This idea doesn't freak me out like it used to, but...

[Quoth]

...what if the person I desire as a companion doesn't exist? I have a pretty motley list of particulars I'd like, ranging from non-negotiable things to simple preferences. Problem is, it doesn't seem I'll be likely to find that kind of woman in a church setting, or even in a mostly Christian one (even though I desire a Christian woman).

Anyone else ever feel like that?

 

[Fenak]

well. would you share with us your "pick-list" for evaluating your problem? lol ;]

 

[Quoth]

Since I don't have it actually written down, here's the list floating in bits and pieces inside my head:

I have some wonderful friends. They're Christians who understand that the real world does not exist in a bubble, so they experience life with its bumps and bruises, while still loving the Lord. I also have friends who are non-Christians, who accept who I am as a Christian. I enjoy the company of people who care for others, and won't commit acts of kindness simply to get another jewel on their crown in Heaven. I like people who are laid back, get along well with others, and share my interests.

Non-Negotiable Things

• Female. Seems self-evident, but just want to be clear.
• At this point in my life, she should be at least 20-23.
• A Christian who does prescribe to any particular denomination.
• A woman able to exist and function in this fallen world as a Christian. That is, someone who doesn't ascribe to legalistic philosophies about avoiding everything that others look down upon.
• A woman who is completely open and honest. What she says is what she means, not someone who beats around the bush, but also someone who is kind in being blunt.

Preferences

• An attractive woman. Face it, you should be physically attracted to your companion
  • Like many American men, I prefer a more slender build, though I find rail-thin as undesirable as overweight. I want a woman who takes care of her body. If she is naturally thicker, that's fine. If she's naturally skinny, that's fine. A few curves is okay, but not someone who can't control their eating habits and excuses it by saying they're "big boned."
  • I'm not huge on a specific hair color, but I find a girl with dyed black hair to be extremely attractive. I don't know why, but that's how I've always been.
  • Again, even though I think a woman's eyes can be very striking, I don't have a preference for a color that matters all that much. I do love green and blue as colors, so those eye colors would be preferable, I guess.
  • I prefer a woman who is significantly shorter than I am, but again, I'm not really all that picky. I've seen some very attractive women who stand at six foot four.
  • A woman who doesn't wear a great deal of makeup is very attractive to me. I prefer a pale complexion, and actually find tan to be a turn-off. I appreciate the Gothic look, so that would be awesome, but I also appreciate the punk appeal (eyeliner heavy under the eyes, black lipstick, etc.). I myself have black fingernail polish and wear eyeliner on occasion in Billie Joe Armstrong fashion.
  • I like piercings and tattoos. I don't like nose rings very often, nor do I really like excessive facial tattoos. However, a woman with full sleeves of tattoos and a few piercings is extremely appealing to me.
  • The way a woman dresses is extremely important. I don't want a girl who dresses glamorously, nor a woman who dresses like she's advertising. Rather, I want someone who is most comfortable in baggy pants and a t-shirt.
• A woman who shares my interests. This is borderline between non-negotiable and preference.
  • Music. I love music, and a wide variety of it, too. I don't have a favorite style, or band, or artist. I just like a lot of different songs. I guess if I have to pick a genre I like, it'd be alternative. But that's so vague.
    • I like concerts, especially. Usually I prefer smaller venues where you pay a $5-$20 cover charge, grab a beer/soda, and watch the band perform. That to me is ideal, and would like someone who can appreciate doing that.
  • Movies. I also love movies, and watch at least seven a week. It's just a passion of mine. I don't always go to the theater, and actually prefer to see a movie at home.
  • Knowledge. I should move this up to the non-negotiables, because the last thing I want it someone who has wasted their intelligence. I don't want someone who has to have their hand held through everything, because I've had bad experiences with that. I want to be a companion, not a babysitter. A woman who advertises more with her mind than her body is very attractive.
  • Fantasy/Sci-Fi/Horror/Other Worlds. I am huge on creative writing, and need someone with an imagination. I don't want to write an epic story, hand it over to her to be read, and have her come back with, "That was pointless because that world doesn't exist." I need someone who can appreciate different concepts.
• A spontaneous woman. The kind of woman who would laugh at being thrown into a pool fully-clothed at three in the morning, not get irritated and grumpy for a week. The kind of woman who does plan ahead on large things, but for the most part just decides to be who she is and have fun with it in the moment. I'm a person who likes to get a laugh out of the group, so I do spontaneous, strange things which most 30-year olds look at as immature. I don't hurt anyone or embarrass anyone but myself, but if you can't laugh at yourself, you're a very unsettled person.
• A woman with a great sense of humor. I want a woman who can laugh, but at intelligent things. I don't want someone who giggles because you said "toast." I don't want someone who likes humor akin to Adam Sandler's gross bathroom humor or George Carlin's foul mouth.
• A woman who shares my political views. The most frustrating thing is trying to discuss world issues with someone whom you care about, but who is at odds with you. I want to be able to discuss, not debate. Granted, they don't have to share every single opinion, but I want someone who is very similarly minded.
• A woman who shares my religious views/practices. I don't want to marry a woman whose religious view is so stiff that she has to be in church every Sunday no matter what. I don't want a person whose interpretation of the Bible is completely different from my own. That would be very difficult.
• A virgin. I'm 22, and a virgin. I used to have this on the non-negotiable list, but at my age that seems to be asking too much.

That's all I can think of for now. I find it hard to believe a woman like that exists.

 

[Niels]

The kind of woman who would laugh at being thrown into a pool fully-clothed at three in the morning, not get irritated and grumpy for a week.

Every man's dream, BlackFyre... every man's dream. j/k

 

[Fenak]

dude.. i was expecting a more complex list! lol

C'mon... that girl (female.. lol) isn't that hard to find! open your eyes, man!

perhaps you're putting every single item of your preferences in a must-have list.. and that's surely a problem..
and, what i think is a heavy matter on this.. probably, you're looking for this girl in everyone.. relax, go with the flow! lol
when u "look for" a person, you get too critical.. you 'evaluate' too critically one..
just get knowing more and more people.. then suddenly, you'll see that a certain one makes you feel difference.. maybe she looks to the other side on politics, maybe is not the hottest girl on earth.. BUT, u know that she makes you feel different.. then, voilá! you found a potential.. ;]

p.s.: i know what i'm talking about.. kind of "experienced"... LOL

p.s.2: more important than all these things.. pray! ask! God prepares one for us, man! ;]

 

[frenzy]

I definitely feel at times that there may not be a guy out there that fits my "idea" man. Also, at this point in my life, I find it hard to imagine finding the right kind of guy and actualy having it work out/him staying with me, but I guess that's more of a self-esteem issue. I know how you feel though.

 

[BoazB]

(I think Mike and the Mechanics sing a song about this)
Most of the time the person we look for is meant to be perfect - but most of the time they are not perfect at all.

 

[SonicBOOM]

...what if the person I desire as a companion doesn't exist? I have a pretty motley list of particulars I'd like, ranging from non-negotiable things to simple preferences. Problem is, it doesn't seem I'll be likely to find that kind of woman in a church setting, or even in a mostly Christian one (even though I desire a Christian woman).

Anyone else ever feel like that?

kind of. Alot of times I'm not sure what I want in a woman. So I get highly confused and in this sense the girl in my mind doesn't exist.

 

[K9_Trainer]

There are times when I think that the "perfect man" doesn't exist. Even though my "requirements" seem rather simple to me.

Doesn't really bother me though. I'd like to have a husband and a family, but if that doesn't happen, I'm happy living alone and adopting children (part of plan either way). My goal is a dog and exotic animal rescue/rehabilitation center; I don't need a man to accomplish that.

 

[John Spong is wrong]

Every man's dream, BlackFyre... every man's dream. j/k

Amen brother!

 

[Luther073082]

Black, you could losen up your age range just a tad.

I think its all about finding a good place to look.

Although I have to say something that your personality combination is slightly odd. (odd is not wrong or bad)

Unfortunutly for you most Christian girls are not really into the goth/punk style. So thats some difficulty.

 

[septemberskies]

Best wishes on finding her Black... I know i'm not the one because I didn't have the patience to read the fine print

 

[Quoth]

Black, you could losen up your age range just a tad.

There are reasons it is so tight. Too young, it's babysitting. Too old, and they become your second mother (in my experience).

Although I have to say something that your personality combination is slightly odd. (odd is not wrong or bad)

Unfortunutly for you most Christian girls are not really into the goth/punk style. So thats some difficulty.

Yeah, that is the drowning point. Finding a woman who doesn't try to exorcise me just because I wear black fingernail polish...

 

[frenzy]

Yeah, that is the drowning point. Finding a woman who doesn't try to exorcise me just because I wear black fingernail polish...

I like black nail polish. I listen to punk sometimes, but mostly rock and some metal. Most of my shirts are black. I love jeans. I have a lip ring and I'm planning on getting a tattoo sometime. And I'm a Christian. Girls like me are out there, I swear!

 

[GoodNewsJim]

You know what's worse than not knowing she's out there? Having met her, mutually fallen in love, then she marries another man. Well its not so bad, we're still friends...

 

[rachey88]

...what if the person I desire as a companion doesn't exist? I have a pretty motley list of particulars I'd like, ranging from non-negotiable things to simple preferences. Problem is, it doesn't seem I'll be likely to find that kind of woman in a church setting, or even in a mostly Christian one (even though I desire a Christian woman).

Anyone else ever feel like that?

I feel like that all the time! I have a list of things for a guy and it's a really good one.. and the one guy who fit everything on the list, except being a christian which was a pretty big one.. turned out to be gay.

 

[Quoth]

You know what's worse than not knowing she's out there? Having met her, mutually fallen in love, then she marries another man. Well its not so bad, we're still friends...

I was there, once, until I let God change me into the man I'm supposed to be. I'm not saying that's the solution for every person, because some people are who God wants them to be in many respects, and still have fallen in love, only to lose that person.

All I'm saying is that I wouldn't have been happy with the one I fell in love with, because I'm becoming happier as God shapes me into the person I'm becoming now.