The Coffee Shop (3)

[Soulwings]

Steffi. I don't know, maybe April does have a twin sister. I know that THAT April takes and takes and takes from her fiance, and doesn't feel at all like she's giving anything back, even though he tells her that she is. She also feels like she's a burden ... and she doesn't know what she means by that, but she knows that she is because both her dad and fiance have agreed with her when she said that she was one. To me, burden = bad. So I feel like I shouldn't be around, or at least shouldn't ever talk about my problems. If that makes any sense?? I don't know, my logic is totally warped when it comes to that.

Anyway.

Tn I'd love to join you, but is it okay if I have my diet Pepsi instead? I need the caffeine ... maybe there's some super-caffeinated chai?? Oooh that would be good.

How are you all?

 

[texannurse]

April - Doing ok - just had a minor meltdown but I'm recovering at the moment. Maybe some diet pepsi would help me too. Can I have a glass? With lots of ice? Thanks!

How is your homework going April? Is your brain still mush? And no matter what anyone says, you are not a burden to anyone. We are all meant to share each others' loads. I'm pretty sure that when your dad and Jarrod said that you were in a pretty bad place - where are you now? Further than that? Do you think they'd say it now?
Just some food for thought to go with the diet pepsi. TN

 

[Soulwings]

Aww Tn. I'll respond to your message soon, I promise!! I've been so madly busy this weekend I've hardly had time to sit down and type out a nice newsy message.

As far as the burden thing goes ... I think what they mean when they say that I'm a burden is that I'm a worry to them and that they're helping carry my problems ... but I really don't know. Jarrod and Dad both say that as of right now. I'm still not doing really well. I mean, for all intents and purposes, okay, I've stopped doing all the actions involved in ana and SI, but that doesn't mean that I'm not constantly fighting with the thoughts. And Jarrod gets to hear most about the thoughts, and Dad and Mum have to put up with my actions when I'm feeling that way. Therefore I am a burden.

But to me, being a burden is something undesirable. I mean, they say that it's undesirable because they don't want me to be in this place anymore ... but when I say undesirable, I mean that it's something that you would feel disgusted to have to bear.

Does that make any sense??

I've still got masses of homework to do ... lots of work tonight and tomorrow ... but my brain is mush. Muchly mush. And the worst of it is, I've got to write a poem for Tuesday, and usually I can just scribble one off ... but my brain is SO dry right now. I can't come up with the inspiration for anything ... it's a struggle to write anything much coherently. And it's so frustrating.

Oh well. Enough whining, haha. I did get to chat/webcam with Jarrod for 3 hours tonight again. It was lovely. *happy smile*

And I'd better get to bed sooner than half one tonight ... last night was a BAD night ... and I can't control those, so I feel doubly a burden. Ugh. Sometimes life just outright SUCKS.

 

[Celtic Camel]

Steffi... you can't take out German citizenship!!! Australia will miss you too much (or at least I will!)

April, you know what? I agree with the others who have said that you do in fact give so much more than you take... but the interesting thing is that 'taking' and receiving from others is not all bad... if you need the support, then receive what is given. Even Jesus needed support at times - He took some of his closest friends along with him when he had to face dark times... Maybe we need to have more grace for ourselves and allow ourselves the same kindness?

just my thoughts...


*sits down to play with Arnold & Oliver...*
love & prayers,

 

[BrokenForHim]

so ladies I got my tongue done today!!!! I shall post some pics later

 

[Soulwings]

Lisa. Thank you for your kind words. I don't know as I agree with me giving more than I take ... and to me, taking and receiving is a thousand times worse than giving and giving. It means that not only am I bothering the other person and possibly worrying them (and therefore becoming a "burden" [O hated word!]), but I'm forfeiting the illusion that I'm strong, and therefore they will turn to me less. And I need to be able to give or else what God has called me to do is meaningless.

Crap. I'm talking way too much these past few days. I don't know what's wrong with me.

* Arnold happily plays with Lisa, and shares some of the exquisite bamboo muffins with her.

I just got done doing yoga, and all my joints feel like they're made of rubber! I can almost do a full split and I am madly proud of that fact (I always envied those who could when I was younger).

Anyone want anything to drink or perhaps eat? I can share my protein bar, which I really don't want right now. Oh, and Tn ...
/me serves Tn some diet Pepsi with plenty of ice
Sorry I didn't get that to you sooner!!

 

[Soulwings]

Oh, and Lindz ... that's awesome! Did it hurt much? and how weird does it feel?

 

[BrokenForHim]

no it didn't hurt much the clamp kinda did but thats about it..it feels soooooooooooo odd having it done...and I talk kinda funny because the bar is so huge!

*WARNING UGLYNESS!!!!*

 

[beckybooiloveu]

wow! thats cool! bootaful!!! i bet it feels weird lol... i hope u wont be one of those ppl who play with it non stop... lol...

 

[*BurningHeart*]

Morning!
i could take a cup of white covfe Soul!
Do u do yoga by yourself or with the team?
Broken,it's not uglyness,it's cooolness!

 

[Soulwings]

/me serves up Martinna.
I do yoga by myself. I've done it in hos and in treatment before - that's how I got introduced to it - but I'm starting to do a more athletic type yoga that actually makes you out of breath and warm. Relaxing in a strenuous way, if that makes sense.

Lindz, you're not ugly and I think it looks really good! Uber coolness.

* Arnold hugs everyone.

How are you all this morning??

 

[Arianna]

Sorry to be away so long and miss so much!!!
I was away around a day, and then my internet vanished for another.

But, I return bearng 'caramel and chocolate tea' - anyone like some? I am going to have some coffee - need to try to stay awake!!!

Does your tongue hurt Lindz?:o

Tn - good to see you here
on 102 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ari, you're amazing!! You actually got me flat-out laughing here ... people must think I'm crazy but I don't care. *bounces* That's a CLASSIC evil baby! And it was like that ... man, weird, weird, WEIRD dream.

Umm, the nontriggering thing ... I don't know, probably about 150 days since I stopped cutting? Jarrod told me that it was really bad to keep dwelling on cutting ... so I tried to stop dwelling on it ... and then the part of me that really remembered it kind of dwindled away. I mean, I still get urges - last night I really wanted to damage myself in some way, any way - but I'm strong enough to realise that they're just urges, they should pass, etc. But triggering ... I don't know. While part of me has gotten more sensitive to gory things, another part of me has gotten hardened to that type of temptation. If that makes any sense? I'm sorry, my reply is rambling all over the place. :o

Afternoon, Tn!! Care for some peppermint tea??

Allison.

okay .. well, i didn't make it that far yet..... ... so, there is time .... (although it seems that something that has lasted so long is unlikely to go away.......and I don;t know how to stop 'dwelling on it'...)

awwww... i want april to come back... i dont want her to disappear.. *calls out* "April! April! come back... "

im praying for katey and everyone else! and sending out virtual hugs!

if anyone has time, could u pray for my best friend, sophie, who is really sick... she has glandular fever, tonsilitis and viral hepatitis... we are meant to be going to college together in 2 weeks time, but she may not be weel enough... im really worried about her...

Hi Bec,
How is Sophie doing?

We don't mind you hanging out at all TN . Germany's great...my grandparents drive me a little crazy at the best of times, but it's so good to be able to see all of my friends again. I forget how much I miss them when I'm gone. As it is though, I'm looking at getting my German citizenship made official now that I'm 18 and I might eventually move here...now I just need to somehow figure out how to tell Mum :o.

WOW!!!!! STEFFI POSTED!!!!!!

um.... what else was I going to say..... oh yeah.... April - taking is as important as giving. Other people aren't going to be able to give effectively if you aren't there to receive. ..And, mb at some points you will be taking more support from some people than you are giving them, but, at some points it will be the other way around. You definitly give a lot here.

 

[Soulwings]

We did miss you, Ari. I was thinking about you over the past few days and wondering what's been happening. How are things? And I'd love some chocolate & caramel tea, it sounds delicious!!
/me gets Ari a pretty mugful of steaming cinnaberry coffee

I'll have to think about that giving vs. taking thing for a bit. It's going to mean revising my whole way of thinking.

Oh, and Ari, the urges will eventually go away. If you've had to deal with them for longer than I have, then they'll probably take a little longer to go away ... but they will leave. And I don't really know how to describe how I stopped dwelling on it. I think it's just coming to the point where you realise that SI'ing isn't the most important thing in your world. You don't need to bow down before it like a sapling before a hurricane. You're strong. God's made you strong. And SI is something that is innately evil. It may not seem as such, but anything that makes you harm the body that God has gifted you with, as well as making you grow away from God, is from Satan. Jarrod had to pound that into me over and over and over again. Oof.

I need to go. But I'll post more later on that if I think of anything else helpful to say!!

/me curls up in the corner with lots of blankets and hoodies and handknit socks and scarves and Arnold to keep warm!!

 

[beckybooiloveu]

hey all... im soooo tired... i just got back from the gym... thats not why im tired though... more because i worked all day yesterday and had to get up at 4:30am to get to work... and then i got up early today for the gym and have tog et ready for work again... and i didnt sleep well at all last night... i kept waking up from bad dreams and then not being able to get back to sleep... *yawn*

 

[BrokenForHim]

I hope i'm not one of those people that play iwth it all the time, I have got all my friends to slap when when I do and I have only done it once today!!! yay!!! The guy didn't do a very good job though its farther back on the top and on the bottom its really close to the tip of my tongue

 

[Soulwings]

Hmm. Yeah, try not to play with it too much, Lindz. That'll only interfere with the healing - and it looks strange if you do Hehe. Anyway, I thought it looked good, so no one but you will be able to tell that the top is further back than the bottom.

Bec. Sounds like you're overdoing it, sweetie! Being that tired is no good ... and bad dreams are no good ... and sleep is very, very good!! Try and take care of yourself, ok? And when are hols over?

My sis got me the weirdest shirt for my 200th day ... haha ... I should post pics of it. Definitely makes my Superhero weirdness increase tenfold but I collect weird and random tshirts, so I'm good. *grin*

How are you all this FREEZING night??

/me lights the coffee shop fire and adds extra wood!

 

[bumblebee62331]

April

 

[Soulwings]

Kate. How are you doing? I haven't talked with you in forever. I miss you!

 

[BrokenForHim]

all my friends have noticed, its really that bad I'll be going back on Wed. to see if I should even keep it in because I probably wont be able to fit a normal bar in when the swelling goes down so everybody is telling me to just take it out...if I have to then I'll be getting my money back

 

[Soulwings]

Awww. Do you just have a stud in it now? (*doesn't know how these things work*)

I'm listening to "Hold Me" by Plumb and it's making me feel lonely ... hehe. I'm such a loser.