They're 2 and 4. Thank you for the ideas and above all the perspective. Will keep plugging away at it!
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JustBoo
Dressed up for my Anniversary - March 13th
how does one ' gently' deal with an 'over-reaction'.
My daughter gets very upset when particular favorite aunts and uncles leave to go home or when we leave from visitng. To the point of crying , or yelling/screaming/crying for 15 -20 minutes.
I've told her many times that it's okay to be sad/mad but not okay to yell or scream or hit. But she is non-verbal so there's not a lot of other ways for her to expres her feelings.
My sister has suggested I put her in time out for it but I'm not comfortable punishing her for her feelings
she claims its 'disciplining' her for her over-reaction but I'm not so confident that a three year oild understands the differentiation.
suggestions?
My daughter gets very upset when particular favorite aunts and uncles leave to go home or when we leave from visitng. To the point of crying , or yelling/screaming/crying for 15 -20 minutes.
I've told her many times that it's okay to be sad/mad but not okay to yell or scream or hit. But she is non-verbal so there's not a lot of other ways for her to expres her feelings.
My sister has suggested I put her in time out for it but I'm not comfortable punishing her for her feelings
she claims its 'disciplining' her for her over-reaction but I'm not so confident that a three year oild understands the differentiation.suggestions?
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how does one ' gently' deal with an 'over-reaction'.
My daughter gets very upset when particular favorite aunts and uncles leave to go home or when we leave from visitng. To the point of crying , or yelling/screaming/crying for 15 -20 minutes.
I've told her many times that it's okay to be sad/mad but not okay to yell or scream or hit. But she is non-verbal so there's not a lot of other ways for her to expres her feelings.
My sister has suggested I put her in time out for it but I'm not comfortable punishing her for her feelings
suggestions?
I agree and I think some children just over-react beacuse they have an intense personality. David has always been intense. So, pre-verbal is the time to start teaching how to express it verbally "you're sad that grandma left.... we should ask her to come back soon...." You can acknowledge the feelings without encouraging the over-reaction. Now we can work with our words, he will say "I am sad we are leaving, I want to come back soon!"
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JulySheMustFly
Legend
We do something similar but this is also where our comfort corner comes in. If he is still passionate about whatever the situation is he sits in his comfy place until he feels he's ready. Its up to him if I stay or go but if I stay he cannot yell at me.
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It depends on what age of toddler we are talking about. If he were to try to over react with crying now then my position is he cannot torture the family with his feelings. Its different when they are younger
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At this age, 11 months, I verbalize his feelings like "I'm sorry you are upset you can't chew on Daddy's book. It's not nice to feel sad." or something doesn't mean I'll give into his demands but he's only little. I do try distraction.
With an older child I would encourage them to speak about their feelings using words that work in the moment.
Like Illinoismommy, with an older child, with over reactions I asked my nephew to go to his room if he didn't calm down in a timely manner. The rest of us shouldn't have to deal with many minutes of wailing and big feelings. It's not a time out it's a remove yourself until you are done and can behave how we know you should. He could come out for hugs etc.
HTH
With an older child I would encourage them to speak about their feelings using words that work in the moment.
Like Illinoismommy, with an older child, with over reactions I asked my nephew to go to his room if he didn't calm down in a timely manner. The rest of us shouldn't have to deal with many minutes of wailing and big feelings. It's not a time out it's a remove yourself until you are done and can behave how we know you should. He could come out for hugs etc.
HTH
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JustBoo
Dressed up for my Anniversary - March 13th
MY daughter is not just 'pre verbal' she may be 'non verbal'
She has CP and her compreension is age appropiate but her ability to use language is waaaay behind. She onl;y has a few words (5-6 mono-syllabic words and 7 or 8 signs) and learning a new one is a long and sometimes difficult process. I'm going to speak to her SLP about a sign for 'sad' or 'mad' and maybe see if her having that sign would help.
Another question:
I have a 7 1/2 month old who was a FANTASTIC sleeper , for the last several months he was going to bed between 9:30 -10:30 sleepin through untill early morning (6:00-7:30) then joining us in bed for morning drink and generally falling back to sleep fo another hour or so. Then he would nap three hours in the afternoon and do the same thing that night.
The last week or two he's been having a hard time falling asleep ;waking up everytime I try to put him into his crib ( in our room beside our bed) not wanting to fall asleep-period-or waiting untill midnight , or 1 to fall asleep in the first place. Orsometimes he goes down at 10 p.m. but wakes back up at 11:30 and is up for two or three hours
Now , all that being said he seems to fall asleep easier ( somtimes . .) if I just take him into my bed and let him take a sip here and there when he wants untill he's ready to roll over and go to sleep. I'd be fine with changing our nightly routine to reflect that - except for my DH. He's fine with occasional or short term co sleeping , but he doesn't want the baby permanently in our bed.
Oh the other fact I should throw out there is that my baby oftengets sleepy at around 8 p.m. but I try to keep him awake because before when I let him sleep then he then wants to stay up even later!
So .. .sugggestions for a way to handle this?
Part of me has thought . . maybe I need to let him fall asleep at 8 ish , then see if he'll sleep through several hours, like untill , say midnight-ish? Then if he wakes I can take him into bed with me then?
To be honest , one of my concerns is getting to have 'time' ( like . . . grooown up time) with my DH, and if the baby comes to bed with us when we go to bed that won't happen or if I stay up for an hour or two hours after DH goes to bed that also won't happen.
I'm also nervous that if I just take him into bed all the time that that will be an impossible habit to break or HUGE issue and he'll never want to sleep in his own bed again e.t.c. e.t.c.. I'd personally be alright with him in our bed , at least part time, for a while but DH would NOT. It doesn't seem fair to get him into the habit/routine of being in our bed and then have to 'wean' him into his own bed. I'd rather just keep him , at least part time , in his bed so that it's a place he likes and wants to be . . because I know what will happen if I just let him sep there for now . . . DH will be fine with it for awhile and just let it go and then one day he'll decide he's fed up with it and he'll want me to get him into his own bed -immediately- and it will end up being torture for the poor baby . . . and me
ugh.
Is this a typical age to be totally overhauling sleeping and such? Is this a 'needing mommy' thing? Growing?
Anyone?
She has CP and her compreension is age appropiate but her ability to use language is waaaay behind. She onl;y has a few words (5-6 mono-syllabic words and 7 or 8 signs) and learning a new one is a long and sometimes difficult process. I'm going to speak to her SLP about a sign for 'sad' or 'mad' and maybe see if her having that sign would help.
Another question:
I have a 7 1/2 month old who was a FANTASTIC sleeper , for the last several months he was going to bed between 9:30 -10:30 sleepin through untill early morning (6:00-7:30) then joining us in bed for morning drink and generally falling back to sleep fo another hour or so. Then he would nap three hours in the afternoon and do the same thing that night.
The last week or two he's been having a hard time falling asleep ;waking up everytime I try to put him into his crib ( in our room beside our bed) not wanting to fall asleep-period-or waiting untill midnight , or 1 to fall asleep in the first place. Orsometimes he goes down at 10 p.m. but wakes back up at 11:30 and is up for two or three hours
Now , all that being said he seems to fall asleep easier ( somtimes . .) if I just take him into my bed and let him take a sip here and there when he wants untill he's ready to roll over and go to sleep. I'd be fine with changing our nightly routine to reflect that - except for my DH. He's fine with occasional or short term co sleeping , but he doesn't want the baby permanently in our bed.Oh the other fact I should throw out there is that my baby oftengets sleepy at around 8 p.m. but I try to keep him awake because before when I let him sleep then he then wants to stay up even later!
So .. .sugggestions for a way to handle this?
Part of me has thought . . maybe I need to let him fall asleep at 8 ish , then see if he'll sleep through several hours, like untill , say midnight-ish? Then if he wakes I can take him into bed with me then?
To be honest , one of my concerns is getting to have 'time' ( like . . . grooown up time) with my DH, and if the baby comes to bed with us when we go to bed that won't happen or if I stay up for an hour or two hours after DH goes to bed that also won't happen.
I'm also nervous that if I just take him into bed all the time that that will be an impossible habit to break or HUGE issue and he'll never want to sleep in his own bed again e.t.c. e.t.c.. I'd personally be alright with him in our bed , at least part time, for a while but DH would NOT. It doesn't seem fair to get him into the habit/routine of being in our bed and then have to 'wean' him into his own bed. I'd rather just keep him , at least part time , in his bed so that it's a place he likes and wants to be . . because I know what will happen if I just let him sep there for now . . . DH will be fine with it for awhile and just let it go and then one day he'll decide he's fed up with it and he'll want me to get him into his own bed -immediately- and it will end up being torture for the poor baby . . . and me
ugh.
Is this a typical age to be totally overhauling sleeping and such? Is this a 'needing mommy' thing? Growing?
Anyone?
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My dh is not pro-co-sleeping either, so I can relate! I can't quite follow the whole pattern, but I guess you have 2 options:
1. go with the flow, and see where that leads
2. use this as a way to get him into an acceptable routine (as in, acceptable to both of you)
For a 7mo my experience is that the pattern should look something like this:
7am wake up
11.30 / 12pm nap (2-2.5 hours)
7pm bedtime
possible extra feed around 10.30pm, but if he's getting meat in his diet now, in theory he should be getting enough protein to see him through. Obviously the times are not set in stone, it is just to give you a general idea. How you change things? Again, 2 options, and you have to decide what you're comfortable with:
1. from one day to the next, cio etc
2. incremental changes over the course of a few weeks
All that said, sometimes they just get restless 'cos they're having a growth spurt, and maybe everything will sort itself out...
In any case, hugs to you, and a good night's sleep
PS I must confess that I do NOT feel confident about the advice I've given, but no one else was responding...
1. go with the flow, and see where that leads
2. use this as a way to get him into an acceptable routine (as in, acceptable to both of you)
For a 7mo my experience is that the pattern should look something like this:
7am wake up
11.30 / 12pm nap (2-2.5 hours)
7pm bedtime
possible extra feed around 10.30pm, but if he's getting meat in his diet now, in theory he should be getting enough protein to see him through. Obviously the times are not set in stone, it is just to give you a general idea. How you change things? Again, 2 options, and you have to decide what you're comfortable with:
1. from one day to the next, cio etc
2. incremental changes over the course of a few weeks
All that said, sometimes they just get restless 'cos they're having a growth spurt, and maybe everything will sort itself out...
In any case, hugs to you, and a good night's sleep
PS I must confess that I do NOT feel confident about the advice I've given, but no one else was responding...
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My daughter is 7 months and she takes two naps one in morning one in afternoon. what about her? when she wakes at night does she want to play or eat? any change in diet linked to wakefulness? I linked a change in mayas diet to her refusal to take naps for a couple days, cut said food out and shes back to normal.... shes no my lap so its hard to type have to determine if shes allergic to that food or what
have to determine if shes allergic to that food or what
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The "No Cry Sleep Solution" says a 6 month old should be sleeping 3-4 hours total for naptime, and about 10 total for nighttime.
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RooMama
FKA AmyR00
This thread is kind of dying.
I've been talking to my mom about my changing viewpoint regarding parenting. Last night she told me that whatever it is I'm doing is working because Christopher has been better behaved and happier the last couple of times she's seen him.
Yea for me. 
I've been talking to my mom about my changing viewpoint regarding parenting. Last night she told me that whatever it is I'm doing is working because Christopher has been better behaved and happier the last couple of times she's seen him.
Yea for me.
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I think most of us ask at GCM and that's why..... the thread may be dead, but the vision is alive!
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JulySheMustFly
Legend
It isn't dead . . . yet.
My husband and I were talking about this yesterday. My oldest clearly has a dairy sensitivity. I was lazy and reckless about it this past weekend and we paid for it on Sunday with some of the most horrid behavior we've had in months. Anyway, as a last resort to all the soothing things we tried I finally made her sit down and fill a sheet of computer paper with the words "I will focus." We didn't call it a punishment because that isn't really a word we use in our house as much as a last ditch attempt to redirect and settle her.
All that said, can there be things that appear punitive but not be punitive because of the spirit behind the action?
My husband and I were talking about this yesterday. My oldest clearly has a dairy sensitivity. I was lazy and reckless about it this past weekend and we paid for it on Sunday with some of the most horrid behavior we've had in months. Anyway, as a last resort to all the soothing things we tried I finally made her sit down and fill a sheet of computer paper with the words "I will focus." We didn't call it a punishment because that isn't really a word we use in our house as much as a last ditch attempt to redirect and settle her.
All that said, can there be things that appear punitive but not be punitive because of the spirit behind the action?
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yes, depending on the spirit and tone with which it is done.
Just my opinion though.
I would say this thread is sporadically alive. But there's lots of good questions and info in it, and I know people read it, so that matters too.
Just my opinion though.
I would say this thread is sporadically alive. But there's lots of good questions and info in it, and I know people read it, so that matters too.
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lin1235
Jana's mommy!
I think so yes. For example: many non-punitive parents employ logical consequences as a tool to help teach their kiddos. So the child leaves his bicycle outside in the rain and it rusts - maybe the bicycle stays in the shed for a few days. That can be a punishment, or it can be a tool to help the child realise that he values his bike and doesn't want to lose it, so he'll take better care of it.
I hope this thread doesn't die. Like most non-punitive parents, I spend most of my time at GCM but I do think there's value in having this here. Hopefully some parents will read it and investigate the benefits of gentle discipline.
I hope this thread doesn't die. Like most non-punitive parents, I spend most of my time at GCM but I do think there's value in having this here. Hopefully some parents will read it and investigate the benefits of gentle discipline.
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Hi,
It's nice to find this thread. I haven't read through it all yet so maybe someone covered this earlier. We have a very energetic almost 2-year-old daughter who loves to climb. On everything. It's getting dangerous.
I am a stay-at-home Mom, very involved.
Any ideas to help prevent injury? I have removed several larger toys, but, some furniture has to stay in place because they block off plug-ins and other things we don't want her to get into.
Just to give a better idea of her personality... she gets bored easily so I "switch out" toys and activities frequently.
Thank you.
It's nice to find this thread. I haven't read through it all yet so maybe someone covered this earlier. We have a very energetic almost 2-year-old daughter who loves to climb. On everything. It's getting dangerous.
I am a stay-at-home Mom, very involved.
Any ideas to help prevent injury? I have removed several larger toys, but, some furniture has to stay in place because they block off plug-ins and other things we don't want her to get into.
Just to give a better idea of her personality... she gets bored easily so I "switch out" toys and activities frequently.
Thank you.
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S
_Shannon_
Guest
That is soooo awesome!! That kind of external reinforcement does so much to help with any second guessing--doesn't it??This thread is kind of dying.
I've been talking to my mom about my changing viewpoint regarding parenting. Last night she told me that whatever it is I'm doing is working because Christopher has been better behaved and happier the last couple of times she's seen him.
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S
_Shannon_
Guest
LOL! All of my kids are climbers.
With one so young, you might want to look at installing those safety anchors for big things- like book shelves. We never did that because our house is so small there is rarely a time when wnyone is alone. We just try to reinforce "No climbing on the bookshelves. Hurt baby very, very much. Baby can climb on the sofa (or mommy and daddy's bed or whatever). Let's go play there!" You could also (if you have the room) get one of those Step 2 climbing structure for in your house and make that the place that is okay to climb. It's hard for me to remeber when there was just one kid-- now something has to be pretty maajor for me to fear for their safety. The bookshelves still scare me--but nearly anything else wouldn't result in a major injury, so I am more laid back about it.
Make sure your little one has plenty of outside time-- that is so imperative for my little energy bundles!!
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_Shannon_
Guest
I think yes that can be absolutely true. We have to try to see it through our child's eyes and emotions.
Something like what you related I think I would ask (in the gift of not being immersed in the moment and driving me crazy behaviour)- 1. did you give great leeway because you were not diligent with her diet and 2. couldn't writing something else or directed drawing work just as well as writing "I will focus".
I just think writing something like "I will focus" can make a child feel as though there is something wrong with them, especially when their behaviour might be caused by something thaat was not in their control in the first place. You could do the same thing- but have her write her name or the names of everyone in your family or all of the animals she could think of that live in the zoo- or draw a map of the zoo- or so many things that don't reflect back on her. One of the things my husband has done is to draw a picture with the kids- where the child will draw one thing and then it's daddy's turn to add something into the picture--and they keep taking turns until the picture is complete.
My oldest daughter is really soothed by drawing and writing, and so for her that kind of thing would be wise parenting and not punitive in the least. My oldest son is challenged by writing-he's good at it but it is difficult for him (but not by map making, etc.) and so for him making him fill up a whole sheet of paper writing anything over and over again would be punitive--but having him make a map or design an amusement park or draw his versions of his favorite Escher pictures would work really well for him.
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