Hello, I am 17 years of age and I am a born again Christian. I love and care for God, Jesus, and the Hold Spirit but I have these thoughts. It started a month or two age I believe. Anyway, it first started out as curse towards the Holy Spirit which freak me out right away and scared the day lights out of me. I was a carnel, but because of those thought I got right with God,Jesus and Holy Spirit again. But I was still scared and worried that it had become to late and that I was going to Hell. Plus I was still have those thoughts, so I researched online and discover that it could have been OCD based. My mom has OCD and she told me I showed signs of having a touch of it.
So, after about two or three weeks of worrying myself sick I finally talked to my mom about it and I then began to talk to a preacher. I didn't inform him on the OCD thing, just that I was having these thoughts. He kinda sorta help me (I have my days where I still have those cursing thoughts or scared that I am going to Hell because of them.) The next week rolled around and I no longer had cursing thoughts, but one that scared me and freaked me out too. I thought of "What if I snapped and killed my parents and don't remember it? And what if I keep having these thoughts and I do end up killing my parents?" etc. I stayed away from knives,guns, shovels and anything else I was afraid I could use as a weapon. I struggled with this one for about a week and a half before I talked with my mom(I didn't go into detail due to fear of her being scared of me.) Oh, and I was also scared that if I spoke up and told anyone I'd be placed into a mental hospital never to be released again.
Then it switched back of to God. Thoughts of "Oh, you really don't believe in God or Jesus." And I'd get scared and pray and pray. I'd try and fight it with "Well why would I pray, read the bible and go to church." I even started to talk to my friends and a few people about Jesus. I'd just get these overwhelming feeling a grief and doubt, but I'd fight it.
Then the thoughts into "How do you know you picked the right religion? What if you are wrong?" And I try and fight that one with scripture and facts about things that are going on now that were prophesied in the Bible and things that went on back then that were recorded in the Bible. I still fight this one as I type this and it scares and saddens me. Because it makes me feel like I can't be a full true believer and that I don't love Jesus. I have also had thoughts about the devil really being God and Christianity being a lie(and this one pains me to write.) I'd fight that one because I knew it was a trick of the devil. I'd fight that one and I even read about Jesus fasting and the devil going to him and trying to get him to doubt he was the Son of God and Jesus was God. How the devil even told Jesus he'd give him the kingdoms of the world if he bowed down to him.(Thus he was implying he had such power, thus he was implying that he was God. Thus a lie of the devil is to claim he is God.)
So after about two or three days of that it moved from the devil trying to claim he was God to allah(?), I think that is how you spell the musilm god's name, being real. I have fought that one and the thoughts of that have kind of gone. But I still fear that I'll turn muslim and that I'll stop praising Jesus and believing in Jesus. That I will end up accidentlly praising, worshiping and/or praying to the muslim god. I know nothing about muslims other than they don't eat pork,their god's name I guess their prophets name. But I become fearful that I'll read a certian thing and it will be muslim or that I will sit during prayer and that will be muslim. During my prayers to Jesus and even talking about Jesus I feel I have to stress that I am praying or talking about him, Jesus. I'll also have thoughts of the muslim god's name while I am trying to pray to my God, Jesus Christ.
I just become scared that I'll accidently worship a false god or hear false doctorine and believe it thus worshiping a false god. I go constantly through the day saying the same pray and stressing who I am praying to, even though I know God knows who I am talking about. I can't help it. I have tried not to focus on it so much and block it by tracing/counting like my mom does with her stuff.(She does mental tracing. I do mental and physical tracing/outlining.) But I get scared now while talking about God or Jesus, looking at a picture of Jesus or even reading the Bible that I'll have a thought and I'll trigger something. I fasted for a whole day yesterday(1st time) and it was a great experience I felt better, I didn't have thoughts as much and I felt more in tuned with God,Jesus. But today the thoughts returned along with the feelings of doubt and unbelief. I feel as if I don't believe in Jesus and I'll go to Hell for not believing. I have cried these past weeks and it is a over whelming feeling of being broken and sorrow. I've prayed today and it almost feels as if I'm not being heard or I don't believe enough for God,Jesus to answer my prayers or help me feel like he has heard them.
I'd like for you guys not to tell me anything about the muslims if you know anything due to a trigger. I almost didn't join when I saw you guys had it where yuo could sign your religion as muslim due to being scared a muslim would give me false advice about the Word of God. Anyway sorry for the long post I guess that's it and I'd like to have any help a CHRISTIAN could offer.
Edit:
I also remembered something. Two year my friends and I were staying over at one of my friend's house. And we began to thing there was like a ghost or demon in his. So I got out my Bible and began telling the ghost or demon to leave and reading bible verses they were cowering in the corner in fear. After daylight broke and we parted ways we got back together as a group and my friends then talking about how they weren't scared they were just pretending to scare the other and I didn't disagree. I'm scared that was denying Jesus infront of my friends or what I did was in a way mocking Jesus or what not. I have also made bad jokes in my past regards of religion and would feel guilty. Now these memories come to me doing all this and I fear that I mocked Jesus and I can't be forgiven for that. And yes I have asked Jesus to forgive me of those thing I still get scared and doubtful at times. can someone help me with this as well? Like right after posting this I googled it and the results gave me a serious bad panic attack because I couldn't remember what I said exactly. I'm still scared but my mom calmed me down a little bit. She told me Blasphemy was when you hatefully bash Jesus/the Holy Spirit,claim to be Jesus/have his power and straight up denying him.
So, after about two or three weeks of worrying myself sick I finally talked to my mom about it and I then began to talk to a preacher. I didn't inform him on the OCD thing, just that I was having these thoughts. He kinda sorta help me (I have my days where I still have those cursing thoughts or scared that I am going to Hell because of them.) The next week rolled around and I no longer had cursing thoughts, but one that scared me and freaked me out too. I thought of "What if I snapped and killed my parents and don't remember it? And what if I keep having these thoughts and I do end up killing my parents?" etc. I stayed away from knives,guns, shovels and anything else I was afraid I could use as a weapon. I struggled with this one for about a week and a half before I talked with my mom(I didn't go into detail due to fear of her being scared of me.) Oh, and I was also scared that if I spoke up and told anyone I'd be placed into a mental hospital never to be released again.
Then it switched back of to God. Thoughts of "Oh, you really don't believe in God or Jesus." And I'd get scared and pray and pray. I'd try and fight it with "Well why would I pray, read the bible and go to church." I even started to talk to my friends and a few people about Jesus. I'd just get these overwhelming feeling a grief and doubt, but I'd fight it.
Then the thoughts into "How do you know you picked the right religion? What if you are wrong?" And I try and fight that one with scripture and facts about things that are going on now that were prophesied in the Bible and things that went on back then that were recorded in the Bible. I still fight this one as I type this and it scares and saddens me. Because it makes me feel like I can't be a full true believer and that I don't love Jesus. I have also had thoughts about the devil really being God and Christianity being a lie(and this one pains me to write.) I'd fight that one because I knew it was a trick of the devil. I'd fight that one and I even read about Jesus fasting and the devil going to him and trying to get him to doubt he was the Son of God and Jesus was God. How the devil even told Jesus he'd give him the kingdoms of the world if he bowed down to him.(Thus he was implying he had such power, thus he was implying that he was God. Thus a lie of the devil is to claim he is God.)
So after about two or three days of that it moved from the devil trying to claim he was God to allah(?), I think that is how you spell the musilm god's name, being real. I have fought that one and the thoughts of that have kind of gone. But I still fear that I'll turn muslim and that I'll stop praising Jesus and believing in Jesus. That I will end up accidentlly praising, worshiping and/or praying to the muslim god. I know nothing about muslims other than they don't eat pork,their god's name I guess their prophets name. But I become fearful that I'll read a certian thing and it will be muslim or that I will sit during prayer and that will be muslim. During my prayers to Jesus and even talking about Jesus I feel I have to stress that I am praying or talking about him, Jesus. I'll also have thoughts of the muslim god's name while I am trying to pray to my God, Jesus Christ.
I just become scared that I'll accidently worship a false god or hear false doctorine and believe it thus worshiping a false god. I go constantly through the day saying the same pray and stressing who I am praying to, even though I know God knows who I am talking about. I can't help it. I have tried not to focus on it so much and block it by tracing/counting like my mom does with her stuff.(She does mental tracing. I do mental and physical tracing/outlining.) But I get scared now while talking about God or Jesus, looking at a picture of Jesus or even reading the Bible that I'll have a thought and I'll trigger something. I fasted for a whole day yesterday(1st time) and it was a great experience I felt better, I didn't have thoughts as much and I felt more in tuned with God,Jesus. But today the thoughts returned along with the feelings of doubt and unbelief. I feel as if I don't believe in Jesus and I'll go to Hell for not believing. I have cried these past weeks and it is a over whelming feeling of being broken and sorrow. I've prayed today and it almost feels as if I'm not being heard or I don't believe enough for God,Jesus to answer my prayers or help me feel like he has heard them.
I'd like for you guys not to tell me anything about the muslims if you know anything due to a trigger. I almost didn't join when I saw you guys had it where yuo could sign your religion as muslim due to being scared a muslim would give me false advice about the Word of God. Anyway sorry for the long post I guess that's it and I'd like to have any help a CHRISTIAN could offer.
Edit:
I also remembered something. Two year my friends and I were staying over at one of my friend's house. And we began to thing there was like a ghost or demon in his. So I got out my Bible and began telling the ghost or demon to leave and reading bible verses they were cowering in the corner in fear. After daylight broke and we parted ways we got back together as a group and my friends then talking about how they weren't scared they were just pretending to scare the other and I didn't disagree. I'm scared that was denying Jesus infront of my friends or what I did was in a way mocking Jesus or what not. I have also made bad jokes in my past regards of religion and would feel guilty. Now these memories come to me doing all this and I fear that I mocked Jesus and I can't be forgiven for that. And yes I have asked Jesus to forgive me of those thing I still get scared and doubtful at times. can someone help me with this as well? Like right after posting this I googled it and the results gave me a serious bad panic attack because I couldn't remember what I said exactly. I'm still scared but my mom calmed me down a little bit. She told me Blasphemy was when you hatefully bash Jesus/the Holy Spirit,claim to be Jesus/have his power and straight up denying him.
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