For Those Who Have Lost Their Virginity And Not Married

[rosiemary]

I'd urge you to wait. This is the one sin that you can't actually fight so are told to flee from it:
1 Corinthians 6:18 - Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.
God is forgiving and if God forgives who is anyone else to judge? But the consequences have a lasting impact. Very rarely have I heard someone not regret it, especially if they are no longer with that person.

 

[Nienna_Lady_of_Tears]

I lost it before we married, but I gave it to the man I married. Losing it was a catalyst for us finally eloping (my family totally disapproved of him and only because they believed in arranged marriages and he was not who they had arranged.) When they found out, they were livid. Where the bible says "It is better to marry than to burn" they told him he would have no further contact with me. We had been trying to get married for the last five years, but my family would always send me away from him. Finally they ran out of places to send me.

Eventually we decided that who cares if we're economically ready, we needed to get married because God's Word says it's better to marry than to burn. We felt that God would bless us for doing the right thing in the mess we had made. So we left, became homeless, and got married as soon as we collected the money for a license.

We were only homeless for two months, and much of that we were only "technically homeless" meaning we had no place of our own, but we were staying with friends and not paying rent. We feel that God allowed us to leave homelessness so quickly because we did then go and do the right thing.

I'm not recommending this at all, I'm just saying that this is what happened to us.

 

[vanillakay]

I lost my virginity when I was 18 and have since had sex with 9 men. I definitely regret letting myself give in to temptation and believing the lie, when you're in a relationship, sex is a given. I wouldn't go back and do it any differently because my past sexual mistakes have brought me to the place I am today. I know a good, Christian man will accept me even though I've had a promiscuous past. I also know God will forgive me for my foolish ways and doesn't love me any less.

Im trying to no be too judgy, but seriously? Im not perfect i have made mistakes and sin every day and i know your not perfect either but its just ...DISGUSTING that you would degrade your body that way,becuase im sorry but just becuase you are in a relationship DOES NOT justify or mean that sex is a given.Sex is a CHOICE and NINE different men? was one not enough? its bad enough you let it happen once but 9 other times? you shared your body, something so so personal, with 9 men, who in turn shared there body with who knows how many girls?..how can you say you would not do anything differently if you had the chance?...it just blows my mind reading that

 

[vanillakay]

Nah. I feel no guilt regarding my sexual history, nor do I feel I should. All part of the learning process of who I am.

Your trying to justify yourself and its DISGUSTING/Im sorry, I am but how can you fele no remorse? there is no excuse under God's green earth for what you have done to your body and it turns my stomach to hear you say you do not regret any of it. I feel sad for my my friend. Im sorry to ceom off harsh but premarital sex is BIG pet peeve of mine

 

[KitKatMatt]

Im trying to no be too judgy, but seriously? Im not perfect i have made mistakes and sin every day and i know your not perfect either but its just ...DISGUSTING that you would degrade your body that way,becuase im sorry but just becuase you are in a relationship DOES NOT justify or mean that sex is a given.Sex is a CHOICE and NINE different men? was one not enough? its bad enough you let it happen once but 9 other times? you shared your body, something so so personal, with 9 men, who in turn shared there body with who knows how many girls?..how can you say you would not do anything differently if you had the chance?...it just blows my mind reading that

Your trying to justify yourself and its DISGUSTING/Im sorry, I am but how can you fele no remorse? there is no excuse under God's green earth for what you have done to your body and it turns my stomach to hear you say you do not regret any of it. I feel sad for my my friend. Im sorry to ceom off harsh but premarital sex is BIG pet peeve of mine

I hate to butt in but I'm going to do it anyways.

Calling someone disgusting isn't going to bring them into the light or even correct past mistakes. It fixes nothing.

You know what it WILL do? It will make them ashamed, it will make them want to hide, it will make them want to flee those who might look down upon them and possibly even drive them to do the same things over again in an attempt to cope.

It'll make them feel alone and scared, and like all hope is lost. And, when it's bad enough, they resign themselves to the idea that no one cares for them.

People calling someone disgusting and trying to demean them over a choice that was personally theirs is MY pet peeve.

When you've done something wrong, you need to feel accepted and understood before you can be brought to your feet and correct yourself. You need clean and dress a wound carefully so it can heal, not rub salt in it.

 

[BritneyCuthbert88]

It’s probably the biggest regret of my life. I gave my testimony on my introduction post yesterday so I won’t repeat myself... but I still feel ashamed by everything I did and everything I was during that selfish, immoral period of my life. Deep down I do feel that I’m tainted by my past and can totally relate to Powerkitejunkie’s fear of revealing my previously sinful ways to a good Christian man. Subconsciously it’s probably why I remain single.

Those memories are a permanent reminder of my own flaws but it also brings me back to the most wonderful and magical moment of my entire life when I was saved by my lord and savior, Jesus Christ. The warmth, mercy and forgiveness shown to me, a repentant harlot, that night instantly filled my heart with so much love that it felt like it was going to burst; and it’s felt that way every day since.

 

[ekelly16]

I hate to butt in but I'm going to do it anyways.

Calling someone disgusting isn't going to bring them into the light or even correct past mistakes. It fixes nothing.

You know what it WILL do? It will make them ashamed, it will make them want to hide, it will make them want to flee those who might look down upon them and possibly even drive them to do the same things over again in an attempt to cope.

It'll make them feel alone and scared, and like all hope is lost. And, when it's bad enough, they resign themselves to the idea that no one cares for them.

People calling someone disgusting and trying to demean them over a choice that was personally theirs is MY pet peeve.

When you've done something wrong, you need to feel accepted and understood before you can be brought to your feet and correct yourself. You need clean and dress a wound carefully so it can heal, not rub salt in it.

Agreed. I understand your point but calling them disgusting isn't fixing anything. Sorry

 

[chikadee23]

My answer is yes and no. Yes because I sinned against God, the pain and heartache I suffered as a result of having pre-marital sex, and knowing I can never get my virginity back.

I say no, only because of the lessons I learned. I learned to value myself more, not let anyone pressure me into having sex, and that I don't have to have sex with someone just b/c I'm in a relationship w/ them. After being tested for STD's and pregnancy (everything came back negative), I realized pre-marital sex wasn't worth the risk (physically, mentally, spiritually) and that I should take better care of myself. And I learned I want (and should be) someone that yearns after God and strives to get closer to Him.. If I could turn back the hands of time, I would've listened to everyone that advised me against premarital sex.

But I didn't . I've asked God to forgive me, help me to move forward and not fall into temptation again. Hopefully my story can help someone not do what I did.

I know this is something I'll have to talk to with my future husband (whenever that happens). He may have a sexual past (or not). If he does, that's not something to shame him for or hold over his head. Who am to judge? Aren't we to forgive as God's forgiven us? No one is perfect. I hope he would do the same for me.

 

[chikadee23]

Agreed. I understand your point but calling them disgusting isn't fixing anything. Sorry

I agree. Even though you may not agree with someone's past decisions, that is no reason to call someone disgusting. All of us have fallen short of the glory of God, and should not tear down a fellow brother or sister in Christ because of their past. Whether someone's slept with one person or many, that does not diminish their worth. A person's worth is not tied to their virginity (or lack of it). People are so much more than their past, sexual or otherwise.

Ephesians 4:32 ESV: Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

 

[Thunder Peel]

My answer is yes and no. Yes because I sinned against God, the pain and heartache I suffered as a result of having pre-marital sex, and knowing I can never get my virginity back.

I say no, only because of the lessons I learned. I learned to value myself more, not let anyone pressure me into having sex, and that I don't have to have sex with someone just b/c I'm in a relationship w/ them. After being tested for STD's and pregnancy (everything came back negative), I realized pre-marital sex wasn't worth the risk (physically, mentally, spiritually) and that I should take better care of myself. And I learned I want (and should be) someone that yearns after God and strives to get closer to Him.. If I could turn back the hands of time, I would've listened to everyone that advised me against premarital sex.

But I didn't . I've asked God to forgive me, help me to move forward and not fall into temptation again. Hopefully my story can help someone not do what I did.

I know this is something I'll have to talk to with my future husband (whenever that happens). He may have a sexual past (or not). If he does, that's not something to shame him for or hold over his head. Who am to judge? Aren't we to forgive as God's forgiven us? No one is perfect. I hope he would do the same for me.

A good Christian man won't hold it against you. I dated someone who wasn't a virgin and it didn't bother me. I never thought of her as different or as unclean and the same applies to anyone else who has repented of their past and turned to God for help.

You realize the mistake you made and you've asked the Lord for forgiveness and worked hard to make sure you don't allow that to happen again. That is something any man worth his weight will admire.

 

[marinasdiamond]

I struggle with the word "regret" because I consider everything a learning experience and God has His own mysterious path for everyone, but I do sometimes feel guilty over the decisions I made when I was younger about how easily I shared myself. People are fragile and made for giving themselves completely to only one person, and I wish I'd taken better care of myself and respected others' feelings more. It's also harder to stop having sex if you've done it already and decided to wait until marriage for the next time... But that was the past and I just pray that my future husband can overlook that without too much struggle.

 

[jesusboosted]

My Question Is Directed To All The Ladies, Does It Really Matter To You If A Man Is Not A Virging?

 

[HorsieJuice]

Feeling shame/guilt over a sin or poor decision is normal. Many intelligent animals like dogs are capable of shame.

Not to the level often described in these threads. What we're witnessing here is a result of the idolatry of virginity that's found in many conservative churches.

Vanillakay's comments are a good (albeit somewhat extreme, though not uncommon) example. I wonder if she feels as much shame and guilt over her own self-righteousness as she thinks the other posters ought to feel about their sexual histories.

 

[Affliction]

I don't regret it at all. I'm glad I got to experience something with someone that I cared and still care about. If anything it's made us closer.

 

[Tylyr]

I don't regret it at all. I'm glad I got to experience something with someone that I cared and still care about. If anything it's made us closer.

Until you break up.

 

[HorsieJuice]

Until you break up.

No, not necessarily.

I've got a couple exes with whom I'm still friendly. Having engaged in that behavior hasn't made our current relationships with each other any more awkward - in fact, if anything, I'd say the opposite was true.

 

[Tylyr]

No, not necessarily.

I've got a couple exes with whom I'm still friendly. Having engaged in that behavior hasn't made our current relationships with each other any more awkward - in fact, if anything, I'd say the opposite was true.

Well I agree with you, I had an ex who I gave my virginity to, and we are now good friends. But still the same, I don't believe it's right to be getting THAT close to multiple people. I believe that you should only share that closeness with one person alone.

EDIT:
I was more saying that response to the first part of his post:
- "I don't regret it at all."
- "Until you break up," then you will regret it

 

[Affliction]

Well I agree with you, I had an ex who I gave my virginity to, and we are now good friends. But still the same, I don't believe it's right to be getting THAT close to multiple people. I believe that you should only share that closeness with one person alone.

EDIT:
I was more saying that response to the first part of his post:
- "I don't regret it at all."
- "Until you break up," then you will regret it

Who said anything about relationships? I'm single, but i'm talking to someone if that's what you mean, we have only just started talking for a couple days now but that doesn't entirely get to the point...

Until I break up I won't have any regret because the person I lost my virginity to is one of my closest friends and we have had immense feelings for each other but we weren't dating. We couldn't be closer.

 

[Tylyr]

Who said anything about relationships? I'm single, but i'm talking to someone if that's what you mean, we have only just started talking for a couple days now but that doesn't entirely get to the point...

Until I break up I won't have any regret because the person I lost my virginity to is one of my closest friends and we have had immense feelings for each other but we weren't dating. We couldn't be closer.

So you don't get into relationships? You just pick a girl to be your sex buddy?

 

[Affliction]

So you don't get into relationships? You just pick a girl to be your sex buddy?

You're on your track to a Slippery Slope Fallacy..so i'll get you back on track!!

- I had stated i'm talking to a girl

-Actually yes I have been in a friends with benefits relationship with the very girl I lost my virginity too. We're the closest of friends and honestly, the sex made us even closer than ever. She has a boyfriend now and we talked about it and we're all "Yeah sucks that we cant have our times, but I have him blah blah" so even if she has a boyfriend now, and i'm talking to a girl...I don't just pick a girl. It may sound weird but i've only had sex with girls i'm very close to and for some reason it's made our friendships stronger, regardless if they get a boyfriend or I get a girlfriend.