Would you date...

[Stravinsk]

i know the science behind nicotine addiction. very well. My ex would also constantly cite the medical facts as a reason not to quit. And I understand why it is so hard to quit from a biological standpoint.And to a certain extent... yes it makes sense. but it only makes sense for so long. If a person wants to quit, they will fight like crazy to quit. In the end if your will power is strong enough... you can quit anything. nicotine, hard drugs, porn, whatever the addiction may be. Christians even have extra help with the Lord. When we are weak He is our strength.

but my original point is that its the same as any other addiction in the sense of attitude. Unless that person is committed to quitting... there will always be an excuse not to quit, despite the promises given to quit. (note that i'm talking about someone who merely talks but doesn't back it up with actions- not someone who attempts to quit and stumbles. thats reasonable to expect) It affects the trust of the relationship ultimately because when a person breaks one promise and finds ways to justify it, it then becomes that much easier to break other promises and find ways to justify it.

You may understand intellectually what it is like, but intellectual knowledge isn't the same as experience.

I think the view you have in the second paragraph is incredibly unfair to the other person. First off - he shouldn't be making promises *to you* to quit - and to quit *for you*. And then when you to use that as some sort of integrity test and hold it against him - and worse - imply he is untrustworthy because of it...sorry - but that really stinks.

I know of no one who quits smoking to suit another's taste, and especially not on any kind of pressure (read: nagging, pestering) from another. It's hard enough to do it on your own will. That's where I'm at - having no one to please (or placate) for quitting - and have spent hundreds of dollars on hypnotherapy, gum, patches and even wasted cigarettes (running them under the facet before throwing them away so I can't smoke them) - then craving hard and giving in again.

 

[Stravinsk]

I am not going to get into a debate as to whether drinking coffee is as addictive as smoking drugs...anything can be addictive. I used to have OCD before I got saved where I used to wash my hands all the time.

If anyone thinks smoking drugs such as pot is the same as wanting a coffee to wake up in the morning then they are kidding themselves.
"Drugs" as we are labelling them (pot, regular alcohol consumption, crack, heroine etc), ruin lives. Why a Christian wants anything to do with them or condone them in any way is beyond me.

That's just my opinion (and that's me out of the debate).

Completely agree that smoking pot and drinking coffee are completely different insofar as how they effect the lives of the people who depend on them. Btw - quitting caffeine = headache for 3-4 days - no exceptional cravings and nothing like the crawling out of your skin feeling when a person quits nicotine.

What I'd really like to hear (in the churches especially) is NOT ONLY pontificating on smoking, drugs and drinking - but in addition to that the other consumption habits that are ruining people's lives. My partner died at 33 - and surprise surprise - she didn't smoke, drink, or use drugs.

 

[Blank123]

I think the view you have in the second paragraph is incredibly unfair to the other person. First off - he shouldn't be making promises *to you* to quit - and to quit *for you*. And then when you to use that as some sort of integrity test and hold it against him - and worse - imply he is untrustworthy because of it...sorry - but that really stinks.

he promised to quit because he wanted to quit. He also knew, because we discussed it bfore we even started dating, that I wasn't impressed with smoking and while he never said he'd quit for me in hind sight.... yeah it probably was just something he said to impress me. It backfired in a big way though, because it was all talk with no action backing it up. And it was a constant "Its unhealthy! I'm going to quit!" spiel that got old fast. I never once saw him attempt to try to quit.

The same attitude spilled over into other areas as well, things that he actually did promise me for the future of our relationship, but never acted upon. So it was a pattern. I've seen it in other people as well. Perhaps its unfair to generalize all smokers who break their promises to quit this way, but its my experience so its what I know.

I know of no one who quits smoking to suit another's taste, and especially not on any kind of pressure (read: nagging, pestering) from another. It's hard enough to do it on your own will. That's where I'm at - having no one to please (or placate) for quitting - and have spent hundreds of dollars on hypnotherapy, gum, patches and even wasted cigarettes (running them under the facet before throwing them away so I can't smoke them) - then craving hard and giving in again.

I actually never once nagged him about it. when it came up in conversation I would be honest about my feelings, as I am now with friends and family who smoke, but I'm not a nagger. All the promises and declarations to quit smoking were what he came up with on his own. I did not actively try to make him agree to quit smoking because I wanted him to make the decision for himself.

Again let me make it clear. all my comments refer to people who make the promises and don't attempt to follow through. Its not a judgment on those who make the promises and make an honest attempt, but stumble. I understand its something that takes trial and error and a long time to work through. I respect those that do actually work to kick the addiction. But people who constantly promise to quit but never try? No sorry. I don't care if thats unfair. I just can't respect people whose actions do not back up their words.

 

[Im_A]

i know the science behind nicotine addiction. very well. My ex would also constantly cite the medical facts as a reason not to quit. And I understand why it is so hard to quit from a biological standpoint.And to a certain extent... yes it makes sense. but it only makes sense for so long. If a person wants to quit, they will fight like crazy to quit. In the end if your will power is strong enough... you can quit anything. nicotine, hard drugs, porn, whatever the addiction may be. Christians even have extra help with the Lord. When we are weak He is our strength.

but my original point is that its the same as any other addiction in the sense of attitude. Unless that person is committed to quitting... there will always be an excuse not to quit, despite the promises given to quit. (note that i'm talking about someone who merely talks but doesn't back it up with actions- not someone who attempts to quit and stumbles. thats reasonable to expect) It affects the trust of the relationship ultimately because when a person breaks one promise and finds ways to justify it, it then becomes that much easier to break other promises and find ways to justify it.

Medical facts to not quit...wow. When I smoked, I either used the lame struggling excuse or I just flat out admitted that I didn't want to quit because I enjoyed smoking. Sure I could be very cynical and sarcastic about it. Was quite a few times. The only medical fact I ever heard was, a friend in college said that her doctor told her, she is the only patient of his that he recommends to not quit smoking because it helped control her epilpsey(sp?). I don't have that, so it didn't mean too much to me.

Strange things...strange things. I know that even though I quit, I may(not sure) never consider myself a non-smoker in my own mind. That is why I actually watch the fact that my mind is open to having a cigar. I just haven't had anything for over a year now in regards to tobacco.

 

[Im_A]

I would also advice...if anyone has a problem with dating someone who does things they like, don't even get involved. Your emotions can be spent elsewhere and not on someone that has an addiction or something that you don't like/can't accept.

One of my best friend's marriage fell apart because his wife wanted him to quit drinking alcohol(but didn't mind him getting high...to me that is stupidity), pressured him into 'quitting' and he made many problems to quit and quit and failed and failed and now their marriage is destroyed. He may have a serious problem but people shouldn't set people up to fail.

When someone with an addiction or a desire that their significant other cannot tolerate, nine times out of ten, for awhile, they will make problems because they care so much...but they may not be ready to actually quit. Maybe some can quit something for someone else but I couldn't. Heck, I couldn't even quit smoking cigarettes for someone who their mother passed away from cancer during the relationship. Love didn't lead me to quit, that person didn't lead me to quit, money and better health did and a desire to actually stop and not be controlled, which the proof that I can control is how I am open minded for a cigar but I choose not to do it and have for a really good record going. My work friends smoke, and I had a friend whom she smoked a little and during bowling season I am around it all the time when I go to the bar and when I wait in there with people. Haven't given yet and no woman led me there.

So peeps, if you find someone your interested in and they have an addiction desire that you cannot accept, it may be best to leave them be. Of course I say for a for sure statement but it seems reasonable more times than not.

 

[Carrythecross]

I see nothing wrong with marijuana, the person to me is more important. If they are faithful, productive and spiritual, no problem.

 

[Im_A]

I see nothing wrong with marijuana, the person to me is more important. If they are faithful, productive and spiritual, no problem.

I have to admit(can't remember if I stated this before or not and I am too lazy to look back), use of marijuana is a no go. I would rather be with her in AA, or in some treatment for alcohol if I had to make a choice then I would for any illegal substance.

Sure I support complete decriminalization of marijuana and yes I believe that medical use of marijuana is a very real thing, I just don't know that I could accept someone I spend my life with doing that recreationally or part-time. She would also have to give me a really good reason why she is on medical dose of marijuana.

Experiences from my family just makes me severely biased against it, and when I did it back in my college days, that biased against it was just confirmed.

 

[princesspumpkin]

I think its really what YOU think.............what does your gut tell you, what are YOUR values do this type of behaviour fit???????????? take care i pray you make the right decision for YOU

 

[alvanorichie]

i will never...i dun like drunk or smokers, drug too far away from my interest

 

[SnowyMacie]

Define drug. Drinking or marijuana I wouldn't have a problem with, if done in moderation of course.

Past addictions, but over. Sure.

 

[Mydnyte]

Absolutely not. Been down that road once, never ever again.

 

[Lord Of The Forest]

No.

 

[anewday]

Nope.

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

Why single out a few unhealthy behaviors like the use of recreational drugs, the use of tobacco, etc.?

In the U.S. at least almost our entire way of life is detrimental to the social/cultural actor's health and the health of the people in his/her environment.

Addictive? Probably our worst--and most detrimental to our health--addiction is our addiction to fossil fuels. And think of all of the radioactive waste that an increasingly popular alternative, nuclear power, will pollute the biosphere with--pollute our habitat with--for thousands of years.

If we are talking about addictions and unhealthy behavior, things like marijuana use are just a small drop in the bucket, I am beginning to see. People are going to refuse to date/marry a person because of "drug use" but have no problem dating a person who makes the air that we breathe and the water that we drink toxic because he/she can't give up video games, Facebook, texting, etc.?!

 

[Lord Of The Forest]

Addictive? Probably our worst--and most detrimental to our health--addiction is our addiction to fossil fuels. And think of all of the radioactive waste that an increasingly popular alternative, nuclear power, will pollute the biosphere with--pollute our habitat with--for thousands of years.

Nope.

Humans are not going to destroy the earth. In a word, that notion is unadulterated gaff and poppycock—as you will, that was two words. You lead one to believe that humans have more might than God. On the other side, scripture makes it clear that the earth will endure forever; and here are a few verses which say that:


Psalm 78:69:
And he built his sanctuary like high palaces, like the earth which he hath established for ever.

Psalm 90:2:
Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever thou hadst formed the earth and the world, even from everlasting to everlasting, thou art God.

Psalm 104:5:
Who laid the foundations of the earth, that it should not be removed for ever.

Ecclesiastes 1:4:
One generation passeth away, and another generation cometh: but the earth abideth for ever.

Isaiah 51:6:
Lift up your eyes to the heavens, and look upon the earth beneath: for the heavens shall vanish away like smoke, and the earth shall wax old like a garment, and they that dwell therein shall die in like manner: but my salvation shall be for ever, and my righteousness shall not be abolished.


Stewardship needs must be in order—this was the first command given to man, but not idolising the earth as it seems you are endorsing.

People are going to refuse to date/marry a person because of "drug use" but have no problem dating a person who makes the air that we breathe and the water that we drink toxic because he/she can't give up video games, Facebook, texting, etc.?!

Yup.

 

[Sieben]

...someone who uses recreational drugs on an irregular basis and only at social parties?

By the way, no I do not take drugs before anyone thinks that lol.

I expect them to be clean of addictions like I am

 

[Boondock_Saint]

Why single out a few unhealthy behaviors like the use of recreational drugs, the use of tobacco, etc.?

In the U.S. at least almost our entire way of life is detrimental to the social/cultural actor's health and the health of the people in his/her environment.

Addictive? Probably our worst--and most detrimental to our health--addiction is our addiction to fossil fuels. And think of all of the radioactive waste that an increasingly popular alternative, nuclear power, will pollute the biosphere with--pollute our habitat with--for thousands of years.

If we are talking about addictions and unhealthy behavior, things like marijuana use are just a small drop in the bucket, I am beginning to see. People are going to refuse to date/marry a person because of "drug use" but have no problem dating a person who makes the air that we breathe and the water that we drink toxic because he/she can't give up video games, Facebook, texting, etc.?!

I would definitely put video games and some drugs in the same time wasting category.
I would not date a girl who does drugs. I also wouldn't date a girl who wastes all of her time in unproductive pursuits. Smoking, partying, non-stop gaming... At least in this phase of my life, I need to be careful how I spend my time and who I'm with. If I'm not doing it, I don't want to date a girl who does.

 

[shinkou]

In this case probably I would not date that kind of person. I do not use drugs and I do not want to date with somebody that does. Smoking maybe is OK, but I would prefer somebody that does not do that either. I think drinking is OK as long as it is not too much.

 

[SplendidTree]

Absolutely not. I learned this the hard way.

 

[Rhamiel]

the woman i loved rejected me in part because I was addicted to porn, not the same as drug addiction but in a way they have similarities