My close friend and I are no longer friends.
We met this past summer and it was friendship at first sight. We had everything in common. Well, almost everything. We saw eye to eye on issues that no one else in my life could agree with me on. Talking to him was so refreshing. He was a breath of fresh air in the midst of a confusing season in my life.
Of course, feelings developed but God put a stop to it. Our friendship fizzled out and I quickly began to see this person I once adored for what he really was. He is arrogant, he is narrow minded, he is selfish, he is a bully. I recognize that I have my flaws and I did not handle everything in our friendship very well but these were still major things I couldn't believe I'd overlooked.
Flash forward to about a month and a half ago. This person is the leader of our young adult group and I had a grievance about the group, one that was seriously starting to bring me down. I talked to him about it and our friendship was rekindled after I told him what I noticed about him last time. This time stronger than ever before. Everyone who saw us thought we were a couple because of the way we interacted with each other. He made it very obviously (I thought) that he was into me. Constant flirting, compliments, teasing, touching me, all the signs. I prayed constantly and asked God to reveal where this relationship was going. Things started to get rough. I could tell something was spiritually off but couldn't place it. This friend and I started to fight. He was gracious through it all and I thought that maybe I'd found my soulmate. Maybe I found the man God wanted me to marry.
On New Year's Eve, God shut that right down yet again. My friend was mean to me. Just downright awful. And God put it on my heart to confess my feelings to him that night, which lead to him saying that he wanted to stay just friends and he was sorry if he "lead me on".
I'm so frustrated by this! With further examination and prayer, I've realized that God never did want me to pursue a romantic relationship with this boy and I'm at peace about this. But now God has made it clear that he doesn't want us to even be friends. I don't understand this. I don't understand how this person who I thought was a good person could turn out to be such a a horrible friend. It's frustrating. It's upsetting.
I know God will lead me to the people he wants me to have in my life. I just...don't know why this boy wasn't one of them. He seemed like it in every single way up until the end.
Maybe it's a test. Maybe it's God saying "trust me and not yourself." Hopefully I'll get it right next time.
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