Sign Of The Fish said:
Oh we should hook up. I am totally having one of those weeks too... actually the last 3 weeks have been like that... seems like its one thing after another....
that's
exactly how it feels... see, here's what's been going down here in my world:
>this guy that i really care/cared (i dont want to say the 'L' word... it freaks me out because...well, just because...let's leave it there for now...) and i
thought cared about me turned around and totally out-and-out lied to me, telling me that he never cared, that we never were, never will be, anything more then friends (when that is totally
not what he's been saying the past month or so in conversation and in emails.....) and he told me that it was all in my head and that i'm just a "silly little girl with a crush". yeah, needless to say, that insulted me a bit, not to mention that it totally makes me feel like hell.
>my ex boyfriend (the reason the "L" word bugs me now) whom i dated for a year and then had a very
very messy break up... yeah he's coming around again, wanting to hook back up. we haven't spoken at all in 3 months then all of a sudden my friend has to be stupid and pretty much forced us into a conversation and now he's all saying he's still in love with me and how bad he feels for what he did and how he wants a serious relationship and wants to be with me forever and junk like that.
>as if that ^ weren't enough, my mom, who knows how bad our break up hurt me and how much work and time its taken for me to get over it and forgive him, she's pushing me to go back out with him!!! what the heck???
>my mom is also getting sick again, which of course worries me. she has fibromyalgia, which isnt like cancer or anything... its a form of 'chronic fatigue'. makes you real tired and sore and achy all the time and makes you feel like hell. last time she went through this (when we first found out she had it) it was
horrible. not just for her, but for all of us. she had to go through so many tests and medications, i couldn't hardly ever talk to her because she never seemed to be
there. i dont want either one of us to go through that again... she goes to the doctor again today. i hope he doesnt give her 20 more meds that wont even work again.......
>my dad told me he's never going to speak to me again and that i'm not welcome at his house. that doesnt really bother me so much because i knew one of us was going to finally say that eventually...dad and i dont get along. the only thing is that now i have to try to work out a way for me to get to see my half-brother, which means calling my ex-stepmom (my dads 2nd wife, he's on his 3rd now) and i cant stand that woman... and i also know she'll probably want to drop all three of her kids with me rather than just my bro...
>and as if my life doesn't suck enough, its my senior year of high school and mom keeps spazzing about my grades, even though they're the best grades i've gotten like
ever. not to mention just the pressures of school in general. oh and my friends? totally useless. they're either too stoned or too stupid to understand what the heck im talking about. all they care about is their next buzz. and the kids in my youth group? im one of the oldest ones in there and 90% of them are annoying immature middle school/freshman kids. whee. and my youth pastor wonders why i dont always show up.
>oh and i want to go to this tech school (ITT tech in Fort Wayne) and i have zero money for college, no car, barely over a 100 dollars in the bank, and my job is only letting me work one freakin day a week. for 5.50 an hour. for managers that like to play 'God'. i hate pizza hut.....................
this all probably wouldn;t suck so bad to me if i didnt suffer from depression... i go through days where i'm perfectly fine, then suddenly i get hit with a few weeks where everything sucks and i just get sick of living. i give up on counselors because all they do is stick me with labels like "chronic adjustment disorder" and "chronic explosive anger" and "low-grade depression". that and they always want to stick me on meds first thing. yeah. makes sense. if i wanted to depend on a pill to make me happy, then i'd just go ahead and do drugs with the rest of my 'friends'........ im not doing that.
well, think i covered a good bit of it. life is fun. like when someone takes a leak in your cherrios.................... (yes poor joke. im tired, and i dont care.)
Because you will...He will never leave nor forsake you.
