• Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.

  • CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.

No More Excuses - You're Single for a Reason

Luther073082

κύριε ἐλέησον χριστὲ ἐλέησον
Apr 1, 2007
19,202
841
43
New Carlisle, IN
✟46,336.00
Faith
Lutheran
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
i dont think its wrong to want a man who can be a spiritual leader to you....I think its quite biblical actually

There is a difference between asking for a spiritual leader and asking for someone with stronger faith.

Like I said if that where true then logically all women must have weak faiths or otherwise it would be impossible for men to marry them.
 
  • Like
Reactions: vangelicmonk
Upvote 0

vangelicmonk

Regular Member
Sep 11, 2005
343
22
50
Visit site
✟23,101.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Politics
US-Republican
There is a difference between asking for a spiritual leader and asking for someone with stronger faith.

Like I said if that where true then logically all women must have weak faiths or otherwise it would be impossible for men to marry them.

I think that is a great point and distinction. When I was dating my last g/f and even before that when we were friends she was younger in Christ and I was older. That being said, we both understood we could not utterly depend upon one or the other's faith. Meaning, one could not always be weaker in their faith and always draw strength from the other. We would say, let's be "independently dependant on God."

That being said, I still think that each partner is going to have their weak times and that is when the other partner comes in to help the other. C.S. Lewis talks about this in his book "A Grief Observed" when talking about his own relationship. It is also true of the wider Christian church. We don't want to be dependant on the Pastor to always feed us, but we must feed ourselves, but we also must come in and help feed (not just the pastor) those in the flock who are spiritually weak or damaged.

-Ted.
 
  • Like
Reactions: deliciousBass
Upvote 0

Sketcher

Born Imperishable
Feb 23, 2004
39,048
9,490
✟423,754.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Republican
I've got a better idea... I'm single for a reason... and that reason is Jesus Christ. If it was His plan that I'm married by now, then I would be. He has a big plan for my life that I dont fully understand and never will cos I'm not God and at the moment that plan involves being single. And it doesnt matter if I'm 19, 39, 69!!! Instead of always being sure there's something wrong with you, wont dont you turn to God and seek Him for why. Perhaps the answer is far bigger than you ever expected... if more people stopped complaining that they're lonely and "why aren't I married yet" and started looking to the Father the world would be a better place. Face the facts. Your life does not take on greater meaning by simply being married. Marriage should never be your goal in life. God should be!!!
If you can still say that with the same gusto at 39 and 69, then hats off to you. But in the meantime, don't close yourself off to dating. Many Christian teenagers seem to do that in recent years, and it doesn't serve them very well. Dedication to God? Excellent. Security? Great. But do yourself a favor and make sure you are "available" to date, and growing as a person in this area.
 
Upvote 0

Luther073082

κύριε ἐλέησον χριστὲ ἐλέησον
Apr 1, 2007
19,202
841
43
New Carlisle, IN
✟46,336.00
Faith
Lutheran
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
I think that is a great point and distinction. When I was dating my last g/f and even before that when we were friends she was younger in Christ and I was older. That being said, we both understood we could not utterly depend upon one or the other's faith. Meaning, one could not always be weaker in their faith and always draw strength from the other. We would say, let's be "independently dependant on God."

That being said, I still think that each partner is going to have their weak times and that is when the other partner comes in to help the other. C.S. Lewis talks about this in his book "A Grief Observed" when talking about his own relationship. It is also true of the wider Christian church. We don't want to be dependant on the Pastor to always feed us, but we must feed ourselves, but we also must come in and help feed (not just the pastor) those in the flock who are spiritually weak or damaged.

-Ted.

I just feel like "I want a guy who is stronger in faith then I am" is really a silly thing. Mostly because faith is impossible to measure. There is no way one could grab someone else from here and me and somehow do a test or calculation to determine who has a stronger faith.

But secondly because if thats what every girl thinks is biblically what they should look for then the logical implication is that women on average have weaker faiths then men.

Which I would then have to beg the question of why?
 
Upvote 0
S

SonicBOOM

Guest
I just feel like "I want a guy who is stronger in faith then I am" is really a silly thing. Mostly because faith is impossible to measure. There is no way one could grab someone else from here and me and somehow do a test or calculation to determine who has a stronger faith.


alot of it is personal oppionion. I have a freind who has a father who never attends church.... not once. When I heard my freind call his father a "backslider" I was shocked to meet a very profound man full of wisdom and grace. A relationship with God can't be measured because it's personal... it's not meant to be placed on an alter for the world to applaud at.
 
Upvote 0

Gardener101

Well-Known Member
Nov 26, 2006
5,448
473
Visit site
✟30,534.00
Faith
Pentecostal
Marital Status
Private
I just feel like "I want a guy who is stronger in faith then I am" is really a silly thing. Mostly because faith is impossible to measure. There is no way one could grab someone else from here and me and somehow do a test or calculation to determine who has a stronger faith.

But secondly because if thats what every girl thinks is biblically what they should look for then the logical implication is that women on average have weaker faiths then men.

Which I would then have to beg the question of why?
I agree with everything you wrote Luther.

I think it is very pompous and arrogant for a woman to demand that the man is "spiritually stronger" than she is. We all know it's HARD ENOUGH TO FIND A CHRISTIAN MAN, let alone a very spiritually mature one at that.

Some women seem to get off on ridiculously outrageous demands for their 'Mr Right'. They'll probably be single for far longer than most, and would most likely end up settling for a man who is barely a Christian, is lazy, senile and disrespectful.

(Last bit is an obvious exaggeration :p)
 
Upvote 0

Luther073082

κύριε ἐλέησον χριστὲ ἐλέησον
Apr 1, 2007
19,202
841
43
New Carlisle, IN
✟46,336.00
Faith
Lutheran
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
I agree with everything you wrote Luther.

I think it is very pompous and arrogant for a woman to demand that the man is "spiritually stronger" than she is. We all know it's HARD ENOUGH TO FIND A CHRISTIAN MAN, let alone a very spiritually mature one at that.

Some women seem to get off on ridiculously outrageous demands for their 'Mr Right'. They'll probably be single for far longer than most, and would most likely end up settling for a man who is barely a Christian, is lazy, senile and disrespectful.

(Last bit is an obvious exaggeration :p)

I've always found it strange that its somehow ok for a woman to demand that a man be better off then them in every category.

A woman can ask for a man that is richer then they are, stronger in faith, smarter, more mature, more outgoing, and more experienced (in just about every way conceivable) I've even seen women who demand that the man be better looking physically then they are. (Or then they think they are anyways), more in shape, etc.

If a man demanded a woman thats better off then him in one category he'd be admonished.

What is said about a guy who will only date skinny girls?
 
Upvote 0

Gardener101

Well-Known Member
Nov 26, 2006
5,448
473
Visit site
✟30,534.00
Faith
Pentecostal
Marital Status
Private
I've always found it strange that its somehow ok for a woman to demand that a man be better off then them in every category.

A woman can ask for a man that is richer then they are, stronger in faith, smarter, more mature, more outgoing, and more experienced (in just about every way conceivable) I've even seen women who demand that the man be better looking physically then they are. (Or then they think they are anyways), more in shape, etc.

If a man demanded a woman thats better off then him in one category he'd be admonished.

What is said about a guy who will only date skinny girls?
Exactly! :thumbsup:

They'll label such a guy shallow!

Personally :blush: yay, I am guilty for wanting a guy who is hotter looking than I am :yum: (and taller)...but I think that's about the only 'demand' I make in regards to him being 'better or more' than what I have to offer :p :D ;)


It's a ridiculous double standard and women have to be called out on it just the way they take great pride in admonishing men who confess to preferring slim (or foreign) women ;)

You are doing the right thing Luther. Keep doing it :hug:
 
Upvote 0
S

SonicBOOM

Guest
I've always found it strange that its somehow ok for a woman to demand that a man be better off then them in every category.

A woman can ask for a man that is richer then they are, stronger in faith, smarter, more mature, more outgoing, and more experienced (in just about every way conceivable) I've even seen women who demand that the man be better looking physically then they are. (Or then they think they are anyways), more in shape, etc.

If a man demanded a woman thats better off then him in one category he'd be admonished.

What is said about a guy who will only date skinny girls?


exactly.... and these are just the type of women I try to avoid. Arragence in this form is repulsive and if these women don't wanna be alone than they better take some humility pills real quik.... because guys won't fall under their false ideas.
 
Upvote 0

Gardener101

Well-Known Member
Nov 26, 2006
5,448
473
Visit site
✟30,534.00
Faith
Pentecostal
Marital Status
Private
exactly.... and these are just the type of women I try to avoid. Arragence in this form is repulsive and if these women don't wanna be alone than they better take some humility pills real quik.... because guys won't fall under their false ideas.
Where can I buy those 'humility pills'?

:D
 
Upvote 0

Luther073082

κύριε ἐλέησον χριστὲ ἐλέησον
Apr 1, 2007
19,202
841
43
New Carlisle, IN
✟46,336.00
Faith
Lutheran
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
I have to confess I think it would be really cool to marry a woman who makes a lot of money like a doctor or a lawyer or something.

That way I could be a stay at home dad, because I think I would enjoy it.

But I certainly don't demand or expect that and I do anticipate being gainfully employeed til I'm in my 60's or 70's.

But I guess I really don't expect or demand a woman to be in any sort of better situation from myself. If she is in one way or another then thats great as long as she respects me.

That actually reminds me too, I hear my mom say all the time about my girl cousins when they have a new guy. "She could have gotten better."

How often does someone say this about a guy? I've never heard anyone say that a guy could have gotten better. In fact the language there is always "He's so lucky to have her."
 
Upvote 0

Luther073082

κύριε ἐλέησον χριστὲ ἐλέησον
Apr 1, 2007
19,202
841
43
New Carlisle, IN
✟46,336.00
Faith
Lutheran
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
I have to confess I think it would be really cool to marry a woman who makes a lot of money like a doctor or a lawyer or something.

Gee I wonder what futuredoc is doing this weekend?? ^_^
 
Upvote 0

memoriesbymichelle

Senior Veteran
Jun 8, 2007
10,211
931
66
Arizona
✟37,350.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Politics
US-Republican
I just feel like "I want a guy who is stronger in faith then I am" is really a silly thing. Mostly because faith is impossible to measure. There is no way one could grab someone else from here and me and somehow do a test or calculation to determine who has a stronger faith.

But secondly because if thats what every girl thinks is biblically what they should look for then the logical implication is that women on average have weaker faiths then men.

Which I would then have to beg the question of why?

Your absolutely right Luther, faith is impossible to "measure"! BUT we CAN know people by their fruits. By how they act, how they worship, do they go to church, do they like to help people etc etc. And the Bible does talk about the husband that he should love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it, and also giving honor to the wife as the weaker vessel .....
I honestly don't know why you get so caught up sometimes on certain issues. Has a girl told you, that you were not spiritually "good enough" for her or something?
Maybe our choice of words is what the problem is? I want a man that will be the spiritual head of the household because that how I believe God designed the marriage relationship. I could be wrong, but that's what I want, and you saying that, that is just silly......well that's your opinion. It's no sillier than a guy wanting a "petite woman".
And if guys can date only skinny girls because that is their preference, then they are not for everyone anyway. What is wrong with people male or female, that have taken the time to figure out what they want in a relationship or mate? I lived with my husband for 25 years. Not all roses either. Now that he's gone, if I find someone else, well I want what I want, and I have seen friends of mine that have really great husbands too, so, I don't see any problem with knowing what I want and don't want, and I won't settle. If it means I will be single until Jesus comes, well then, so be it. That necessarily wouldn't be the worst thing that ever happened in my life.
 
Upvote 0

Gardener101

Well-Known Member
Nov 26, 2006
5,448
473
Visit site
✟30,534.00
Faith
Pentecostal
Marital Status
Private
I have to confess I think it would be really cool to marry a woman who makes a lot of money like a doctor or a lawyer or something.

That way I could be a stay at home dad, because I think I would enjoy it.

But I certainly don't demand or expect that and I do anticipate being gainfully employeed til I'm in my 60's or 70's.

But I guess I really don't expect or demand a woman to be in any sort of better situation from myself. If she is in one way or another then thats great as long as she respects me.

That actually reminds me too, I hear my mom say all the time about my girl cousins when they have a new guy.
"She could have gotten better."

How often does someone say this about a guy? I've never heard anyone say that a guy could have gotten better. In fact the language there is always "He's so lucky to have her."


Another great question, Luther! My sister said that about my last boyfriend just because he did not have a degree and had a low paid job. It really upset me. :mad: I could not believe my own family would be so...superficial (in that regard).

I think sometimes men hear that comment too...like if a top executive brings home an illiterate hick to his parents :D

hick3ey.jpg
 
Upvote 0

Allegory

Well-Known Member
Aug 10, 2007
1,429
129
Toronto
✟2,254.00
Faith
Humanist
Marital Status
Private
Politics
CA-Greens
I have like one friend who's married, and he's like 4 years older than me.. My Grandma just wants great-grandchildren. I don't even have to be married (how great is that?)

Now just to sucker some woman into giving birth to my future sidekick...
 
Upvote 0

Luther073082

κύριε ἐλέησον χριστὲ ἐλέησον
Apr 1, 2007
19,202
841
43
New Carlisle, IN
✟46,336.00
Faith
Lutheran
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
Michelle, there is a difference between someone having a stronger faith and being a spiritual leader.

Of course you can ask for a strong faith (comparable to their own), most people do. But there is an utter ridiculousness behind women asking for a man who has a stronger faith then they do. Because as I said before if that is true then men must naturally have more faith then women. Are you admitting that women have weaker faith then men on average?

And no one ever told me I didn't have a strong enough faith for them. I'm just pointing out the utter ridiculousness of all of this.

But anyways this is what I mean about men have it much much more difficult with social expectations then women do. Christian women want men who have stronger faith then they do, they want men who are richer then they are, they want men who are better looking then they are, they want men who have more experience then they do. . .

With women its all about expections. To many woman a man is nothing more then a walking piece of expectations. I expect he will be this or I expect him to remove himself from my presence.

If a man happens to prefer skinny women. . . man he's shallow.

G101> Thats a great point! I forgot about the top executives bringing home women with no teeth.
 
Upvote 0

Gardener101

Well-Known Member
Nov 26, 2006
5,448
473
Visit site
✟30,534.00
Faith
Pentecostal
Marital Status
Private
I have like one friend who's married, and he's like 4 years older than me.. My Grandma just wants great-grandchildren. I don't even have to be married (how great is that?)

Now just to sucker some woman into giving birth to my future sidekick...
After seeing your profile pic :swoon: I am tempted to offer my services...anything to help your grandma....you know ;) :blush:


:D :p



:sorry:
 
Upvote 0

memoriesbymichelle

Senior Veteran
Jun 8, 2007
10,211
931
66
Arizona
✟37,350.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Politics
US-Republican
Michelle, there is a difference between someone having a stronger faith and being a spiritual leader.

Of course you can ask for a strong faith (comparable to their own), most people do. But there is an utter ridiculousness behind women asking for a man who has a stronger faith then they do. Because as I said before if that is true then men must naturally have more faith then women. Are you admitting that women have weaker faith then men on average?

And no one ever told me I didn't have a strong enough faith for them. I'm just pointing out the utter ridiculousness of all of this.

But anyways this is what I mean about men have it much much more difficult with social expectations then women do. Christian women want men who have stronger faith then they do, they want men who are richer then they are, they want men who are better looking then they are, they want men who have more experience then they do. . .

With women its all about expections. To many woman a man is nothing more then a walking piece of expectations. I expect he will be this or I expect him to remove himself from my presence.

If a man happens to prefer skinny women. . . man he's shallow.

G101> Thats a great point! I forgot about the top executives bringing home women with no teeth.

I think it's just a matter of word choice. When I say I want someone that has a stronger faith than I do (if I were to say that) I wouldn't necessarily mean stronger I would probably mean spiritual leader. Don't get so hung up on symantics. :p
 
Upvote 0

savedandforgiven

Regular Member
Jul 11, 2007
154
6
✟22,815.00
Faith
Protestant
Marital Status
Single
I beg to differ...I do not want a man that is better looking than me. I want to be the one with the looks :)
I also don't mind being the richer one or the "breadwinner" because I hopefully will be a career woman. I would like it if he were equally mature as me and I have to admit, I would love it if he were more spiritually mature than me (this is obviously subjective). But he had better me "something" more than me in some way...
 
Upvote 0