will it ever end?

[texannurse]

I am so tired of the cutting but I am not sure I'm ready to let it go. THe other night I did it again after 5 weeks and I could have called others for help, but I didn't because I knew they'd stop me and I WANTED to do it. I didn't feel like I could make it through the situation without it. WIll it ever end? Will the desire ever go away? Will I ever learn to cope in a healthy way and trust that I won't explode if I don't cut? I feel so ashamed and so alone. I guess I just need some words of encouragement, some words of wisdom, something to give me hope again .
texannurse

 

[Soulwings]

The need will gradually go away - even though you will probably always get urges at stressful times in your life - as you begin to fill the space that it filled with other skills and ways of coping. You went five weeks. That is an accomplishment far beyond my current hopes, and I'm so proud of you. Five weeks without it, and things went pretty well? That shows that you can live without cutting. Don't let one little slip up, one little bump in the road ruin all your hopes for the future, sweetie. You're going to get over this. Things will be okay. And one day, in the near future, you will win.

 

[Cat59]

Yes it will go away one day. Sometimes it is hard to see that when you are struggling, but as Soulwings said, 5 weeks is a long time. It may be up and done, but one day it will be six weeks, then seven and gradually you will find more and more ways to cope with your pain that do not hurt you.
*hugs*
Cat

 

[meh]

It's been four years for me, and only in rare cases am I tempted to cut. It's usually when I'm down anyway and then something bad happens. But it's only a fleeting thought.

It gets easier, but it takes work. And you are working on it. At first I had to go through many steps to turn away from si-ing when I wanted to. I did exercises like journaling all the feelings leading up to it, and what I would feel afterwards. I've used every distraction in the book. After awhile, it took me less and less time to get rid of the urge.

I'm so sorry you're struggling so hard. But please know it can get better. We're here for you.