In 2005, I had an internship at what was, at the time, my dream job. In order to go into that career track full-time, I needed a degree. A degree that would "only take" 2 years. My then-husband and I looked at it and determined my employee worth would go way up, our income would be greatly increased, and the plan was he'd support us and I would go to school full time. When I graduated, I'd apply that degree to a job where I could work from home and take care of our future children.
So in the winter 2006 term I enrolled and began classes. Then, while I was getting my degree, the field and its requirements changed and what I needed to be a competatively marketable employee changed along with it. 2 years wasn't going to be enough to do really anything. I really needed about 3 1/2 years. Adding that extra year and a half threw our budget, so we had to take out some loans. Then, the economy soured and things cost more, the property taxes on our house went up 10%, and his medical insurance changed and began covering almost nothing, so we were drowning in medical bills. When 2008 came around, we had planned on me working, but I was still in school trying to keep up with the changes in my field. By summer, it was unavoidable, I had to get a job. I insisted that there was no way I could study and work, so I gave up school and got an entry level temp job that paid OK, but had nothing to do with what I was getting my degree in. When that job ended, I was hired on full time elsewhere at slightly above minimum wage. I found myself not using any of my education to make myself more marketable (partial degrees mean nothing and my degree field was specialized so it meant nothing to anybody outside of that field... I wasn't more marketable in the slightest), paying of school loans (thank God I was at least smart in that respect and only had about $2,000 to pay off), and working entry-level nothing jobs that were fine... They paid the bills and there was really nothing more to it. I was satisfied with that. I had a couple jobs for the purpose of paying bills and going home. Low responsibility, acceptable income, etc etc. I made no attempts to go back to school because there was no point, I couldn't work full-time, and so on.
Then in June 2010 my son was born. Through the pregnancy I operated under my old mindset and was fine with it. Then just one day, I wasn't. I looked at him wearing clothes that were a gift. Looked at toys that were given to him by other people. Looked at the dresser I got as a hand-me-down, the crib that was a shower present from my parents. The chair that was a garbage chair I'd had forever re-appropriated from another room. I noticed that the only thing I had provided for him in that room was a stuffed animal, his sheets, and a few clothes. Everything was from somebody else and I was so ashamed. I thought of my finances... Check-to-check, week-to-week, no savings, no security should something happen. I was getting by fine, but in all honesty I was doing nothing to make sure that he'd get better than what I had out of life. I don't want him to be 29 years old with a half-finished degree and just paying the bills and not saving. I don't want him to look at a financially irresponsible parent who can't afford to support him should anything unexpected happen.
And since that point, he's been my driving motivator.
In the working world, I was still totally unmarketable. The only thing I could do was the same old entry level, low paying jobs I had before. Only this time with him and the schedule restrictions, those jobs weren't enough because I'd need daycare. Not only did I not want to put him in daycare, I couldn't afford it with the jobs that I could get. So I worked nights. No need for daycare, and I was lucky enough to find a job where he could be with me. I'm home during the day, I sleep when he sleeps, no daycare, and I have an income. Then, through networking, I got a part-time job with flexible hours in the evening. More income, still no need for daycare. Then I scoured the internet for ways to save money. I was able to get a job that, while it doesn't pay much, it reimburses almost all of the fun entertainment things (dinners out, movies, even shopping) that keep you from going crazy. And I started saving, first 10%, then 10% and change (so if I budget a paycheck to be say $100 and it turns out to be $110, I put the $10 in savings) I applied for work-at-home day jobs, all the stuff everybody does to save money.
While waiting for work-at-home jobs to pan out, I took some of the money I saved and used it as seed money for an at-home business. It doesn't bring in much, but all of it is outside of my anticipated budget so it goes into savings. I had anticipated an at-home job and that's what I planned for, but now the business at home is taking off so my plans have changed. I got a financial planner through my bank and was able to set up investment accounts that make the most of my savings. Then I spoke to somebody else about going back to school, which I've been doing for awhile now through a regular college's online program. But they helped me find scholarships (because there's a scholarship and a discount for EVERYTHING) and I'm getting a degree that's overall much more useful than the one I had. Hopefully by the time my son is in school, my degree will be done and I can get a job during school hours.
Last year at this time, I was working a garbage job, paying bills and saving nothing. Now I'm in school, still working garbage jobs (well, one garbage job, one future career, and two interesting side ones) but I know how to better spend and appropriate my money which has allowed me in 8 months to sock away not hundreds, but thousands for my son and for our household.
The point? If you had told me a year ago that I'd have 4 seperate sources of income, a savings that provided a more than moderate buffer against disaster, a savings for my son, investment accounts, and I'd be back in school, I'd have said you were nuts. And even back when I went to school full-time before, I let it slide because it was too hard to work full time and go to school. I probably would have told you back then that it was too hard, it wasn't part of the plan, I couldn't do it, etc etc. But plans change and motivations change. And if you find the right motivator, I'm sure that you could do both if you wanted to. It will not be easy, it'll be hard. I'd be a liar if I said that there weren't times where I wasn't so frustrated and discouraged I wanted to give up. It's been so tempting, so so so tempting, more than once. Especially as during that time my son has been diagnosed with a illness which makes his daily care sometimes insanely difficult. It's hard to juggle working at home, working at night, and a 9 month old who sometimes just cries all days for hours on end. It's harder than hard. On really, really rough days where he's sick and there's so much going on, I've shed a few tears thinking that I'd let him down, myself down, or drop the ball. But you find your motivation and you push through it if you really want it.
If I were you, I'd stop focusing on what you deserve, what you feel is your owed, or what "your turn" is in the grand scheme of life. Because everybody here deserves higher education if they want it, higher income if they want it, more security if they want it. But deserving it and earning it are two totally different things and no matter how much one is owed something or deserves something, they've got to actually work for it and maybe fight the tide a bit to get it. What it boils down to is looking at your life situation, looking at what needs to be done and comparing it to your goals and what you want to be done and asking yourself if you're willing to do what you're willing to put the work into it. I'm sure there were times where it was much easier for your husband to stop getting his degrees, yet he still has them. It means to me that he identified his motivator and made the choice to push through, even when it was easier to give up, even when it meant sacraficing free time, family time, what have you. It sounds like you've yet to do the same.
Focus on what you're willing to do to meet your goals, not what others should be doing to give you your goals.
As for the "I'm getting to old" excuse, the "if I don't do it now, I will never do it" rationale... My advisor is graduating with her Masters in June. She is 54 years old and only started going back to school after being laid off from a job she had for more than 20 years and realizing she was totally unmarketable in the employment world. There is no maximum age for admission to College. You can always go back to school. You'll make the most of your degree when you're younger, but nothing is stopping anybody in their mid-to-late 40's from getting a degree.
