Why are some Christians desiring to stay single?

[ThisIsMe123]

Regarding young people, its mostly men.

More than 60 percent of young men are single, nearly twice the rate of unattached young women

Most young men are single. Most young women are not.

More than 60 percent of young men are single, nearly twice the rate of unattached young women, signaling a larger breakdown in the social, romantic and sexual life of the American male. Men i…

thehill.com

For the men, I don't think it's by choice though. I'm sure a good chunk of these men are for the not for the lack of trying. lol

 

[trophy33]

For the men, I don't think it's by choice though. I'm sure a good chunk of these men are for the not for the lack of trying. lol

This is an interesting article. Men are stuck between modern social norms (be a "nice guy") and what women really want, psychologically.

Another issue is that many men cannot find an attractive woman (not just physically, but also regarding behavior, values, lifestyle etc).

Why Are Men Frustrated With Dating?

Is dating a punishing situation for men?

www.psychologytoday.com

 

[LoveDivine]

I'm not sure what the point of this thread is. We can't possibly know the reasons why each individual chooses to pursue marriage or opts to remain single. At best, we are formulating guesses. The lifestyle decisions of others have no bearing on our own lives. There is nothing wrong with choosing to remain single and there is nothing wrong with seeking out relationships that lead to marriage. The statement of this OP is actually phrasing it as a negative thing. Why are they desiring to be single? - as if that needs anymore explanation than why are they desiring marriage? Then comments were added that people are giving up on relationships and pretending to be satisfied with being single. That's actually kind of insulting lol. It completely devalues the option that someone could truly be happier and more content as a single person. Just because you can't imagine being more content remaining single does not mean someone else can't.

And, no, I'm not taking offense because I'm one of those Christians who is desiring to remain single. I've always desired a Godly marriage. I've had to become content with remaining single, because I had no decent options for marriage. So I desire to remain single now to avoid bad relationships. I remain open to the possibility of marriage. However there are Christians that joyfully choose celibacy as part of their service to God and this post is insulting to them. It should be a given that this is part of the Christian faith.

 

[TheLastGeek]

Preach, YankeeGirl!

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I'm not sure what the point of this thread is. We can't possibly know the reasons why each individual chooses to pursue marriage or opts to remain single. At best, we are formulating guesses. The lifestyle decisions of others have no bearing on our own lives. There is nothing wrong with choosing to remain single and there is nothing wrong with seeking out relationships that lead to marriage. The statement of this OP is actually phrasing it as a negative thing. Why are they desiring to be single? - as if that needs anymore explanation than why are they desiring marriage? Then comments were added that people are giving up on relationships and pretending to be satisfied with being single. That's actually kind of insulting lol. It completely devalues the option that someone could truly be happier and more content as a single person. Just because you can't imagine being more content remaining single does not mean someone else can't.

And, no, I'm not taking offense because I'm one of those Christians who is desiring to remain single. I've always desired a Godly marriage. I've had to become content with remaining single, because I had no decent options for marriage. So I desire to remain single now to avoid bad relationships. I remain open to the possibility of marriage. However there are Christians that joyfully choose celibacy as part of their service to God and this post is insulting to them. It should be a given that this is part of the Christian faith.

I am sorry if it comes off as insulting, but I had to put my feelers out. To see what kind of response I would get.

I'm not sure why you're framing this as a celibacy thing, at least, towards the end of your write-up you are. I admire that. But were not talking about celibacy, we're talking finding a great person to add to your life, and a Christian not wanting this ..>I personally think, is the anti-thesis of that.
I can get it if you're into the priesthood or nun.

You mean there are no single men in your church you'd consider? Among your Christian circles?

There's this one woman, late 50s that I know. A good friend. We tried dating a couple of times , well, went out on dates, and the only reason she won't go down the path to date me seriously is that the fact our age differences were too great. When it was like just here just being 8 years older than me. Which is kind of odd as I didn't find that age difference to be that big of a deal. A little too overly picky, but it was her choice. But she really wants to remain friends with me, so I'm okay with that.

But I guess I wasn't a "decent option" for her, and we are aligned in everyway. it just bugged here I was too young. I'm finding more and more women to be too picky for their own good, even in secular circles. Yes, not tall enough, if he's balled, not built like a brick, not making 6 figures, etc. That's also taken into consideration for some. Usually the Christian women are nice enough to keep that to themselves, so they phrase it in a nice way.

She's never been married, and I think her last long term relationship was over 20 years ago.

Now, she's not wanting to stay single, as she's expressed really wanting marriage.

 

[TheLastGeek]

I am sorry if it comes off as insulting, but I had to put my feelers out. To see what kind of response I would get.

I'm not sure why you're framing this as a celibacy thing, at least, towards the end of your write-up you are. I admire that. But were not talking about celibacy, we're talking finding a great person to add to your life, and a Christian not wanting this ..>I personally think, is the anti-thesis of that.
I can get it if you're into the priesthood or nun.

You mean there are no single men in your church you'd consider? Among your Christian circles?

There's this one woman, late 50s that I know. A good friend. We tried dating a couple of times , well, went out on dates, and the only reason she won't go down the path to date me seriously is that the fact our age differences were too great. When it was like just here just being 8 years older than me. Which is kind of odd as I didn't find that age difference to be that big of a deal. A little too overly picky, but it was her choice. But she really wants to remain friends with me, so I'm okay with that.

But I guess I wasn't a "decent option" for her, and we are aligned in everyway. it just bugged here I was too young. I'm finding more and more women to be too picky for their own good, even in secular circles. Yes, not tall enough, if he's balled, not built like a brick, not making 6 figures, etc. That's also taken into consideration for some. Usually the Christian women are nice enough to keep that to themselves, so they phrase it in a nice way.

She's never been married, and I think her last long term relationship was over 20 years ago.

Now, she's not wanting to stay single, as she's expressed really wanting marriage.

She's decided that you are not a man that she wants to be romantically involved with. That doesn't make her "too picky". It makes her a woman who knows her own mind, what she wants, and what she doesn't want. I'm sure the rejection stung, but that doesn't make it a flaw on her part. Maybe there were other reasons that she was "too nice" to state out loud; none of us here can know that. Now if she's going around rejecting men that she adores and thinks are perfect in every single way except that their hair is 1/2 inch too long, I might call that being "too picky" lol. I would struggle to date a man 8 years younger than myself too. It's especially touchy for women as we get older. Aging is not a kind thing for most women, and society beats that into our heads at every turn. 8 years is a significant gap. Not insurmountable for some, but I can certainly understand why someone wouldn't feel comfortable with that. If she's in her late 50's, never been married, and no long term relationship for 20 years...it sounds to me like she just wants friends and isn't interested in marriage. I know you said she's talked about wanting to get married, but at this point in a person's life, if they've never gone down that road, it just doesn't seem likely to me. Sometimes the wish or desire is a pleasant thought, but the reality is just too scary or intimidating to make into reality.

 

[Lost4words]

From some of the posts here, I find this to be unusual...at least for Christians as not desiring marriage is more of a secular practice. The latter where they just find a boyfriend or girlfriend to live with for the long term pretty much.

Isn't the desire to get married a Christian thing? To "go forth and prosper"?

Of course, some admit to remaining single from the here on out, but I wonder if they are just telling themselves this to help them feel better? I know I'm guilty it. When I reach a point where I'm like "I'm done with dating!, I give up!" but a few months later, I'm back at it again, putting myself out there to find someone in my social circles.

I dunno, it just seems like you're going against human nature to couple up.

Of course we can copy/paste the contrarian Biblical arguements for the "It's not good for a man to be alone" with other such things.

No way am i giving up my singleness!!

I aint sharing my bowl!! No chance!!

 

[returntosender]

From some of the posts here, I find this to be unusual...at least for Christians as not desiring marriage is more of a secular practice. The latter where they just find a boyfriend or girlfriend to live with for the long term pretty much.

Isn't the desire to get married a Christian thing? To "go forth and prosper"?

Of course, some admit to remaining single from the here on out, but I wonder if they are just telling themselves this to help them feel better? I know I'm guilty it. When I reach a point where I'm like "I'm done with dating!, I give up!" but a few months later, I'm back at it again, putting myself out there to find someone in my social circles.

I dunno, it just seems like you're going against human nature to couple up.

Of course we can copy/paste the contrarian Biblical arguements for the "It's not good for a man to be alone" with other such things.

Because they're smart? Lol

 

[Sir Robbins]

Most people like to be in romantic relationships. It is human nature like you said. The desire to pair up, whether officially married or living together, is arguably a secular thing. Or at least a desire that exists independently of one's spiritual beliefs.

With that being said, at the risk of sounding controversial, Christians are only directly called to marry if they lack self-control. As it's "better to marry than to burn" with passion. Which isn't to say that marriage necessarily indicates a lack of self-control. Rather, those who have self-control aren't compelled to marry. We are to have other priorities.

If I meet a woman with whom the mutual desire is uncontrollable, then we will marry. If I don't meet somebody like that, I'm under no compulsion to marry. Sure, it might take a year or two to see how well we get along in other ways before tying the knot. Plus, it can be nice to have a girlfriend. I don't think it's wrong to date, as it can take a while to get to know each other, but I don't see wisdom in simply dating or marrying for the sake of not being single.

Although celibacy is sometimes valued outside of a spiritual context, it is more often valued among the faithful. Church history is full of movements and individuals who valued celibacy. Christianity provides an antidote or alternative to worldly practices.

Ultimately, we're followers of Christ. Not a pagan fertility cult.

with that being said, if you are not to marry, you are to devote your life to Christ. Most who are single and not marrying are not doing so. You don't get to live your life single for you. I am not condemning you or anyone else who does so as I am doing that very thing now. We have free will but we are designed to either be married and serve our spouse, children and God or to serve God solely.

 

[Miles]

with that being said, if you are not to marry, you are to devote your life to Christ. Most who are single and not marrying are not doing so. You don't get to live your life single for you. I am not condemning you or anyone else who does so as I am doing that very thing now. We have free will but we are designed to either be married and serve our spouse, children and God or to serve God solely.

My life is devoted to Christ, regardless of what you seem to be assuming here. Although I'm not perfect, don't insinuate that I'm just living for myself or that other Christian singles are just living for themselves. God made each of us individually with a purpose. We are to be who he made us to be. That purpose is his part of his design, regardless of whether we marry or remain single.

You can serve God where you are.

I already explained that a single person is in a position to serve God as we're unencumbered by family obligations. Either way, whether married or single, serving God can look different depending on our individual temperaments, strengths, weaknesses, and circumstances. It isn't always so black and white as being called to singleness. Marital status can be temporary or it can be for a lifetime. It's God's plans, not ours, that prevail.

"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace. -Ecclesiastes 3:1-8"

Now if you'll excuse me I feel like listening to The Byrds.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

My life is devoted to Christ, regardless of what you seem to be assuming here. Although I'm not perfect, don't insinuate that I'm just living for myself or that other Christian singles are just living for themselves. God made each of us individually with a purpose. We are to be who he made us to be. That purpose is his part of his design, regardless of whether we marry or remain single.

You can serve God where you are.

I already explained that a single person is in a position to serve God as we're unencumbered by family obligations. Either way, whether married or single, serving God can look different depending on our individual temperaments, strengths, weaknesses, and circumstances. It isn't always so black and white as being called to singleness. Marital status can be temporary or it can be for a lifetime. It's God's plans, not ours, that prevail.

"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace. -Ecclesiastes 3:1-8"

Now if you'll excuse me I feel like listening to The Byrds.

Right, you can serve God whether married or single. It's irrelevant.

 

[TheLastGeek]

My life is devoted to Christ, regardless of what you seem to be assuming here. Although I'm not perfect, don't insinuate that I'm just living for myself or that other Christian singles are just living for themselves. God made each of us individually with a purpose. We are to be who he made us to be. That purpose is his part of his design, regardless of whether we marry or remain single.

You can serve God where you are.

I already explained that a single person is in a position to serve God as we're unencumbered by family obligations. Either way, whether married or single, serving God can look different depending on our individual temperaments, strengths, weaknesses, and circumstances. It isn't always so black and white as being called to singleness. Marital status can be temporary or it can be for a lifetime. It's God's plans, not ours, that prevail.

"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace. -Ecclesiastes 3:1-8"

Now if you'll excuse me I feel like listening to The Byrds.

This was my reaction exactly. I just didn't have the energy to verbalize it, so thank you, Miles lol. By being "my best self" as God created me to be, I am serving Him and am devoted to Him. Takes all kinds of people to make up The Body.

 

[ZephBonkerer]

It's a tough dating environment for all of us. Oftentimes, people seek out certain traits that simply do not occur in the same person.

It happens in the business world too: every hiring manager will have some "purple squirrel" story to tell. Even when they do find this elusive "purple squirrel", it all falls through because the manager wants to pay this squirrel 10% below the going rate.

If you find someone who is available and has 90% of everything you are looking for, ask yourself if it is wise to walk away over that other 10% - or if that 10% can be made up in some other way. There's no right or wrong answer to that - maybe that 10% is of the very essence of the relationship and its absence would spell certain doom to any future relationship. Or maybe it's not critical at all. You should know your deal-breakers.

 

[Sir Robbins]

"Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But this I say by way of concession, not of command. Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I." -1 Corinthians 7:1–8

"But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." -1 Corinthians 7:9

These are the words of Paul, not God himself. People do this so often with biblical references. Paul was speaking these things during the downfall of Corinth where chaos and sin were running wild.

Honestly, the USA and much of the world may be mirroring Corinth at this point and it may be sound advice for modern times too but should not be taken as the rule of life.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

These are the words of Paul, not God himself. People do this so often with biblical references. Paul was speaking these things during the downfall of Corinth where chaos and sin were running wild.

Honestly, the USA and much of the world may be mirroring Corinth at this point and it may be sound advice for modern times too but should not be taken as the rule of life.

Yeah, some take the Bible way to literally. Some of what's in there wouldn't apply to today.

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

These are the words of Paul, not God himself. People do this so often with biblical references. Paul was speaking these things during the downfall of Corinth where chaos and sin were running wild.

"and regard the patience of our Lord as salvation; just as also our beloved brother Paul, according to the wisdom given him, wrote to you, as also in all his letters, speaking in them of these things, in which are some things hard to understand, which the untaught and unstable distort, as they do also the rest of the Scriptures, to their own destruction." -2 Peter 3:15-16

"This one incidental line, the rest of the scriptures, links Paul’s writings with scripture. This is thus one of the earliest affirmations of any part of the NT as scripture." (Biblical Studies Press. 2019. The NET Bible. Second Edition. Denmark: Thomas Nelson.)

"Alternatively, it may include Paul’s letters in Scripture. This is an easier interpretation of the Greek. If so this need not demand a late date for the Epistle. Sometimes graphē, ‘Scripture’, was used in a broad sense (e.g. Jas 4:5; 1 Clem. xxiii. 3) to refer to material which does not appear in the Canon of the Old Testament, but was hallowed by long usage. There can, in any case, be no question that long before AD 60 Christian writings were being read in church along-side the Old Testament, and consequently were well on the way to being rated as equivalent in value to it. 1 Timothy, 1 Clement and Barnabas, all probably deriving from the first century, quote a combination of Old Testament and New Testament texts as ‘Scripture’. The point was this: The apostles were conscious that they spoke the word of the Lord (1 Thess. 2:13) as surely as did any of the prophets. There is nothing, therefore, unnatural about their placing each other alongside the Old Testament prophets. The same Holy Spirit who inspired the prophets was active in themselves. That is quite enough to explain how Peter could have put Paul alongside the Old Testament writers in this verse. Bigg remarks that, so far from having an inferiority complex about Moses and the prophets, the apostles believed themselves to be even higher in the purposes of God. ‘St. Paul sets apostles before prophets (Eph. 4:11) … And it follows from 1 Pet. 1:12 that the Christian evangelist was superior to the old prophets, as Christ himself was greater than Moses.’" (Green, Michael. 1987. 2 Peter and Jude: An Introduction and Commentary. Vol. 18. Tyndale New Testament Commentaries. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.)

Brother on what basis do you separate the Word of God? What's your justification for drawing lines between Paul's words when he's inspired by the same Spirit which gave infallible utterances to the OT prophets? To say they're not of God Himself is to ignore the context in which Paul is speaking "I think that I also have the Spirit of God." (1 Cor 7:40), Paul while remaining modest and giving Apostolic judgement supposed that he himself spoke with the same authority as God. So for you to separate "God's words" from that of the Apostles is to by necessity separate it from the words of the prophets through which we have the Old Testament.

Honestly, the USA and much of the world may be mirroring Corinth at this point and it may be sound advice for modern times too but should not be taken as the rule of life.

The principles that lie within the Bible are applicable to every single situation. Though we might not be facing the exact same circumstances, the advice given for marriage is exposition on the foundation of what it means to be in Christ. This is what Marriage in Christ looks like and therefore is wholly applicable to all times. Without a Scriptural justification for marriage you are only left with subjective belief about what marriage should be and because of that there is no definition of what's right and wrong regarding marriage because definitions are objective claims. So for you to say "these are the words of Paul" and that they're not applicable is to ignore the source of all truth, the definer of what is good in marriage and what is not; God. For God spoke infallibly through Paul and Paul held people to that truth; see:

"If anyone thinks he is a prophet or spiritual, let him recognize that the things which I write to you are the Lord’s commandment." (1 Corinthians 14:37)

edit: grammar

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

Yeah, some take the Bible way to literally. Some of what's in there wouldn't apply to today.

On what basis do you choose what applies for today and what doesn't? If you mean the OT law then amen as we're not Israel and Christ set us free from the curse of death that comes with being under the law. If you mean that Biblical truths about the nature of marriage don't apply any longer then my friend I'm afraid you need to re-examine your beliefs that led to such thinking and ask why they're true. The principles drawn from Scripture about the nature of marriage and what's involved in it come from God, the definer of marriage. I fail to see how Paul's exposition on what marriage in Christ looks like wouldn't be applicable today as that's what Christians should be trying to seek?

 

[Sir Robbins]

On what basis do you choose what applies for today and what doesn't? If you mean the OT law then amen as we're not Israel and Christ set us free from the curse of death that comes with being under the law. If you mean that Biblical truths about the nature of marriage don't apply any longer then my friend I'm afraid you need to re-examine your beliefs that led to such thinking and ask why they're true. The principles drawn from Scripture about the nature of marriage and what's involved in it come from God, the definer of marriage. I fail to see how Paul's exposition on what marriage in Christ looks like wouldn't be applicable today as that's what Christians should be trying to seek?

A perfect example is the command of being fruitful and multiplying to fill the earth. That only had relevance twice in history. In the beginning and after the great flood. By choosing not to have children, you are not disobeying anything or turning away a command as it is no longer relevant.

 

[Sir Robbins]

You realise that command is fulfilled in Christ right?

I am puzzled by your response.... please elaborate so I can send your message to the people who say I will rot in hell for being childless (yes these are people in church)

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

I am puzzled by your response.... please elaborate so I can send your message to the people who say I will rot in hell for being childless (yes these are people in church)

I deleted the message I'm sorry. I realised it wasn't thorough enough and I thought 2 minutes would be quick enough that I could delete it and respond better but apparently you have the eyes of a hawk haha. That's horrible that people say that to you, especially given that both our Saviour and at least one of the Apostles was confirmed to be childless (Paul). Regardless, I'll start with the verse:

"God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” (Genesis 1:28)

When Christ lived, suffered, died, rose and ascended for us He fulfilled so many portions of Scripture and transformed the way we approach it (obviously because He changed the way we approach Him). One of the main reasons I believe that Christ fulfilled this command and superseded it is because He fulfilled "In you all the families of the earth will be blessed.” (Gen 12:3, Gal 3:8). That through Christ the earth is filled not just with man but with children of God. It's not only fulfilling the first command of Adam, but is taking it to a more extreme degree and filling the earth with the "new creation" humans. You will notice too that not only the multiplying has been fulfilled in Christ but also the rest of the verse which has to do with ruling over Creation.

Another counter to essentially calling celibacy a sin is that in 1 Thess 2:15 Paul says "So then, brethren, stand firm and hold to the traditions which you were taught, whether by word of mouth or by letter from us." (which by the way means all Scripture is still applicable & true; e.g., God's command in Genesis 1:28 being a basis for calling marriage good) and that this is the same Apostle that said "Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I." (1 Cor 7:7-8). Just because Paul wrote this to the Corinthians doesn't mean that this isn't still applicable to us, especially if it was given from God (as I demonstrated in my first comment with 1 Corinthians 14:37).