Just Not Motivated

[Shadolus]

I'm gona be blunt. I've gone on only a few dates and have never been in a relationship. You'd think I was shy or socially awkward, but I'm preeetty sure I'm not lol. The thing is I've pretty much been submitted to God my whole life and while I'm certainly not perfect, I have been waiting to get into a relationship until my foundation in life was built (career, schooling, my own place, gained wisdom, understanding what it means to be a godly husband, etc)

Now here's where the problom lies, I'm 26 and from my perspective I have gone through A LOT and learned A LOT, especially in becoming more spiritually mature. I'd have to say that I feel my foundation is pretty stable. I understand that it's not about my timing, but here's the thing, the ministry I'm working with has many lovely Christian ladies there and I just don't feel motivated to build a rapport with them beyond small talk and facebooking them lol... I'm not really sure why, it's kind of weird to be honest. Because (and I know this sounds contradictory) but when I go to my place and all the friends and family are away and I'm not spending alone time with God... I really long for that relationship. I just don't know if God has more work with me or I just need to invest in getting to know them better despite my lack of motivation. Maybe there is more to the issue. I feel fine, I don't necessarily fear rejection, I'm pretty self confident... I just don't know.

I'm guessing this sounds odd to most, I'm just not sure if anyone can relate (I certainly would understand lol), and if so that is awesome. I would love to hear others thoughts on this. And I hope all are having a goodnight, God bless..

 

[Lord Herdsetk]

I'm the same way man. I know a ton of great young women....but I don't want a relationship with THEM. I want a relationship with a woman, but I don't have a woman I want a relationship with deeper than acquaintances or friends.

Maybe its commitment issues, not wanting to get involved with someone, or maybe its just you've gotten comfortable with your status as a single man. I know I have, and I hate that.

 

[Shadolus]

I'm the same way man. I know a ton of great young women....but I don't want a relationship with THEM. I want a relationship with a woman, but I don't have a woman I want a relationship with deeper than acquaintances or friends.

Maybe its commitment issues, not wanting to get involved with someone, or maybe its just you've gotten comfortable with your status as a single man. I know I have, and I hate that.

The comfortablity part--- You may be onto something lol.

 

[Sapphyre]

I would definitely agree that you don't seem shy or socially awkward at all, Jake! Maybe you just haven't met a girl who you really like yet. Just because you know a lot of perfectly lovely Christians doesn't mean you necessarily want to date any of them. And like Lord Herdsetk said, maybe you have just become comfortable with being single, and it's just taking away an eagerness to pursue a potential relationship with just anyone. You might be waiting for someone really special to motivate you out of singleness.

It really is all in His timing.

 

[Shadolus]

I would definitely agree that you don't seem shy or socially awkward at all, Jake! Maybe you just haven't met a girl who you really like yet. Just because you know a lot of perfectly lovely Christians doesn't mean you necessarily want to date any of them. And like Lord Herdsetk said, maybe you have just become comfortable with being single, and it's just taking away an eagerness to pursue a potential relationship with just anyone. You might be waiting for someone really special to motivate you out of singleness.

It really is all in His timing.

Hey!

I appreciate it

Yeah, you guys definitely gave me a different perspective on it all. I have to admit that I feel guilty anytime I come on here and complain lol. I always want to remain positive, but this was really bothering me today. Anyways, thanks for sharing your thoughts, I am slightly more encouraged lol. Maybe I should start running down my street with an old 70's van behind me blasting Eye of the Tiger to get motivated, hmmm...

 

[Thunder Peel]

I don't think there's anything wrong with that, Jake. It's perfectly natural to see beauty and goodness in members of the opposite sex without feeling attracted to them or seeing them as datable. I'm friends with a lot of amazing Christian women but I see them as great friends and nothing more.

Then again, I'm called to lifelong singleness so maybe my view is a bit different.

 

[Shadolus]

I don't think there's anything wrong with that, Jake. It's perfectly natural to see beauty and goodness in members of the opposite sex without feeling attracted to them or seeing them as datable. I'm friends with a lot of amazing Christian women but I see them as great friends and nothing more.

Then again, I'm called to lifelong singleness so maybe my view is a bit different.

Yeah, there is this one girl there that I find particularly attractive and has a gentleness in personality that I adore, but going out of my way to know her better is the problem. When I'm around her I'm like ah, maybe some other time. It's almost like I don't have the energy to put into knowing her better. But when I'm home, I want to kick myself sometimes for not applying myself in this situation. I guess what I'm lacking is assertiveness and innititiave. Errr... lol

And without disrespecting you... You are going to find an awesome Christian women one day, just can't tell you when lol. I don't believe for a second you will remain single. You seem like a great Christian dude, and God won't allow a lady to miss out on that lol.

 

[Thunder Peel]

Yeah, there is this one girl there that I find particularly attractive and has a gentleness in personality that I adore, but going out of my way to know her better is the problem. When I'm around her I'm like ah, maybe some other time. It's almost like I don't have the energy to put into knowing her better. But when I'm home, I want to kick myself sometimes for not applying myself in this situation. I guess what I'm lacking is assertiveness and innititiave. Errr... lol

Well your feelings may change over time or it may be God's way of telling you to wait. Just keep doing what you're doing and stay in tune with God. He's good at working these kinds of things out when we can't.

 

[Shadolus]

Well your feelings may change over time or it may be God's way of telling you to wait. Just keep doing what you're doing and stay in tune with God. He's good at working these kinds of things out when we can't.

Thanks man, I needed to hear this

 

[Evie1980]

Yeah, there is this one girl there that I find particularly attractive and has a gentleness in personality that I adore, but going out of my way to know her better is the problem. When I'm around her I'm like ah, maybe some other time. It's almost like I don't have the energy to put into knowing her better. But when I'm home, I want to kick myself sometimes for not applying myself in this situation. I guess what I'm lacking is assertiveness and innititiave. Errr... lol

It is hard to say if you are right or wrong. Life is made out of the choices we make and God reveals His plan within our lives over time. It is easy to reflect after the time what was the right/wrong thing to do. I have been there so many times. Should I have been more assertive sometimes can be turned into should I have been less assertive. Just thinking about this makes me smile on all the dramas relationships (or their possibilities make). lol

But I know one thing - God's glory will be revealed in my life no matter what I do. There will be a moment when I finally have the motivation to do all that He has set before me. The waiting time is not always easy but it will be over soon enough. God's plan will be revealed and all those wrong decisions will fade away.

Blessings

 

[Amber.ly]

As I see it, you could be either

A.) You want to benefits of a relationship but without the work and effort

or

B.) You have not met that person who sparks you on enough levels to generate the interest to pursue it.


I don't know you at all so I'm not going to guess which one you are

 

[Oddish]

What causes you to be worried about this? To me, it sounds like you are a thoughtful guy who tries to plan his life and because everything else is in place you now feel that you have to pursue a women to complete it all. Seems like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself and maybe this is actually causing you to find it a chore.

Just a guess! I don't know you so I could be wrong .