Wow just found this section today.. didn't know there was one..

[peacechild4]

Next month it will be twelve months since I am separated from my husband.. the worst time of my life to be honest.. but feeling more peaceful and crying less..

Have been through some really low spots recently.. thank GOD for Christian forums.. been hanging out in the singles forum.. has been very helpful though alot of them are way younger then me..

I was married 19 years since we were kids.. and find it really really hard to be single and on my own with four children..

I am really really missing somebody beside me though our marriage was very up and down and he was verbally abusive and it was very tough going for the last six months when he eventually walked out..

Sorry all coming out now.. I had to sell up family home and am now renting..

I hope I can find whatever future GOD has for me.. I still love my husband and would go back.. though the longer I am apart the more I do desire love and respect and peace in a relationship.. and yes I do not want to be alone.. I do not really like being single.. I have strong faith but it is has been surely buffeted through all this..

 

[Migdala]

I'm so sorry to hear that you and your husband split up, and that you are still sad about it. My husband walked out on me less than 2 months ago, so I know just what you are going through. God gave me plenty of warning though-I just wish I had listened better and prepared myself mentally more. lol It's hard to go through what we are going through, but I know that God has a plan for both of us.....and that He is still in control and He still loves us. Just use this time to draw closer to Him and keep thanking and blessing Him for the GOOD things in your life. I sent you a friend request.... God bless!

 

[peacechild4]

Aww thank you.. I prayed for him for almost all our married life.. perhaps I was wrong to put up with the treatment he dished out.. I kind of stayed through things many would not.. perhaps most would not.. I really wanted to make it work and almost destroyed myself in the process.. that is why it has been so hard to get peace and heal because I thought I could do it.. I know where GOD closes a door HE opens a window.. it must be because GOD has something better for me..

I am so ready for it despite all that has gone on... we live and learn..

I accepted your friendship thank you.. I am sorry to hear of your loss too.. there has been so many wonderful things that have happened though.. GOD is good..

 

[faithinmyself]

I have been married 19 years as well. Married when I was 22. I just wanted to say how sorry I am you are going through all of this. It's so hard. Hang in there! ((hugs))

 

[peacechild4]

Thank you..

 

[jham123]

he was verbally abusive and it was very tough going for the last six months when he eventually walked out..

I still love my husband and would go back.. though the longer I am apart the more I do desire love and respect and peace in a relationship.. and yes I do not want to be alone.. I do not really like being single.. I have strong faith but it is has been surely buffeted through all this..

I need to ask, did you marry a warrior type?? I mean, was the fact that he was a strong commanding alpha male that didn't take cr@p from anyone and would protect you....was that one of the traits you felt attracted to?

Be honest.........He is not going to read this and unless you are honest...you'll not get any help from this....

If in fact his gruff demeanor was what attracted you to him....why then now are you saying he was verbally abusive?

Is Verbally abusive just code for "Him being who he always was"? Seriously, now 19 years and four kids later you are saying that he wasn't a "Sensitive Metrosexual type" that you could share your feelings with and watch "Fried green tomatoes" with.

I'm just assuming...I don't know for sure and over the web this is impossible at best.....especially since I've never laid eyes on him nor read a single one of his words.....

My main point is, was he "who he is" today as well as when you met him?? Did he not "grow" into who you envisioned he would "Grow" into. (AKA change him)

You need to really really self diagnose this situation as, if he is who he always was...then wouldn't it be fair to say that it is just you that has these expectations??? He never had nor agreed to "change" into anything....

I'm not trying to brow beat you, rather, I just want to bring in anther point of view often over looked and I am mostly worried about the damage to the four kids.

Lemme give you an example, I spoke to a couple and when thoroughly investigating the beginning of their marriage. When they met, the man was un-employed with no career and no higher education to speak of......yet the woman after some length of time (can't remember) She was mad or upset that they only lived in a townhouse and he only made average wages for his profession.....

I could only think to myself "Does she not hear herself"? I mean she married a man that had no job and no career and no education and then had the audacity to complain when he didn't give her a mansion and a maid.

The point to that story is, He was, and is, who he always had been. Yet, somehow this was no longer good enough for her.......of course He was verbally abusive as well....yada yada yada....

Was he really verbally abusive or was he reacting poorly to someone poking him with a stick year after year for not "putting forth" enough effort to get the mansion and maid??

The coin has two sides......I'm sure if we were to talk to your STBX, maybe a different set of realities may appear.

Again, you don't need to respond to any of this as to any specifics, I'm just posing another view for your own internal reflection and I am not casting judgments by any means.

Like I said, this is the web...who knows what is real or fantasy?? None of this post may be applicable.......I'm just throwing things out there for your own edification

And of course I always slant these post as to try to bring reconciliation to the table. The kids deserve that much

 

[peacechild4]

I am sure I was not appreciative enough of his working hard for us.. nor did I always make him feel able to be himself in our home.. I know this..

I just do not know how to make it work from here.. he doesn't love me anymore.. how do you make someone love you??

He wants to be on his own.. I cannot change that..

He says I need to change things.. well I need his help more.. that was why I often floundered.. and now I have all things to deal with plus the kids with me full time..

I don't care about life style.. and now we have lost the house and everything so there is nothing left of that..

I wouldn't try to change him because I know we are who we are..

We were both kids when we met.. I was 18 and he 17... so I think you cannot go back.. I liked him because he pursued me.. and we both had fun together and the intimacy we had.. care free.. it wasn't about anything else.. but just wanting to be with him..

I think back that I was too controlling sometimes.. wanting him to be like my father..

sigh.. my family was so different to his.. christian to non-christian..

Thanks for your ideas and points of view..

 

[peacechild4]

I will also say this.. I love being with him all the time.. he rathers to be on his own.. I love to talk.. he never does much.. I drove him to distraction sometimes.. sigh.. and now I have a nice internet addiction because this is where I went.. I tried and tried and tried to talk.. to spend time with him.. but pushed me away time and time and time again..

 

[jham123]

^^Oh, well all that is totally different than what I first understood.

I think you are a diamond in the rough for your views, he is a fool

 

[peacechild4]

Aww.... I am flattered.. thanks.. I am so blessed to meet so many men like you that actually do value women.. It is giving me hope that I will find a future with a nice man one day..

 

[jham123]

Don't say it like that.........

Say it like...."I pray that my Husband see's value in me like you do and we have a fulfilling future"

I dunno...I;m just saying, if you say things like that when he hears you, what does that do to him? Are you sure that you've never made open proclamations that at first appeared harmless?? and he heard them totally different??

I'm not saying this is the reason you guys are apart, but it may be one.

 

[peacechild4]

I am absolutely sure I have said things that came out the wrong way.. sigh..