Women with revealing clothing in Church -My problem

[immersedingrace]

The next time you see a young lady dressed inappropriately as she is exiting the church you should take her aside,

This is appropriate for a female to do with another female. However, I would suggest that is be someone who knows the young lady or someone who has a leadership role within the church because they have the authority. I have a friend on the worship team who had a habit of "squatting" to get her music or water or whatever off the floor. She did not realize that shen she did this, her skirt was revealing, when she was standing, it was perfectly modest, but in certain positions it was inapprorpriate because on stage, she was in the line of vision for most people. She would have been mortified if a guy had gone to her. She was extremely receptive of my explaining to her that she needs to watch how she positions herself, because we have a relationship and because we are both female.

Even the most modest dress can be revealing if one moves the wrong way. I have a dress that I always felt was coming up in back when I sat on the theater style seats when we met in a school auditorium. No one ever said anything but I settled the matter by wearing a pair of bike shorts underneath. The skirt was modest, but because of where it hung and the seat coming up when I stood, I always felt like I was exposing myself. Even now when I wear the dress, I wear shorts under it "just in case"

If you were to ask her during church or ask an usher to throw a coat around her, it would cause her public embarassement and add to the undue attention.

I was thinking the same thing when I read the post about handing them a sheet. We have quilts used for "falling out", but they're put one everyone in a skirt and everyone understands that.

If your church addressed the problem publically first without saying anything to the individuals, then they haven't followed the biblical principle of correction. there are three steps: 1. go to the individual privately first. 2. take a witness along and speak to them again. 3. bring it before the church.

So you see, if you've done number 3 but neglected numbers 1 and 2, then you can't expect to solve the problem!

I think that if the church addressed an individual from the pulpit before the other two, then they'd be out of order. However, if they addressed modesty in a general form, then it's appropriate to address it without singling someone out.

 

[enoch son]

Here is what I posted last night---




That thought went through me as I read this...

But in all honesty I have to share this..... One of the gals that came to my church about 17 years ago was unchurched and unaware of the specifics of coming to church in what some call their religious attired. My pastor was so interested in their genuine interest in God that he never told them except tank tops and shorts that show the cheeks--his definition of come as you are was a totally different definition than others. So he told this young lady and her soon to be husband that as long as they had clothes on they were welcome. She had on her hot pants and a little piece of material called a "halter top." Women were grabbing their husbands and wanting to put their hands over their eyes and and there were these must ungodly exasperations from amongst the congregation. This continued for several weeks. Finally one of the ladies in the church took several dresses to this girl and she called me up and said, "Do I need to do something about my dress?" Well much to my dismay, I didn't want to reply because I really wanted to see God change her from the inside out and didn't want to be siding with all this modest apparell stuff and so I said, "What do you think?" and "What do you feel comfortable in?" Her reply asonished me, "Until now, I never had any modest clothes so that I could come dressed that way."


Another thought here is, that I know a certain beautiful young lady that had to be told by a handsome young man that her clothes were too revealing and that was enough for her to wear modest clothes and want to.

GOOD POST NEW SONG.
In the early 70 I went to a church call "Fullfaith church of love". Hippie Jesus freaks fill the floor because there was no place to set. Talking about dress problems. They would come off the street dressed as they were dressed. WHO CARED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The anionting was so great that the only thing that matter was the message and the worship. In church our eyes should be blind to the flesh and alive to God. If I could rebuke the BULL of must of you looking on the flesh I would. BUT THAT IS ALL YOU HAVE BEEN TAUGHT "LOOK AT THE FLESH" ISN'T IT BAD. GOD'S EYES DON'T SEE SIN. AND BY CONVEANT SO SHOULD OURS. SHAME ON ALL OF YOU. GROW UP.

 

[pdudgeon]

Our pastor usually makes the same kind of modesty announcement at the beginning of Summer. However this Summer we had a visitor who had been previously unchurched. She didn't understand what was ment. It went clean over her head---until someone quietly talked to her.

Now her clothes are looser,she's been baptized and is in a small group. The point is that she found out someone cared enough about her to take her aside and tell her what everyone else was thinking so that she could make a change.

 

[Hadron]

I've seen many women dress fashionably and considerately.

But I don't think I have ever seen a man go to church dressed provocatively.

Help me out here... why do certain women dress like this to go to church?

 

[Hadron]

GOOD POST NEW SONG.
In the early 70 I went to a church call "Fullfaith church of love". Hippie Jesus freaks fill the floor because there was no place to set. Talking about dress problems. They would come off the street dressed as they were dressed. WHO CARED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The anionting was so great that the only thing that matter was the message and the worship. If God there the eyes are blind to the flesh and alive to God. If I could rebuke the BULL of must of you looking on the flesh I would. BUT THAT IS ALL YOU HAVE BEEN TAUGHT "LOOK AT THE FLESH" ISN'T IT BAD. GOD'S EYES DON'T SEE SIN. AND BY CONVEANT SO SHOULD OURS. SHAME ON ALL OF YOU. GROW UP.

It's good that you have been anointed so. It's also good that you have been enlightened beyond the flesh and that these things no longer hold sway over you. Perhaps one day you will learn how to convey your messages so that others can be so enlightened.

 

[Hackett]

Well, thanks to Sue for actually responding to all of my questions. Up until that point, I felt like it was ignored, and instead I was placed solely to blame for looking.

Anyway, I understand what I did was wrong, and I accept that responsibility. But, I also think she should have decency enough not to wear those kinds of clothes to church in the future.

Actually, it seems in my church most of the girls wear whatever they want, and it pretty much goes un-noticed and un-addressed. The pastor has said to dress appropriately to church a couple of times before, but apparently he has been mostly ignored.

I agree with you. Women should teach the younger women to be chaste and behave with dignity as unto the Lord. James Dobson recently aired a discussion about this topic. His guest explained that when a man sees something enticing like you were subjected to...it stays in their brain and much like an instant replay at a football game it pops up in your memory anytime any place without warning. It was explained that it is the way the brain processes information. I am sympathetic to you fellows because of all the Moms who allow their daughters to dress so provocatively and they themselves are doing it as well.

A call for modesty is in order.

 

[enoch son]

It's good that you have been anointed so. It's also good that you have been enlightened beyond the flesh and that these things no longer hold sway over you. Perhaps one day you will learn how to convey your messages so that others can be so enlightened.

Thats the problem believers don't understand you have already been so anointed in Christ. But what the heck Jesus didn't actually crucify our flesh with Him on the cross, because it's to fun. Lets just kept looking at it and playing with it.

 

[Andrew]

Well, I'm sure there has been a thread about this before, but this is more specific to my problems with it.

I can't help but look. It's part of my makeup as a man to look whenever a woman wearing revealing clothes bends over, reveals too much, and on and on. I can't help myself, it's very compelling.

The Sunday before last there was a girl in front of me wearing a very revealing dress, and she was bending over right in front of me every 2-3 minutes, it was very distracting to the sermon.

Who is in the wrong? Me for looking, or her for wearing the revealing clothing? I suppose we are both in the wrong, but can anyone relate?

And, don't you think women should have the decency to cover up, at the very least cover it up in the house of God?

Why would a woman want to dress revealingly (and keep bending over) other than to show off her assets and for men to look and admire. Come on, don't tell me she's that naive and clueless. Ok, maybe she didn't do it intentionally but come on, when she was dressing up in her room, I'm sure that was somewhere in the back of her mind.

And any real man, being a true-blue, red-blooded male, would be tempted to look. (So there's nothing wrong with you guys.) And sometimes you can't help it, the thing just pops right in front of you when you are not expecting it and thots soon flash across your mind.

Didn't Jesus say woe to those who cause you to stumble and sin? I'm not trying to assign blame, but sometimes, I think women really don't understand how red-blooded we men are. They dress revealingly (to draw attention) and when they do get attention, they scream: "Pervert!"

 

[immersedingrace]

but in the OP the poster was on stage at the time, so apparently he was in some sort of leadership position, and had already been given some authority by the church.

Unless I missed it somewhere, the OP wasn't on stage. He did not mention that he was on stage but rather someone in front of him was wearing revealing clothing. Nothing in his post suggested he had a leadership role either.

Since the poster was the one agrieved in the situation he should have been the one to address it. by asking someone else to address the situation for you, you are shrugging off your responsibility and bring a third party into the situation.

In most situations I would agree with you, just not where "sexuality" is involved. If he were an older gentleman (say 50 +), I would probably agree even in this situation (yes I'm aware that older gentlemen are subject to the lusts of flesh as well). But, I, as a 30 something would be highly suspicious of a younger man who came to me to tell me I was dressing inappropriately (I'd actually be suspicious of anyone 'cause if I got any more modest I'd be a nun!). I would probably consider him a pervert. That may just be me, but that would be how I would see it. If I were visiting the church, I would never return if ANY guy told me, leader in the church or not. I'd be so embarassed. Especially if I had no idea what was wrong with the way I dressed. I might be inclined to go back if it were a woman who addressed me. I don't think, in this situation it would be shrugging off your responsibility to bring a woman into the mix. Especially if the young woman in question is a visitor. If she's a regular attendee/member, then she may be more receptive of a gentleman's admonition.

having a male of the species confront a young lady who is innappropriately dressed only adds to the legitamacy of the complaint.

Adds validity maybe, but may also increase the embarassment, especially if the woman doesn't know any better. I don't think it should be our goal to embarass other's into conforming to our way of thinking. Being embarassed because you DO know better is a different story.

If it were an older woman who took this young lady aside, she would have every right to dismiss the complaint and think she was being unfairly judged by someone who did not understand her or her generation.

You have a valid point. However, I still believe a female would be better equipped to handle this. It needs to be done in love, and non-judgmentally. I can think of a number of women in my church who could pull this off without a hitch and would be all the more loved because of it. I think sexuality, which, I believe, is the core issue here, is a sensitive subject and should be treated with sensitivity. The woman chosen for the job should also inform the young woman that it came to her attention because of a young man who was distracted.

In the case you cited it was a member of the worship team that was in the wrong, and so it would have been appropriate for a fellow worship team member to go to her.

I don't believe just ANYONE on the worship team should have gone to her. I believe, when possible, it should be another female, However, on the day in question, there were only three females there (it was the 8:00 service): her, me, and a young mother who doesn't know her well. If the worship leader had noticed, he would have said something and she would have taken it in stride. However, the worship leader, had he known, would have been embarassed to do so, though he would have done it in love and authority. I believe I was the only one who did notice, so, having a relationship, and being an accountability partner of sorts, I addressed the issue.

And yes, our pastor usually makes the same kind of modesty announcement at the beginning of Summer too. However this Summer we had a visitor who had been previously unchurched. She didn't understand what was ment. It went clean over her head---until someone quietly talked to her.

That's great. That's great that someone went to her quietly.

Now her clothes are looser,she's been baptized and is in a small group. The point is that she found out someone cared enough about her to take her aside and tell her what everyone else was thinking so that she could make a change.

That's awesome. I still believe that "someone" should have been of the same sex, unless she was particularly close to a male.

 

[Godslilgurlalways]

To add on to what I saying:
I understand that males do that and all all I am saying it that it's controlable with God's help. Ad far as the girls I can't believe some of them be wearing I know I would even pick it up and look at it unless I needed to use at as a rag.I was talking about sheets in my last post. I feel maybe you can talk to your pastor and see if he can talk and or preach about it. I am a jr. usher at my church we have sheets( we use for when people are slain in the spirit aka resting in the Lord.) We also have a few extra sheets and if I even think your skirt might be too short I will hand you a sheet if I have too most will grab it on their own or something. I feel people wear those clothes just to think they are beaitful which they should know they are and don't have to dress like that to prove I can't stand it when people dress like that.Some think it gets attention but really it turrns it away I am going to an example from the book A young Woman after God's own heart.

" I want to share two things in this area of dress. First I want you to know the Bible says about your dress( and it says it in one word) it's to be modest (1timothy 2:9). But second I want you to hear what a young man has to say about your dress. His name is Jason Perry of the Christian music group Plus One. Jim and I were on a panel with Jason that answered questions about dating asked by a rep. of a large Christian bookselling chain In this book You are not your own, Jason has this to say about your dress: When I see girls (in) a suggestive way, I not only turn my head away, but I pray for them. Obviously, there's a deeper issue they are looking for affrimation in the wrong ways. My question is is that how you want guys to see you as a sex object? Or would you rather have a guy know you and care for you because of your character, not just your outer beauty? Jason said he loved seeing girls who dress in a way that is not disrespectful to themselfves. Girls, God tells us to be holy and pure with our bodies. Even though our culture tells you it's okay to wear clothes that is sexy or almost nonexistent, I want to challenge you to walk to be hip and trendy and to look great without be seductive or flirtatious. Now my friend, let's both agree to walk a different road when it comes to the way we dress Let's be holy and pure and modest in our dresses." Again was quoted from a book.

Guys your thoughts are a matter of the heart (Matthew 15:19), Guys mental purity is where it all starts.

gOD bLESS YOU INDEED HOPE THIS HELPS

 

[flaglady]

I'm impressed with that, Godslilgurlalways. Seriously impressed!...

 

[Just Me Garry]

Here is Jobs advice:

Job 31:1
31:1 I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?
KJV

At least she was wearing a dress and it sounds like she was dressed modestly. But I have know Christian Women who wear jean type pants as tight as they can get them and shows off every curve on their body.

I had a close friend of mine whose wife did just exactly that and he could not figure out why the men of the world would look upon her lustfully. And he knew better.
So go figure.

 

[flaglady]

But I have know Christian Women who wear jean type pants as tight as they can get them and shows off every curve on their body.

So do the fellers and let me tell you, I might be an ageing maiden lady but I can still find it tempting to 'admire' their bods! It's just as much of a problem for the girls, chaps!

 

[Godslilgurlalways]

I'm impressed with that, Godslilgurlalways. Seriously impressed!...

Thanks

 

[Godslilgurlalways]

But I have know Christian Women who wear jean type pants as tight as they can get them and shows off every curve on their body.

Isn't that something the problem is it's happening too much, just have to wait on the Lord to teach them. I know my parent wouldn't even walk out of a room like that the thing is we are suppose to be setting examples of what we are suppose to do not of exanples of what not to do. God calls us to be holy and pure starts with the mind,physical, than spirit. It deals with the heart it's one of God's high standards

Keep yourself pure (1 timothy 5:22)
Finally brothers, wateever is ......... pure......... think about such things ( Philippins 4:8)

Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness,faith,love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart (2Timothy 2:22)
To the pure, all things are pure (Titus 1:15)
Timtoy and titus 1 ta;ls about purity

 

[Heinrich]

Wow lotsa posts in small time

I just want to encourage all the guys like me out there! The battle for sexual purity can be won!
But it does not involve having girls dress differently (they are not all able to comprehend our problems - they're just different)
It involves you and me stepping up and fight!

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

I think this is very distastefull for her to do. But - you are a young man of GOD and know better - so dont do it - especailly in church!!

If my dog Benltey can learn how to control his emotions as a sexual animal and not hump - EVER - you surely can stop looking! note - AND he is only 1 year old.

Just be aware of it = and I agree - bring it up to the pastor as this kind of attire in church is disrespectful.

!!!!!

There are probably no females in heat around your area. You wait until a new neighbour moves into your area with a female dog on heat. Then poor old Bentley will be whining and scratching at the door like mad to be let out! ROFL!!!

 

[vincejohn]

Praise God I home church now.

 

[pdudgeon]

thanks for your last post, immersedingrace. i'll modify mine accordingly. blessyou!

 

[Godslilgurlalways]

Wow lotsa posts in small time

I just want to encourage all the guys like me out there! The battle for sexual purity can be won!
But it does not involve having girls dress differently (they are not all able to comprehend our problems - they're just different)
It involves you and me stepping up and fight!

Amen, it's a battle both for girls and boys to be pure and goly I have some feeling that it's alot harder for guys than girls in some parts of it. Like you said can be won just call on the Lord to help hold you and keep you