- Nov 9, 2019
- 261
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- United States
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- Male
- Faith
- Christian
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- Single
Because I am mostly doubting that I am a Christian, I am posting in “Struggles of Non-Christians.”
For decades before this, I have also understood that I am not saved. One of the things that I have considered that have kept me from coming to Christ is the idea that to be converted, to have the moment of salvation, one has to go through a “Garden of Gethsemane” experience. How can facing the prospect of “dying to oneself,” of “denying oneself and taking up one’s cross” not be a heart-and-gut wrenching Gethsemane experience? Another idea is that being born again is to be unbearably squashed. One’s self is one’s most prized possession, and to have to give that up is to be unbearably squashed. One has to submit to having one’s guts ripped out.
For these reasons, I think that I do not have REAL conversions to Christ, but only easy, fake, shallow ones. No wonder I have been seeking salvation for over 14 years and not finding it! I prefer instant, easy, shallow conversions.
Because of the above, what Jesus said after the rich young ruler walked away and Jesus said ‘It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven,’ and his disciples said, ‘Who then can be saved?”, applies to me: “With men this is impossible…”
I know the full quote is, “With men this is impossible but with God all things are possible.” I’m at the “with men this is impossible” part. I guess I keep barking up the wrong tree so far, making it impossible for God to save me.
For decades before this, I have also understood that I am not saved. One of the things that I have considered that have kept me from coming to Christ is the idea that to be converted, to have the moment of salvation, one has to go through a “Garden of Gethsemane” experience. How can facing the prospect of “dying to oneself,” of “denying oneself and taking up one’s cross” not be a heart-and-gut wrenching Gethsemane experience? Another idea is that being born again is to be unbearably squashed. One’s self is one’s most prized possession, and to have to give that up is to be unbearably squashed. One has to submit to having one’s guts ripped out.
For these reasons, I think that I do not have REAL conversions to Christ, but only easy, fake, shallow ones. No wonder I have been seeking salvation for over 14 years and not finding it! I prefer instant, easy, shallow conversions.
Because of the above, what Jesus said after the rich young ruler walked away and Jesus said ‘It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven,’ and his disciples said, ‘Who then can be saved?”, applies to me: “With men this is impossible…”
I know the full quote is, “With men this is impossible but with God all things are possible.” I’m at the “with men this is impossible” part. I guess I keep barking up the wrong tree so far, making it impossible for God to save me.