm sorry that you experienced a rejection, but...we ALL have been through that, some many times over. It's just part of life, I'm afraid. You also aren't the only man your age who is a virgin (I know several who are older than you are), never been married, never had a serious g/f, etc. I'm sure there are reasons for this, but they're often very personal and sometimes awkward and hard to talk about, so...I won't pry.

I've never been married and am currently still single. I try to keep myself busy and USEFUL (as opposed to busy just for the sake of making myself feel better). I work full time. I have established hobbies that I enjoy. I'm involved in volunteer ministry. Time spent as a single person is a chance to learn, grow, and give to others. It's NOT a time to sit around moping and feeling sorry for ourselves.

I hope you'll stick around here and let us all get to know you better. God bless.

 

[HighwayMan]

Well...I personally do not believe God works that way. There are many thing we want that we just won't get in this life, no matter how hard we pray or hope for them. God provides all eventually...but he is not a magical genie that grants wishes on the spot. This might not sound encouraging...but not all are destined for romantic relationships. Not saying that you're not, but it truly is not the end of the world if you don't find it. You seem as if you're waiting for some girl so that you can truly start living and being happy, but that's not the best attitude. It's hard, but we have to do the best with what we have.

 

[Fremdin]

This has happened to me before. They way I look at it is: it's better to be brave and heartbroken than scared and heartbroken so just be happy that you actually were able to do what you did.
A couple of months ago I told a guy I was in love with him and after he rejected me I cried and was depressed and felt stupid but a few hours later was able to joke about it with my girlfriend and said that I broke the world record in heartbreak. It was the first time I had ever confessed something like that to the object of my affection and it felt good to know that I could do it. So look on the bright side at least now you know you'll survive it the next time and you don't have to be scared anymore

 

[MarquisCrocker]

I was 50 years when I married my wife. She is my first wife, and the good Lord willing, my only wife. I wondered if I would ever marry. I turned it over to God. I decided to live a chaste lifestyle and not to obsess about it. If you are intended to marry it will happen in God's time.

Peace be with you.

Marquis

 

[HopeFaithLove4u]

This has happened to me before. They way I look at it is: it's better to be brave and heartbroken than scared and heartbroken so just be happy that you actually were able to do what you did.
A couple of months ago I told a guy I was in love with him and after he rejected me I cried and was depressed and felt stupid but a few hours later was able to joke about it with my girlfriend and said that I broke the world record in heartbreak. It was the first time I had ever confessed something like that to the object of my affection and it felt good to know that I could do it. So look on the bright side at least now you know you'll survive it the next time and you don't have to be scared anymore

And Fremdin, I'm sorry that happened. But, it is better to keep taking chances and to see what happens......then to be afraid to take the chance, in fear of rejection or just being fearful, in general.

I admire the people that aren't afraid to take a chance!

 

[HopeFaithLove4u]

I was 50 years when I married my wife. She is my first wife, and the good Lord willing, my only wife. I wondered if I would ever marry. I turned it over to God. I decided to live a chaste lifestyle and not to obsess about it. If you are intended to marry it will happen in God's time.

Peace be with you.

Marquis

Good post and "welcome", as well!

 

[soccerdad66]

Try and look at the positive. I was already married and divorced before I was 27. Felt like a failure, so when I was married and divorced again, it was doubly so. I still believe God has a plan, it's just hard to see at times. God wasn't the fault in my relationships, we were.

Trust me, being lonely is much better then being in a bad relationship. I know this doesn't help you now, but hopefully in time, you'll see.

BTW, I think their were some excellent posts above as well.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

Hello everyone,

First post here, though alas it is a rant.

For a very quick background on myself, I'm a 27 year old male, and have had an extremely poor history with women. I've never had a girlfriend, never been on a single date, and never have had any female express any kind of interest in me. Needless to say, I've never held hands with a girl, never kissed, I'm a virgin, and so on and so forth.

At one point, I subscribed to the belief that my time would eventually come. As the years pass, it becomes increasingly difficult to keep that mindset though.

Anyways, fast forward to where I am now. I liked a girl. It didn't turn out well. That much I can accept. Unfortunately, the final result was circumstances that makes life incredibly difficult for me. I won't go into details, but suffice it to say I'm now faced with a situation where I'm constantly reminded of my lackings, my failures, and there's no way I can avoid it.

During the period I started getting interested in her, and had the guts to do something about it, I prayed. Honestly, I don't think I've ever prayed harder for anything before in my life.

Furthermore, I prayed for signs, or "benchmarks". Maybe that was arrogant of me. But regardless, God actually did deliver a series of benchmarks. At the time, I thought getting one was a coincidence, two was a miracle, and everything that happened afterwards was a sign that God was going to help me see this through to a successful finish.

I ended up crashing and burning. I am questioning where I went wrong now. I feel like the victim of a cruel joke, and God is one of the players.

I am also questioning if I should bother praying about anything at all, since they never seem to go answered. This isn't the first/only instance, though it certainly is the most intense one.

That's not to say I don't believe in God. I do. I am leaning more towards seeing him as cold and impersonal though. The Deist philosophy is increasingly becoming more realistic to me.

I've waited 27 years, and at this rate, it might be 30, or 40 (insert 40 Year Old Virgin Joke here). Why is it that something 99% of the planet takes for granted, is so out of reach for me?

Honestly, right now it feels like God is some huge monkey on my shoulder that is more of a liability than an asset. I'm tempted to just go "Screw it Lord, I leaned on you, and nothing ever came out of it. I'm just going to live life my way since you're not helping."

That all aside, why did God have to make this rejection result happen in a way that is not only excruciatingly painful, but also something I have to constantly live with in the foreseeable future?


Rant mode off (for now).

You sound exactly like me. Trust me when I say that you are not alone.

 

[GQ Chris]

God's ultimate goal is to conform you to the express image of his Son Jesus Christ, not to play matchmaker because of some chic you're smitten for.

I wanna help you, as a guy who's been around the block..

 

[GQ Chris]

I know you want that Chic now... but trust me, what you want to be first is Spiritually Mature and on fire for Jesus and everything else falls into line. Seek first his Kingdom "and all these things" shall be added to you, that goes for a woman too. I am in a place right now where I am involved in Ministry, I feel like I have really matured spiritually, not saying I am perfect or better than anyone, but I was far from what I used to be.

Ya see, God had to leave me to my own devices for a while, back then I really really really wanted a girlfriend and I went about all the wrong ways to get one. This included bars, clubs, all the wrong places. Well I finally got one and what started out as some seemingly blissful gift from Heaven turned out to be a complete train wreck quickly.

Luckily I never married her, and God gave me a blessing to come out from all that (my daughter). But if I could've gone back and did differently I would've. I would have pursued God first.

Your greatest Need is not a Woman, it is not a relationship, this is a lie that the world would have you to believe. Your greatest need is to get to know the Lord of Glory in a close relationship, to become a Man of God who is Spiritually mature.

Fast forward to now, I am a lot cautious about who I get involved with, she has to be on fire for God and nothing less will do. And I don't just mean some religious chic who lives her life by a list of what she doesn't do and does do, someone who really understands the Bible and I am not talking liberal theology either.

I'm not even really looking and it seems like opportunities are popping up as far as prospects, and I am not even the one doing it, it's different people at my church telling me about certain females in the congregation, and I am in a highly visible Ministry but I don't take any of the credit for the attention, it's all God. I am not even really looking for a girlfriend right now, I am in a happy place and content.

 

[GQ Chris]

Also, I don't think it would be a great idea to turn away from God just because he won't send you a Chic; the bible says that those whose hearts turn away from the Lord are cursed.


Another thing.. the worst thing you can do is to express the fact that you are Lonely and are looking for a woman, that's like getting sprayed by a Skunk, no woman will want to get near you.

 

[GQ Chris]

The thing is... if you won't serve God when you don't have what you want how will you serve him when you have everything? The Saints of Old were tested, sometimes terrible tests to prove their Faith, like Abraham when he was ordered to offer up his Son, and Job, who lost Everything, God needs to know where you stand, who will you serve.

When you have everything, you got the Woman, your bank account is Fat and the bills are paid, and you are Fat dumb and happy PS3, nice plush house, refriegerator full of food, how in the world will you serve God? I'll tell you the answer.. you won't, because you won't have any needs.

You have to be like Habbakuk; at the end of that book he said he would still praise God despite having nothing.

 

[Yelsemnos]

Another thing.. the worst thing you can do is to express the fact that you are Lonely and are looking for a woman, that's like getting sprayed by a Skunk, no woman will want to get near you.

True. If you're not happy, at least some of the time then your chances with women are very poor. It's not the lack of a woman specifically that's getting you down anyway. I'm kind of in the same boat actually. I have had more than a few women express interest, but I was either uninterested in them, or I screwed up the budding relationship very quickly - basically eliminating chances of remaining friends with them. I often think that if I could just find a woman then I would be happy. But I don't think that's true. You have to be happy to make someone else happy. If you are not satisfied with your life, you're going to bring the woman down with you, and she will either be miserable, or she will leave.

Are you living according to your conscience? Do you have any goals? Are you actually making headway towards accomplishing them. Do you have any satisfying relationships? Are you having fun?

 

[GQ Chris]

True. If you're not happy, at least some of the time then your chances with women are very poor. It's not the lack of a woman specifically that's getting you down anyway. I'm kind of in the same boat actually. I have had more than a few women express interest, but I was either uninterested in them, or I screwed up the budding relationship very quickly - basically eliminating chances of remaining friends with them. I often think that if I could just find a woman then I would be happy. But I don't think that's true. You have to be happy to make someone else happy. If you are not satisfied with your life, you're going to bring the woman down with you, and she will either be miserable, or she will leave.

Are you living according to your conscience? Do you have any goals? Are you actually making headway towards accomplishing them. Do you have any satisfying relationships? Are you having fun?

you're ahead of the game, everything you said. Yes you have to be satisfied with your life and where you're at.. I was thinking about this too not too long ago; and what's worse than not meeting someone, is meeting the woman of your dreams when you are not ready, whether its financially, emotionally, whatever, and to be caught off guard. That would be the worst. Just think, here you are and you just met the most incredible woman ever and you can't give her what she wants or needs.

 

[dvanderdeen]

I have to agree completely with the posts above. GQ and Yelsemnos are hitting right on the mark. It is very important not to become obsessed with finding someone. You need to enjoy your life and be happy with yourself. You need to make sure that you are prepared for having a mate. Many people I know prayed for God to send them someone and it never came. It was only when they realized that they needed to prepare themselves and their lives for someone that God brought their partner into their life. They first had to learn to be happy with themselves and had to be ready for a real relationship that could lead to marriage. God doesn't want what it good for us. God wants what is best for us. What we think might be good for us doesn't always match up with his plans and we have to wait for him. When we pursue things on our own we may fail or we may succeed. When we pursue things with God, we will succeed. If we focus on what we want and try to do our own thing, we may end up with something that is bad, ok, or maybe even good. But if we wait for what God has planned for us, we will end up with something great. I strongly suggest working on your relationship with God, finding happiness in your love for him as well as in your own life. When you are ready and when God is ready things will happen. Trust in the father for in all things he works for the good of those that love him.