Would You Ever...

[fishstix]

enter into a relationship with someone who had a prior criminal record? I know that I, personally, would not judge someone who had been in prison for theft, drug possession, DUI, etc. if I could see their fruits bear witness to the fact that they are fully rehabilitated in the Lord. I'm not so sure, however, that I could overlook the fact that someone had been in prison for rape or murder.

How about you guys?

If it was for anything bigger than say a traffic violation or stealing a chocolate bar as a kid, nope. As far as judging goes - even if I said that I would have a relationship with the person that would also be a judgment, just one in the opposite direction. Judgments aren't always negative, and the ability to make appropriate judgments is a good thing.

 

[Learnin'2-4Give]

Well, I'm currently involved with a man with a criminal record. He's coming to see my family this weekend and ask my parents for my hand in marriage. He will also be telling them about his past.

We have prayed a lot about this. He served 7 years in prison for 1st degree burglary and drug charges amongst other things. He was a drug dealer and also shot the meth dealer who was having an affair with his wife. (He didn't die--wasn't even hurt very badly--whew!)

After the shooting, he fled and planned to commit suicide. He turned to God though and prayed for help. He didn't turn his life over at that point though. After he was sent to prison, he met up with other prisoners who had turned their lives over to Christ. He was hesitant at first, but one of the guys was persistant. Soon, he was going to services and purchased a bible and started reading it. Then, he was given an opportunity to enter the IFI program--Chuck Colson's prison ministry program--the InnerChange Freedom Initiative at his prison. At this time, he also came up for parole, but decided to stay in prison and work on his faith.

Long story short, he is a wonderful, respected and born-again Christian with a new lease on life. He has a great support system and has been delivered from his drug addiction and sinful ways. He has a good job and is well on his way to making something positive out of his life. He was released in August of 2003. He is to be on parole until 2007, but, his parole officer told him that barring any difficulties, she will be releasing him in March because he has so clearly turned his life around.

I could not have prayed for a better man to come into my life. He told me right up front about his past and encouraged me to research his story (which I did). I have talked with his family, his bosses, his pastor, his prison mentor and his friends. His background is almost identical to mine. He just took a bad turn and ran with the wrong crowd and then, before he knew it, his life was controlled by Satan. He has broken free of that prison!

So, am I telling you all to rush out and date a felon? Nope. But, if God lays it on your heart, certainly give him/her a chance. Jesus teaches us about forgiveness and I am learning that we all make mistakes. Some of us get caught and others don't. In the end, God will be our judge.

--Learnin'

 

[hazeleyes80]

So the worst part about dating a pedifile would be the black mark on your career? LOL Oh man,,i'm rolling. LOL
I'm sure theres other downsides too!!!! LOL,,sides hurting.

I'm working very hard to get my degrees. To lose that because of someone else's criminal behavior would be horrendous. It would mean 8 years of wasted time, education, and money. There's a good chance (a very good chance) that I will decide not to have kids of my own, so the thought of a pedophilic man around my own children didn't even cross my mind. The thought of a pedophile coming into my classroom didn't really cross my mind either because where I'm from, unless you have child abuse and criminal background clearances, you cannot get anywhere near the inside of a school without being constantly supervised. Constant supervision (not even going to the restroom alone) = no time alone with the kids = no way to molest them. The way I see it, only way dating or being married to a person who I found out was a pedopile could hurt me (other than major embarrassment over not seeing it sooner) would be my career. Yes, I do realize that I place a very heavy emphasis on career, and no, I don't have a desire to change that.

 

[caitlincares]

Well, I'm currently involved with a man with a criminal record. He's coming to see my family this weekend and ask my parents for my hand in marriage. He will also be telling them about his past.

We have prayed a lot about this. He served 7 years in prison for 1st degree burglary and drug charges amongst other things. He was a drug dealer and also shot the meth dealer who was having an affair with his wife. (He didn't die--wasn't even hurt very badly--whew!)

After the shooting, he fled and planned to commit suicide. He turned to God though and prayed for help. He didn't turn his life over at that point though. After he was sent to prison, he met up with other prisoners who had turned their lives over to Christ. He was hesitant at first, but one of the guys was persistant. Soon, he was going to services and purchased a bible and started reading it. Then, he was given an opportunity to enter the IFI program--Chuck Colson's prison ministry program--the InnerChange Freedom Initiative at his prison. At this time, he also came up for parole, but decided to stay in prison and work on his faith.

Long story short, he is a wonderful, respected and born-again Christian with a new lease on life. He has a great support system and has been delivered from his drug addiction and sinful ways. He has a good job and is well on his way to making something positive out of his life. He was released in August of 2003. He is to be on parole until 2007, but, his parole officer told him that barring any difficulties, she will be releasing him in March because he has so clearly turned his life around.

I could not have prayed for a better man to come into my life. He told me right up front about his past and encouraged me to research his story (which I did). I have talked with his family, his bosses, his pastor, his prison mentor and his friends. His background is almost identical to mine. He just took a bad turn and ran with the wrong crowd and then, before he knew it, his life was controlled by Satan. He has broken free of that prison!

So, am I telling you all to rush out and date a felon? Nope. But, if God lays it on your heart, certainly give him/her a chance. Jesus teaches us about forgiveness and I am learning that we all make mistakes. Some of us get caught and others don't. In the end, God will be our judge.

--Learnin'

Learnin'

I have visited prisons before.
I have attended church services on the inside and they were more spiritual than any I attended on the outside.

 

[fishstix]

where I'm from, unless you have child abuse and criminal background clearances, you cannot get anywhere near the inside of a school without being constantly supervised. Constant supervision (not even going to the restroom alone) = no time alone with the kids = no way to molest them.

Wow... Does that include parents coming in to drop off or pick up their children too? Are there guards at the doors or something? Where I'm from it wouldn't be difficult to get inside of a school at all.

 

[hazeleyes80]

Wow... Does that include parents coming in to drop off or pick up their children too? Are there guards at the doors or something? Where I'm from it wouldn't be difficult to get inside of a school at all.

If you don't have current clearances (and the school doesn't have a copy), you cannot be alone with the kids. Visitors usually have to sign in and out in the main office and wear a visitor's badge. Teachers often have to wear ID badges around their neck or pinned on their shirt. Some schools do have security guards. It might sound anal to some, but in today's day and age, it's necessary in order to keep kids safe. Parents can be pedophiles too. They have to be watched just like everyone else.

 

[Living4Him03]

I have considered dating a guy recently who has a criminal background. He was in jail (a local county jail i guess) for drug posession. He has also had a warrant out for his arrest due to not paying tickets. He has turned his life around and is living for Christ, but is also suffering the consequences of his past. He wants to be a teacher, but can't do observations due to the drug possession arrest. Now he has to get a lawyer to help him. I would rather he get all this stuff cleared up before I consider dating him. His background wouldn't prevent me from dating him though. Christ has changed his life and he is no longer living the life that he lived, so it doesn't matter.

 

[waterbear]

It would depend on the crime; I don't have any strict requirements about criminal history, but it's highly unlikely I'd be interested in an ex-felon for other reasons. Impulsiveness and lack of foresight aren't traits I usually respect.

 

[fishstix]

If you don't have current clearances (and the school doesn't have a copy), you cannot be alone with the kids. Visitors usually have to sign in and out in the main office and wear a visitor's badge. Teachers often have to wear ID badges around their neck or pinned on their shirt. Some schools do have security guards. It might sound anal to some, but in today's day and age, it's necessary in order to keep kids safe. Parents can be pedophiles too. They have to be watched just like everyone else.

I guess that makes sense. I'm glad that I grew up in a different kind of area where that sort of thing wasn't necessary. So are there any measures in place to protect the kids from each other?

 

[_sunshinegirl]

I could be one's friend regardless, however I could not enter into a marriage with someone who has been to jail for domestic violence. There is too high of a risk that people who abuse their spouses or SO will do it again, and unless that Lord showed be beyond the shadow of a doubt that the man was harmless I would have to use my common sense and say no.

 

[hazeleyes80]

So are there any measures in place to protect the kids from each other?

Unfortunately, most school districts that I've visited for observations as well as the school district that I grew up in and the others in my area are a bit behind the times on that one. I mean, a few schools hired a crisis counselor or a new guidance counselor (some of them had those already), but that's like putting a Band-Aid on a comound fracture. School district-wide policy is necessary to deal with it. Teachers and administrators that are still pretending it doesn't happen need to stop. Bullying can have horrible effects on kids.

Oh man, I'm getting on my soap box. I'd better end this post now before it becomes a 10 page essay.

 

[footballfanatic]

That's a tough one. If the request is made, all sins are forgiven by God and should be by us, but not all are sins are equal. I actually wrote an article about this at http://gcm.ibelieve.com/content.asp?CID=17373. I'd appreciate your opinions on it.

But, as I said above, we should try to forgive all sins. I understand why it's very difficult for you to want to date him. I mean, if he didn't respect someone enough to respect their body, how could he respect yours? (It would apply if it were a female who had commited the sexual violation as well)

I'd have to say that if you have doubts about it, don't force it. God gave us instincts for a reason. The question is, do we risk our own safety in order to be accepting of someone.

You can forgive and accept him without dating him....so maybe that would be best. But, it's your life. I'm sure you'll make the right decision.

Lee

 

[Kept_Woman]

I think I'd date a guy with a criminal record. If he's given his life to God and is headed in the right direction, I don't see why not.