Joy!

I think I'm finding my way back to the Lord now, completely. Since what happened last year, everything became a struggle for me. I could barely remember Jesus, every prayer was even a trial, because I was so blocked. Then when I fell back into my old ways, which happened because I was feeling so confused and lost and suicidal and I didn't know what to do. My soul was torn apart by it. I've been fighting so hard to come back, doing everything I could, constantly. And all I've been able to say to God at times has been "I wanna come home! Where are you? I miss you!" holding on to a tiny spark of hope, memories of how close I used to be with Him.

But talking to a friend today, I remembered so much from the past, that I had forgotten, all that He did for me, how loved I felt. How Jesus led me, taught me, spoke to me in His Spirit, pulled me out of danger, protected me and blessed me, all day long. I was so happy back then, despite feeling like I was drowning from the trials in my life, and the attacks I went through. I just remembered it and it was like a dam bursting inside me.

I just want to stay in His arms now. I'm crying my eyes out right now. I've been so confused, so hurt and so scared. I know why this had to happen, why I had to go through intense trials like this. And the Lord just crammed so much into one long period of it, it's worth it! Not only did I come out free, separate from the world and delivered from Satan's control, healed from my past, and with a much deeper understanding of Scripture, of God and of Heaven, with tons of experiences and testimonies to tell, but I'm also equipped with spiritual gifts and with my Sword and Armor, AND I was humbled which I truly needed! But I never want to be without God again. He was still there, fighting for me, but I lost that intimacy, and it was terrible!

Praise Him! He is so Good, so loving, so powerful! Praise the Father and the Son Jesus Christ!!! God, I Iove you so much!

Joy! I wanted to share it!