Without hope.

[4childofgod]

Without Hope I feel your pain I pray someday you will experience Joy. JUst to let you know as you said you are a fallen Christian! That is not true God loves you and sees you as the same we are the ones that walk away but God is still in the same place waiting for you feeling your pain and even holding you on those days you don't want to be here. I know how that feels I have been suicidal before to. I will be praying if you want to talk let me know. God bless you and there is always hope in Jesus even when we don't feel like there is tomorrow. I am sorry for the loss of your(Girl) Best Friend and your little girl. God Bless YOU!

 

[ALIgator]

I'm really sorry that you're having to go through all of this. I can't imagine how awful it must've felt to lose your girlfriend and unborn child that you cared about so much, and I can't believe that people treated you so badly afterward! I don't think there's much I can do other than pray for you, which I most definitely will, but if you ever need someone to talk to you can pm me, I probably won't be much help but I'm a good listener and I know sometimes you just need to tell someone everything you've been keeping inside. I tend to keep my feelings about things to myself too, so I do understand how that feels. Don't let anyone tell you that you're a bad person or anything for ending up in this situation, you've been through a lot and obviously people haven't been to helpful to you in your times of need, so it seems fair that you don't want to be around them. I'll be praying for you and I truly hope that you don't carry out your suicide ideas, you have your whole life ahead of you and even though it doesn't feel like it, it is possible for things to get better.
~your sister in Christ
Ali

 

[Virinix]

I thank everyone for the support and comments, you are all very nice people and am putting thought into things I havnt in a while. After so many years, what feels like 70 of them, Ive finally started looking at outside help. I realized one day that I wanted to go to hell more than I wanted to go to heaven, because I didnt want to face her and tell her that ive wasted the last 8 years of my life, failed at everything I tried to do, changed from a man with a bright future with her into what I am now, a bitter person full of regrets. I promised her I would protect her and be there for the rest of my life, yet I wasn't there for her in the final hours before she passed away on the operating table. I've tried to find closure, but the only real closure is death.

I still see a hope somewhere but I cant get past my own barriers to get to it. So im now looking for real psychiatric help on it. I fit into a small group of people that anti-depressants work for, but I morbidly hate that 'artificial happiness' feeling they give. It feels as real as a aluminum car frame. I dont think its fair to pester you people with this any further, I think ive gone far beyond help that any forums can give. I dont say this out of self-guilt, I just feel that Im in with a crowd of people that have found that ultimate path, have Jesus for them. Im not one of those. Its like running into a room full of happy people professing 'im unhappy! help me!'. I can't do that and keep a clear conscious.

Regardless thanks for the kind words from such good people.

 

[SuperNova]

I looked all over for it but I can not find his testimony online. I was trying to find the Testimony of Ike Reighard. He's a pastor and evangalist. His first wife died in child birth and the baby didn't make it either. His story would inspire you if I could find it. I think it's just what you need to hear. He is on staff at this church: http://www.northstarchurch.org/index.html
Perhaps they can get you a written copy. He has an email address on that site.

 

[marc37]

Id love to talk to anybody.

so lets talk

 

[psalm25]

I'll be praying for you!

Hugs!

 

[TheologiGal]

"Im more worried about how im going to do it so it doesn't inconvenience anyone else."


I hope that since you wrote a few days ago, you have found hope and a reason to go on. I read your post yesterday and you've been on my mind. I prayed for you this morning. God be with you.

But I plead with you, think of the people your suicide would hurt. Inconvenience is hardly the term for what suicide would mean to those who care for you.

The true victims of suicide are those left behind. I know. My father killed himself when I was 5 years old. He left my mother with 4 young children to raise alone. My mother never really recovered from the horror of my father's death. My brothers and I have suffered the pain of loss and abandonment. There was a time when I believed that I too, would take my own life. A suicide in a family makes something unthinkable become a possibility.

Thank God, He has brought me into new life through the saving grace of Jesus Christ and He will do the same for you. Please, have mercy on the people who care about you.