We have so much work to do when it comes to removing the stigma from being a victim of sexual assault. Children and adults alike grossly under report sexual assault out of shame or fear, empowering the criminal. These people need to understand that no matter what, it is not their fault and no matter what, we as a society will protect them from their attackers. We need to stand ready to help the victims to heal as long as they live. We need to be even more overt from a very young age with children. As early as they start school, they must be taught that their body is their own and that nobody has a right to touch them in a way that makes them uncomfortable. They need to know with absolute certainty that our society is willing and able to care for them and help them out of the tragic situation they find themselves in.
It's amazing how it happens.
Its slow - very slow. Abusers have to groom the person with being suave and kind.
Being i went thru this myself - i gained clarity and lots of it.
Since my break down - i have been looking into mental disorders because they say a break down of my magnitude is a psychotic episode and so i as i always do delved into the subject to see why i lost it.
Mine was a total break down - not the typical.
I was broke down emotionally [my emotions over took me they were so heightened], physically [i couldnt always control the shaking for months even when i tried and eventually it got out of hand] and mentally [my fears led me to a dissociative trauma event].
So looking into this - i discovered borderline personality disorder which comes thru molestation - which wasnt my issue - but it dawned on me regarding my male friends who suffered at the hands of an abuser [molester]
He started grooming them at age 5 - and he destroyed their lives.
But these men were born in the 50's and 60's and only thru seeing the outcome do we understand children need protected from these aggressors. They are not old enough in most instances to comprehend the way abuse starts.
Most women cannot see they are being abused.
I know this for sure - as i blamed myself constantly because before i married him he was Mr Nice guy - and all his friends told me he would take care of me. Still i felt unable to truly know him or love him. I didnt recognize i was raped. ...because society told me he was a nice guy.
So when he changed - i felt it was my fault i wasnt good enough for such a nice guy and even felt i ruined him from being nice because surely i was to blame...
Then the abuse gets worse - and they always make it your fault.
So what happens is - and i read this - the mind's natural occurring chemicals become rewired and or change completely such as the brain and the creation of serotonin stops functioning and the more the victim believes they have no self worth... the more they believe it is their fault. They become depressed and its a vicious cycle the victim cannot understand.
AND they just cant see it.
I am wondering what i can do be an advocate and help women see it.
Its not easy - it really isnt.
I was helping an abused woman get out of her situation - she lives down the road and she said to me [i wont forget] "Why should i get out of it if you put up with the same crap?"
But i felt trapped because i was financially abused. I wasnt allowed money and if i worked he used to make me spend down my money til i was broke - i wasnt allowed to save. I either handed over the money for a bill [altho he made $3- $4000 a month] or i had to buy all the food and kids clothes and soaps etc.
So no matter how hard i tried to save - he found ways to take my money. Leaving me constantly broke even tho he spent untold thousands on himself. He left me to shop for my kids at yard sales - he didnt even care.
He made me feel we were always broke - mean while he had a lot of money saved up somewhere.
Nobody - i dont care who it is - can see the truth of being abused when they are groomed slowly.
Its quite different if they are abusive when you meet them. As i experienced for 6 months prior to meeting him.
But the ones who dont show you are the ones who are truly dangerous.
This goes for pedophiles who know the routine and are very experienced in it.