Mother-in-Law Calls with "Mother's Day 'Wish List'"

[HopelessJen]

My mother-in-law only calls my husband and me when she wants money or a favor. We usually don't take her calls because when we do, we end up having to drive her somewhere (she doesn't work or have a car), give her money for things like getting her nails done, or having her come over here to use our food to cook something only to leave a mess in the kitchen. We are sure she is mentally ill and she was extremely abusive to my husband and his sister as they were growing up.

But anyway, since Mother's Day is coming up, she has started blowing up our phone and leaving messages with my sister-in-law with her "wish list" for things she wants for Mother's Day. I am opposed to people just demanding gifts. She wants an expensive hairdo, pedicure, dinner out, and movies. I'm currently out of work and my husband has a low wage job. We still have my own mom to consider for Mother's Day and then our dads for Father's Day.

I'm resentful that my MIL always has such nerve to call and list off what she wants us to buy her. That is so rude, in my opinion. Gifts should be given freely, not demanded. I would never call my mother-in-law and tell her what to give me for my birthday...in fact she never once acknowledged my birthday verbally let alone with a card! Yet when the holidays or her birthday come around, here she is calling and taking advantage of an opportunity to get some freebees!

Can anyone relate to this? Her daughter is defensive and when I complained, she said "well what's just how she is, so do whatever you want" but now I'm the black sheep. How do I handle such rudeness?

 

[joey_downunder]

She sounds like a toddler who has gotten away with it for waaayyyy too long. Perhaps you should approach her the same way?

E.g. don't take tantrums or name-calling personally, don't give in, say ''no, I said no and that's final!'' If necessary put her in time-out. Ignore threats of consequences of not giving into her like you would ignore a toddler breath-holding or rolling on the floor.

Don't you worry about what others might say if you do not give into her demands. Sometimes it *is* selfish to give things to people eg. if it is done for personal benefit or avoiding conflict.

 

[TruelyLiveForHim]

My mother-in-law only calls my husband and me when she wants money or a favor. We usually don't take her calls because when we do, we end up having to drive her somewhere (she doesn't work or have a car), give her money for things like getting her nails done, or having her come over here to use our food to cook something only to leave a mess in the kitchen. We are sure she is mentally ill and she was extremely abusive to my husband and his sister as they were growing up.

But anyway, since Mother's Day is coming up, she has started blowing up our phone and leaving messages with my sister-in-law with her "wish list" for things she wants for Mother's Day. I am opposed to people just demanding gifts. She wants an expensive hairdo, pedicure, dinner out, and movies. I'm currently out of work and my husband has a low wage job. We still have my own mom to consider for Mother's Day and then our dads for Father's Day.

I'm resentful that my MIL always has such nerve to call and list off what she wants us to buy her. That is so rude, in my opinion. Gifts should be given freely, not demanded. I would never call my mother-in-law and tell her what to give me for my birthday...in fact she never once acknowledged my birthday verbally let alone with a card! Yet when the holidays or her birthday come around, here she is calling and taking advantage of an opportunity to get some freebees!

Can anyone relate to this? Her daughter is defensive and when I complained, she said "well what's just how she is, so do whatever you want" but now I'm the black sheep. How do I handle such rudeness?

wow, sounds like you got quite a problem on your hand...

you know I think Scripture does teaches us to honour our parents...

but what happens when your parents or in laws are such a challenge?

I think it is important to set healthy boundaries with your parents/ in laws, but I think you should also to continue to pray for your MIL salvations ( judging from the way she is acting, it is safe to assume she is not saved).

 

[San54]

Some people are professional beggars dear.
Pray on and go on...

 

[paul1149]

She sounds like a toddler who has gotten away with it for waaayyyy too long.

I would buy her a MD card, and that would be the extent of her gift. And I would make it clear that no more lists would be received. BTW, I think the lists would be ok if the spirit was right - sort of like, let us know what would you like for MD this year. But expectations and demands are out of order, especially considering your own financial state. This kind of behavior has no place in any relationship, and your husband, according to his vows, has to place you and your family's needs before her preferences. This lopsided relationship has nothing to do with honoring parents.

I use Google Voice for my main phone, and it offers the option to block callers, even to block them during preset times of day. While mechanical solutions are not nearly as good as dealing forthrightly with the problem, they may have a place, perhaps temporarily.

 

[Avniel]

I would buy her a MD card, and that would be the extent of her gift. And I would make it clear that no more lists would be received. BTW, I think the lists would be ok if the spirit was right - sort of like, let us know what would you like for MD this year. But expectations and demands are out of order, especially considering your own financial state. This kind of behavior has no place in any relationship, and your husband, according to his vows, has to place you and your family's needs before her preferences. This lopsided relationship has nothing to do with honoring parents.

I use Google Voice for my main phone, and it offers the option to block callers, even to block them during preset times of day. While mechanical solutions are not nearly as good as dealing forthrightly with the problem, they may have a place, perhaps temporarily.

No I wouldn't even tell her why she only got a card she would just get a card until she stopped with the list.

 

[BFine]

You know "how she is" and you suspect some sort of mental illness,
do what you can for her and don't take it too personal when she reacts
negatively. Pray for her and FORGIVE her short comings; if possible
have her see a doctor about the "suspected mental illness".

 

[DiscipleHeLovesToo]

My mother-in-law only calls my husband and me when she wants money or a favor. We usually don't take her calls because when we do, we end up having to drive her somewhere (she doesn't work or have a car), give her money for things like getting her nails done, or having her come over here to use our food to cook something only to leave a mess in the kitchen. We are sure she is mentally ill and she was extremely abusive to my husband and his sister as they were growing up.

But anyway, since Mother's Day is coming up, she has started blowing up our phone and leaving messages with my sister-in-law with her "wish list" for things she wants for Mother's Day. I am opposed to people just demanding gifts. She wants an expensive hairdo, pedicure, dinner out, and movies. I'm currently out of work and my husband has a low wage job. We still have my own mom to consider for Mother's Day and then our dads for Father's Day.

I'm resentful that my MIL always has such nerve to call and list off what she wants us to buy her. That is so rude, in my opinion. Gifts should be given freely, not demanded. I would never call my mother-in-law and tell her what to give me for my birthday...in fact she never once acknowledged my birthday verbally let alone with a card! Yet when the holidays or her birthday come around, here she is calling and taking advantage of an opportunity to get some freebees!

Can anyone relate to this? Her daughter is defensive and when I complained, she said "well what's just how she is, so do whatever you want" but now I'm the black sheep. How do I handle such rudeness?

you'll get the behavior you reward - so if you do what she asked you will find yourself doing it again - or at least expected to.

you might consider simply telling her that your current situation limits what you can do financially right now, and offer to take her to church on Mothers Day and then back to your house for s simple meal.

for a gift, you might consider burning this to CDs and giving it to her:

Spirit Led Life | Moore Life Ministries - Branson, MO

Spirit Led Life 2 | Moore Life Ministries - Branson, MO

if you can get her into fellowship with God, He will be able to effect positive change in her life - you may be the only one He has available right now who is willing and able to work with Him to help her.

btw - consider changing your user name; it is very important what you call yourself

 

[BFine]

How did Mother's Day go?

 

[Bobinator]

You can send her your wish that you had enough money to afford all the things she's wishing for.