Young Marriages

[IrishGob]

Why does it seem like Christians are expcted to marry so young? I never understood that, but it seems like the church really condones it. I see so many getting married at 18-23. Yikes! I hope I'm not sounding judgemental, I'm not. I'm just curious. It just seems that a couple meets, they date for a year, get engaged for 6 months or a year and then get married. A year later they have their first baby. etc...

I am 38 and have only now finally met a Christian man I'd maybe consider spending the rest of my days with. I was engaged before, but God gave me the wisdom to break it off.

 

[WolfGate]

Expected? I think that may be too strong a word, but in some cases I'm sure it's true.

I prefer to think the church supports getting married "young" for a couple of reasons. First, if you look at history across the years, 18-23 isn't young for marriage. What has changed has been society, for a few reasons. One, better health care has made both life expectancy and child bearing years longer for the overall population. So the driving reproductive need to marry young isn't there. Second, society no longer considers sex before marriage a bad thing. However, to the church it's still a sin.

So, I believe the church still supports marrying at the ages that we did in the past because it recognizes that young adults have very strong physical drives that should only be satisfied in a marriage. The "test driving" of potential spouses before marriage isn't condoned, but the desires are there.

Having said that, I do wonder about rate of success for marriages in the early adult years vs. those who marry a bit later. Ironically, my wife and I were not Christians when we met young, and she was within your age range when we married. 15 years later, things are still wonderful (and now we're Christians!!) Anecdotal, I know, but somewhat ironic given the topic.

Add to that my parents met in their mid-30s, dated for 6 months, engaged for 2 months, and had my older sister one year later. Of course, for them the reproductive clock was ticking. And they're happily married 45 years - still in love!

 

[Tami]

Personally, I haven't seen very many young marriages. Most people that I've seen seem to be pursuing careers first and doing the marriage and family thing later. I got married a week after I turned 18 and a lot of people didn't think it was a brilliant idea because of my age. I'm still married, though.

 

[Svt4Him]

Never seen it or expected it.

 

[Sailor's Wife]

*

 

[Mr.Cheese]

If people have expectations of me I will go out of my way to make sure they know how much I don't care.

 

[pegatha]

I see many people getting married young, both in the church and in the military.

I saw this in the military too. It was partly that there were so many young troops who had never been away from home before, who tended as a result to marry out of loneliness and anxiety. It was also partly that married troops could get an apartment of their own, whereas the single troops were stuck with barracks life. Neither was a great reason for getting married.

As for Christians, do we really marry younger than other people? When I was that age (18), all my Christian friends & I were just excited about heading off to college. No one in my circle was getting married right out of high school.

 

[Svt4Him]

Why is it any different now though?

 

[mina]

At a christian college there is tremendous pressure to get married asap. Nevermind the fact that the christian college I attended had an 80% divorce rate for those that met and married there. I graduated with out ever dating any guy there and with out an engagment ring. there were sneers, rude joking, looks of pity, but I look back and really praise God that He protected me from getting married that young, because I would rather be absoulutely sure that that was the person that God wanted me to marry and not just getting married to fit in and be considered a "good Christian woman". My husband was'nt there and it wasn't in God's plan to meet him there, so why should other people try to make me feel bad about it? Christians should be encouraging other christians to seek God's plan for them instead of just marrying just because you are young. If it's God's plan for you to marry young, then you should. It's all about knowing y our Father enough to be following His plan. It is my hope and prayer that all young Christians truly seek God's guidence and wisdom before they consider marriage and not just marry so that they fit in with the "good christian" ideal. It is a huge deal.

 

[Jenna]

My husband and I married young (of course). We never felt pressured to marry young or anything. Maybe it is just where we are at, but folks seem very set on encouraging people to wait as long as possible before marrying. *laughs* So, we were actually going against the grain to marry when we did.

 

[MominTX]

I believe christians are marrying young nowadays for sexual reasons. They want to go "all the way" with their significant other but feel they can't until they get married, but many non-christians believe it's ok to live with someone before getting married and then they feel there's no reason to get married. Now in mine and my husband's case, I guess I was ready to get married, but we ended up living together before hand. We were not living a christian life, but he had talked more about marriage than I had, and I was almost scared to get married in fear of divorce later on. But I had a friend who had just gotten married and so that also got my hopes up for my wedding. I also think one of the reasons people get married so quickly who are in the military is because they already have stable jobs and actually some of them are more grown up than people in the civilian life. I was in the military for 4 years (that's when my hubby and I got married) and now I'm working in a civilian office, and some of the people I work with are at least 10 years older than I am, but act very childish, almost like they were in high school. But anyway, don't want to go off on a tangent. I respect you IrishGob for being able to live the single life so well....I am always looking for a friend and was lonely and always needed a boyfriend. And there are many times where I wish I would have waited to get married.

 

[FervidPrincess]

My husband was 21 and I had turned 18 one month prior to getting married. Some may say that is young to get married but we certainly did not. We dated for a year and a half before we had the ceremony. We did not get married to have sex...was already having sex. We got married because we were already commited to each other and had been the entire time we knew each other and knew we would always be commited to one another. Being already commited we took the next step and had a wedding ceremony to seal that commitment in front of our family. The commitment starts way before the ceremony.

When you find the right person why wait...like I said before (in my opinion) the commitment starts way before the wedding day. So, if you have commited your life to that person and God as the ruler of your relationship there is no need to worry about what anyone else thinks about how old you are. God has blessed in so many ways!


We have been very happily married for 16 1/2 years and we look forward to growing very very old together. We are each others best buds and have been since the day we met. Yep, its true love alright.

 

[Svt4Him]

Not wanting to sound like a broken record, but who says we're marrying young?

 

[LadyBird]

There are now 4 engaged couples at my church who are between the ages of 18 and 21 who have all just met each other less than 7 months ago. I feel the pressure to get married young at my church. Maybe it's because all of my friends are getting married, who knows. But I will NEVER understand why people rush into marriage. At 18 VERY few people are ready to make such a HUGE commitment. I have been with my bf for 3 years and 7 months and we still want to wait at least 2 more years...because really, we are only 19 and 20, what is the rush.

 

[sarah marie]

In my community, the average age for getting married seems to be between 25-35 year old. There is a high expectation to attend college and start a career first. Isn't this a cultural or regional question? I could disagree with Irish or Belle, but I live in the United States. Even within the US, there are differences in expectation depending on the community you live in or the church you attend.

 

[Jenna]

I hear ya Svt4Him.

It wasn't too long ago that boys became men earlier on in their life, and girls took on the roles of women, wives, and mothers earlier also. My grandma married when she was 14, which colors my thinking a bit. I don't view someone as 'young' when they are a full grown adult and capable of doing everything that that entails. I think that what is really of consequence is someone's maturity level.

 

[Svt4Him]

My in-laws married at 18. My mom at 16. Me at 26. I don't think people are marrying any younger now.

 

[jtroth]

My Husband and I were married young I guess I was 20 adn he was 19. We were engaged when were 18 I was just out of high school adn he was a senior in high school. My parents were happy for us and his mom was but the rest of his family ie dad adn sister were not. They told him to watch out that I might take all his money and so on. And then they lectured us as to waiting that it will ruin our lives. Well we got married anyway and are very happy. Yes we waited a year but we needed that. It was clearly our choice as to gettign married even if at first people objected. Now that his dad and sister didn't object to it that day and a few months b4 they are back to objectign to me all together. But that is a thread all by itself. So I think it is mailny peoples choices to get married young cause this day adn age everyone pushes womans rights and to have a career and stuff like that.

 

[redwing030]

I guess I'm not sure if being married at 22 is considered young or not. It's working out fine so far this first 9 months or so. I actually kinda wish we would have been married sooner since we both love being married so much more than just dating.

 

[Picture.Of.Obedience]

I am 19 years old and got married when i was 18. i was still in school and still graduated. I think the Lord really blessed me to find my soul mate so soon. I dont see anything wrong with getting married early, if you really KNOW the he or she is The ONE.

We have a great marriage. An awesome one!!!

We dated 6 months and got married.

God has blessed us so much.

~~Stacy