Fear

I had a weird dream. I do not remember the details well, but I do not like these vivid, "awake" dreams. Anyway, I woke up feeling bad. I think maybe because I have neglected bible reading lately, making excuses "it's too hard, I can't do it right..." and etc. for why I should just take a break or temporarily give up from a part. I noticed an admin posting an end times thread, and everybody back and forth. I have to say, I do not feel excited for the end like some do. As a kid I had a strange interest in Revelation but I do not want to live through the tribulation now. I feel sick to be honest, these things are horrifying. The end times are too much for me. Even the idea of Jesus coming back, like what if he sent me away? Or was ashamed of me? I feel sick and nervous, and having bad thoughts. I just think that my impulse reactions are to deny reality or curse/shift fear into aggression against other people or God. I want to be safe.