Winking?

[Redguard]

Hey!

*runs in the other direction*

 

[Amélie Unbound]

If I say something with a straight face to a friend and I'm joking, I sometimes wink. I wink at Hubby on rare occasion. Orchard, I had a feeling you meant that "will you to the concert" lady that you posted about earlier. I would go up to her the very next time I caught her and tell her point blank "Excuse me. See that man over there? *hold up wedding ring" He's mine and you need to back off." And then I would calmly walk away.

At this point, I am willing to consider doing something like that, but I've got to be 100% certain first that she is after him in a romantic or sexual way. I'm 99% certain, but need that extra 1% of certainty before I will do something like that. If she just wants to be friends with him, I'd be making a fool out of myself. I do know that a lot of other people, especially nonchristians, have different attitudes about male-female friendships than my husband and I do, and also have different attitudes about marriage and may not see it as a barrier to friendship. This woman does have other platonic male friends, all of whom are in serious relationships with other women. So maybe she just wants to be friends and doesn't see him being married as a big deal. My gut tells me otherwise, but I guess I don't have enough faith in my gut feeling to act on it.

My husband says she's making him so uncomfortable though, that he's going to see if the powers that be will let him move to a different office. (This is completely his own idea; I have nothing to do with it.) His work really has nothing to do with hers; they only see each other on a daily basis because his office is right next to hers. He doesn't have to mention her as a reason for wanting to move, because there are other good reasons for it, now that office space is available elsewhere. It's just that when he started working there, that was the only office available, but it would actually make more sense for a number of reasons for him to be located elsewhere.

It will probably mean he'll have a smaller office, but he says that as long as he has a window, he doesn't care how small the space is.

 

[Torah]

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

A wink is an intentional facial expression, made by closing one eye and tensing the facial muscles above and below. It usually indicates a silent knowledge, such as if a salesperson gives a customer a catalog and says "here you go, it's free". It may also mean "got it" or "yes, I understand".
In western cultures, women may wink to men they are interested in dating, but this has grown out of fashion. However, women still frequently wink at men when they want something free.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wink

I would sugest your husban stay clear of this woman. OR he could inform her in a nice way that he’s Mairred. Like, next time she “wink’s” hold up his hand and show her his weeding ring.

Peace

 

[Redguard]

At this point, I am willing to consider doing something like that, but I've got to be 100% certain first that she is after him in a romantic or sexual way. I'm 99% certain, but need that extra 1% of certainty before I will do something like that. If she just wants to be friends with him, I'd be making a fool out of myself. I do know that a lot of other people, especially nonchristians, have different attitudes about male-female friendships than my husband and I do, and also have different attitudes about marriage and may not see it as a barrier to friendship. This woman does have other platonic male friends, all of whom are in serious relationships with other women. So maybe she just wants to be friends and doesn't see him being married as a big deal. My gut tells me otherwise, but I guess I don't have enough faith in my gut feeling to act on it.

My husband says she's making him so uncomfortable though, that he's going to see if the powers that be will let him move to a different office. (This is completely his own idea; I have nothing to do with it.) His work really has nothing to do with hers; they only see each other on a daily basis because his office is right next to hers. He doesn't have to mention her as a reason for wanting to move, because there are other good reasons for it, now that office space is available elsewhere. It's just that when he started working there, that was the only office available, but it would actually make more sense for a number of reasons for him to be located elsewhere.

It will probably mean he'll have a smaller office, but he says that as long as he has a window, he doesn't care how small the space is.

If it were my wife, she would've found the heffa and kicked her backside a long time ago.

And I'm not trying to be funny... I REALLY mean she would've found the woman and put a hurtin' on her.

 

[Leanna]

If your husband is so uncomfortable and she will not back off he needs to use the word "sexual harrassment." I don't know how it is where you are, but where I am one mention of that word would put a whole slew of powerful people into action. If she is harrassing him and he keeps pushing her away then it is sexual harrassment.

 

[HeatherJay]

What would be the big deal about YOUR HUSBAND asking her to back off? I mean, it seems to me that that is the easiest and most direct course...changing offices only gives her more of a challenge (from what you describe she seems to be into that kind of thing). And it sound an awful lot like running away from the problem. I think he should just tell her, "Look, I'm married and that kind of behavior really makes me uncomfortable. I'd appreciate it if you'd stop. Thanks." It seems a MUCH more mature way to handle it than you having to go up and say something to her for him. And if he's uncomfortable enough to consider switching offices, I definitely think that he should mention it to his superiors. No one should have to dread going into the office over something like that.

 

[Leanna]

What would be the big deal about YOUR HUSBAND asking her to back off? I mean, it seems to me that that is the easiest and most direct course...changing offices only gives her more of a challenge (from what you describe she seems to be into that kind of thing). And it sound an awful lot like running away from the problem. I think he should just tell her, "Look, I'm married and that kind of behavior really makes me uncomfortable. I'd appreciate it if you'd stop. Thanks." It seems a MUCH more mature way to handle it than you having to go up and say something to her for him. And if he's uncomfortable enough to consider switching offices, I definitely think that he should mention it to his superiors. No one should have to dread going into the office over something like that.

I agree. It could just give her more of a challenge to come find him. I think he should also be blunt and honest and tell her to back off and stop talking to him. Problem solved. Unless she keeps doing it...

 

[Amélie Unbound]

First of all, she has never done anything overtly sexual so I don't think it can be called sexual harrassment. Since when is winking sexual harrassment? Besides, would anyone believe that she's harrassing him? (She's younger than him, and is beneath him as far as job position goes.) Also, my husband doesn't know if she's really flirting with him or not. The winking makes him uncomfortable, simply because he doesn't know what it means, or what the appropriate response is.

Secondly, if you knew my husband, you'd know that it wouldn't be so easy for him to just tell her to back off. He is very quiet, and humble, and self-effacing in his British kind of way. Up until recently, he was absolutely convinced that she only wanted to be friends. It's only been the winking that's making him wonder, but he's still not sure if she's flirting or if it's just her way of being friendly. If he tells her to back off, it would be like announcing that he thinks she finds him attractive, and he is just not the kind of guy who can do that.

As for his idea to get another office, I think that's very noble of him. For one thing, it puts himself out of the way of temptation, which is an intelligent and wise thing to do. Secondly, it avoids a scene, which means he avoids making a fool out of himself or her, and avoids creating a problem in the workplace. If he confronts her, and then still needs to see her every day, that will be a lot more uncomfortable!

I'm trying not to give out too many identifying details here, but trust me, if he gets another office it won't be easy for her to come looking for him, because he'll actually be in another building (the building he should have been in all along, if there had been office space there before now). If she comes all the way there to look for him, I think he might be a little more convinced that she's after him, and might possibly even be more willing to tell her to back off.

 

[HeatherJay]

Well you certainly know the situation best. You asked for opinions...I was just offering mine. Best of luck to you and you hubby.

 

[Amélie Unbound]

Well you certainly know the situation best. You asked for opinions...I was just offering mine. Best of luck to you and you hubby.

I apologize if I offended you in any way. That wasn't my intention. I honestly do appreciate that you shared your opinion. Sorry I didn't say so in my previous post.

God bless you!

 

[HeatherJay]

I wasn't offended. It's just hard to get an accurate grasp of the situation from this perspective, that's all. You know your husband's work environment and if changing offices is essentially like him changing jobs (being put in a completely different building) then that sounds like a good option.

But won't they still see each other at office related get togethers? The problem might still be there, just maybe not to the extent it is now.

But anyhow, I DO wish you guys the best of luck...I know it must be stressful for you both.

 

[agyevesam]

I had a friend in school, everyone always thought she was winking at them, but she had this weird thing, she blinked her eyes, one at a time. WEIRD!!! It looked like she was winking all the time.....poor girl, guys were always winking back!!

 

[WalksWithChrist]

I have an idea that hasn't been mentioned yet. Ask him to find out if she winks at any other men at work. He should be able to do this if he has a couple men he can trust at work to be subtle and not run and tell the woman he is asking. If she *only* winks at your husband, then I think you will have your final 1%...

 

[Amélie Unbound]

I have an idea that hasn't been mentioned yet. Ask him to find out if she winks at any other men at work. He should be able to do this if he has a couple men he can trust at work to be subtle and not run and tell the woman he is asking. If she *only* winks at your husband, then I think you will have your final 1%...

That's a good idea, and it's something my husband and I have discussed. He has been trying to observe whether or not she winks at other men, and so far he hasn't seen her do so. Unfortunately, there is no one else he would trust to ask. This woman is very well-liked, and would likely be told immediately if my husband were asking anything about her.

 

[WalksWithChrist]

That's a good idea, and it's something my husband and I have discussed. He has been trying to observe whether or not she winks at other men, and so far he hasn't seen her do so. Unfortunately, there is no one else he would trust to ask. This woman is very well-liked, and would likely be told immediately if my husband were asking anything about her.

Hmm, I think you know what the deal is then pretty much. Now as to what to do about it...that's the question! I am a lot like your husband. If that happened to me, I probably wouldn't say anything to her either and just report it to my wife.
Heck, next time you see her pull her aside and politely ask her to kindly stop winking at your man. ; ) Some people like that need a little nudge to let them know they are doing something in appropriate.
Also, behavior like that tends to escalate not go away from everything I've seen in my life.

 

[firestar]

For some reason that I can't fathom at all, I've always found winking to be completely creepy every since I was a kid. My skin literally crawls when people wink at me, and I don't think I've ever deliberately winked at anyone in my life. Not that this is something I think is necessarily bad- it's just a really weird personal response of mine.

 

[Amélie Unbound]

For some reason that I can't fathom at all, I've always found winking to be completely creepy every since I was a kid. My skin literally crawls when people wink at me, and I don't think I've ever deliberately winked at anyone in my life. Not that this is something I think is necessarily bad- it's just a really weird personal response of mine.

Well, Proverbs 16:30 says:

"He who winks with his eye is plotting perversity;
he who purses his lips is bent on evil."

So maybe your reaction isn't so weird after all.

 

[newyorknewyork]

my teacher when i was in grade 5 used to wink at me all the time - i was considered the teacher's pet and i loved the attention from a older male figure coz my dad was so distant

anyways, i would not wink at anyone..only hubby

 

[HeatherJay]

That's a good idea, and it's something my husband and I have discussed. He has been trying to observe whether or not she winks at other men, and so far he hasn't seen her do so. Unfortunately, there is no one else he would trust to ask. This woman is very well-liked, and would likely be told immediately if my husband were asking anything about her.

If it does fall to you to confront her about it, maybe you could do so in a way that won't offend her and cause more trouble than necessary. Maybe say, "Hi there. Could we talk? Look, my hubby is a really shy guy, and I'm sure that your winking and stuff is harmless, but it really makes him feel uncomfortable and he worries about what others might think when you do it. So, like I said, I'm SURE that you don't mean anything by it, but could you please try not to direct that kind of attention at him?" Something like that so she doesn't take your getting involved as a confrontation or that you're accusing her of anything (even though you have your suspicions that it's not harmless). Just play up the fact that your husband is just the old-fashioned, proper sort, and he's not at all comfortable with that kind of interaction with other women.

I don't know...it seems like it might blow up into something major if you confront her and accuse her of flirting...especially if she's well connected within the business, ya know?

 

[jacquidube]

If anybody is good at finding scripture then it does mention about winking. I read it once but didnt keep the scripture. I was quite shocked it was in the bible. I personally think winking is flirtatious.