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ai...ya...
I want to go out tomorrow, but then I have not shower coz my clothing is still drying. It's 1:29am now.
Also, i just have m tonight, makes me not want to do all the hassle. And I want to sleep earlier.
But yeah, I want to go out tuesday, I want to go buy a transparent plastic box...
Yeah, it's 5am I have not sleep yet. I hate this.
Struggle with internet, then ..... anyways, not a nice night.
I won't be showering, I want to go to bed like now.
I really have to relocate my computer. no more against the wall, or else it's my head against the wall next time there's...
I am so lonely. And so lost.
There's nothing I can do. I am stuck. I don't know what to do.
grab what need for bath and go
walk
email ik
email b&g clay
phone B hair
I was planning to sleep a bit around 11pm, but end up wake up around 3am. I prepare everything for shower. But I don't feel like going to shower. So I just go straight to cook noodle instead, I will eat take meds and sleep.
Next time I will try to set the range to bath before 12am.
I feel very sad, "R" sent me that email...
I feel like that topsy turnvy, that been sitting in my house for almost a year. Just quietly waiting...
And when I just try to say something, i got feedback that I am annoying and bothering and bugging....
I suddenly feel so sleepy. May be because I did the laundry? I dunno.
I done two sweaters, some recycle bags.
And I took clothes from the dryer. I grouped them a bit.
I am so confuse about all these, but i know the answer is God. God will heal me, i no need to be confuse, uncertain and all those....
I dunno why my computer has no sound....too bad, coz i cannot enjoy you tube....
I am using video to numb myself. To numb depress and lonely feelings.
Not bad I guess, but I seems to be out of control....which turn into no good.
I think I better sleep and now take bath? I don't know.....
I am going to the dentist again, to do the teeth filling, and this may not be the last time....:waaah:
I am very depress and angry, coz all bad things, all happen together.
Also (indicate not the only terrible thing), I fell and skin (palm and knee) scratch the ground. And possible inner injuries too. But tonight, no bath, coz stimulation to skin, so tomorrow dirty hair and going out to see the doc.
(My therapist said if I dunno how to write it/ too depress to think about too deep and think about how to write it, I can do key words.)
Mother, hate, non stop, don't understand, will not leave me alone, depress, tv, computer.
Went to dentist today Thursday, so many teeth need to be done. Also, found some new extra teeth need to be done. And worst, one teeth may need.... ai~~~
$$ and lots of pain....
Still need to go, and may be need to go two more session....
Well, I still have sleeping problem. I am still upside down sleep pattern. But I guess at least I am not doing nothing, I am doing something. I finished copy those patterns, I did the parts that I can guess. And with guts I called R.
I hope things will go well.
Anyways....I still hope to...
I want to go out, but worry about the city event and how it effect the public transportation. And scare to stuck in the train for a while, nothing to do.
I was off track last night and today.
Today, I manage to clean 'that table' a bit, so I can do sth.
I became very raw on the little skill. I am just copying the pattern now. Tomorrow, I will copy the 2nd pattern. The sheet is too big, dunno where to start off, need to ask her.
Then I hope...
It's the second day that I shower earlier, I hope I can keep the record.
I still not sleeping earlier and still not doing things.
But at least I manage to shower early, and I brush my teeth (and fossil too)
I guess this is some tiny little accomplishment/achievement?
:confused: