Wishing for a family of my own

[HoneyBee]

As someone who comes from a line of broken homes, I'm just thinking about what I want out of life now at the age of 27. I'm going to be thirty before I know it, and I'm excited to reach that milestone if it is God's will. That being said, there's a wish I'd love to be fulfilled during my thirties. In thinking about my future, I think I'd like to be a mother to a baby all my own. My only problem, however, is that I haven't got a husband with which to start a family with. I'm someone who has never been in a romantic relationship before, and while I don't see that as a personal failing in any way, I have to admit that is has been a bit lonely. I'm thankful for the time that I've had to develop further into my own person, and as I approach year thirty, I hope for more instances for personal growth among different life events.

If I should ever find someone with whom to fall in love with and marry, that would be wonderful, provided that he is a good man... but I think the thing I'd be looking forward to the most would be becoming a mother... I've had plenty of dreams in the past where I have had children. Those are some of the best dreams ever. The only difficult part of the dreams, however, is waking up to realize that it was only a dream and that my children were just a figment of my imagination. Because of how much I miss my dream-children during my waking life, it actually makes going into places like the baby section of stores very hard for me.

I know it's not all sunshine and rainbows having children of your own, and in fact I'm worried that I wouldn't be the best mom my kids deserve... but I'd still like to try all the same, even if I only had one child. I think the anxiety comes from the fact that my family was always unstable and I ended up growing up with a single mom who struggled to get by. My dad was around too, but his first re-marriage ended in a divorce that impacted me more than his original divorce to my mom. Then my dad got into another relationship that resulted in a marriage that's still going strong... but dad got sick and isn't able to do as much as he used to do. Extended family is no better either, with them being toxic and turning on each other whenever it's in their best interest to do so.

I feel like I don't have much of a safety net in place for if anything were to ever go wrong and I needed help. That's what makes the thought of being married and having children such a daunting thing for me, even though I want both very much... but I think with therapy and continuing to try and reach out to friends at church, I'll be able to quell at least some of these fears... and above all else, putting my trust in God to keep an eye out for me.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

As someone who comes from a line of broken homes, I'm just thinking about what I want out of life now at the age of 27. I'm going to be thirty before I know it, and I'm excited to reach that milestone if it is God's will. That being said, there's a wish I'd love to be fulfilled during my thirties. In thinking about my future, I think I'd like to be a mother to a baby all my own. My only problem, however, is that I haven't got a husband with which to start a family with. I'm someone who has never been in a romantic relationship before, and while I don't see that as a personal failing in any way, I have to admit that is has been a bit lonely. I'm thankful for the time that I've had to develop further into my own person, and as I approach year thirty, I hope for more instances for personal growth among different life events.

If I should ever find someone with whom to fall in love with and marry, that would be wonderful, provided that he is a good man... but I think the thing I'd be looking forward to the most would be becoming a mother... I've had plenty of dreams in the past where I have had children. Those are some of the best dreams ever. The only difficult part of the dreams, however, is waking up to realize that it was only a dream and that my children were just a figment of my imagination. Because of how much I miss my dream-children during my waking life, it actually makes going into places like the baby section of stores very hard for me.

I know it's not all sunshine and rainbows having children of your own, and in fact I'm worried that I wouldn't be the best mom my kids deserve... but I'd still like to try all the same, even if I only had one child. I think the anxiety comes from the fact that my family was always unstable and I ended up growing up with a single mom who struggled to get by. My dad was around too, but his first re-marriage ended in a divorce that impacted me more than his original divorce to my mom. Then my dad got into another relationship that resulted in a marriage that's still going strong... but dad got sick and isn't able to do as much as he used to do. Extended family is no better either, with them being toxic and turning on each other whenever it's in their best interest to do so.

I feel like I don't have much of a safety net in place for if anything were to ever go wrong and I needed help. That's what makes the thought of being married and having children such a daunting thing for me, even though I want both very much... but I think with therapy and continuing to try and reach out to friends at church, I'll be able to quell at least some of these fears... and above all else, putting my trust in God to keep an eye out for me.

Thank you for sharing this personal post i do hope and pray Jesus helps you find the right man to be with, and that whoever it is is a good person to be with in all aspects. I really do.

 

[High Fidelity]

Hopefully things work out.

If it isn’t possible then there’s always adoption. With the changes in abortion laws there will be a lot more unwanted children that will need homes, so a lot more people will need to step up and adopt, especially if they played a part in it becoming reality.

Something to pray on. Prayer makes everything easier!

 

[HoneyBee]

Thank you for the heartfelt comments @SeventhFisherofMen and @High Fidelity . I was a little worried to make this vulnerable post since I wasn't sure how others would respond, but I'm glad I'm getting positive feedback.

 

[High Fidelity]

Thank you for the heartfelt comments @SeventhFisherofMen and @High Fidelity . I was a little worried to make this vulnerable post since I wasn't sure how others would respond, but I'm glad I'm getting positive feedback.

It’s tough for sure but at least you’ve identified the benefits too, that definitely helps.

 

[bèlla]

No beginning is perfect but that isn't the end of the story. You can finish well if you're determined. Keep that in mind. There's nothing wrong with praying for a spouse and asking the Lord to prepare you for marriage and motherhood. Stormie Omartian's Power of a Praying Woman is a great starting point. Nancy and Doug Wilson wrote several books for men and women that include courtship, marriage, childrearing and more. You can find their books at your local library or Hoopla Digital online.

In the meantime, I encourage you not to give way to the pain. Use this period to the develop the skills that will bless your family later on. Cooking, housekeeping, organizing, planning, mending and budgeting are useful skills. If you have a green thumb you can learn to garden or try your hand at baking or making bread. You may be interested in canning or popular hobbies like sewing and knitting. They'll come in handy.

Craftsy frequently has a deal on its membership fee and you can get a year's access for less than $10. Look at their Facebook page. They'll post the code. You'll be able to learn to your heart's content at a comfortable pace without breaking the bank.

Above all don't lose hope. It is but a season. Much like childhood and adolescence. If you remember that you'll welcome this period and use it as a springboard for the next.

God bless.

~bella

 

[TheLastGeek]

As someone who comes from a line of broken homes, I'm just thinking about what I want out of life now at the age of 27. I'm going to be thirty before I know it, and I'm excited to reach that milestone if it is God's will. That being said, there's a wish I'd love to be fulfilled during my thirties. In thinking about my future, I think I'd like to be a mother to a baby all my own. My only problem, however, is that I haven't got a husband with which to start a family with. I'm someone who has never been in a romantic relationship before, and while I don't see that as a personal failing in any way, I have to admit that is has been a bit lonely. I'm thankful for the time that I've had to develop further into my own person, and as I approach year thirty, I hope for more instances for personal growth among different life events.

If I should ever find someone with whom to fall in love with and marry, that would be wonderful, provided that he is a good man... but I think the thing I'd be looking forward to the most would be becoming a mother... I've had plenty of dreams in the past where I have had children. Those are some of the best dreams ever. The only difficult part of the dreams, however, is waking up to realize that it was only a dream and that my children were just a figment of my imagination. Because of how much I miss my dream-children during my waking life, it actually makes going into places like the baby section of stores very hard for me.

I know it's not all sunshine and rainbows having children of your own, and in fact I'm worried that I wouldn't be the best mom my kids deserve... but I'd still like to try all the same, even if I only had one child. I think the anxiety comes from the fact that my family was always unstable and I ended up growing up with a single mom who struggled to get by. My dad was around too, but his first re-marriage ended in a divorce that impacted me more than his original divorce to my mom. Then my dad got into another relationship that resulted in a marriage that's still going strong... but dad got sick and isn't able to do as much as he used to do. Extended family is no better either, with them being toxic and turning on each other whenever it's in their best interest to do so.

I feel like I don't have much of a safety net in place for if anything were to ever go wrong and I needed help. That's what makes the thought of being married and having children such a daunting thing for me, even though I want both very much... but I think with therapy and continuing to try and reach out to friends at church, I'll be able to quell at least some of these fears... and above all else, putting my trust in God to keep an eye out for me.

Being aware of the things you do not want to repeat with your own child, is the first tool you'll need in breaking those cycles. I came from a very messed-up family and home, and I determined quite early on that I would not repeat the things that caused me so much pain and grief in my childhood, if I ever had my own children. And I held true to that while raising my son.

You can do that, too.

Sure, it's daunting - humbling, awe-inspiring, world-trembling - when you first see that little pink line on the pregnancy test! Your entire existence shifts all at once, and it will never be the same again. But don't let that frighten you into thinking you shouldn't pursue your dream of motherhood! Going into it with humility and reverence is the best way to approach the sacred role of bringing life into the world.

Having a good support system in place is definitely important. It doesn't have to be a massive web of friends and relatives. It can just be one or two people who love you, and will be there for you.

And if marriage doesn't work out for some reason, there are always many, many children in need of a stable, safe, loving home in the foster care system.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

As someone who comes from a line of broken homes, I'm just thinking about what I want out of life now at the age of 27. I'm going to be thirty before I know it, and I'm excited to reach that milestone if it is God's will. That being said, there's a wish I'd love to be fulfilled during my thirties. In thinking about my future, I think I'd like to be a mother to a baby all my own. My only problem, however, is that I haven't got a husband with which to start a family with. I'm someone who has never been in a romantic relationship before, and while I don't see that as a personal failing in any way, I have to admit that is has been a bit lonely. I'm thankful for the time that I've had to develop further into my own person, and as I approach year thirty, I hope for more instances for personal growth among different life events.

If I should ever find someone with whom to fall in love with and marry, that would be wonderful, provided that he is a good man... but I think the thing I'd be looking forward to the most would be becoming a mother... I've had plenty of dreams in the past where I have had children. Those are some of the best dreams ever. The only difficult part of the dreams, however, is waking up to realize that it was only a dream and that my children were just a figment of my imagination. Because of how much I miss my dream-children during my waking life, it actually makes going into places like the baby section of stores very hard for me.

I know it's not all sunshine and rainbows having children of your own, and in fact I'm worried that I wouldn't be the best mom my kids deserve... but I'd still like to try all the same, even if I only had one child. I think the anxiety comes from the fact that my family was always unstable and I ended up growing up with a single mom who struggled to get by. My dad was around too, but his first re-marriage ended in a divorce that impacted me more than his original divorce to my mom. Then my dad got into another relationship that resulted in a marriage that's still going strong... but dad got sick and isn't able to do as much as he used to do. Extended family is no better either, with them being toxic and turning on each other whenever it's in their best interest to do so.

I feel like I don't have much of a safety net in place for if anything were to ever go wrong and I needed help. That's what makes the thought of being married and having children such a daunting thing for me, even though I want both very much... but I think with therapy and continuing to try and reach out to friends at church, I'll be able to quell at least some of these fears... and above all else, putting my trust in God to keep an eye out for me.

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. Some people find a partner so effortlessly, and others never do no matter how hard they try. It really isn't fair. All you can do is put yourself out there. For now, just make sure you've got the rest of your life in place so that you'll be ready in case someone wonderful does come along. I wish I could be of more help.

 

[TheRealAriel]

As someone who comes from a line of broken homes, I'm just thinking about what I want out of life now at the age of 27. I'm going to be thirty before I know it, and I'm excited to reach that milestone if it is God's will. That being said, there's a wish I'd love to be fulfilled during my thirties. In thinking about my future, I think I'd like to be a mother to a baby all my own. My only problem, however, is that I haven't got a husband with which to start a family with. I'm someone who has never been in a romantic relationship before, and while I don't see that as a personal failing in any way, I have to admit that is has been a bit lonely. I'm thankful for the time that I've had to develop further into my own person, and as I approach year thirty, I hope for more instances for personal growth among different life events.

If I should ever find someone with whom to fall in love with and marry, that would be wonderful, provided that he is a good man... but I think the thing I'd be looking forward to the most would be becoming a mother... I've had plenty of dreams in the past where I have had children. Those are some of the best dreams ever. The only difficult part of the dreams, however, is waking up to realize that it was only a dream and that my children were just a figment of my imagination. Because of how much I miss my dream-children during my waking life, it actually makes going into places like the baby section of stores very hard for me.

I know it's not all sunshine and rainbows having children of your own, and in fact I'm worried that I wouldn't be the best mom my kids deserve... but I'd still like to try all the same, even if I only had one child. I think the anxiety comes from the fact that my family was always unstable and I ended up growing up with a single mom who struggled to get by. My dad was around too, but his first re-marriage ended in a divorce that impacted me more than his original divorce to my mom. Then my dad got into another relationship that resulted in a marriage that's still going strong... but dad got sick and isn't able to do as much as he used to do. Extended family is no better either, with them being toxic and turning on each other whenever it's in their best interest to do so.

I feel like I don't have much of a safety net in place for if anything were to ever go wrong and I needed help. That's what makes the thought of being married and having children such a daunting thing for me, even though I want both very much... but I think with therapy and continuing to try and reach out to friends at church, I'll be able to quell at least some of these fears... and above all else, putting my trust in God to keep an eye out for me.

I’m sorry you’re wrestling with this and I know some of how you feel. I never wanted to be a mom until I hit 25… then it just smacked me in the face and I felt an actual ache in my body from longing for a child. I remember very clearly how big and overwhelming that feeling was and so my heart hurts for you.

I’m 33 now and I have the sweetest little 3 year old that I could imagine. I didn’t get him the way I dreamed of or hoped for- it’s been and continues to be a long and painful road- but I know for sure that God used my failings to make something absolutely beautiful. More than I could ever deserve.

If God is stirring in your heart a call to motherhood, I believe He will be faithful to being you there. It may not happen in the way or time you hope or expect, but it will be beautiful. Praying for and rooting for you!

 

[aNewMan]

If you meet a good and solid Man you shouldn't have to worry about needing to fall back on extended family for a safety net because a solid and good Man wil take care of business and take care of his family well.

 

[Serendipitous Waffle]

You want to fulfil your design, as ordained by the Lord. By his will, it will be done I'm sure. His time frames are quite different from ours. My grandmothers friend desperately wanted a family of her own, but she was "barren" until the age of 51! She had given up hope of having a child of her own, or a family, yet the Lord blessed her and gave her a healthy baby boy and a husband who adores her. Not saying you'll have to wait that long, just trying to ease the thought that time is ticking.

I have my own personal story to add, After my ex wife cheated on me then demanded a divorce (which I reluctantly gave as I was an idiot willing to forgive as long as counseling was in the picture as I didn't believe in divorce), I did. I stayed celibate for over ten years, I didn't even date. The loneliness was beyond comprehension and in the end I basically figured "well this is my life now" and I accepted it. Every day was a "slog" to just get through, wake up alone and go to bed cold and alone. Then one day, I met a beautiful Christian woman who made my time alone all the worth while. We're now engaged, we've still got a few "hoops" to jump through before we can get married but we're on our way. She loves me more than I thought any person outside of God and family could! And I love her dearly.

The Lord works in His time frame and in His ways, which will always be different than how we expect it. Continue to worship the Lord, pray, and good things will happen. An old quote I live by, "Good things happen to those who wait". Plus, only 27? Time is not something you should be too worried about right now

**Edit**
I wrote "We're not engaged" but meant "We're now engaged". Corrected it above.