Would you let an unmarried couple sleep in the same room?

[Ubuntu]

First of all a disclaimer: I believe that sex before marriage is wrong. I respect people who disagree with me on this, but I first and foremost want to hear the opinions of those who agree that sex should be reserved for marriage.

What I am interested in is how you people deal with adult, unmarried couples (friends, family and so on) wishing to come for a visit? Do you give them your double bed, or do you insist that they sleep in separate rooms?

Does it make any difference if the couple is professing Christians? In my case I’m visited by a couple with mixed background, the woman grew up as a Christian, the man is non-Christian. I certainly would like people to feel welcome, on the other hand I don’t want to condone sin.

Any ideas?

 

[AbsoluteZero]

In my own house, I most certainly would not encourage an unmarried couple sleeping in the same room. Likewise, if I went home with a boyfriend (or even a fiancé) to my parents' house, they would--without question--set up two different rooms for us. It's not so much about the beliefs of the couple, but the beliefs of the owner of the house. That is 100% your decision and you have to decide what you feel comfortable with.

 

[Ubuntu]

In my own house, I most certainly would not encourage an unmarried couple sleeping in the same room. Likewise, if I went home with a boyfriend (or even a fiancé) to my parents' house, they would--without question--set up two different rooms for us. It's not so much about the beliefs of the couple, but the beliefs of the owner of the house. That is 100% your decision and you have to decide what you feel comfortable with.

That's kind of my gut feeling too! On the other hand I haven't been in this situation before, so I wonder if anyone here actually has had to deal with this. How did people react, etc?

 

[Greg J.]

It might be uncomfortable for some, but I've had to uncomfortably face it (as a third party) enough times that at this point I would just ask them whether they want one or two beds. The fact that you ask also provokes them to think about it, which they may never have done before. The primary thing they are going to be receiving from you is whether you accept them or not. If you accept them but reject their behavior, they will generally receive it as a rejection of them.

It's an opportunity to let them know how you stand on the issue, however, is it really the time and place to do that—by forcing them to adhere to your beliefs? Would that be beneficial to them or affect how willing they are to listen to what you have to say about more important matters (such as Jesus is real, is Lord of all, and died for your sins). Do you think they will (or eventually will) interpret it as being an acceptance that their sin is OK? They actually might, but could be overrided with an explanation, if possible. Have they come to stay at your house for moral instruction? Would you want to stay (again) at someone else's house if that was part of the "warmth" of being received into their home?

Another thing to ask yourself is, in what way are they under your spiritual authority? You could conceivably argue that it is none of your business, and the real decision you have to make is whether to let them stay in your house at all. By letting "sinners" stay at your house (sleeping separately) have you implicitly demonstrated approval of their sometime sinful behavior in some way? If they begrudgingly sleep separately, have they encountered a Jesus-like behavior or an attempt for you to remain comfortable? Having said that, it is your house, and you are in charge.

Jesus never forced anyone to behave in any particular way, rather sinners flocked to him because he was religious and still accepted them, unlike their community. However, those sinners knew they were considered sinners by the "good" people in the community. At the same time, no one could bring a genuine complaint that Jesus had shown approval of sin, even though some viewed it that way (e.g., he ate with sinners). From an unenlightened viewpoint, Jesus did accept the sins of sinners when he accepted repentant sinners (and then forgave their sin) rather than treated them according to the Law. Jesus frequently demonstrated he was "against the Law," and yet he never actually was.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of [your] sins. ('your' inserted by me, 1 Peter 4:8, 1984 NIV)

I'm not trying to provide one-sided support for letting them do what they want. I figure other people will cover the reasons God might not want you to allow it. It's very situational and depends on your relationship with them. Only you can decide what you should do. In the context where they are new Christians, and you don't feel you have the right to direct their behavior, Paul wrote to accept him whose faith is weak. (You might read Romans 14.)

By the way, lest anyone fail to consider it, it is not a sin for them to (just) sleep together!

 

[ValleyGal]

When I was single and would visit my friend's home in another city, there was no discussion. He simply let me know that "this" is my room and "that" was my boyfriend's room. I respected that. I also respected my [now] in-laws the first time I stayed at their place before we were married. They had one room for us with heavy twin beds and two heavy bedside tables between the beds. It would have been very uncomfortable to push the beds together, and try to share blankets. My mom, on the other hand, gave us her queen bed because the only other place would have been the sofa, so she slept on the sofa rather than share a bed with me.

If someone is coming to stay with you, I doubt they are planning to have sex in your home anyway, especially if you have limited space and the walls are thin.

 

[Albion]

This really is a tough issue, but one that many people have faced. It's not something to contemplate only in theory.

I don't really know a good way to finesse the problem. By taking a stand for your religious beliefs you probably do run a good risk of alienating the friends, especially if they've been living together routinely for some time.

But also, the other side of the coin is that they--as friends--shouldn't be expecting you to violate your religious principles in order to accommodate their principles. Real friends would offer to sleep apart while visiting because they respect your sincere beliefs. Real friends would not put you on the spot like this any more than they'd refuse to eat the food you put before them at dinner just because they'd prefer some other dish.

When you're dealing with the kids coming home from college, or something like that, it's different of course. They know everything, are easily offended by the idea of deferring to another person's values, and whatever it is that you believe in is automatically ridiculous.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

If people want to have sex before marriage, they can manage it easily enough in many places. I doubt very much that staying in the same room when visiting someone else changes this very much.
If they can manage to stay celibate, they will do so regardless if they are allowed to sleep in the same room or not. Couples spend a lot of time alone together, so if they were going to have sex they probably had many opportunities to do so.

I say that you can ask them if they want one room or separate ones and leave it at that. They are responsible for their own actions and I doubt that staying together in a guestroom would be the most tempting situation they have ever been in and could somehow magically override any scruples they might have had. It's not like: "Well, they put us in the same room so might as well..."

 

[aiki]

First of all a disclaimer: I believe that sex before marriage is wrong. I respect people who disagree with me on this, but I first and foremost want to hear the opinions of those who agree that sex should be reserved for marriage.

What I am interested in is how you people deal with adult, unmarried couples (friends, family and so on) wishing to come for a visit? Do you give them your double bed, or do you insist that they sleep in separate rooms?

Does it make any difference if the couple is professing Christians? In my case I’m visited by a couple with mixed background, the woman grew up as a Christian, the man is non-Christian. I certainly would like people to feel welcome, on the other hand I don’t want to condone sin.

Any ideas?

Well, what's more important to you: Keeping your friends happy and comfortable at the expense of your conscience and obeying the command of God, or insisting that people conduct themselves in your home in a manner that makes no provision for evil? Who will you honor in your home? Your holy God? Or your friends? The answer seems pretty obvious to me.

Romans 13:12-14
12 The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light.
13 Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy.
14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.

Do not give your guests the option to sleep together. Simply explain where it is you've arranged for them to sleep. No apologies, no explanations. If they object, tell them you intend to honor God in your home and so there will be no unmarried couples sleeping together under your roof. You are not being unkind and don't let them make you feel that you are. You are being a righteous, God-honoring disciple of Christ. There is nothing in being so for which you should apologize or feel the slightest guilt or regret.

Selah.

 

[dhh712]

First of all a disclaimer: I believe that sex before marriage is wrong. I respect people who disagree with me on this, but I first and foremost want to hear the opinions of those who agree that sex should be reserved for marriage.

What I am interested in is how you people deal with adult, unmarried couples (friends, family and so on) wishing to come for a visit? Do you give them your double bed, or do you insist that they sleep in separate rooms?

Does it make any difference if the couple is professing Christians? In my case I’m visited by a couple with mixed background, the woman grew up as a Christian, the man is non-Christian. I certainly would like people to feel welcome, on the other hand I don’t want to condone sin.

Any ideas?

Yes. Set up separate bedrooms for them if possible (or at least separate beds if your living arrangement won't allow for 2 guest bedrooms). Then when they stop over to visit, show them each to their separate rooms. Say something like, "Here will be where you're sleeping [name] and [leading them to the next room] this is where you'll be sleeping, [name]". Then, there's really no question and it would seem totally inappropriate for the couple to do otherwise (and show a real lack of respect).

 

[NOTWHATIWAS]

First of all a disclaimer: I believe that sex before marriage is wrong. I respect people who disagree with me on this, but I first and foremost want to hear the opinions of those who agree that sex should be reserved for marriage.

What I am interested in is how you people deal with adult, unmarried couples (friends, family and so on) wishing to come for a visit? Do you give them your double bed, or do you insist that they sleep in separate rooms?

Does it make any difference if the couple is professing Christians? In my case I’m visited by a couple with mixed background, the woman grew up as a Christian, the man is non-Christian. I certainly would like people to feel welcome, on the other hand I don’t want to condone sin.

Any ideas?

They are coming to stay in my house so it's my rules.( Actually, it is God's rules.) They get separate bedrooms. Just let your wishes be known in love. How would Jesus handle this?

 

[Albion]

They are coming to stay in my house so it's my rules.( Actually, it is God's rules.) They get separate bedrooms. Just let your wishes be known in love. How would Jesus handle this?

Although we don't like to be unkind or judgmental towards other people, I can't imagine Jesus showing guests to the same bedroom with a king or queen bed.

 

[NOTWHATIWAS]

Although we don't like to be unkind or judgmental towards other people, I can't imagine Jesus showing guests to the same bedroom with a king or queen bed.

I agree. Jesus would not have the unmarried couple sleeping in the same room, in the same bed.

 

[AbsoluteZero]

That's kind of my gut feeling too! On the other hand I haven't been in this situation before, so I wonder if anyone here actually has had to deal with this. How did people react, etc?

When my uncle and now aunt were still dating (this was years ago) and I was a child, they visited and my parents told them from the get-go that they weren't comfortable with them sleeping in the same room. It's a "my house, my rules" kind of situation. They respected my parents' decision and it wasn't an issue. Honestly it's just a visit, so I'm sure the couple can practice some self control.

 

[Goodbook]

Seperate rooms.
My sister and her bf got told this when they came to stay. At the time i had a queen bed at my brothers place that i said my sister could sleep in and her bf had the guest bedroom with the single bed. No way would i let her bf sleep in that bed with her as they arent married.

Its just gross. What they did outside of that house, wasnt any of our concern but i wouldnt want my brothers walking in on them in my bedroom.

If my sisters bf had the balls to make her an honest woman then he gets to sleep with her all the time wherever and there would be no problem. They were staying for a about two weeks and she just sprung it on us. We didnt even know she had a bf.

My mum agreed but my brothers werent insistant, but it was actually my bedroom at the time so i put my foot down. My sister complied.
If they really wanted to sleep together they would have to go rent a room in a hotel. I just said that room is a girls bedroom. I didnt know her bf from a bar of soap.

 

[Luke17:37]

First of all a disclaimer: I believe that sex before marriage is wrong. I respect people who disagree with me on this, but I first and foremost want to hear the opinions of those who agree that sex should be reserved for marriage.

What I am interested in is how you people deal with adult, unmarried couples (friends, family and so on) wishing to come for a visit? Do you give them your double bed, or do you insist that they sleep in separate rooms?

Does it make any difference if the couple is professing Christians? In my case I’m visited by a couple with mixed background, the woman grew up as a Christian, the man is non-Christian. I certainly would like people to feel welcome, on the other hand I don’t want to condone sin.

Any ideas?

For a Christian, it is not wise to give the appearance of sin. If they are not Christians, I would not embarrass them, especially if they live together and you know it. I can't imagine how insulting it would be if I or my dad forced my uncle and his common law wife to sleep in separate bedrooms if they visited us. This would not happen. The only reason I'd make an issue of it is if the couple were professing Christians. If a person is uncomfortable letting non-Christian adults do this in their house, they could make their home unavailable.

 

[aiki]

Can any believer honestly imagine Jesus saying to an unmarried couple in his home, "Well, if it's what you're used to - and, hey, I'm not your Savior - you go right ahead and pretend like you're married and nookie it up if you like"? No, I very much think his words would be more along the lines of, "Go and sin no more."

Selah.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

First of all a disclaimer: I believe that sex before marriage is wrong. I respect people who disagree with me on this, but I first and foremost want to hear the opinions of those who agree that sex should be reserved for marriage.

What I am interested in is how you people deal with adult, unmarried couples (friends, family and so on) wishing to come for a visit? Do you give them your double bed, or do you insist that they sleep in separate rooms?

Does it make any difference if the couple is professing Christians? In my case I’m visited by a couple with mixed background, the woman grew up as a Christian, the man is non-Christian. I certainly would like people to feel welcome, on the other hand I don’t want to condone sin.

Any ideas?

Ubuntu: Unmarried professing Christians should not be having a problem sleeping in separate beds.
Guests who are unmarried that stay with us overnight get separate bedrooms.

 

[EmmaCat]

Yes. We get lost campers a lot here and we don't turn them away at night. We take them in for the night and don't ask questions. They're lost, they're scared (sometimes), they're soaked or cold and hungry so we feed them, let them use our phones if they need, let them have baths, find them dry clothes, etc., and let them sleep wherever. That is the time to preach with action. We don't judge.

We in the community? Wooooo! No way!

All good things
Emmy

 

[Goodbook]

My sister isnt a christian and dont think her bf is, obviously.
But if they were they of course would have had separate beds and rooms anyway, it makes no difference.

If there was no other room, well that might be different but its really a question of space. Joseph and Mary were betrothed, and Jesus was born in a manger as there was no room at the inn. Were Joseph and Mary sleeping together in the stable? Well sure, but they werent having relations until after they were married, in their own marital bed. I mean I dont think they would have with all the animals around.

 

[Goodbook]

Here is your pile of hay, and over there is mine. Well im sure mary was unclean at the time of birth so Joseph wouldnt have slept with her anyway. In the same room, yes, but not the same beds. When mary was pregant with Jesus she went to stay with cousin elizabeth, she wasnt sleeping with Joseph until after Jesus was born.

Anyway, I think if ppl are christians they ought to know the deal with marriage, betrothal and knowing how to possess their own bodies with honor. It is God who will see that and bless them if they obey.