For Those Who Have Lost Their Virginity And Not Married

[mightymatt]

OP it's lose, not loose.

 

[thesunisout]

You're on your track to a Slippery Slope Fallacy..so i'll get you back on track!!

- I had stated i'm talking to a girl

-Actually yes I have been in a friends with benefits relationship with the very girl I lost my virginity too. We're the closest of friends and honestly, the sex made us even closer than ever. She has a boyfriend now and we talked about it and we're all "Yeah sucks that we cant have our times, but I have him blah blah" so even if she has a boyfriend now, and i'm talking to a girl...I don't just pick a girl. It may sound weird but i've only had sex with girls i'm very close to and for some reason it's made our friendships stronger, regardless if they get a boyfriend or I get a girlfriend.

Everytime you have sex with someone you are becoming "one flesh" with them. You are joining your soul to theirs and absorbing all of their issues. They're called ungodly soul ties and you are carrying as many around as you have had partners. What you're doing isn't harmless and of course you're putting yourself at risk for disease and accidental pregnancy. I used to think the way you do and I can tell you that I wish I had saved my virginity for my future wife instead of throwing it away for nothing.

 

[Tylyr]

Everytime you have sex with someone you are becoming "one flesh" with them. You are joining your soul to theirs and absorbing all of their issues. They're called ungodly soul ties and you are carrying as many around as you have had partners. What you're doing isn't harmless and of course you're putting yourself at risk for disease and accidental pregnancy. I used to think the way you do and I can tell you that I wish I had saved my virginity for my future wife instead of throwing it away for nothing.

Exactly this!

To Affliction: Sex creates a bond between two people like nothing else can. This is why you are experiencing such a close "friendship" with this girl. Thesunisout is right when he says what you're doing isn't harmless.

 

[Affliction]

Everytime you have sex with someone you are becoming "one flesh" with them. You are joining your soul to theirs and absorbing all of their issues. They're called ungodly soul ties and you are carrying as many around as you have had partners. What you're doing isn't harmless and of course you're putting yourself at risk for disease and accidental pregnancy. I used to think the way you do and I can tell you that I wish I had saved my virginity for my future wife instead of throwing it away for nothing.

I don't get the lingo here man, one flesh? joining souls? It's sex dude. I'm happy to say that I didn't wait, nothing bad has went on, nothing will. I can't deny at all that I know there are chicks who would want to have sex with me. Ego? Maybe a little when I say i'm a desirable person both sexually, and for a long term relationship, which is what i'm currently looking for right now instead of messing around. Have I found anything yet? Sadly no. However, i'm not putting myself at any risk when I take precautionary measures, that's why it's called mitigation. I check my rubber, I give them straight questions and i've always gotten straight answers. Birth control (Yesss!), clean etc. I never ever do anything if a chick isn't clean, but thankfully that hasn't happened and won't ever.


To ty: I think it's really cute you put friendship in quotation marks. It's okay, they're real

 

[HorsieJuice]

Everytime you have sex with someone you are becoming "one flesh" with them. You are joining your soul to theirs and absorbing all of their issues. They're called ungodly soul ties and you are carrying as many around as you have had partners.

Um, no. My soul is not joined to any of the women I've been with, nor have I absorbed all of their issues. Taking my ex-wife as an example, I absorbed her issues not because we were having sex, but because we were married and living together in a close relationship. Now that we're divorced, I (thankfully) don't absorb her issues any more.

I have to wonder if people actually come up with these crazy theories based on their own experiences or if it's just something they read in a book.

 

[KitKatMatt]

Um, no. My soul is not joined to any of the women I've been with, nor have I absorbed all of their issues. Taking my ex-wife as an example, I absorbed her issues not because we were having sex, but because we were married and living together in a close relationship. Now that we're divorced, I (thankfully) don't absorb her issues any more.

I have to wonder if people actually come up with these crazy theories based on their own experiences or if it's just something they read in a book.

I think it's a matter of confusing sexual intimacy with emotional intimacy. Both have a tendency to be linked together for many people, but they can exist independent of each other.

And I don't think many relationship books are helping with the matter (they are definitely a source of crazy theories on their own).

 

[AppleJackzO]

My Question Is Directed To All The Ladies, Does It Really Matter To You If A Man Is Not A Virging?

Not at all. Like people stated before ALL have fallen short of the glory of God. It wouldn't be very Christlike for me to not forgive him when he's made a new man in Christ.

 

[Affliction]

I think it's a matter of confusing sexual intimacy with emotional intimacy. Both have a tendency to be linked together for many people, but they can exist independent of each other.

And I don't think many relationship books are helping with the matter (they are definitely a source of crazy theories on their own).

Concurred

Also I love the Homestuck.

 

[KitKatMatt]

Concurred

Also I love the Homestuck.

Haha, glad to hear there are some others out there!

 

[OBEY]

Yes, I regret it. Sometimes I get really sad about it, because I'm currently engaged and wish I would have saved it for the night I get married, but life it's all a learning experience. At least I know better now.

 

[thesunisout]

I don't get the lingo here man, one flesh? joining souls? It's sex dude. I'm happy to say that I didn't wait, nothing bad has went on, nothing will. I can't deny at all that I know there are chicks who would want to have sex with me. Ego? Maybe a little when I say i'm a desirable person both sexually, and for a long term relationship, which is what i'm currently looking for right now instead of messing around. Have I found anything yet? Sadly no. However, i'm not putting myself at any risk when I take precautionary measures, that's why it's called mitigation. I check my rubber, I give them straight questions and i've always gotten straight answers. Birth control (Yesss!), clean etc. I never ever do anything if a chick isn't clean, but thankfully that hasn't happened and won't ever.

You're taking a risk every time you have sex outside of marriage, and
it is a sin. Your problem though isn't that you have sex outside of marriage (although that is a problem), it's that you don't know the Lord. You aren't going to understand that it is wrong or even care precisely because it's wrong in Gods eyes and you don't know Him.

 

[just a person]

My wife did not save herself for marriage. I can say that we both deeply regret her not saving this as it should have been. It would have been such a great gift to have shared -- it is a precious gift so why not save it for the most special partner you are going to have - your spouse?

I actually to this day really struggle with my wife's past. I know she is who God intended for me and I love her and my children - but this brings me a huge amount of pain.

If these regrets and struggles aren't enough a few years ago my wife and I were at a party of a friend of my wife's (from university) and an 'ex' of my wife's (also from those university days) showed up. I was NOT ok with pretending to be chummy and friendly with a man who has his genitallia inside of my wife ... we pretty much left immediately and the night and next several days were very difficult ... it is difficult to put into words how hurt, betrayed, digusted ... etc. I felt ... if I knew perhaps that they had been in love and that because of that it wasn't simply just recreation then I don't know but it might be easier for me to cope with. The fact that they were only 'dating' cheapens it to the point I question what intimacy do we really share and the images/thoughts are terrible. She was with 5 other men before me -- we married when she was 23 - we are both professional engineers now with 2 kids and she was a 'good Christian girl'. If I tried to actually wait to marry a virgin or compared the number of partners she had to most of her friends or other girls from university or high school, they had all been with even more partners ...


This is ALL totally unnecessary stress and regret ... do what God asks of you -- you still have the choice!!

I have a quick question about how many sexual partners you had before you got married. I know that I'm not the original poster I'm just curious. Thank you.

 

[SnowyMacie]

No, I don't regret losing my virginity, or any of my past sexual partners.

I have a quick question about how many sexual partners you had before you got married. I know that I'm not the original poster I'm just curious. Thank you.

Not married, and I've had 3.

 

[Arian Pentecostal Wannabe]

Do you regret loosing it?

To be honest, not really (though I'm a guy, for what that's worth).

At the time I was very nervous around women and I mistakenly believed, based on a bunch of crap I read online, that I'd be much more confident if I had sex. When I did end up with a girlfriend, I was also afraid that she'd get bored of me and dump me unless I "snagged" her. Thought I could get her more attached to me through sex, and then she would fall in love with me.

Didn't work. In fact, it did quite the opposite, as it gave her the excuse to break up with me.

I know that with my mindset, though, I would have done it anyways, with somebody. My girlfriend and I were also doomed, too; we would never have lasted in the long run.

For a while I did feel cheated that I gave it to her only for her to run off with another guy, but I don't even care now.

Eh, the spiritual reasons why fornication is a sin is a lesson I could have only learned through experience.

 

[PrettyChillAtheist]

You're taking a risk every time you have sex outside of marriage, and
it is a sin. Your problem though isn't that you have sex outside of marriage (although that is a problem), it's that you don't know the Lord. You aren't going to understand that it is wrong or even care precisely because it's wrong in Gods eyes and you don't know Him.

There's a risk when you have sex every time, regardless of marital status. Might get pregnant, might get a uti, might get an sti. Lots can go wrong, sure

I also accept lots of risk when I drive, or when I decide to go out drinking, or when I'm walking across a road.

Point is we have ways to mitigate or eliminate risk factors in a lot of things that we do.

Just so happens that we can prevent the risks associated with sex, given proper education.

Having sex before I met my current girlfriend let me find it what I enjoy in the bedroom and include her in that. She does the same with me. If anything it made the sex better since we both actually know what we're doing, and not fumbling around like amateurs.

 

[thesunisout]

There's a risk when you have sex every time, regardless of marital status. Might get pregnant, might get a uti, might get an sti. Lots can go wrong, sure

I also accept lots of risk when I drive, or when I decide to go out drinking, or when I'm walking across a road.

Point is we have ways to mitigate or eliminate risk factors in a lot of things that we do.

Just so happens that we can prevent the risks associated with sex, given proper education.

Having sex before I met my current girlfriend let me find it what I enjoy in the bedroom and include her in that. She does the same with me. If anything it made the sex better since we both actually know what we're doing, and not fumbling around like amateurs.

I understand why that is important to you, but to God moral purity is far more important and leads to His blessing over your marriage. Since you aren't interested in Gods favor right now, you are going with what seems right to you. The scripture tells us about that:

Proverbs 14:12

There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death

 

[PrettyChillAtheist]

I understand why that is important to you, but to God moral purity is far more important and leads to His blessing over your marriage. Since you aren't interested in Gods favor right now, you are going with what seems right to you. The scripture tells us about that:

Proverbs 14:12

There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death

Why is having sex immoral?

I'd like a better answer than God says so, if you don't mind

 

[eyeamnicegirl]

Yes, because now I don't think any christian man would be able to accept me for my past, and I still get text messages from various ex's and STILL have deep-rooted and permanent emotional attachments which I can't break....in fact, I am going to meet an ex boyfriend tomorrow night, as I don't feel like I have a future and have sort of got addicted to texting him again....hoping I can behave myself, and know it's stupid on some levels, but if you don't feel like you have a future until you get to Heaven, it can seem like an awfully long time to wait without male company, even if you just look and don't touch!!! Please pray for me....

Your post breaks my heart. I understand what you mean about emotional attachments that go with having sex with a guy. But the idea that the attachment is "permanent" is not real . . . well, unless you let it be real. You sort of have to make the break, and STOP hooking up with the guy. I fear that the core of your problem is insecurity, as in you fear no other man will want you (other than those you have already had sex with), so you keep going back to the ex for sex. I can tell you from personal experience, that there are always guys out there who will want you, even if you have had sex with several guys already. In fact, some of those guys who want you are actually decent guys, it's not just the creeps and freaks who will want you. But let me tell you something that totally repels a new guy -- you still having random hook-ups with your ex (or several exes). Guys don't care that much about how much sex you had in your past, as long as it is your PAST. Sure, a guy might care a little bit, but do know that the odds of a guy not having done the same thing you have done (or more) is pretty low, so they sort of understand your situation. Your past does not define your future; YOU define your future. If you think you have had too much sex and/or had sex with too many different people; YOU can change the way you live your life going forward. After about a year of doing it a "better way," the past that is messing with your brain so much will start to fade away to the point it really doesn't bother you. It's like my first kiss when I was 14 -- I just look back on it and laugh; it was such a big deal then, and now (16 years later) it's has no impact on me at all. I don't have even the slightest of feelings for that boy (now man). And same goes for the guy that I gave my virginity to. It was a big deal when it happened (freshman at college, age 18), but 12 years later? It is on the same level as that first kiss -- it happened, but it doesn't have an impact on my life today. Same goes for a few other guys along the way. I will tell you that hooking up with an ex is a really bad decision; despite the fact that the sex, in and of itself, is probably good. There is a REASON he is your ex. You really need to say no to the sex (well, with the ex anyway), and by doing so, you can say a big YES to your future. When I was 27, I met a great guy; his response to me when I told him I wasn't a virgin (more like I told him the total number)? "Well, you are an attractive woman, and I figured you have had lots of opportunities, and I figure at least a couple of those opportunities were tempting enough to actually take. As long as those guys are no longer in your life in any way, I'm OK with it." Notice he didn't say he was happy that I "got my share," but he also didn't condemn me for it or even hold it against me. And remember, 99.99% of the men you will meet are NOT the right one for you, so don't let some judgemental loser make you look down on yourself. P.S., that wonderful guy and I are married now . . . and the sex is great.

 

[Dave-W]

And to those who fear that a Godly person will not accept them because of their past: a Godly person follows the example of Christ.

Self-righteousness and hard-nosed judgementalism are not traits of Godliness.

If the person does not accept them, (assuming proper repentance has been accomplished) then that person is NOT godly.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

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