Writing Contest

[Tariel]

as long as i can read it, understand it, and not want to beat my head against the wall trying to figure out what you're saying, i don't care.

good

I'm excited about my entry

 

[MrBF1V3]

Hi

Um ... you forgot to add me to the writer's list.

I'm still working on my entry, Once I get started I can write quickly, but editing is forever.

(Believe it or not, I once met someone who said he could write perfectly on the first draft... never did get to see any of his work though ... ?)

B5

 

[Tariel]

Hi

Um ... you forgot to add me to the writer's list.

I'm still working on my entry, Once I get started I can write quickly, but editing is forever.

(Believe it or not, I once met someone who said he could write perfectly on the first draft... never did get to see any of his work though ... ?)

B5

it depends on what I'm writing for....school papers rarely need rewrites, but stories tend to take more than one draft. More because I like playing with them than anything else though

 

[CelticRose]

I hate editing so I like to write as well as possible the first time to save on the hard slog later but I wouldn't say I'm perfect first time round - or 2nd - or even 3rd.

 

[oncewaslost]

my stories take a few edits. i tend to skip sections that i don't feel like writing and then going back to fill in the holes.

 

[Tariel]

I love to edit pathetic, I know....but I love it. I prefer the second draft to the first any day

 

[ravenscape]

If you wind up needing more readers/judges, I'm up for that. I'm in the throes of my nano's second draft/expansion, and I don't want to start something else until I feel like it's time for "The Gideon Effect" to take a rest.

 

[Pages]

Hi

Um ... you forgot to add me to the writer's list.

I'm still working on my entry, Once I get started I can write quickly, but editing is forever.

(Believe it or not, I once met someone who said he could write perfectly on the first draft... never did get to see any of his work though ... ?)

B5

Sorry I'll go add you right now.

ravenscape, You can be whichever you choose since there are a few of each. I'll need to know today since it is the last day for entering.

 

[Tariel]

one more question...does the story have to have been written since entering this contest or can it have been around for awhile

 

[ravenscape]

I don't plan to submit anything. Too busy revising a novel, right now. So, if you need a judge, I can help

 

[Sonfest Rocker]

are we going by your time as its the 29th here but i wouldnt mind entering

 

[Pages]

It is by my time, and you can still join.

 

[flying_kiwifruit]

Ok here is my entry

Strings by Natalie Barr

I was only five back then but if I had been older, thing would have been different I would of wished for something different instead of just a dolls house and some toys.

I was waiting for my mum to take us to the mall and then I saw it this piece of white string on the floor. It was turning and twisting all over the floor, so I started to follow it. I followed it through the lounge into the kitchen, it then lead me to my bedroom. I could hear mum yelling for me to get back here, but I did not listen because the string was leading me onwards to a place I didn’t know of yet. Then the string stopped, but it seemed to go through the wall so I peered down where the string seemed to disappear, and the next thing I knew I was being sucked through the wall.

Now being only five I should have been very scared but for some reason I was not maybe because this was an adventure and adventures were a lot of fun.

I popped out the other side and saw the string again, and started follow once more. I walked for seemed to be ages going through forest and snow, but I did not mind because where this string leads was only thing on my mind. So I kept on walking and I finally came to the end, to find my mother waiting for me. What was my mother doing in this world, did she find the string as well. My mother swooped down and whispered in my ear “you may have three wishes but please hurry in making them.” I thought about for a while and then whispered back “I would like a giant dolls house, a new Barbie and to be back home.” I was getting scared now.

The next second there I was standing beside my mother, who was looking very white. She asked me what had happened to me and I just replied “I went on an adventure all on my own.” She just smiled and said "ok." We got into the car and went to the mall where my mum brought me a giant dolls house and a Barbie doll.

I guess wishes do come true when you are five years old but now I wish I had asked for something different, like world peace or something not for myself. Who ever know they might have come true as well. My mum just told me this story, but I know that I scared her that day because; I didn’t really go on an adventure because my body stayed still but my mind disappeared for a while.

 

[CelticRose]

A Sort Of Fairy Tale.​

CelticRose​

When Sara first met Gaia he was perched on the rim of her water glass dabbling his toes and fishing for her broken tooth with a piece of old dental floss. That was gross but not nearly so gross as green skin and flaming red hair. It clashed terribly with his pink tunic.

‘Don’t be silly,’ Gaia said when Sara mentioned this too him, ‘I’m a rose fairy. Roses are this colour and you wouldn’t say that about them.’

‘But you’re not a rose,’ Sara objected wrinkling her nose. Without her glasses and only the night light glowing in the too large bedroom it was a little difficult to be sure exactly what Gaia was. He flipped his green toes out of the water and swivelled round on the glass rim to stare at her crossly.

‘My goodness! What a difficult sort of a girl you are! Really! I rather thought you were supposed to go ooh and aah and say inane things like, Are you real?’

‘I’m not that sort of a girl – obviously.’ Sara glowered at Gaia. ‘And you’re supposed to leave me money.’

‘Me?’ Gaia’s voice rose in disbelief. ‘Oh, no, sweeting. That’s not me. Your mummy does that. I just take the tooth and I must say, yours aren’t very good ones. This one has a huge crack in it, right here, see?’

‘Yes I know. It’s not my fault. Paul hit me in the mouth with his baseball bat. He was showing me how to hit a fly ball. I think that’s what he called it.’

In Sara’s mind a fly ball should have been tiny but the ball Paul hit had been the usual solid baseball size. Mummy had been very upset all round. Bad enough her daughter was an awkward gosling of a child with too thick glasses and snaggle teeth in her perfect new world but now her mouth was swollen and a huge crack had split her big front tooth before inconveniently falling out she was uglier than ever. Being ugly did not worry Sara. It was better than being pretty and boring.

‘Since we’re at it,’ Gaia said, ‘would you mind getting rid of the water and tipping your tooth out for me? I don’t know why everyone has to fill their glass so full. It is most inconvenient.’

Sara sighed but clambered out of bed and poured the water out the window. The tooth she put on the dresser beside the woodpecker clock. Gaia was sitting on the woodpecker’s bill riding it up and down, up and down as it pecked at nothing. The hands stood at a minute to midnight. Sara hated that clock. It was like everything else in this new world, too bright, too expensive and it came at much too high a cost.

‘You know,’ Gaia said his words coming in little spurts as the bill bounced him up, then down, ‘You can ask for a wish. Anything you like.’

Sara thought about that. One wish. Not three like all the best fairy tales said. She should wish for something substantial like world peace, or the extinction of global poverty but very frankly she didn’t much care about that sort of thing. It was far away and nothing to do with her. She could, of course, wish that things were as they used to be. No big hearted Henry with his Stetsons and his fake southern drawl but Henry made mummy happy and it didn’t seem fair to remove him just because she didn’t like him. That would make mummy unhappy. Or Paul. Just getting rid of Paul would be an improvement but that would make Henry unhappy which would make mummy unhappy.

Sara chewed her bottom lip staring vaguely at Gaia who was green and had red hair and a pair of rather improbable very transparent wings veined like a leaf and a very lurid, bright pink tunic. She rather thought she wouldn’t mind being a fairy, one with purple hair. Purple was her very favourite colour. Gaia smiled at her. He didn’t have a wand to wave but that didn’t matter. Sara had only to close her eyes and wish upon a star.

This is all a true story. I had it from Sara. When I met her she was sitting on the rim of my water glass dabbling her blue toes in the water and fishing for my tooth with a long strand of bright purple hair…

 

[CJF]

((This is Darrions. I changed my name))

Here is my story.
http://www.christianforums.com/t4228710-animosity.html#post29400049

 

[MrBF1V3]

Here goes: (I think I may have found the epitomy of flash fiction )

The Echo of Thunder


Shiann, in the midst of her bridesmaids, turned to gaze at the approaching wall of clouds with worried brown eyes. It was harvest, when green leaves turned to brown and red, and storms flowing from the ocean were a daily event. A gust of wind blew over them, but none of her friends were as concerned.

When she was a child, and the storms would come, she would hide in the folds of her grandmother’s dress. Grandmother would stroke Shiann’s hair, and tell her she was a child of thunder, born in a storm.

"Shiann," Grandmother would say. "It’s just your kin come to visit."

"It’s time," the usher said as he stood inside the hall, only allowing his head and one shoulder to be seen outside. Inside, music expanded to fill the hall.
Shiann dutifully led the march, as she and her line of bridesmaids measured their course between the standing crowd. They took their designated places opposite the awaiting men.

The entire hall shook at the first blast of thunder and Shiann looked away from her groom. As she turned her legs gave way under her. He was standing next to her, holding her hand, and managed to gently guide her as they both crumpled to the floor. Her dress amassed on the floor about them like a silken cloud.

The bride’s grandmother smiled gently and nodded, knowingly.

Two of the groomsmen were designated to shut the windows against the storm. The bridesmaids went en masse to find a glass of water. The groom looked down at his bride, trembling in his arms.

"Do you hear what they say?" Shiann whispered to him.
"Who is speaking?" he asked. "I don’t understand."
She looked around, barely seeing the concerned faces surrounding her. Then her eyes fixed solely on her groom.

"Do you really want to do this?" She asked.

"With all my heart," he answered gazing into her eyes.

"Then help me stand," Shiann said.

The wedding continued without difficulty, though thunder shook the building. Shiann leaned against her groom’s shoulder, speaking each vow with a loud clear voice.

Later in the evening the groom was awoken by the sound of thunder. He looked, but did not find his bride in bed with him, or close by in the room. He got up, wrapped a cloak around himself and went outside.

He found Shiann standing atop the corner of the stone wall, her pale arms outstretched to the flashing clouds above. Thunder rolled down the canyons and over the town. She swayed with every rumble.

"What are you doing!" He yelled at her.

Shiann turned and saw him standing in the courtyard, her eyes gleaming as bright as her smile. She held rain soaked hands out to him, inviting him to join her.

"Isn’t it wonderful?" She asked. "Do you hear what they say?"

"I don’t understand," He said.

"They say we can be together," Shiann said, raising her hands once again to the sky.

And lightning struck them both at the same time.

 

[CelticRose]

Hey, MrBF, I really liked this.

 

[WPZanar07]

The Arches

Fire was power, passion, hatred, anger, rage, determination.
Fire was life, death, destruction, healing.
He was part of the fire, and the fire part of him.
He was the fire.
"Good," he vaguely heard, as he concentrated on the task at hand. Kris was finally being brought into the Clan of the Unwavering Flame, one of four of the elemental clans of Alloren. He had been recognized as a fire adept early on, by his Uncle Blaze, otherwise known as Blake Fatcher. Blaze was a common enough nickname, but out of respect the other clanners had adopted new ones. One didn't want to disrespect the Firemaster of the Clan.
Taking his first step on the Path of Fire, Kris suddenly felt alive. Fire surrounded him, seemed to fuse to the marrow of his bones. He was taking the test to join the Flamewalker Faction, to be able to walk through fire without suffocating or losing oneself in savagery. All fire adepts were naturally immune to fire, however. The flames danced higher and higher with each new step, and after the fifth one the flames were at his waist. He was coming to the first Arch, one of three he needed to pass.
"Let go of the past, and what once was," he heard Blaze say. "Childhood fears impede the progress of becoming a man, of becoming one with the fire."
Kris didn't spare any energy to nod, so intense was his concentration. If he made a mistake here, he could very well die.
Passing under the first arch, his surroundings shifted.
He was running, but from what he was unsure. He was uncertain of how he had gotten there, but soon these feelings faded as urgency replaced it.
"Gotta keep moving," he muttered, but soon gasped, coming to a screeching halt.
"Finally..." said the man in black armor. "Now I can finish off your bloodline."
This man...he had killed Kris' parents, he remembered. He had run before, to the safety of his Uncle. He still had not gotten over that. He was about to run, when he realized that he was wiser than he used to be, not as helpless.
With determination in his eyes, a quarterstaff appeared in his hands.
"Let's finish this!" he shouted, and leapt into battle.
Shift.
Blinking, he saw that the fire was up to his chest, now. Had it all been an illusion? Had he really passed through the Arch?
"You have overcome the past, and are purged of childish dreams and fears," said Blaze ceremoniously, as Kris took three more steps. He was struggling now, as if through some barrier, but he was still going strong. He began to approach the Second Arch, only a few steps away, but it seemed miles.
"The second Arch is for the fears you now hold, and all the pride in your heart. Let these things go, and humble yourself."
Shift
Kris clung to the rock desperately, not daring to look down the hundred foot drop to the rocky shore below. He had no idea how he had gotten there, but he was so preoccupied with not falling he didn't care.
"I'm gonna die!" he said despairingly, unable to claw up the rock face.
He became aware of someone over him, and looked up slowly.
"Take my hand!" said the boy of Kris' age. He was a dark-haired man, in a white tunic and blue trousers.
"No!" he shouted. He was an WATER adept! They had betrayed his people a long time ago. Kris would never trust one of them for what they'd done...
Yet he seemed sincere. It was almost as if he was good, not the image he had always had of those of the Northern Waters Clan, those who specialized in ice.
The rock in his right hand slipped, and with a cry of shock he tightened the grip of his left hand.
"You have to give me your hand, or you'll die!" shouted the teenager.
Kris looked down at the shore, and up, and down again. Would he really risk his honor for something like this?
But you have to live. To stop them from awakening the Dark King...a voice in his mind told him. He had no idea what it was talking about...
With a shout, he swung his arm up and clasped the water adept's hand, just as his other hand slipped away from the rock face. Pulling him up, the water adept smiled, as he brought Kris to safety.
Shift.
Kris knew he was sweating up a storm, the fire beginning to dance up to his hair now. But he had made it through the second Arch. He took another step forward, and another.
"You have been purged of pride, anger, and hatred. You have overcome the fears of the present and any illusions of the world you have held. Now, prepare for the final Arch. This Arch is for the things to come, and the future responsibilities you will face."
Shift
Kris glared at the man with the white hair, as he leaned on a staff as black as midnight. His robes seemed to match, and the crown on his head told him who he was exactly.
"So, you've come this far to stop me from being awakened, only to fail in this..." said the Dark King Davec. Davec took his staff in his hands,and it seemed to begin to absorb all light, and life, in the room.
"You will serve me," he began to say, and Kris strengthened his mind as it came under assault. It had to be the Death element the man was using, somehow weaving Order and Chaos magic into it in order to turn him to his cause. Kris had a secret, however. He also possessed the Death element.
Redirecting the dark lightning that came from staff, Kris pointed away, searing the wall behind him.
"You will not live to see your plans come to fruition!!" Kris shouted.
Chuckling, Davec turned his white, pupil-less eyes on him.
"I'm already dead boy. The Death element sustains my body, and allows me to live without the restrictions of mortality. You cannot win with what you have."
A woman, of the Rising Wind clan, burst into the chamber, dressed in a sky blue dress. She held a gold rod, and the Amulet of Life. How had she gotten it away from...?
"But you are imbalanced," she coolly said to Davec, "so Life can destroy you!"
Swinging the rod towards the Dark King, light burst from it, engulfing the evil man. He cried in pain and outrage, as a dark essence seeped from him. Awestruck, Kris saw--actually SAW---the web of magic that surround Davec, sustaining him.
"Now, Kris!!" Julia---he was sure that was her name---shouted.
He hesitated, afraid to use the Death element. He had almost died the last time...but it didn't matter. The world came first.
Reaching out, he severed the threads that held Davec in the world of the living.
Shift
Kris nearly collapsed into his uncle's arms. He'd done it. He'd made it through.
But what did those visions mean? Did it mean the Amulets of Life and Death, the keys to the Dark King's prison, would be stolen? He dismissed it, as his uncle continued.
"You are purged of recklessness and wants of the self, and have embraced duty and responsibility." Raising his voice for everyone to here, he took out an orange medallion in the shape of a single flame.
"Let it be known that Kris Fatcher, son of Jacob Fatcher, is a fully-fledged member of the Clan of the Unwavering Flame, of the Flamewalker faction. Forever will he be a part of the Fire element, and the Fire element a part of him."
Dropping the formality, Blaze smiled.
"You're father would be proud..."
Kris smiled, nodding his head as he was led away from the arches, supported by Blaze.
"I know. I won't let him down, wherever in the heavens he watches me from."

 

[MrBF1V3]

Hey, MrBF, I really liked this.

Um .. .. thanks.

Re. your A Sort of Fairy Tale, we've always put our teeth under our pillow--though in my son's room that could be really dangerous. Although the tooth in the glass was a great set up for using the string (hoping for a -ahem- bite?)

Stings are a common thread between your story and the one previous to yours. I must say that in bellaandpjforever's story Strings it was unusual and refreshing to see wishes with (dare I say..?) no strings attached.

And just to round out my comments (besides, this is fun). The newly christened EPONINEandENJOLRAS reminded us in the story Animosity that no matter how good of an idea it seems at the time, the best way to show your fiance you love her is NOT by murdering her lover.

WPZanar07 with The Arches, I would not have imagined how complicated a simple walk through the coals could be.

And mine, just a simple story of two star struck lovers ... well, not star ...

All this to say, so far this is being immensely enjoyable, keep it up.

B5
</IMG>

 

[Tariel]

hopefully I'll get my entry done