I was nearly sick this morning, and around that time I got this alert. I set YouVersion verse of the day as a 7:00 alarm to make sure if I turned off my normal alarms I'd wake up to that (although my hearing is a little messed up right now) and an image of the day at like 8:30 or something (but the school wifi blocks it?? Why?) and I can usually pull down the alert when it first comes and see the full image. Usually I haven't payed that much attention I'll admit but.... I have been so worried I'm not saved, like a false believer lying to myself and others because I'm too scared to be exposed as faithless. Or blasphemy and apostasy.
I can't go see the lady from my old church until Wednesday and if that doesn't work Saturday. I feel pretty ignored, not because she's busy but a lot of people are just like you're saved don't worry, I'm like but I am worried. Telling me not to worry doesn't help as explaining why not to worry. Like if I am afraid of nurse sharks. "Ah they're sharks!" "They won't bite you they eat small crabs and shellfish." and other reasons nurse sharks won't eat people. still feeling naseous and cold but kind of like wait, what? Is God saying quit worrying or using this verse to calm someone else who IS saved but afraid of something?
