losing my marriage and family

[michael17771]

Hello, just want to see what kind of support and advice that God may have for me. I am in the worst situation with my wife as I am losing her or have lost her because of my emotionless and hard heart I have hurt her so bad that she wont let me in anymore. We have 4 kids and we have been married for 3.5 years now. I dont know what to do to save our marriage she wont forgive me for all the pain and suffering I have caused her not physical but pure emotional. I have a hardned heart and wall towards emotions and I truly am working on tearing all that down but my wife doesnt want to beleive me. I was raised with out emotion and it has been the biggest challenge of my whole life I am so lost when It comes to dealing with this. I always try to let God In and it always seems to fade away because it is so difficult and now more then ever I want tk change and my wife tells me it is too late. I am torn apart by this I am losing my whole world she knows I love her but I have neglected to truly show her the way a husband should we have both hurt eachother In different ways and rebuilding seems impossible, but I want God to help me so bad my wife is my life losing her is losing myself beyond what I can bare. I know God doesnt want divorce but I just dont know how to hold us together when I have broken her heart. I need so much prayer and I have never reached out to anyone ever in my life or done anythining like this but I need help

 

[Autumnleaf]

If you are there for her now, and she is not there for you, then she is wrong.

She is not your life. She is your wife. If she leaves you are still a man. If she stays you are a man.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

When you act a certain way over a period of time, and that causes your spouse pain, just because you've changed doesn't mean the hurt doesn't go away. I am the wife in a similar situation. I am the one carrying the hurts and the scars of his actions.

You didn't say how long it's been since you've realized that you've hurt her like this and started making an effort to change...but I can tell you what the marriage counselor told us. It takes AT LEAST as long to heal the hurts as the hurts have been going on. I've been married 16 years...the counselor told my husband that it will take at least that long of the better behavior for me to learn to trust him and have faith he will not revert to old habits. My husband wasn't happy to hear that but....anyway...

In your case, you've been married 3.5 years. You've been a jerk to her for at least that long. Expect it to take at least 3.5 years of consistently better behavior for her to trust that you won't hurt her again.

I would highly advise that you guys get into some sort of marriage counseling.

 

[Venusfreedom777]

Do not divorce. God expresses his most heartfelt and clearest directive by proclaiming, "I hate divorce". My husband and I just got back together after 25 years. When God puts 2 people together he intends it to be for life. Likely, you need to express more affection towards your wife. Physical touch goes along way toward healing emotional scars. Also, listen carefully to what she has to say. This will gain her trust back and God will lead and guide you in taking steps toward healing her emotionally as you lead and guide your family spiritually.

 

[estadalamoo]

Hello, just want to see what kind of support and advice that God may have for me. I am in the worst situation with my wife as I am losing her or have lost her because of my emotionless and hard heart I have hurt her so bad that she wont let me in anymore. We have 4 kids and we have been married for 3.5 years now. I dont know what to do to save our marriage she wont forgive me for all the pain and suffering I have caused her not physical but pure emotional. I have a hardned heart and wall towards emotions and I truly am working on tearing all that down but my wife doesnt want to beleive me. I was raised with out emotion and it has been the biggest challenge of my whole life I am so lost when It comes to dealing with this. I always try to let God In and it always seems to fade away because it is so difficult and now more then ever I want tk change and my wife tells me it is too late. I am torn apart by this I am losing my whole world she knows I love her but I have neglected to truly show her the way a husband should we have both hurt eachother In different ways and rebuilding seems impossible, but I want God to help me so bad my wife is my life losing her is losing myself beyond what I can bare. I know God doesnt want divorce but I just dont know how to hold us together when I have broken her heart. I need so much prayer and I have never reached out to anyone ever in my life or done anythining like this but I need help

All relationships are based around one core principle (Learning) without learning about the person you want to have a relationship with you can not know them. If you don't know someone then you can't know how to give them there needs. If you don't give a person there needs then you're not having a relationship. Since there's a damaged relationship with your wife so far then your only hope to repair it is to learn about her and then understand what she needs, also she will have to do the same otherwise you'd be having a one way relationship and that's unhealthy.

Good luck.