wounded and slipping

[kicker]

Hi everyone. I am at wits end and literally don't know what to do or expect. I am so consumed with fear that I can't think clearly. I'm crying to God several times a day to give me saving faith but I never seem to have it. Its as if I can't trust God to save me because I'm doubting even as I pray. My depression has worsened and I feel like my beliefs are being ripped away from me and I am questioning my desire to even want God. This is killing me inside because I know there is no reason to live if you don't have Christ. Please help!!!!

 

[Caty]

Hi everyone. I am at wits end and literally don't know what to do or expect. I am so consumed with fear that I can't think clearly. I'm crying to God several times a day to give me saving faith but I never seem to have it. Its as if I can't trust God to save me because I'm doubting even as I pray. My depression has worsened and I feel like my beliefs are being ripped away from me and I am questioning my desire to even want God. This is killing me inside because I know there is no reason to live if you don't have Christ. Please help!!!!

I go through the exact same thing and I know how you feel. I'll pray for you.

 

[gracealone]

Hi James,
It's horrible and excruciatingly painful and yet common to have your thoughts confused and muddled by the intensity of the anxiety.
What is happening here is that your "heart is condemning you" but "God is greater than your heart."
With OCD the heart or seat of our emotions is not functioning within normal parameters. Our emotions have run amuck because of the imbalanced brain chemisty. Then we begin to trust in those emotions as a measuring stick of whether or not we are saved. So then we cry out to God for relief, for emotional validation and peace but then when we don't get it we see this a further evidence that we might not still be saved. So we try all the harder to gain some sort of reassurance and the harder we work at it the worse we feel because in doing so we are feeding the anxiety response and making it appear valid to our brains.
You are stuck on the hampster wheel of OCD and it's spinning so fast, so visciously that you can't see your way to jump off right now.
It's hard but instead of asking God to give you saving faith you need to ask God to help you understand how to live with and manage the disorder of OCD. No matter how much your brain is decieving you by the intense fear that this is a spiritual problem you have to let go and stop making it one. Let go, run the risk, live with and swallow the feelings of uncertainty but press on. Never, never, never give up. The cure may be long in coming but with determined perseverance you will get there. I did and so have many others on this forum. Listen to people like Seajoy, KayKay, Sad etc. They've been through the wringer time and time again and have come out of it stronger in their faith. You will too! We are all in your corner pulling for you, praying for you and we won't stop until you find your way out.
I'll PM you later. Just got back in town.
For now try to say this to yourself. "Though my invalid OCD feelings may be making me feel condemned", God is greater than my OCD feelings."
Mitzi
PS, The reason for you to live is so that God's strength may be manifested in and through your affliction. He's at work, trust me He is.

Hi everyone. I am at wits end and literally don't know what to do or expect. I am so consumed with fear that I can't think clearly. I'm crying to God several times a day to give me saving faith but I never seem to have it. Its as if I can't trust God to save me because I'm doubting even as I pray. My depression has worsened and I feel like my beliefs are being ripped away from me and I am questioning my desire to even want God. This is killing me inside because I know there is no reason to live if you don't have Christ. Please help!!!!

 

[seajoy]

kicker, listen to Mitzi.

Also, you may be to the point of needing to get to a doctor fast. It sounds like you are spinning out of control. You may need to go to a hospital. I'm not a doctor...but your tone is sounding quite desperate. Please seek some help. We will pray for you too.

 

[RachelZ]

Hey Kicker I'm so sorry you are so much in the grip of fear right now. Caty's response shows that you are not alone and I too know what it is to be consumed by fear...he is a terrible monster and allways hungry! Please listen to Mitzi and Seajoy's advice...I will pray that God brings you an eye in the middle of your storm so you can try to ground yourself in God and reality once more. Take care, Rachel

 

[ObsessedButBlessed]

Hi kicker, I'm going to repeat something that Mitzi said in another thread before it got deleted: "Obedience is key. Basing our rightness with God on our feelings only leads to disaster with OCD." (paraphrased!)

We read the story of Abraham when God commanded him to sacrifice his only son, Isaac, because God was testing Abraham's love and devotion towards God. Do you think Abraham went forth, completely without doubt or fear or anxiety in the situation? Probably not. He probably questioned the entire way up the mountain, doubted what God's intentions were, doubted God's plans. But Abraham obeyed, despite his feelings, and God rewarded his obedience.

So in the absence of confirming feelings, in the absence of certainty, we can only obey, serve and continue to act in according with God's teachings. And in the meantime, I second seajoy's advice in looking for meds and a qualified OCD therapist. There is no need for you to suffer continuously, James!

 

[zingiber]

I also am praying for you. Please take time to carefully read what the others have said, and try to take hold of that. I just been recovering from a bout of OCD, and I was feeling very much like you described just like you the past few days (I think I worried my family, who I was with, because they could tell I was very, very scared. My OCD also affects them too, unfortunately!) Anyway, you must realise that it is only your brain. That is one of the first steps to recovery, knowing that it is just faulty brain workings, and therefore not worth worrying about!

 

[kaykay9.0]

I think you may be operating under a wrong impression of what saving faith is. I believe it that if you sincerely come to Jesus desiring to follow Him as your savior and Lord, and believe that He died for your sin, that is saving faith. My .02 anyway on that. As some of the others posted, you may need to get some help ASAP. Think about it anyway. Praying for you.

 

[pjspara]

kicker... you know i have been exactly where you are... and thru the last months have done much study and reaffirming my beliefs.....i have been doing bible studies,

and listening to audio tapes of the "case for christ... "more than a carpenter"


etc.. etc... that i got at mardels...i would get in my car (and still do) and listen to

these tapes to reaffirm my faith in that it really is all true..

we arent called to a blind faith, but it comes from knowledge from hearing and reading the WORD, and as i have done that i have let go of alot of the paralyzing fears that i have had..

"feelings " are no where in the bible.. and that has been super hard for me to realize i can choose to believe, and keep serving and keep praying (NO matter what i feel)....


the thing is.... He already did it all.... no matter how you feel. if you will have JEsus, HE already has you.... HE did it 2000 yeras ago and said IT IS FINISHED... and it really is.... you can ask HIM 1000 times a day (believe me i have) to save you, but the bottom line is..... it is done... when you said GOD, i belive in YOUR SON JESUS AS MY LORD AND SAVIOR... it was done ..just like your love for your child NO MATTER WHAT THEY EVER DID, HIS LOVE IS GREATER...

problem with ocd is we think about hell and come up with every scary verse we can, and miss the point that hell is for those who reject HIM.
not for us who question HIM, or have very lil faith but for those who outright say they do not want HIM at all....i mean when He was on earth HE kept doing miracles "so you may believ that I am who I say I am" and even when He went to the cross HIs disciples who WITNESSED HIS MIRACLES ran like scared kids, not believeing anymore.... and HE STILL CAME BACK AND SHOWED THEM PROOF, thats how patient HE was with HIS VERY DISCIPLES, SO how much more patient is HE with those of us who didnt see it all< and are trying to have faith in it now HE knows our doubts and fears and none of it makes HIM reject YOU.......... LORD I BELIEVE HELP MY UNBELIEF......

now, all this being said, these are the things i am learning gradually on my journey, BUT,,, I DO take medication to help with my ocd, which has helped tremendously with my seeing things a lil differently....


we are in this together and you are going to be ok.... whether you feel it or believe it,

pj

 

[hisbloodformysins]

You are saved. Don't trust your feelings right now.. or your beliefs. Try to just be an observer of them, but don't personalize them. Does that make any sense?

Maybe that'll help.

HB