Lost it all: mind, friends, meaning, feeling. Can't tell substance from nothingness; meaning from meaningless. The barrier of reality and imagination has been shattered leaving fragments of my mind in the sight of my eyes. My denied attention from friends, family and females has driven me off the cliff of routine into the hole of apathy and pain. Migraines pulsate against my skull, escaping only through words that illustrate my true madness such as this confession. There is no meaning to these posts except to express my forlorn life of sensitivity and ignorance.
As I sin and transgress the shudders return to carry more of God away from my soul. I can feel the deterioration and relapse of my past self becoming more and more distant. Where will this end? End the immorality and sin! End the pain and suffering of those who crave righteousness such as I and let them for once feel happiness and peace of mind. Let the heathens and atheists feel the pain which has eluded them on Earth now to be found in the halls of hell.
I am tired of the battle between heaven and hell. Allow heaven to become vengeful and win the battle of good and evil. Crush Satan and all his fallen angels that hide in the brimstone of perdition. If Earth must be the battlefield, let it be so. Human souls are the prize. Now be on with it already! Why the wait? The wait that will allow Satan's army to arise and more human souls to congregate with evil.
If God is as powerful as professed, why does he not wipe out Satan and his rebel angels? Maybe because this is all false. False to the point of non-existent and surreal to the human mind. That these stories were created to put us to sleep at night or to tuck away assurance and to feel that there may actually be something worth living. Surprise, lies. All of it. It is more than likely that there was a God. A God that did love man. But that God is dead now. Decaying in his own realm and murdered from the negligence delivered from man. Satan now owns the realm that God once did.
These are the beliefs that have wondered in my mind, toying with my outlook and feeding my wanderlust for knowledge of the unseen. My outlet to this stress is through sexual desires and other temptations of the flesh and trivial sin; sin that I am better than yet still swim in for quick and instant pleasure that leaves within seconds. This struggle to keep my mind is meaningless.
As I sin and transgress the shudders return to carry more of God away from my soul. I can feel the deterioration and relapse of my past self becoming more and more distant. Where will this end? End the immorality and sin! End the pain and suffering of those who crave righteousness such as I and let them for once feel happiness and peace of mind. Let the heathens and atheists feel the pain which has eluded them on Earth now to be found in the halls of hell.
I am tired of the battle between heaven and hell. Allow heaven to become vengeful and win the battle of good and evil. Crush Satan and all his fallen angels that hide in the brimstone of perdition. If Earth must be the battlefield, let it be so. Human souls are the prize. Now be on with it already! Why the wait? The wait that will allow Satan's army to arise and more human souls to congregate with evil.
If God is as powerful as professed, why does he not wipe out Satan and his rebel angels? Maybe because this is all false. False to the point of non-existent and surreal to the human mind. That these stories were created to put us to sleep at night or to tuck away assurance and to feel that there may actually be something worth living. Surprise, lies. All of it. It is more than likely that there was a God. A God that did love man. But that God is dead now. Decaying in his own realm and murdered from the negligence delivered from man. Satan now owns the realm that God once did.
These are the beliefs that have wondered in my mind, toying with my outlook and feeding my wanderlust for knowledge of the unseen. My outlet to this stress is through sexual desires and other temptations of the flesh and trivial sin; sin that I am better than yet still swim in for quick and instant pleasure that leaves within seconds. This struggle to keep my mind is meaningless.
