I was having 2 ocd compulsions that did not allow me to discuss with my friends about the Joker movie, with no reason,because ocd was telling me
ocd: you may have made a promise to God and asked for specific punishment.
I know it was just ocd but i was keeping the compulsion due to fear.
Today, somehow I was forced not to keep 100% the compulsion but a part of it. ocd started giving me worries
ocd: even if it is just a compulsion, God may consider it a mockery of yours from disobeying a part of the compulsion and keeping the other.
I got scared and in my random thoughts that were addressed maybe to myself or maybe to God or maybe both, I thought a sentence without my will like " God. i am not mocking you. just act according to my actions" something like that.
it was a fast scary thought because of the fear of mockery. but what was the meaning behind the sentence? i think the meaning behind this fast thought , that was maybe without my will, was to tell God to consider that I am not breaking only a part of the compulsion but the whole compulsion about discussing the Joker movie with my friends, in order to prove Him that I am not mocking Him by keeping only half of the compulsion.
Automatically, this thought generated other random thoughts that were about punishment. I do not remember exactly. I could not concetrate my thoughts to God because I was having a fast dialogue with friends and did not want to look like a weirdo. I remember trying to tell Him that they were thoughts without my will and maybe a misunderstanding. but i could not focus. i can not remember if i was refering to the thought without my will "act according to my actions" or something else. i think i remember telling myself that i will speak about this misunderstanding to God some seconds later, but i forgot. ocd is like
ocd: by saying to God to act according to your actions was like telling God to validate the thoughts without your will that created these compulsions about "not discussing the movie with friends" and the fear of punishment. maybe that counted as if you were telling God to punish you as if you were breaking the compulsions in order to prove Him that you do not mock Him.
I think i fast told God to absolve me from unwanted thoughts as I was trying to focus my thoughts to Him but i do not remember being very clear about it. I am not sure why I told Him something like
"to act as if I am breaking the compulsions"
or if i was telling Him something like
" i am not mocking You. i let You decide if i broke the whole compulsion or just a part of it."
i think i was meaning the second and that it is just a compulsion with nothing to fear. that they are is no promise and there is no punishiment behind this compulsion. but i was not clear about it. i am not sure even for myself what i was meaning.
ocd: what if you were accidentally asking from God to punish you for breaking compulsions in order to prove Him that you are not mocking Him?
I cant remember if I told Him to absolve me from this unwanted thought or if I forgot. my ocd tells me
ocd: maybe there is a God that does not care about ocd and since your prayer was not clear it counted as asking to punish you.
ocd: you may have made a promise to God and asked for specific punishment.
I know it was just ocd but i was keeping the compulsion due to fear.
Today, somehow I was forced not to keep 100% the compulsion but a part of it. ocd started giving me worries
ocd: even if it is just a compulsion, God may consider it a mockery of yours from disobeying a part of the compulsion and keeping the other.
I got scared and in my random thoughts that were addressed maybe to myself or maybe to God or maybe both, I thought a sentence without my will like " God. i am not mocking you. just act according to my actions" something like that.
it was a fast scary thought because of the fear of mockery. but what was the meaning behind the sentence? i think the meaning behind this fast thought , that was maybe without my will, was to tell God to consider that I am not breaking only a part of the compulsion but the whole compulsion about discussing the Joker movie with my friends, in order to prove Him that I am not mocking Him by keeping only half of the compulsion.
Automatically, this thought generated other random thoughts that were about punishment. I do not remember exactly. I could not concetrate my thoughts to God because I was having a fast dialogue with friends and did not want to look like a weirdo. I remember trying to tell Him that they were thoughts without my will and maybe a misunderstanding. but i could not focus. i can not remember if i was refering to the thought without my will "act according to my actions" or something else. i think i remember telling myself that i will speak about this misunderstanding to God some seconds later, but i forgot. ocd is like
ocd: by saying to God to act according to your actions was like telling God to validate the thoughts without your will that created these compulsions about "not discussing the movie with friends" and the fear of punishment. maybe that counted as if you were telling God to punish you as if you were breaking the compulsions in order to prove Him that you do not mock Him.
I think i fast told God to absolve me from unwanted thoughts as I was trying to focus my thoughts to Him but i do not remember being very clear about it. I am not sure why I told Him something like
"to act as if I am breaking the compulsions"
or if i was telling Him something like
" i am not mocking You. i let You decide if i broke the whole compulsion or just a part of it."
i think i was meaning the second and that it is just a compulsion with nothing to fear. that they are is no promise and there is no punishiment behind this compulsion. but i was not clear about it. i am not sure even for myself what i was meaning.
ocd: what if you were accidentally asking from God to punish you for breaking compulsions in order to prove Him that you are not mocking Him?
I cant remember if I told Him to absolve me from this unwanted thought or if I forgot. my ocd tells me
ocd: maybe there is a God that does not care about ocd and since your prayer was not clear it counted as asking to punish you.
