Young Marriages

[pegatha]

I am 19 years old and got married when i was 18. i was still in school and still graduated. I think the Lord really blessed me to find my soul mate so soon. I dont see anything wrong with getting married early, if you really KNOW the he or she is The ONE.

I'm glad it's working out for you, but in all fairness, I think that a lot of the marriages that didn't work out also started with the parties "really knowing this was the one."

 

[pegatha]

At a christian college there is tremendous pressure to get married asap. Nevermind the fact that the christian college I attended had an 80% divorce rate for those that met and married there... It is my hope and prayer that all young Christians truly seek God's guidence and wisdom before they consider marriage and not just marry so that they fit in with the "good christian" ideal. It is a huge deal.

Did you ever feel that marriage was presented as something of a status symbol at your college? I think there are churches where the subtle or overt message is that marriage is spiritually superior to singleness, and that if He sends you a mate, it's proof that you are more mature and more godly than those to whom He hasn't yet sent one. In churches with this mindset, marriage is tacitly viewed as a seal of God's approval. I attended such a church for about a year, and I think this attitude was pretty damaging to the single people there. It's one of the reasons I left.

 

[Silent Enigma]

People shouldn't feel pressured to get married. Considering how Paul said that it was better not to marry (if you could handle it) because they could devote themselves to the Lord. But also, some people pressure people not to get married.

We got married when we were both 18 and have been together almost 8 yrs now.

This business of waiting a long time, dating and breaking up numerous times, doesn't have a good track record. Although that one Christian college mentioned on page 1 sounded awful as well.

 

[mina]

Did you ever feel that marriage was presented as something of a status symbol at your college? I think there are churches where the subtle or overt message is that marriage is spiritually superior to singleness, and that if He sends you a mate, it's proof that you are more mature and more godly than those to whom He hasn't yet sent one. In churches with this mindset, marriage is tacitly viewed as a seal of God's approval. I attended such a church for about a year, and I think this attitude was pretty damaging to the single people there. It's one of the reasons I left.

OH MY YES!!! It was a status symbol. Not that anything offical was declared like "If youre married/engaged you are now part of God's most holy and blessed group of Christians. YOu have won the prize. YOu are now in the inner circle of God's favorites". But this attitude was very very present in the way people were treated and seen and talked about , etc. I said before that I graduated unengaged and had never been on a date there at my college. People were nasty, lots of snotty jokes. It doesn't make you feel good. And to some degree I can see how I have carried that hurt and rejection with me and it still hurts to this day. I know that I and many of my single friends at that school did feel hurt and felt like God had passed us by. I feel like this is a big reason why so many at that school(and i'm sure other Christian colleges and even churches) rushed into relationships. They were soooooo eager to find "the one". Many couples that rushed into those marriages weren't in love with each other or even knew each other that well, they were infatuated with the idea of marriage and were in love with the idea of love. But now when i get my college newletter it's so disheartening and sad to see the majority of those peopole are either divorced or in the process of it. There was a joke there(which really wasn't a joke because people actually did it): If you see a good looking girl/guy in the missions dept. find out what area of the world they are going to and then get interested in pursuing missions in that area of the world. I remember my senior year this couple got engaged (both missions majors) and no one was even aware that they even knew each other. I believe that God can lead you to love and marriage at a young age, but not everyone. And I believe that satan is really using this area of people's life to creep into Christian family life and destroy it. Especially in environments like the college I attended, where kids just out of high school want that love relationship very much and become determined to find someone. I just think it's so important to be very careful in this area of our lifes. To seek the Lord's guidence and wisdom and leading and not leave yourself open to any attacks of the devil. The bible supports being careful and wise in choosing a mate. Who you marry is the second most important descion anyone will make behind Will you acept Jesus into your heart. It's a big big deal. Seek God's guidence for y our life and if He has led you to marry someone at a young age, you should follow God's leading. If He hasn't or you are terriblily unsure then don't do something rash just to try to please yourself or attain status among men. And as always don't use what God decided for you in your life as a measuring stick for everybody else.

 

[SoldierofChrist]

I don't think it's wise for young Christian couples to delay marriage. If they have been dating for a significant amount of time... (year or more) and have known each other previous to that as good friends, are willing to commit to one another for life, and have the means to marry, then it's common sense and obedience to the Lord to get married. There is no sense in delaying it. That sets you up for huge failure.

Now, with that said, I don't think people should even date until they've gotten to know each other outside as friends first. I'm not going to put a set time on that, but two people need to know each other well before they decide to pursue marriage. I knew my significant other for almost a year before we started to date, and we have been dating for 2 years now. We would have been married by now but we are both in school and have decided to wait until after. But that will make me 23 and her 22 if all goes according to plan, which is young.

I think those couples who get divorced who think that they each are the ONE for the other are their own fault. It has NOTHING to do with couples marrying young because several years ago it was the norm to marry young, and those marriages are hitting their 50th anniversaries now. We cannot blame marrying young for divorce. It has to do with their maturity and the individuals around them advising them to marry. People who marry late get divorced as well.

I do think there is tremendous pressure today because we live in a sex-saturated society, but that's where the church needs to step in and properly educate the younger people. It's good to marry young, but it must be done with maturity and wisdom from others. Just because a few people have had some bad experiences does not give them the right to criticize young married couples for choosing to marry young. Everyone's situation is relative. Seems to me those who marry young have longer marriages (obviously) and can mentor younger Christians better than those who wait until a much later age.

In our age it's not wise to wait if you are ready to commit. Marriage is a covenant not to be treated lightly, but the commitment is in the individuals. Divorce is not an option, ever. It is only acceptable in a couple circumstances, but even then should be a last resort. It's the two individuals who make the marriage and they should be to blame for it to fail, not because they married young. I don't think that is a relevant argument in the least.

 

[mlukas]

I don't think it's wise for young Christian couples to delay marriage. If they have been dating for a significant amount of time... (year or more) and have known each other previous to that as good friends, are willing to commit to one another for life, and have the means to marry, then it's common sense and obedience to the Lord to get married. There is no sense in delaying it. That sets you up for huge failure.

I agree with the year or so of dating AND knowing each other as friends ahead of time. I think this really helps avoid a lot of reciepes for disaster. However, why is it then "common sense" to get married? Why is delaying setting a couple up for a huge failure? And why is it obedience to the Lord to get married? If they are not sleeping together and there's some reasons for them to delay, if even to just "make sure" they are the one, why must they get married just because these things fall into place? Also, as I said, I do agree with dating for a year, but, a year in the grand scheme of things really isn't all that long...

Now, with that said, I don't think people should even date until they've gotten to know each other outside as friends first. I'm not going to put a set time on that, but two people need to know each other well before they decide to pursue marriage. I knew my significant other for almost a year before we started to date, and we have been dating for 2 years now. We would have been married by now but we are both in school and have decided to wait until after. But that will make me 23 and her 22 if all goes according to plan, which is young.

Good for the both of you! I am glad to hear you are getting all that time in with each other. However, given the postings on this thread alone, I don't think that is the norm in "Christian Culture." The norm seems to be a year or less before marriage, not counting time as friends...

I think those couples who get divorced who think that they each are the ONE for the other are their own fault. It has NOTHING to do with couples marrying young because several years ago it was the norm to marry young, and those marriages are hitting their 50th anniversaries now. We cannot blame marrying young for divorce. It has to do with their maturity and the individuals around them advising them to marry. People who marry late get divorced as well.

This is where I disagree with you. I think a lot of couples, in this day and age especially, lack the emotional and spiritual maturity to distinguish between "the one" and just the hormonal response of "being in love". 50% (some statistics show that the number is as high as 60% in Christian society) of FIRST marriages end in divorce. The majority, I will bet, are mostly people married in their early 20's or younger.

I do think there is tremendous pressure today because we live in a sex-saturated society, but that's where the church needs to step in and properly educate the younger people. It's good to marry young, but it must be done with maturity and wisdom from others. Just because a few people have had some bad experiences does not give them the right to criticize young married couples for choosing to marry young. Everyone's situation is relative. Seems to me those who marry young have longer marriages (obviously) and can mentor younger Christians better than those who wait until a much later age.

The term a "sex saturated society" is a bit relative, and I don't think this notion can be floated as the sole reason why people should marry young. Roman and Greek society were far more immoral and sex saturated towards their decline. And what do you mean by "properly educate"? Educate them to marry young because they are horny?
I don't think EVERYONE who marries young is bound to have a bad marriage, on the contrary, I hope they have a great marriage. However, bad experiences (the key word is EXPERIENCES) gives people the absolute right to not necarrily criticize, but point out things to THINK about!
And what do you mean by young couples mentoring? After they've been married a year, two years, less? In my opinion, unless you've been in a HAPPY, STABLE marriage for 10 years or so, you shouldn't be "mentoring" anyone. You know too little and have not experienced enough as a married couple. And why do those who marry young have an edge on those who wait until later? My experience is it is the opposite. Couples that wait until later, as a general rule, tend to be a lot more level headed about things and tend to think things through. I think a lot of "young" couples headed toward marriage are more in love with the romantic notion of "marriage" than they really are with each other. That tends to blind them to red flags and problems older couples are more willing to see, admit, and deal with rather than ignore and blisslfully figure that "We're the will of God, therefore everything will work itself out..."

In our age it's not wise to wait if you are ready to commit. Marriage is a covenant not to be treated lightly, but the commitment is in the individuals. Divorce is not an option, ever. It is only acceptable in a couple circumstances, but even then should be a last resort. It's the two individuals who make the marriage and they should be to blame for it to fail, not because they married young. I don't think that is a relevant argument in the least.

But being married young IS a factor in divorce for the reasons I've pointed out! Don't you think an older man or woman ("older" meaning in their 30's) who has experienced life on their own, seen a lot of things, dated a lot of people and have discovered what they REALLY want in a potential mate is less likely to make a mistake in marrying the wrong person than a person in their early 20's or younger? People in their early 20's or younger, in general, have just barely gotten a handle on themselves, not to mention trying to figure out someone else and whether or not they are good as a potential mate. I say this from experience. I was married young, had a marriage for 11 years that fell apart for a number of reasons, but one of the main ones is...I should have waited until my 30's to even BEGIN thinking about marriage!
And you have to admit, Christian culture in general support the whole notion of "young marriage" which I think is a HUGE mistake! Granted, it can work. However, with the current divorce rate (again) we have to question ourselves as a body of believers whether or not this is right. If the divorce rate within the church was significantly less than that of the secular world, I would support the general notion of young marraiges.
This isn't the case, however...
Getting married young can work for some, but looking around at all my friends that have been divorced, I have to say that the notion of marrying before your 30's looks very grim for the long run...

 

[California Dreamin']

hi!
I'm 18 and i understand what you mean...
I am starting at a Christian university in Sept. and I was warned the guys are just looking for wives.
I'd like to be in my 20's, whenever it's right.. but that seems 'old' to what I keep seeing.

 

[mlukas]

Old is a relative term. I'm dating a WONDERFUL woman now, and I wish I would have waited for her instead of marrying so young. Life doesn't end in your 20's, BELEIVE ME! It's just begun!

 

[LiberatedChick]

I don't think the age at which people are getting married has changed but simply societys view of it. I met my fiance at school when I was 14, we were friends for a couple of years and at 16 we started going out together. After five months we were engaged. We're now both 21 and getting married this coming Saturday. Therefore it has been quite a long engagement (4 and a half years) and for 2 and a half years we've been living together and sharing the responsibilites of that as a married couple would. The age at which we're getting married is not that different from other family members. My parents got married when my mum was 19 and my dad was 20. My grandparents got married when they were my age. Nowdays the people around me are getting married when they are in there late twenties or early thirties. So I don't think the age of marriage is getting younger just that people these days are perceiving it as young.

 

[SoldierofChrist]

I agree with the year or so of dating AND knowing each other as friends ahead of time. I think this really helps avoid a lot of reciepes for disaster. However, why is it then "common sense" to get married? Why is delaying setting a couple up for a huge failure? And why is it obedience to the Lord to get married? If they are not sleeping together and there's some reasons for them to delay, if even to just "make sure" they are the one, why must they get married just because these things fall into place? Also, as I said, I do agree with dating for a year, but, a year in the grand scheme of things really isn't all that long...

So you're saying that if a couple is truly committed to one another, understanding the biblical grounds for marriage being a covenant... has known one another for at least 2 years (friends for the first, dating the second) they shouldn't get married just because of a few immature young couples? I agree that there are droves of immature young Christian couples out there, but instead of criticizing them I think the church needs to assist them. I firmly believe all couples seeking marriage need to have proper pre-marital counseling. I haven't been around long, but all I know is that 50 years ago divorce was unheard of and now it's commonplace, and Christians are almost as likely as non-believers to divorce.

To assume two people who have been dating over a year are not struggling sexually is quite a stretch. It doesn't matter how spiritual they may seem, 9/10 at least one of them is fantasizing regularly about the other: ie: sinning. It's obedience to the Lord because the Bible instructs us that it is better to marry than to burn with passion. So much as thinking about having sex with someone who isn't your spouse is sin, and given the right circumstances, counsel, and maturity, the couple shouldn't wait too long to marry. It sets them up for failure (sexual sin.) I'm not saying couples who are immature marry... that should easily be visable in counsel with others, especially pre-marital counseling. The church simply just doesn't care enough to place enough effort into building foundations for strong marriages today.

This is where I disagree with you. I think a lot of couples, in this day and age especially, lack the emotional and spiritual maturity to distinguish between "the one" and just the hormonal response of "being in love". 50% (some statistics show that the number is as high as 60% in Christian society) of FIRST marriages end in divorce. The majority, I will bet, are mostly people married in their early 20's or younger.

I agree with you and never said otherwise. I don't believe there is a "one" person you can marry. I think that is utterly rediculous and silly. I do believe in a firm standard believing that you must commit to one and only one for life. I think the moral fabric of at least the United States has declined so fast it will make your head spin. Before, regardless of the couple being "in love" they still stuck it out... and I'm sure those feelings they may have had in the beginning eventually returned. It's about commitment, which this age knows very little about.

The term a "sex saturated society" is a bit relative, and I don't think this notion can be floated as the sole reason why people should marry young. Roman and Greek society were far more immoral and sex saturated towards their decline. And what do you mean by "properly educate"? Educate them to marry young because they are horny?
I don't think EVERYONE who marries young is bound to have a bad marriage, on the contrary, I hope they have a great marriage. However, bad experiences (the key word is EXPERIENCES) gives people the absolute right to not necarrily criticize, but point out things to THINK about!
And what do you mean by young couples mentoring? After they've been married a year, two years, less? In my opinion, unless you've been in a HAPPY, STABLE marriage for 10 years or so, you shouldn't be "mentoring" anyone. You know too little and have not experienced enough as a married couple. And why do those who marry young have an edge on those who wait until later? My experience is it is the opposite. Couples that wait until later, as a general rule, tend to be a lot more level headed about things and tend to think things through. I think a lot of "young" couples headed toward marriage are more in love with the romantic notion of "marriage" than they really are with each other. That tends to blind them to red flags and problems older couples are more willing to see, admit, and deal with rather than ignore and blisslfully figure that "We're the will of God, therefore everything will work itself out..."

I think you're misunderstanding me. I am far away from telling people to marry because they have sexual desires alone, and further, I did not say that it is the primary reason Christians should marry young. I know there are circumstances and situations that cause people to delay which are acceptable and right. I just don't see any excuse for two individuals who, with godly counsel and maturity believe they are ready for marriage because they are committed to one another, who are also struggling physically, to delay marriage. That is my point. I'm not speaking of young foolish sexually driven people. I'm speaking of mature, sexually healthy individuals.

Please do not misread me, Sir, you have done it several times. I never said that young couples should mentor young couples. That is simply absurd. I was stating that older married couples who have married young (gee, I don't know... in their 60's or 70's) with godly and healthy marriages mentor those who married young as they have. They've been married a lot longer, have gone through a lot more, and know the struggles, joy, and hard times in a marriage. What you are seeming to suggest is that people wait until their late 30's as you have to get married without any godly counsel or instruction because you assume they are automatically mature enough to handle marriage. Age does not equal maturity.

30 is not some magical number that automatically makes you a mature, responsible adult. The current divorce rate is for many factors that have nothing to do with marrying young in and of itself. Again, I point to times past where this seemingly wasn't a problem. Divorce was virtually unheard of in the early 20th century... and we know most married in their early 20's, and even earlier.

The Bible instructs us to do things with godly wisdom, and I believe that marrying because you are lusting is a valid reason... it's biblical. God hates divorce, and those who do so do it because they want to... because they do not exhaust spiritual help and godly counsel. There is only one reason that is acceptable... infidelity, and even then, it's a very last resort. Not even someone who is married to a non-Christian has an excuse to divorce. It's unacceptable. Christians need to be counter-cultural which they aren't being in so many aspects, not just marriage.

You want everyone to follow your conviction. If Christian ministers refused to marry anyone under 30, you know what would happen? I think it's obvious, and for GOOD reason. Your arguments are based on your experience alone. I agree with you that too many immature Christians are getting married, but, since it's not about being in love and about TRUE commitment, I don't think it matters what age you marry. If you understand what marriage MEANS, you will not get divorced. Young Christian couples need to be instructed firmly into understanding that divorce is not acceptable... and Christian ministers need to be firm in their counsel to them.

I am sorry for your experience.

The Church needs to grow beyond adapting flashy 'praise' bands, Purpose-Driven nonsense, and weak sermons into becoming the Bride of Christ. It's no wonder Christians are just as likely to divorce. With such a weak foundation in the pew, it's bound to wreak havoc in the home... and it already has.

 

[Jenna]

I think it is funny, the notion that maturity has much of anything to do with age. I've known young people who have their act together, and older people who never knew that their act was, let alone got it together. lol Come on, we live in a throw away society. If you don't like something, you toss it out and get another. If you marry someone and it turns out to be inconvenient, you get rid of them and get another. Very few people have a real grasp of committment, and an even smaller number of people want to honor it. It has very little to do with age, and more to do with where our minds and hearts are.

 

[cutekid 4 Jesus]

... did not get married to have sex...was already having sex....
When you find the right person why wait...like I said before (in my opinion) the commitment starts way before the wedding day. So, if you have commited your life to that person and God as the ruler of your relationship there is no need to worry about what anyone else thinks about how old you are. God has blessed in so many ways!


We have been very happily married for 16 1/2 years and we look forward to growing very very old together. We are each others best buds and have been since the day we met. Yep, its true love alright.

no offence but i dont think that is the way to do it-you say you were having sex before you married that is certainly not a relationship that is reflecting a commitment to God as the ruler.
But i think its really nice that you are both still in love and everything.Its amazing actually in this age of divorce.

 

[FervidPrincess]

no offence but i dont think that is the way to do it-you say you were having sex before you married that is certainly not a relationship that is reflecting a commitment to God as the ruler.
But i think its really nice that you are both still in love and everything.Its amazing actually in this age of divorce.

I never said God looked favorably towards us having sex before we were married. I said that we did...That is between me, my husband and God. You dont have the right to judge me.

I knew my husband was the one for me the moment I lay my eyes on him and he has recieved a part of my soul and body that no other has.

umm...yes, we were commited in our relationship as God as the ruler...why would you say such a thing? Just because I did something that God does not look favorable upon does not make my relationship with Him a bad one. Everyone sins...even you. Like I said, its between God, me and my husband...

And yeah...we are still in love...very much so. God has always been the ruler of our relationship and always will be.

 

[stubbornkelly]

It was certainly expected in my home church. That is to say, it wasn't pushed on us, but when someone wasn't married by the time they were 25 or so, there was something wrong with them. Some of my mother's friends have asked her if I am a lesbian because I'm not married, and this was a few years ago. I'm only 27! Now I'm in an urban area (formerly suburban and further south), and it's weird to run into people under 25 or so who are married. And still relatively odd to run into people under 30 who are married.

Only one of my college friends is married, and she and her husband married when she was 21 and maybe a month and he was a few months shy of 21 - they celebrate their 5th wedding anniversary in August, and are a fabulous couple. They just found each other young and went for it. They were the exception, though. A lot of my high school acquaintances are married, some even have children, and that's weird to me, I think because of my own circle being so different. Marriage was the goal of a lot of my high school friends and acquaintances, and it isn't one of mine.

Anyway, in some circles it is encouraged, and in others it isn't. When it's actively encouraged, or a major issue, I wonder what the rush is.

 

[cutekid 4 Jesus]

I never said God looked favorably towards us having sex before we were married. I said that we did...That is between me, my husband and God. You dont have the right to judge me.

I knew my husband was the one for me the moment I lay my eyes on him and he has recieved a part of my soul and body that no other has.

umm...yes, we were commited in our relationship as God as the ruler...why would you say such a thing? Just because I did something that God does not look favorable upon does not make my relationship with Him a bad one. Everyone sins...even you. Like I said, its between God, me and my husband...

And yeah...we are still in love...very much so. God has always been the ruler of our relationship and always will be.

Did i say i was judging you?no,im just stating a fact if you are committed to God ruling your marriage you obey his decrees,Im guessing it was more than a once off thing as well.Great its between you,God etc,but you come on a christian board and just say it like its not that bad well yeah im gonna come and comment on it. what you put on a christian board can be open for comment.
Did i even comment on your relationship with God as a bad one no I never.
Of course(well not of course some people dont) Ive sinned even with guys ive not been engaged to ...difference is ill admit the commitment to God ruling the relationship was OBVIOUSLY lacking,the evidence is the fruit of the relationship-engaging in things contrary to Gods commands so dont say im judging when im not.

This whole 'no judging' thing has been taking out of context by many christians as an excuse for them to be able to do whatever without anybody saying anything.Its referring to a pharisee like attitude which is pious and selfrighteous and doesnt recognise its own shortcomings and condemns rather than corrects. There was nothing condemnatory about my original post it was not intended to condemn it was said merely as a valid point there are many reading these posts and I wouldnt want people to forget the severity of premarital sex thats all. And i will also freely admit I am not the most sexually pure person so I am not judging speaking from experience more like it.

Also in 1st or 2nd corinthians (ill find the reference if you want)Paul talks about not judging people of the world but judging fellow christians who are acting out of line. I know I appreciate people telling me where Ive went wrong as long as they dont make out they are perfect and pious and are condeming me and saying how evil I am.

 

[FervidPrincess]

Like I said before...I will say it AGAIN...I never said God looked at our premarital sex as a good thing. Our relationship as a whole did and still does have God as the ruler. Yes, we fell short and had sex MANY, MANY times before we were married. That matter has been forgiven along time ago. What matters the most is that we had and still have a relationship of commitment to only each other with God as our ruler.

We have two teenage daughters...14 and 15...the oldest I got pregnant with after we were married, (before you go judging me on that one). We have told them that they should wait for sex before they get married. We have told them that it is something that God desires us to do..I was never told that it went against God...just that it was wrong. Our daughters have been pointed to scriptures pointing out that fact.

The point here is that even though we were young (in the eyes of some) when we got married ... we have weathered quite well....very well.

Paul said to help fellow Christians in need of help...not to condemn and try to take over the attitude that you do no wrong. God is the one who judges what is right or wrong...not my fellow Christian brothers or sisters. If I need guidance from a fellow christian...my husband is in the living room and my communication line with God is wide open with God each and every day.

Lastly, our premarital relations happed almost 17 years ago...why would I need you to point out that it is wrong? I have a very happy and healthy marriage...OBVIOUSLY, the pre marital sex didnt harm the relationship...we learned from our experience and continue to learn lessons every day by the things we should be doing according to what God finds to be delightful. Now that we are married...sex is different that before we were married. God blesses our sexual union now, as He did not before we were married, but nonetheless... Our relationship is "committed to God ruling your marriage you obey his decrees".

I'm not concerning myself today, what I did 17 years ago...Today, I'll concern myself with what I do today.

Thanks for your interest in my personal life though!

Have a great, God filled day!

Did i say i was judging you?no,im just stating a fact if you are committed to God ruling your marriage you obey his decrees,Im guessing it was more than a once off thing as well.Great its between you,God etc,but you come on a christian board and just say it like its not that bad well yeah im gonna come and comment on it. what you put on a christian board can be open for comment.
Did i even comment on your relationship with God as a bad one no I never.
Of course(well not of course some people dont) Ive sinned even with guys ive not been engaged to ...difference is ill admit the commitment to God ruling the relationship was OBVIOUSLY lacking,the evidence is the fruit of the relationship-engaging in things contrary to Gods commands so dont say im judging when im not.

This whole 'no judging' thing has been taking out of context by many christians as an excuse for them to be able to do whatever without anybody saying anything.Its referring to a pharisee like attitude which is pious and selfrighteous and doesnt recognise its own shortcomings and condemns rather than corrects. There was nothing condemnatory about my original post it was not intended to condemn it was said merely as a valid point there are many reading these posts and I wouldnt want people to forget the severity of premarital sex thats all. And i will also freely admit I am not the most sexually pure person so I am not judging speaking from experience more like it.

Also in 1st or 2nd corinthians (ill find the reference if you want)Paul talks about not judging people of the world but judging fellow christians who are acting out of line. I know I appreciate people telling me where Ive went wrong as long as they dont make out they are perfect and pious and are condeming me and saying how evil I am.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Did you ever feel that marriage was presented as something of a status symbol at your college? I think there are churches where the subtle or overt message is that marriage is spiritually superior to singleness, and that if He sends you a mate, it's proof that you are more mature and more godly than those to whom He hasn't yet sent one. In churches with this mindset, marriage is tacitly viewed as a seal of God's approval. I attended such a church for about a year, and I think this attitude was pretty damaging to the single people there. It's one of the reasons I left.

YUP!!! I saw that too, a LOT, at my old university. Although I'd also say I saw a lot of patronizing in general going on there... patronizing with the whole spiritual maturity/marriage mindset was pretty widespread.

I also see the reverse attitude: that if you aren't 100% LOVING being single, that if you want marriage for the future even in the least.... that somehow you're less spiritually mature. It IS a legitimate desire of our hearts... Proverbs says, "He who findeth a wife, findeth a good thing." The problem comes in only when we prioritize our lives around that desire instead of glorifying God where we are now. Do you ever encounter singles who patronize younger singles desiring marriage, in this manner?

I wish people would just stop holding up that measuring stick and trying to compete for "godliness." It's the most ridiculous idea, anyway... I'd say Jesus turned it all upside down Himself when He said, "The first shall be last, and the last shall be first..."

</end rant>

 

[onikirimaru777]

I know I probably shouldn't be posting in here, seeing as I'm not married. I noticed the thread and got sucked into it. I know it may seem farfetch'd and some are probably secretly thinking "ignorant teen" when I talk about this with adults. My girlfriend and I plan on getting married at 18, right after highschool. Yes, odd, I know. But we are really in love, and please, do not play the "your not in love, your just a teen" card, ive heard it all before. We plan to go to college and start a family some time after that, after we get our careers rolling. I know that making plans is probably a very human thing to do, seeing as God could blow them all out the window with ease, but thats just what we've planned out. Thing is, my gf isnt the most christian girl I want her to be, and I've found myself being more of the "lukewarm christian". I've discussed with her the importance of religion to me, and she will go out of her way to make me happy (and I will with her), so she has started being more active in the church. Her quote to me is "bring me back into the church, chad." I love the girl to death, and I feel that, after marriage and a bit of spiritual maturity, we will both grow substantially as christians. So yes, this has turned into a rant of my heart and plans for the future. Sorry for disturbing you all. Good night.

 

[charligirl]

I was 32 and my husband was 45 when we married last year...if I had married the man I was with at 19 I would probably be divorced by now. My parents married at 20 and it was right for them (35 years later!) I do think it depends on the people involved, there can be no set rule as what is best.

 

[cutekid 4 Jesus]

I never said God looked favorably towards us having sex before we were married. I said that we did...That is between me, my husband and God. You dont have the right to judge me.

I knew my husband was the one for me the moment I lay my eyes on him and he has recieved a part of my soul and body that no other has.

umm...yes, we were commited in our relationship as God as the ruler...why would you say such a thing? Just because I did something that God does not look favorable upon does not make my relationship with Him a bad one. Everyone sins...even you. Like I said, its between God, me and my husband...

And yeah...we are still in love...very much so. God has always been the ruler of our relationship and always will be.

This is so strange i gave a lengthy reply to this post the other day and it has dissapeared in short.
Anyway how am i jugding just merely stating a fact Im not saying im all perfect and pure but at the end of the day i can admit if i engage in sexual behaviour outside marriage then I have OBVIOUSLY failed to some extent in my commitment to God being the ruler-ie conducting the relationship according to his will and that excludes premarital sex amongst other things. There are things ive done that were wrong in terms of sexual stuff and im not proud of them so dont dare say Im judging when my tone was far from condemnatory or pious.
Way too many christians have taken that dont judge thing out of context as an excuse,as if the Bible doesnt say Christians should speak the truth in love.
If you put something up on a christian forum that is against the teachings of christ without yourself saying it was a sin well of course it is open for comment,im not stoning you im just drawing attention to something which i think i pretty clear.
Nor did I say your relationship with God was a bad one,I dont even know you.