It's hard to need something so badly, to feel so very desperate and to only be able to beg God to deliver. It's hard to be down here while He's up there, feeling so very far away. It's even harder to just let go and trust that He's got it.
Sometimes I start to feel like He's forgotten me or He's being cruel. But that's only because we can't understand His timing. We don't know His plans. And in our selfishness and foolishness, we want what we want now. It's hard to be patient, it's hard to be trust. Especially when Satan keeps planting seeds of fear in my heart, telling me that time is running out or that I'll never get to be where I want to be, that I'll be stuck in this place in life forever.
My new thing is to just repeat to myself that I am not afraid. I am not afraid because I have Jesus. I trust my savior to come through just like He always does. I am not afraid because His plans are greater than mine, because His ways are higher than mine. I am not afraid of what I can't see because I have hope. We can choose to live in misery, pleading desperately for what we think we need and getting frustrated when God doesn't deliver. Or we can choose to hold tight to His hand and walk boldly into the unknown, knowing nothing except that He has us and He will never let us go.
That is what I'm choosing to do. I'm choosing to walk forward into this strange, dark, unsettling part of my life with nothing but confidence that my God will deliver. And whatever He delivers, it will be good.
I am not afraid.
"As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more."
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