feeling low...

[GlennK]

i turned 21, i don't do drugs, and none of that stuff, and have been home for college break. things have been great. but.. last night i was going to go hang out with this girl, (my friend's little cousin). i tell my parents im going to go out. They're like oh, okay, with who? and I just tell them some girl, and they get mad because i'm not giving them a name. i tell them, oh, Jennifer.

And they start getting very emotional telling me they will not let me go out with her, because they say she used to be into drugs, sleep around with men, work at a bar, etc. I had no idea about all this, and she is in the drive way waiting for me to come out while this is happening. (i always just make plans to go hang out.. i never ask my parents.. in fact.. my parents haven't even met a lot of my friends because they trust me!)

I calmly tell them I understand but I have to go because I gave her my word, and they insist on me not going, saying she could take me to drug addicts, etc (which definitely wasn't going happen, that's ridiculous, she doesn't even do any of that anymore, and she wouldn't even think about taking me around that!). They start yelling at me for no reason. Then my dad starts accusing me of knowing that she used to do all these things, and that's why i wouldn't tell them at first. That's when I loose it and we start screaming at eachother, and it gets pretty bad. We start screaming even more at eachother.

my dad accused me of knowing she used to be into: 'drugs, sleeping around with men, working at a bar' when I did not! My parents insisted on me not going out with her. (which I didn't because... while i was emotionally blowing up, i told them, i always do the right thing and get my parents blessing, because that's how God meant for it to be), So because of the fighting that went on, I stood her up (which made me feel like i didn't do the right thing going against my word when i had previously promised her), which made me blow up even more (getting in my dad's face, breaking my mom's chair, cussing them out, calling them names), and i felt like my mom and my dad both were in my face pretty bad, and had damaged my reputation with this girl. We exchanged a lot of harmful words. They started yelling at me first, for no reason in the beginning, when they could have talked about it calmly to me!

i don't even have romantic interest in this girl, i was just going to hang out and be around some people!

i keep reliving the experience in my mind of my mom almost crying because i broke one of her chairs, and my dad flinching because he thought i might hit him. It's really bringing me down. if i try to talk to my mom she just brings up things i said last night. my dad just gives me short answers.

was i completely in the wrong? should i expect an apology?
i've already apologized. what am i supposed to do?

 

[arunma]

Oh...this does sound like a very difficult situation. I think if the same thing happened to a teenager, he'd definitely been in the wrong. But you're 21, and in our society that's well over the age at which people typically make their own decisions, so I guess it's a bit more complicated. You showed quite a bit of respect for your parents' authority by staying home. I'm fairly certain that many of us who are your own age (or older) wouldn't.

I guess the most I can say is this. You probably shouldn't have yelled at your parents. But by the same token, they shouldn't have restricted a person of your age. Personally I might have calmly and politely told my parents that I'm not going to obey them. Of course I have my own job and apartment (don't know what your situation is), and my parents would never do something like this anyway, so don't take what I say as gospel truth.

 

[glamourdollxoxo]

A lot of people have made mistakes in their past weather it be drugs or working in a bar and her past mistakes shouldn't stop you from getting to know her if you are interested in her.

 

[PixieSunbelle]

my boyfriend's landlord owns a beer distributing business....
he used to work there.... he also used to party alot- occasionally still does, although its getting to the point where it just isnt fun anymore. Like his dad now, alcohol hurts his stomach. we did go out for New Year's, although i was the one wasted and not him. He had one... early on in the night.

I always make up something to tell my parents.... mainly because i am afraid of the outcome of the situation. I am of the legal age to drink, sleep over my boyfriend's, ect.... i should be able to make my own decisions on those. However, it is perfectly fair of my parents to say i cannot do those things while living here- they could tell me to move out- which i cant do....

 

[BeautifulDestiny09]

I remember two years ago, being adamant about hanging out with this guy that my parents did not like...they didnt want me at his house or anything...but yet I did anyway and did some things I regretted, and I realized that they were only lookin out for me...HOWEVER...i don't let them tell me who I can and cannot hang out with...I respect them, and honor them...but I also try my best to keep my word to others as well, and if my parents get in the way of that...well...I can't help that! You can disagree with your parents, but it would be in your best interest to do so respectfully and to still honor them, no matter HOW old you are!

 

[cloudstrife007]

Mate, I can't give any advice, but only my thoughts on the situation.
It doesn't seem that they are giving you much breathing space with the kind of friends you have. However I'm definitely going to assume that your parents thought in the best interests of you when they advised you not to hang out with that girl.

I definitely understand that you were venting out your frustration when you cussed and broke the chair but those actions probably built up more on your parents impression that you hang around a 'bad' circle of friends.

It is only human nature that parents want to protect and feel that they know whats best for their kids and I don't think its something we as kids will ever understand until we raise our own children. But at the same time, parents also need to give their kids some breathing space otherwise us kids will just get suffocated by this 'protection'.


All the best with rebuilding the relationship with your parents. Will pray for you.

 

[puddleoffaith]

I think you weren't completely in the wrong but you have to understand that your parents had your interests at heart and then you blew up at them. Also, you are under your parents' roof and so should honor them and their wishes. I'll pray that your relationship can heal. Just be humble. and maybe in a few days have an actual conversation about why they didn't want you hanging out with her, what your rights are and what their expectations are about you and your social life while in their home. That way, you won't be told you can't go somewhere after the person shows up.

 

[explodingboy]

To be fair you didn't exactly handle it in the best way. Your 21 to start with, you really should of just gone out with her, staying home to argue and break things doesn't exactly help. Have you considered moving out?

a sort of unrelated question though, when did working at a bar make someone a bad person? is this another addition that I missed somewhere..

 

[Sariebeth]

eek, well first off i dont like when people judge other people, this girl could have changed, God does Change people. we all make poor choices in our lives but thankfully we have a great loving God that will forgive us and make us clean. but they are your parents and you should obey them, maybe they are just protecting you because they love you, pray that God would put it in their heart to maybe witness to this girl, get to know this girl befor judging her. thats my advice i hope it helps you