It rained today. 
Okay, so a few weeks ago, God gave me the words to speak "LORD, stop the rain, in Jesus' name!". I didn't know why at the time. I got zealous over something and they came out.
Then it stopped raining, for weeks, and wild forest fires were all over Sweden. The Lord has been using these fires to speak to me. Not literally! Just increasing my knowledge about Him, and how He works in the world, how He thinks etc. But the heat was killing me, so I started praying for rain. I even told my colleagues I had ordered lots of rain. It just came out. I don't know whether it was me or God, but it was probably Him. Then God reminded me of those words He made me write, and that kind of came like a shock to me. Yes, of course God had planned the heat wave. It was not a response to my prayer, but a prophecy. I wasn't expecting it.
Hearing God telling me some things about His Wrath, His judgment, and having seen a lot of natural disasters all over the world increasing, as they will be, woke me up. It put a fire in my heart for Sweden. God hates what's going on in this country.
But I started praying for rain instead, asking God to end it. I really need to be a good witness to my colleagues, and I can't be the weird girl who prays for rain and only sometimes get it. It has to be true every, single time. So it had to rain this weekend. (This is obviously a gift that God has given me)
And God said... If I repent of all of my sins, He would make it rain, because if I don't, I'd be a really bad witness anyway. I felt it over and over. He put a lot of pressure on me. He needs me to be full of His righteousness and holiness if I want to be His light in this darkness.
So I repented. Thing is, I've been sinning too much lately. My depressions got to me, and all the trauma and drama that happened, it killed my ability to feel loved, and it hurt my faith. And it led to an emotional emptiness that led to sin.
So I repented, and repented. I cried and changed. And I was healed, and I felt loved, and I felt confusion leaving me. Doubts and fears. The Holy Spirit convicted me that my biggest sin was my unbelief. My heart was constantly going "God hates me, but loves everyone else" and I know that's not true. He proves it over and over. So I repented of that as well. I have never changed that much in one day. And the Lord promised rain.
And today as I went to work, clouds formed over my hometown. I'm a train conductor, and I had to ride the bus today instead because the train got cancelled. As I was going to enter the bus, I felt rain drops on my arms, and as we left, it started pouring. It rained for about two hours. That wasn't the first time this has happened.
I have no idea what God will do about this country, but now the newspapers are warning about floods.
"When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
My theme verse for last year's trials, that God gave me back before they began.
God just fixed my faith. And that wasn't even the best thing.
As we were heading towards one of the stops, I heard a mom saying to her daughter: "I hope it doesn't rain the whole day, so you will get to see something". They were heading to a theme park. I felt love and I prayed, and the rain stopped, the sky was blue above that city. God loves children.
She was a blond little girl, just like I was in her age. When I was her age, I was bullied in school, physically and emotionally abused at home, and sexually abused by a friend... It destroyed my life. I didn't get to enjoy life at all. All I knew was pain and fear. God has been taking such good care of me, healing me, teaching me about life, and He has given me a heart to love children. I became a bully as a teenager, hurting a lot of people, mostly children (not sexually, for which I am forever grateful), and nothing has ever hurt me more than when I remembered that and had to deal with it. But now I get to not only love them, but see Jesus love them, and I'm helping those who had bad childhoods like me. God overcomes it for us. He really, really does! I'm so happy right now. He is doing so much and I'm hopeful.
This is a weird entry, I know... Just wanted to share all of it. Praise God! I have no words to speak. *Crying*
Okay, so a few weeks ago, God gave me the words to speak "LORD, stop the rain, in Jesus' name!". I didn't know why at the time. I got zealous over something and they came out.
Then it stopped raining, for weeks, and wild forest fires were all over Sweden. The Lord has been using these fires to speak to me. Not literally!
Just increasing my knowledge about Him, and how He works in the world, how He thinks etc. But the heat was killing me, so I started praying for rain. I even told my colleagues I had ordered lots of rain. It just came out. I don't know whether it was me or God, but it was probably Him. Then God reminded me of those words He made me write, and that kind of came like a shock to me. Yes, of course God had planned the heat wave. It was not a response to my prayer, but a prophecy. I wasn't expecting it. Hearing God telling me some things about His Wrath, His judgment, and having seen a lot of natural disasters all over the world increasing, as they will be, woke me up. It put a fire in my heart for Sweden. God hates what's going on in this country.
But I started praying for rain instead, asking God to end it. I really need to be a good witness to my colleagues, and I can't be the weird girl who prays for rain and only sometimes get it. It has to be true every, single time. So it had to rain this weekend. (This is obviously a gift that God has given me)
And God said... If I repent of all of my sins, He would make it rain, because if I don't, I'd be a really bad witness anyway. I felt it over and over. He put a lot of pressure on me. He needs me to be full of His righteousness and holiness if I want to be His light in this darkness.
So I repented. Thing is, I've been sinning too much lately. My depressions got to me, and all the trauma and drama that happened, it killed my ability to feel loved, and it hurt my faith. And it led to an emotional emptiness that led to sin.
So I repented, and repented. I cried and changed. And I was healed, and I felt loved, and I felt confusion leaving me. Doubts and fears. The Holy Spirit convicted me that my biggest sin was my unbelief. My heart was constantly going "God hates me, but loves everyone else" and I know that's not true. He proves it over and over. So I repented of that as well. I have never changed that much in one day. And the Lord promised rain.
And today as I went to work, clouds formed over my hometown. I'm a train conductor, and I had to ride the bus today instead because the train got cancelled. As I was going to enter the bus, I felt rain drops on my arms, and as we left, it started pouring. It rained for about two hours. That wasn't the first time this has happened.
I have no idea what God will do about this country, but now the newspapers are warning about floods.
"When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
My theme verse for last year's trials, that God gave me back before they began.
God just fixed my faith. And that wasn't even the best thing.
As we were heading towards one of the stops, I heard a mom saying to her daughter: "I hope it doesn't rain the whole day, so you will get to see something". They were heading to a theme park. I felt love and I prayed, and the rain stopped, the sky was blue above that city.
God loves children.She was a blond little girl, just like I was in her age. When I was her age, I was bullied in school, physically and emotionally abused at home, and sexually abused by a friend... It destroyed my life. I didn't get to enjoy life at all. All I knew was pain and fear. God has been taking such good care of me, healing me, teaching me about life, and He has given me a heart to love children. I became a bully as a teenager, hurting a lot of people, mostly children (not sexually, for which I am forever grateful), and nothing has ever hurt me more than when I remembered that and had to deal with it. But now I get to not only love them, but see Jesus love them, and I'm helping those who had bad childhoods like me. God overcomes it for us. He really, really does! I'm so happy right now. He is doing so much and I'm hopeful.
This is a weird entry, I know...
Just wanted to share all of it. Praise God! I have no words to speak. *Crying*
