• Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.

  • CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.

a thought crushed my mind

Soulwings
2 min read
Views
172
General
It's the weekend! which means that J will be coming over in a matter of about half an hour. That is happy, I think... I don't know what we will do today, other than the homework that Pastor Paul assigned us at our first premarital counseling session. Watching 2 more movies by Gary Smalley (I...
Soulwings
1 min read
Views
166
General
I miss the old chatbox days with Leslie, Wes, Jeff, Casey, Martin, and Katty. I just peeked in on the cb and it's changed a lot since the last time I chatted... the people are all different, and now I am the outsider instead of them, because I don't chat much anymore at all. Sad how time...
Soulwings
3 min read
Views
160
General
I am utterly exhausted. I blame the Zoloft and the Neurontin, which I just started - 400mg. It (Neurontin) has helped a lot with the panic attacks I've been having... that plus Ativan seems to be doing what they're meant to do. Thankfully. I saw my N yesterday. Lost 3lbs of fat, gained...
Soulwings
2 min read
Views
176
General
I don't want to do this anymore. I don't. I'm tired of the hold that cutting has over my life. It's getting easier to go further and further now, towards the end of the spectrum where stitches are a necessity. Last night I came close to having to go to the ER; the cut didn't stop bleeding...
Soulwings
2 min read
Views
226
General
Life is not easy. Hasn't been easy. Won't ever be easy. I wish that I could just hide until things get better. I hate myself so so much, for so many reasons. I don't want to live anymore, although I'm not actively suicidal. I only am living for the next time I can cut. That is what my life...
Soulwings
2 min read
Views
179
General
I am exhausted. There has been a lot of problems between Jarrod and me as of the past few days. I won't go into detail, but it's been enough to make me turn back to cutting. I've been toying off and on with SI since February (well, I never really stopped, but it's gotten more frequent), but...
Soulwings
2 min read
Views
186
General
Argh!! I hate struggling, fighting, stumbling, pushing uphill through brambles!... I hate eating disorders. Hate them. I think I will have met my meal plan today, but yesterday was a mess. Struggle struggle struggle! It's so hard knowing that I haven't eaten enough and need to eat more...
Soulwings
2 min read
Views
153
General
Today has been an exhausting day. I woke up anxious and tense from a night full of bad dreams, the last one of which was extremely upsetting. After I had been up for a little while, talking with Jarrod and giving him a backrub, he realised that "something was off" and went and threw up in the...
Soulwings
4 min read
Views
172
General
I'm scared of relapsing. That fear is always with me, because I know how unstable I can be. I'm not suicidal right now, but I know that I could go on a months-long downswing again, just like I have this past spring - anytime. Or the opposite - hypomania. Now that would be horrible... because...
Soulwings
2 min read
Views
157
General
I'm back... ...I was hospitalized for 10 days, just got back last night. I'm feeling a lot better, a lot more "like myself," the myself that I haven't seen in a long time. Except freaking exhausted. I went to bed last night at 7:30pm and got up just before 7 this morning, and want to go to...
Soulwings
1 min read
Views
146
General
I am not ready for the struggles ahead. I am not prepared. I am weak and am unsure of where I stand in recovery. I don't know what I am doing. Do I want to live or do I want to die? My T challenged me today - what is it going to take, April, to make you want to live? The answer is... I...
Soulwings
2 min read
Views
151
General
I went looking for a rubber band today, and found one. It now is around my wrist in case I need it. I am stopping SI. It's still not for me. It's for Jarrod. And I don't know if it will be successful. Four years, and I haven't stopped for any longer than a few months. I think July to...
Soulwings
3 min read
Views
127
General
Sometimes I just want to sit down and write. I don't know about what, exactly... I just want to. Writing relaxes me, usually, and that's why I have so many blogs/journals - to keep up with different people, and also to act as releases for me whenever I need them. My LJ is more personal, my...
Soulwings
2 min read
Views
135
General
I'm on 12.5mg Zoloft right now, right? Well, my NP just called (replying to a phone call of mine), and told me to increase it. Double it. So up I go to 25mg. SSRIs don't agree with me. :cry: Prozac and Lexapro both landed me in hos... and I don't want this one to do the same. I don't want...
Soulwings
2 min read
Views
115
General
I feel like an idiot. Why can't wedding planning be simpler? MUCH simpler?? I needed to fix some stuff for the wedding scheduling, so I emailed our pastor about it. However, he doesn't do the planning etc., which I forgot - I have to "utilize" the wedding coordinator. So I tried calling...
Soulwings
3 min read
Views
113
General
It's been a long day. Tutoring this afternoon. No one came - no one's come at all yet so far. Oh well. Easy money, no? :) I got a lot of reading done, as well as some journalling (now and in the days ahead I will have much to journal about). Yesterday I entertained myself by drawing a cat...
Soulwings
2 min read
Views
123
General
Feels like I will never win this battle. (Do I really want to?) Tonight is a triggered night. Very bad. I miss cutting... I miss it so d**n much. My whole body is buzzing, waiting for the pain to come and take the energy and stress away. And it would, too. Except I would feel horrible...
Soulwings
2 min read
Views
138
General
Well, I saw my NP. She really is fantastic... am so glad that I have her as my psych (and yes, I do call her a psych sometimes, even though technically she is just an NP). I'm on Zoloft now, 12.5mg... another SSRI but at a quarter of the lowest theraputic dosage... so it shouldn't do anything...
Soulwings
2 min read
Views
150
General
I am not having a good night. Today I went "shopping." Got a pair of nail scissors and some clear waterproof bandaids, the kind that are hard to spot. Why? Why? Why am I back here, again and again? Why won't it just go away, why don't I have the sense to just let it go and die on its...
Soulwings
2 min read
Views
112
General
Seems like I am always running from the professionals. Ugh. No hospital, hex, stay away!! I have my T appointment this morning, and I have to... erm, withhold some thoughts from her. Yeah, that's the right word. Withhold. *bright smile* I've withheld things in the past. In fact, I...

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