For Those Who Have Lost Their Virginity And Not Married

[Loner2012]

Do you regret loosing it?

 

[loveChrist14]

I definitely do. It brings me back to a time when I didn't know Christ. It saddens me thats for sure. But... one thing that I do get from it is strong conviction. It reminds me to wait, it reminds me to save myself for the man that I am to spend the rest of my life with. I have been in a relationship for a year, and there hasn't been any sex. Thats a choice... based on Christ and how He changed me. It also reminds me how forgiving, merciful, and filled with grace God is to redeem me from my past.

 

[cam44]

My wife did not save herself for marriage. I can say that we both deeply regret her not saving this as it should have been. It would have been such a great gift to have shared -- it is a precious gift so why not save it for the most special partner you are going to have - your spouse?

I actually to this day really struggle with my wife's past. I know she is who God intended for me and I love her and my children - but this brings me a huge amount of pain.

If these regrets and struggles aren't enough a few years ago my wife and I were at a party of a friend of my wife's (from university) and an 'ex' of my wife's (also from those university days) showed up. I was NOT ok with pretending to be chummy and friendly with a man who has his genitallia inside of my wife ... we pretty much left immediately and the night and next several days were very difficult ... it is difficult to put into words how hurt, betrayed, digusted ... etc. I felt ... if I knew perhaps that they had been in love and that because of that it wasn't simply just recreation then I don't know but it might be easier for me to cope with. The fact that they were only 'dating' cheapens it to the point I question what intimacy do we really share and the images/thoughts are terrible. She was with 5 other men before me -- we married when she was 23 - we are both professional engineers now with 2 kids and she was a 'good Christian girl'. If I tried to actually wait to marry a virgin or compared the number of partners she had to most of her friends or other girls from university or high school, they had all been with even more partners ...


This is ALL totally unnecessary stress and regret ... do what God asks of you -- you still have the choice!!

 

[Powerkitejunkie]

Yes, because now I don't think any christian man would be able to accept me for my past, and I still get text messages from various ex's and STILL have deep-rooted and permanent emotional attachments which I can't break....in fact, I am going to meet an ex boyfriend tomorrow night, as I don't feel like I have a future and have sort of got addicted to texting him again....hoping I can behave myself, and know it's stupid on some levels, but if you don't feel like you have a future until you get to Heaven, it can seem like an awfully long time to wait without male company, even if you just look and don't touch!!! Please pray for me....

 

[cam44]

Yes, because now I don't think any christian man would be able to accept me for my past, and I still get text messages from various ex's and STILL have deep-rooted and permanent emotional attachments which I can't break....in fact, I am going to meet an ex boyfriend tomorrow night, as I don't feel like I have a future and have sort of got addicted to texting him again....hoping I can behave myself, and know it's stupid on some levels, but if you don't feel like you have a future until you get to Heaven, it can seem like an awfully long time to wait without male company, even if you just look and don't touch!!! Please pray for me....

wow -- you are being very hard on yourself. I married my wife who was with 5 men before me and I was aware of this before we married. I KNEW she was the one God intended for me and I don't regret marrying her 1% Her past has been very difficult for me to cope with - but I keep that as my 'issue' - I certainly don't hang it over her. I keep telling myself 1-we all make mistakes/sin 2-she IS remorseful. And #2 is the trick - as you are also remorseful and repent your sin - then God can forgive you and your future spouse will RESPECT that.
You cannot change what has happened, but truly repent for this and I am sure you will find and marry the man of your dreams.

 

[Loner2012]

Okay I have not lost my virginity. One day I hope so, not when I am old. That part of that being a possibility bugs me. I want to experience my youth. All the while, I want to please God and not do wrong especially on this note.

However, God does forgive others. I have done other things that were wrong and asked for forgiveness. I do not look down on people who I am asking about. As far as I am concerned I am not better off than you are because we all are imperfect. The same Jesus who died for me, is the same who died for you.

I do wander however, if you lost your virginity before marriage and you are with a different person, will you get compared and will that create love loss. I mean there is more to love than sex like the little moments like cooking dinner, spending time with the kids and going to church, just to name a few. I know finding a virgin these days becomes harder and harder with time. For my concern I hope the lack of experience does not come between me and her. Plus I hope that I won't be compared. I know I am insecure about this. I just want a woman who I will call mine (not in ownership, but in love) feel so special during our moment(s). I know its not just about me, its about her as well. I feel that sex is desire shared equally overall (between sexes).

 

[Loner2012]

Here is another version of it. In response to everything here, I have not lost my virginity but would love to one day. I would like to loose it to the right one of course. I do not want however, to lose my virginity when I am old. I want to experience my youth. All the while I do not want to wrong here.

I am not looking down at anyone person on here who has lost it before marriage. I to have done wrong and sin is sin. We all are imperfect and provided with a gift of salvation.

I do however, feel somewhat insecure about the matter because I have not lost it. In this day and age virginity equals invalidity towards people especially the opposite sex. I do not want to be compared to others. I mean I know sex is a two way street were overall it is desired equally between both men and women. I just want to be able to make that future woman special and beautiful as well I want to feel like I can conquer anything. I know I have lustful moments like any person would. I know that I do want to show love. I want to give that woman my best. I hope you all can understand this. I hope I am coming off as lustful person, but a loving one. One who wants to make his future other feel special and loved. Without the fear of being compared to someone else. For I know its not my moment or her moment its our moment.

I have mixed feelings about my virginity. One hand I feel proud on the other I feel embarrassed. Please keep me in your prayers.

 

[cam44]

You are human - I completely understand how you feel.
What you say about virginity and invalidity is really a sad statement about the society we are in. My message is to be confident in your beliefs/convictions - and that if we ALL had that strength, then the norm would be virginity and not the other way around ... but as a loving troll pointed out on another thread this is perhaps a fantasy world.
I hope you stay proud and not embarrassed - you are in my prayers.

 

[GujuNilesh]

Loner2012, I feel like the question you really want answered is that would God be ok if you lost your virginity before marriage?
In other words, you are tempted and you know its wrong but you are trying to find the sliver of hope/path that would allow you to commit this without the wrath of God on your life.

With that said I want you to know that I have been where you have been. And yes I lost my virginity in my youth. And let me tell you this that though God forgives. And I am so GLAD he does! That there is still a sense of resentment and failure when you look back at it. Sure it was fun. Sure it had its moments. But I think about my future bride and hate to have to think and let her know that she wont be the only one who has all of me.

I know that our generation has made it seem like its ok and everyone is doing it. And maybe everyone is doing it. But just consider the life of Daniel. Everyone was supposed to bow down to that idol. But Daniel didn't! I would encourage you to Dare to be a Daniel!

But know that God loves you alot! He doesn't want to see you go on the wrong path. If you can marry her then go ahead. If you cannot then talk to your pastor to see what can be done. It might even mean short separation or maybe having both of you as well as your parents accountable for you so that you do not fall into this sin.
At the same time know that even if you do fall into it then God loves you and want you back. But try not to fall into it if you can.

 

[AndrewZinc]

Yes, because now I don't think any christian man would be able to accept me for my past, and I still get text messages from various ex's and STILL have deep-rooted and permanent emotional attachments which I can't break....

You are mistaken. We have been forgiven that much by God that we should forgive others and so the past doesn't matter. It's clear that some men would find it easier to forget - I am a virgin and I can't guarantee that were my future wife not to be, that it would make me worry.

....in fact, I am going to meet an ex boyfriend tomorrow night, as I don't feel like I have a future and have sort of got addicted to texting him again....hoping I can behave myself, and know it's stupid on some levels, but if you don't feel like you have a future until you get to Heaven, it can seem like an awfully long time to wait without male company, even if you just look and don't touch!!! Please pray for me....

To me that seems unwise. If your ex boyfriend is not a Christian (or even if he is) and you have sinned with him in the past, the best thing to do is to avoid meeting him. That might seem harsh on him, but you need to put your own relationship with God first. We should flee from temptation (1 Corinthians 6:18) and must be ruthless (Matthew 5:29-30) when keeping ourselves from sin.

I pray that you can remain pure from now on, as I do for myself also. God will help us if we ask.

 

[Luna1991]

Yes. I feel dirty because of my sexual history. All of my sexual experiences have been during active addiction, and I have little to no memory of all of it. Some of it I wasn't conscious at all for, and some wasn't consensual even if I was. All of it I regret. But in a way, I am glad I have such a limited recollection of it - at least when/if I get married, it will mostly feel like a new experience, even if it brings back some painful memories initially.

On top of that, I also avoid relationships and attention from guys, who I would otherwise love to get to know. I meet these lovely, Godly guys who express an interest in me, and I just run a mile - terrified that they will be disgusted at my history, etc. Doesn't help that I have other mental health issues which I perceive as extremely undesirable qualities. But overall, I findit to be a massive wall to the possibility of future relationships and intimacy the way God intended them to be.

 

[pressingon17]

Yes I do. One of the hardest thing I've ever had to do is tell the woman I'm courting who is a virgin I'm not. Thank the LORD for His forgiveness and her forgiveness.

 

[Isambard]

Nah. I feel no guilt regarding my sexual history, nor do I feel I should. All part of the learning process of who I am.

 

[cam44]

Nah. I feel no guilt regarding my sexual history, nor do I feel I should. All part of the learning process of who I am.

Feeling shame/guilt over a sin or poor decision is normal. Many intelligent animals like dogs are capable of shame.

 

[kayus]

I have taken time to read some of the comments passed here on the subject matter.What I can draw from all who has tasted the sex before in their youth,one things run through their comment and that is they feel bad about it.

I would want to raise some questions that may provoke your thoughts in order for every one who read this thread to get full grasp of the issue of lost of virginity.

Is sex bad?
Is having sex sin for youth?
Can there ever be forgiveness without any repercussion for losing one's virginity?

Alright,let me take them one after the other and answer these probing questions.

Is sex bad?

Sex is good and the Bible says so.Have you not read in Geneis 1 whwne God created man in His image,He created male and female.That is God in His wisdom made them sexual being. The reason for the difference in gender is for the human made to know their different in structure and make up.And that the male and female can understand how to enjoy their sexual individualities.

Remember, that the Bible says, when God saw them, it was good.So,since the male was the male-man because of its sexual diversity and the female was also so because of its unique sexual diversity,then there was no evil in making the man so.

We can deduce that after Adam was shown his wife by God.The bible says they were both naked and not ashamed. That presupposes they enjoy having sex.In all, we see that sex was God made and there was no evil in sex.

Now, to the second questions.Is sex sin for youth?

How then do we say sex is good and for young male and female,having sex in thier as unmarried youth is sin?

Let me take you back to the Genesis 1 and 2 I alluded to.Take care note that they were both not naked until the woman was formed by God and He got them married.The marriage took place in reference in Genesis 1 ,when God blessed the union,that is marriage of the man and woman and told them to be fruitful and multiply.

They never saw each other nakedness until they were both married and were husband and wife.It was only then sex was good for both of them.Adam and his woman has not to be afraid of or stricken with guilt by consummation of their marriage by sex. They enjoy sex and it was no sin to them.

They were not young unmarried male and female.So,for any young man or woman who go into sex,definitely he or she has violated God's plan and law.Remember in Hebrew12 verse 4,it says that marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled.That is a honorable marriage is that that has not be defiled by sex before the D-day.

Does that means that if one who has lost its virginity became converted,will God still count the sin on him or her?

If you truly repent,confess and believe God for grace to overcome further lust to sin such sin again, then your sins has been forever erased from God's mind.He BLOTs OUT this transgression.

But mind you,the effect of the sin has not and can never be blotted out.You will still have to suffer the effect of breaking God's law. It is like if you defy the law of gravity and you go up a building to see if you can fly upward if you dare jump.What happen if you dare try that.You definitely drop down,down and die.

That is the way God's law works.If you break any of His laws,you live to suffer the punishment without breaking you along the line. This is because Grace is provided to bear the pains that would come.

So, it is better not to have lost your virginity.How can you explain not suffering is the guy or lady you slept has venereal diseases or HIV/AIDS. How about abortion and you get your womb ruptured. Will you not suffer these painful consequences?

You surely will.Remember,the words of Apostles Paul to the Galatians church in chapter 6.Do not be deceived.God cannot be mocked. Whatever you sow is that you will reap.

Even if you do lose your virginity and nothing happens,how about the emotional pain it leaves on your mind until Christ come.It is better my friends to never have tasted the forbidden fruit than taste and think even after repentance that is all.

Sure you will be forgiven but you need to draw close of Christ for grace to bear the attendants consequences.

 

[Jess4hope]

I lost my virginity when I was 18 and have since had sex with 9 men. I definitely regret letting myself give in to temptation and believing the lie, when you're in a relationship, sex is a given. I wouldn't go back and do it any differently because my past sexual mistakes have brought me to the place I am today. I know a good, Christian man will accept me even though I've had a promiscuous past. I also know God will forgive me for my foolish ways and doesn't love me any less.

 

[MacFall]

Shame, guilt, feelings of dirtiness. All forms of condemnation. So what does it mean to have those feelings while "there is no condemnation to them that are in Christ?" It means that those feelings are coming straight out of the pit of hell. Recognizing that one has sinned is honesty; regretting it is humility. Letting it color your self-image or change your spiritual condition can only happen if you are not taking seriously the power of Christ to wash you clean.

And to those who fear that a Godly person will not accept them because of their past: a Godly person follows the example of Christ. If Christ considers you washed clean, then any person who does not is not a Godly person in that respect. You should not even value their opinions.

 

[cam44]

Shame, guilt, feelings of dirtiness. All forms of condemnation. So what does it mean to have those feelings while "there is no condemnation to them that are in Christ?" It means that those feelings are coming straight out of the pit of hell. Recognizing that one has sinned is honesty; regretting it is humility. Letting it color your self-image or change your spiritual condition can only happen if you are not taking seriously the power of Christ to wash you clean.

And to those who fear that a Godly person will not accept them because of their past: a Godly person follows the example of Christ. If Christ considers you washed clean, then any person who does not is not a Godly person in that respect. You should not even value their opinions.

Just looked at your picture -- were you in ZZ Top?

 

[MacFall]

Just looked at your picture -- were you in ZZ Top?

I don't think my beard is quite long enough yet for that. But it'll get there.

 

[Wingdizzle]

Yes.....Its lead to a world of hurt. The only good thing that ever came of it was my son.